I'm becoming Emo --Something I thought wasn't possible
I'm so stressed out. I didn't think I was capable of going depressed because I've always been such an optimistic person, but now the stress that comes along with life is really straining on me and I'm losing faith. I'm trying to hold on, but I'm really just hanging on by a thread now.
I've always hated people who talked about how depressing their life was because of so and so or because of this and that, I've always thought they were just out there looking for sympathy to make themselves feel better because they were too weak minded to look at the brighter things in life. and that they really don't have it bad at all. But now that I'm one of them, I can't help it but feel for them.
What a coincidence that a co worker of mine sent me an email today that said "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle! Beside, you appreciate every small mercy; so do they."
I honestly do think God is punishing me for all of the bad things I have done to people and I get it now, I really am trying to be a better person and most of all I'm really trying to forgive. If there's one thing I've learned from going to gio ly (sunday school) every sunday when I was a teenager, that would have to be to forgive everyone. But forgiving is only easy if the other person is willing to do the same with you.
God I get it now, can't you see that I'm trying to better myself everyday? You can't stop punishing me now.
These days, I think I'm only here because of my immediate family. If it wasn't for them, I would've done the things my mind have dreamt of while going to dark places. I mean why are we all living just to die? We're all going to end up the same sometime down the road that's going to be buried underneath the ground or cremated in ashes. Time for life is so short, but whats the whole point if we're all going to end up the same? Ugh, I feel like I used to know the answer and when I repeat the same answer to myself, it's like I can't process it and I won't accept it.
To whoever is reading this. This is a side I've never seen or thought I was capable of but it's happening. and I'm falling into depression more and more everyday. I'm so sad guys.