(no subject)
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
** EDIT**
Everyone sees me as this always-happy person. and most people have told me that to my face "i always see you in the halls and youre never sad" or "when i think of you, i can't think of sadness" and i hate this because whenever i do get angry or depressed, its always "whats wrong" or "okay" or most people just blow it off because it just isnt "sam" no one likes me sad and dont know what to do with me. "oh, it'll pass" well of course it will pass but it doesnt lessen the pain of time. I'm not sure if its because i have close to zero close relationships- enough that people will sincerely be sad with me- and if i have just completely cut these relationships off for some reason and just don't want to reach that level. im probably afraid of it. or just bored with others' misery. insensitive, right? yeah im an asshole. sometimes. other times i really do care. a lot. a lot a lot. even when i try and spill to my -best friend(s)- it seems like it doesnt matter to them and im complaining just to complain and i feel like a complete asshole for doing it in the first place and never want to do it again. ever. i think thats why i seem insensitive to others because im afraid to create that tie and then feel obligated to share my own crappiness.
point of the story (sort of)
i hate being depressed. i hate being looked over like i dont matter. i hate being just "the friend" that everyone (sorry, conceited) likes but no one really knows. think about it. you dont know me. is there anything to know?
RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
** EDIT**
Everyone sees me as this always-happy person. and most people have told me that to my face "i always see you in the halls and youre never sad" or "when i think of you, i can't think of sadness" and i hate this because whenever i do get angry or depressed, its always "whats wrong" or "okay" or most people just blow it off because it just isnt "sam" no one likes me sad and dont know what to do with me. "oh, it'll pass" well of course it will pass but it doesnt lessen the pain of time. I'm not sure if its because i have close to zero close relationships- enough that people will sincerely be sad with me- and if i have just completely cut these relationships off for some reason and just don't want to reach that level. im probably afraid of it. or just bored with others' misery. insensitive, right? yeah im an asshole. sometimes. other times i really do care. a lot. a lot a lot. even when i try and spill to my -best friend(s)- it seems like it doesnt matter to them and im complaining just to complain and i feel like a complete asshole for doing it in the first place and never want to do it again. ever. i think thats why i seem insensitive to others because im afraid to create that tie and then feel obligated to share my own crappiness.
point of the story (sort of)
i hate being depressed. i hate being looked over like i dont matter. i hate being just "the friend" that everyone (sorry, conceited) likes but no one really knows. think about it. you dont know me. is there anything to know?