Against The Crumbling Sky - Matt/Daphne - R - [1/1]
Title: Against The Crumbling Sky
Author: force-oblique
Rating: R for some foul language and angst. NOT graphic.
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Matt/Daphne - partly AU(speculation)
Word Count: 3268
Summary: Something in his eyes frightened her. She knew what he was capable of when he was angry, when he was mad, but she had never been on the receiving end of his wrath before and the thought was maddening.
“It all ends tonight" he said. "Tonight, I see everything, everything you want to hide”...
Author's Notes:English is not my native language so I am sorry about mistakes and typos. :D
Inspired by heroes-fest prompt:
Matt afraid he is going to turn into his father
~~I haven't been writing so much lately. Not as much as I used to and I am hoping I haven't become really awful at it..
Lyrics: Through The Iris By 10 Years
Crossposted: At heroes-fest, heroes-fic, heroes-daphne, matt-daphne, heroes-matt
Against The Crumbling Sky - [1/1]
The first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is darkness.
And In the darkness little spots of light as if fireflies are dancing in the air before her eyes.
And the first thing she hears is his voice.
His soft, familiar voice, a voice she has grown to love but now resounds in a way she has never heard before.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“I trusted you! I trusted you with all my heart, Daphne!
Damn it, I gave you my heart and all you did was crash it!” he bellowed.
She didn’t recognize this Matt. She didn’t recognize the bitterness in his eyes, a bitterness that was slowly turning into blackness.
His blue eyes were cold and still.
And she didn’t recognize the rage in his voice, a rage that was barely under control as he made his way closer to her.
{Cherish
Two circular hues of blue with a gray shade
So captivating
More than you know}
“Matt, what are you talking about?” she asked to win herself some time.
Her mind was still in a daze, as if she were hangover.
She shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind and her eyesight which was still blurry, and that was when she realized that she was tied up.
The restraints around her arms and legs were makeshift yet tight and although she was in a standing position she knew she couldn’t move, not for all her high speed.
“What is this? What have you done? Let me go!” she shouted.
His quick reply left her breathless.
“What have I done, Daphne? Me? Maybe you should look inside yourself and think of what you have done!”
She knew it instantly. He knew, somehow he had found out what she had done, what she was ashamed of…
The moment she had dreaded had come to ruin everything.
But how could it be that he knew?
She had buried everything so deep inside her mind that not even she could remember it or would remember it.
But it was still there, undeniable.
Why she had followed him in the beginning, why she had agreed to stay with him.
How she spied on him and manipulated him…
But although it was against her better judgment and her conscience, she had no choice.
She had to obey because otherwise what she had worked so hard to leave behind and keep a secret would come back to haunt her.
Her mind was racing and she could barely keep up with it. What was the last thing she remembered? How had she gotten in this place?
She was frantically searching for answers when Matt approached her, his face inches away from hers.
Instinctively she lowered her eyes.
“I see that you understand me now, don’t you?” he said and his eyes were burning but at the same time almost brimming with tears which were set ablaze by anger.
“God, how could I have been so stupid and blind? You followed me so easily. It was almost effortless. I should have known better, right?” he scoffed.
“But never in all the months we are together, sharing this flat, this life, this bed had I thought that you were pretending" he made a slight gesture with his hand that seemed to mean : I am so stupid and breathed out.
"You don’t love me Daphne. You never did. I understand that now.” He said with a sigh, as if the reality of this was just sinking in.
“You thought I was asleep didn’t you? And then you called Arthur Petrelli? Telling him everything goes as planned?" he yelled.
"What was the plan, Daphne? Huh? Torture me? Make me fall in love with you so much that I would go blind to anything else? Using me to do your bidding? What?”
“No, Matt, you are wrong. This is all wrong, you don’t understand” she protested but her words sounded hollow even to her ears and for a moment the blonde woman wondered how could the truth sound so cheap, so lacking. She struggled for the words…
{False perceptions
That brought forth these questions of
Truth, love and hope
Now that you're injuring
I'll carry you with me just
Please hold on}
“Oh I understand perfectly. You took your orders to manipulate stupid, gullible Matt and you did. I just hope sleeping with me wasn’t too much of a sacrifice. I’d hate to think that I have wasted your time, Daphne” he whispered bitterly.
Even like this, angered and hurt and broken beyond repair, Matt Parkman had integrity.
Even like this he sounded sincere and noble and it only made it worse that she hadn’t been.
He deserved better. She knew that now. She had known for a long while but there was nothing she could do.
Nothing but to love him back as unconditionally as he did.
But that wasn’t enough to erase the past.
“Don’t say that. It’s not true. I love you. I love you Matt. Yes, it all started like this but I had to do it. I had to. You know they have something on me. I can’t disobey, I can’t erase it. Please try to understand”
She tried to fight against her constraints. She wanted to break free and hug him, just take him in her arms and make him understand that it was more than that.
Yes, she had deceived him, she had played with him, but it wasn’t her. It wasn’t her choice. It was what she had to do.
She wanted to stand in front of him and look into his eyes deep and steady, in a way he wouldn’t question, and tell him that she loved him and that this love was transcendent.
Not elusive but free, unwavering. But the words failed her.
Leaving, fleeing was what she was good at, but staying behind to bear the consequences and the guilt was nothing she could endure…
{Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris}
And then somehow Matt spared her the trouble. The trouble of either humiliating herself or making things worse than they already were.
“Shut up” he said. Just two words. Only two, but carrying the weight of months spent in deceit, in a bubble which was inescapably doomed to burst because lies could only be sustained for so long, they sounded so heavy, looming over both of them like a cloud full of sorrow and loss.
“I would never do this to you. Not ever, Daphne. To you or anyone else for that matter. All these months I never invaded your privacy. I never eavesdropped your thoughts, I never read your mind.
And you know why? Because I respected you. And I believed in you. But you were not worthy. You are not worthy. Not anymore. And you deserve what’s coming for you.”
Something in his eyes frightened her. She knew what he was capable of when he was angry, when he was mad, but she had never been on the receiving end of his wrath before and the thought was maddening.
“It all ends tonight. Tonight, I see everything, everything you want to hide”
“Matt? What do you mean? Matt? Please, don’t. Please… Nooooooooooo” she wailed but she was already lost…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 year ago
“Wait,how do you know that?” Daphne asked.
“That’s not important, Miss Flannigan, all that matters is that I do know and I will tell unless you do as I say!”
“Don’t you ever call me Miss Flannigan again! My name is Daphne Millbrook and don't you forget it!” she stressed a little too loudly.
He only grinned and went on.
“Ok, Miss Millbrook. Just don’t forget that I own you from now on. You are to do as I say”
“Ok” she conceded, but she never knew what she was getting herself into.
4 months ago
“No, you don’t understand. I can’t do that anymore. He will find out and then what will become of me?”
Daphne was pacing up and down their bedroom. Matt was at work so she could talk freely.
“No! I will not do it anymore. He is good, ok? Matt is good, a good person. And I don’t want to change that. I want out”
She exhaled listening to the man on the other side of the line.
“What do you mean? No, I don’t. That’s not it. You are wrong. No, I don’t love him. That would be stupid, because no one can ever love me back” she whispered as she hang up.
She wasn’t in love with him, was she?
{False affection
A spawn of neglecting
Of love, lust, hoax
Please understand me
That now where you're standing
Is closer then I'd hoped}
*****************************
Matt watched her as she was pinned to the wall. She wasn’t tied up. There were no bounds, no constraints though he had made her believe otherwise. He was good at that.
But then again, so was she. For months he thought he had found his soul mate at last but it was all a charade. Or wasn’t it?
Instead of pondering more on this, he continued reading her, invading her most private thoughts.
Flashback 11 years ago
She was lying in her bed, frail and broken. The sheets were wet with her tears and her blood. Everywhere.
Again he had come for her at night, when no one could see and no one could stop it.
Again he had touched her with those dirty, greedy hands of his that always wanted more.
See more, feel more, torture more of her until the place she escaped to inside her head whenever he came grew smaller and smaller till it was just a spot, a dot inside her head that had no room to hold what was left of her sanity and dignity.
Her mouth was still filled with bile. The taste was unbearable and it reminded her of him. Her screams and pleadings still resounded in her ears just like her mother’s cries were resounding right now from the other room as he beat her.
“No! You bastard, you touch my daughter again, I will kill you! Do you hear me?”
“And how are you gonna do that bitch? You are not strong enough! I will break every bone in your body and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
“Aaaarghh!”
Daphne could not listen to it anymore. She covered her ears with her hands and started rocking back and forth on the bed that was supposed to be her shelter but in truth was her prison.
And in that little room, a fifteen year old girl with dark brown hair and blue eyes made a promise to never put up with it again.
She made a promise to herself that this was the last time he touched her or her mother and she would do anything to keep it.
***************************************
The bruises were hard to cover. Blue, black, purple. Their skin looked as if it had been touched by the rainbow and not in a good way.
She had to cover them to go to school, just like her mother always had to go out wearing sunglasses even when the sun had set.
It wasn’t her real father.
Her real father had died.
But of all the men her mother could have chosen to take his place why him?
She was fed up with everything, everything her life had given her and everything it had taken from her. She wanted to feel in control again.
{Love's not all lost
But it's nailed to my cross
And crucified all that I've held on
To be awaiting
Anticipating a touch such as yours}
******************************
The door squeaked. She knew what that meant but this time she was prepared.
She’d break his hand with the baseball bat he held before she let him touch her again.
“Hello, daddy is here” his foul voice reached her ears and made her sick to her stomach.
She felt the bed sink under his weight but she didn’t dare move. She didn’t know if she was really brave or just suicidal.
He was more than twice her age and more than twice her weight. If she wanted to knock him out she had to take him aback.
Daphne held her breath as he leaned in closer to her and put his hand on the side of her face.
“Wake up sleeping beauty. It’s time for some loving. It’s been a while huh?” he smirked.
Yeah it had been a while, the happiest period of her life.
Slowly she turned to face him, his stern features only dimly lit.
“You are not touching me again” she whispered.
It felt as if her lungs were compressing and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Was he polluting the oxygen like a nasty airborne disease or was it just her losing her nerve?
“And who is gonna stop me little girl?” he laughed as he pulled her by the arms closer to him, shaking her so hard that it made her insides roll.
She tried to break her arm free to catch the bat and hit him with it but he had gripped her tightly.
“Who is gonna stop me?” he asked again.
“I will” her mother said as she entered the room holding a gun in her hands.
“Mom? Where did you get that? she asked breathless.
“On desperate Avenue” she simply said. “and I swear I am desperate enough to use it.
He didn’t flinch.
His movements were fluid, calculated and for a second, only a second Daphne envied him his composure.
When he stood up, overshadowing everything, he still looked threatening and ominous even with a gun pointed at him.
“Who are you kidding, Julia? You are not gonna use it. Not on me. On yourself maybe if I am lucky, but not on me”
“That’s what you think bastard” her mother said and pulled the trigger.
Just like that. No waiting, no hesitation, no unnecessary talking.
The bullet ripped through his chest and into his heart assuming he had one to begin with.
Daphne watched this in slow motion. As if it was a string of photos shown on a projector one by one with a few seconds apart from each other.
Maybe that should have given her more time to process what had just happened.
Maybe it was a defense mechanism.
But she wasn’t sure if it was meant to protect her sanity or her pride because it should have been her pulling the trigger.
It should have been her protecting her mother instead of the other way around.
She had to think fast. Move fast. And she did. In under a second she was next to her mother although she was standing several feet away from her.
She didn’t know how it was possible but then again none of this made any sense.
In an ideal world she would be a normal 15-year-old with a mother and a father who both cared and were both there.
In an ideal world her step father wouldn’t rape her when she was 14 and he wouldn’t keep on raping her till her mother had the guts to take him out.
But nothing was ideal and Daphne knew that better than anybody. Slowly she touched her mother’s hand. The hand holding the gun. She was shivering.
“Let me have it mom. Give it to me. I did it, ok?"
"We will say I did it. I am only fifteen, I won’t go on a regular trial. It may only be juvie and my file will be classified when I am an adult"
"Ok? Give it to me mom” she urged her mother.
Silently she complied. She only blinked once as she said: "How do you know all that?"
“Because if you hadn’t killed him, I would"
"Now hurry up, wash your hands. And when the Police come tell them I did it. ”
And with that she left. Fast, faster than his life ended. Faster than she had ever thought possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Noooooooooooooo!” Daphne screamed at the top of her lungs. The burden of her past was unbearable.
She had locked everything within a small, dark place inside her mind hoping that no one would ever find the key to open it, because opening it would not mean just the truth coming out but her nightmares as well.
And when nightmares come back to haunt you, it is perpetual night.
{Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt kneeled from the strain. He felt weak, exhausted and his head hurt. It was always hard when he probed somebody’s mind, especially if he was feeling guilty at the same time.
This was harder than he had ever experienced or maybe that was because now he knew too.
Daphne was wanted. Her file was classified and put away since she was an adult now but would dully be opened again if anyone knew. And it wasn’t even her fault.
So that was it. It was something personal and so private that it scared him that even he felt violated as if by intruding on something as secret as that had infected him with something more shameful than disgrace, something almost like the plague.
And now he could not take it back.
Try though he did he couldn’t disengage. It was as if his mind refused to let go. As If the shame he was feeling acted like a glue and now wouldn’t let him let her go.
Blood was coming out of both of their noses and Matt felt trapped.
For the first time trapped inside his own illusion. Trapped inside his own game.
Oh, God what had he become? What had he turned into? That wasn’t who he was. Was he turning into his father?
Doing anything he wanted, hurting anyone he wanted suffering no remorse, no consequences. Is that who he wanted to become?
A killer? A person who would shamelessly use anyone to get what he wanted?
Was that the real reason he had this power?
He let himself slide down, his back against the wall, crawling closer to Daphne who had collapsed on the floor as well, reduced to a ball, wailing.
“Please, please Matt. Please don’t hurt me anymore”
He wanted to touch her, tell her it was a mistake. Even if she didn’t love him.
Even if she did use him, that wasn’t the way to deal with it.
He wanted to touch her hair, the haircut he so loved that made her look funky.
He wanted to see that smile of hers because now he could only see and taste her grief.
“Please Matt, don’t hurt me anymore. I really love you and I am pregnant. I am pregnant with your child” she mouthed among her sobs.
The words were nails piercing his heart. This should be a joyous moment instead it was a moment of utter dishonor.
How could he have been so blinded by anger that he couldn’t feel it, see it in her eyes?
Is that how he wanted to treat the mother of his child? The woman he loved?
“I am sorry. God, I am so sorry. I love you” he said and tried to pull her into his arms.
And like a miracle, his mind disengaged. He felt it end.
Like an inflating ball that had taken up more than its share of room, it now deflated reducing into but a spot inside his mind.
At first she flinched but then she leaned back in his arms and her heartbeat as it eased soon matched his; beat for beat.
And that was when he said: “It’s ok. It’s all going to be ok.”
It wasn’t as he had pictured it in his mind, but they were happy in the future, he had seen it and they did have a child and having seen the future, how their love had continued to bloom amidst the tragedy and the end of the world, Matt thought that maybe this experience was what had made it possible, what had made them stronger.
“If you love me and I love you, it’s all going to be ok”
{Love's not all lost
But it's nailed to my cross
And crucified all that I've held on
To be awaiting
Anticipating a touch such as yours}
~ Fin ~
Comments found Here
Author: force-oblique
Rating: R for some foul language and angst. NOT graphic.
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Matt/Daphne - partly AU(speculation)
Word Count: 3268
Summary: Something in his eyes frightened her. She knew what he was capable of when he was angry, when he was mad, but she had never been on the receiving end of his wrath before and the thought was maddening.
“It all ends tonight" he said. "Tonight, I see everything, everything you want to hide”...
Author's Notes:English is not my native language so I am sorry about mistakes and typos. :D
Inspired by heroes-fest prompt:
Matt afraid he is going to turn into his father
~~I haven't been writing so much lately. Not as much as I used to and I am hoping I haven't become really awful at it..
Lyrics: Through The Iris By 10 Years
Crossposted: At heroes-fest, heroes-fic, heroes-daphne, matt-daphne, heroes-matt
Against The Crumbling Sky - [1/1]
The first thing she sees when she opens her eyes is darkness.
And In the darkness little spots of light as if fireflies are dancing in the air before her eyes.
And the first thing she hears is his voice.
His soft, familiar voice, a voice she has grown to love but now resounds in a way she has never heard before.
-------------------------------------------------------------
“I trusted you! I trusted you with all my heart, Daphne!
Damn it, I gave you my heart and all you did was crash it!” he bellowed.
She didn’t recognize this Matt. She didn’t recognize the bitterness in his eyes, a bitterness that was slowly turning into blackness.
His blue eyes were cold and still.
And she didn’t recognize the rage in his voice, a rage that was barely under control as he made his way closer to her.
{Cherish
Two circular hues of blue with a gray shade
So captivating
More than you know}
“Matt, what are you talking about?” she asked to win herself some time.
Her mind was still in a daze, as if she were hangover.
She shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind and her eyesight which was still blurry, and that was when she realized that she was tied up.
The restraints around her arms and legs were makeshift yet tight and although she was in a standing position she knew she couldn’t move, not for all her high speed.
“What is this? What have you done? Let me go!” she shouted.
His quick reply left her breathless.
“What have I done, Daphne? Me? Maybe you should look inside yourself and think of what you have done!”
She knew it instantly. He knew, somehow he had found out what she had done, what she was ashamed of…
The moment she had dreaded had come to ruin everything.
But how could it be that he knew?
She had buried everything so deep inside her mind that not even she could remember it or would remember it.
But it was still there, undeniable.
Why she had followed him in the beginning, why she had agreed to stay with him.
How she spied on him and manipulated him…
But although it was against her better judgment and her conscience, she had no choice.
She had to obey because otherwise what she had worked so hard to leave behind and keep a secret would come back to haunt her.
Her mind was racing and she could barely keep up with it. What was the last thing she remembered? How had she gotten in this place?
She was frantically searching for answers when Matt approached her, his face inches away from hers.
Instinctively she lowered her eyes.
“I see that you understand me now, don’t you?” he said and his eyes were burning but at the same time almost brimming with tears which were set ablaze by anger.
“God, how could I have been so stupid and blind? You followed me so easily. It was almost effortless. I should have known better, right?” he scoffed.
“But never in all the months we are together, sharing this flat, this life, this bed had I thought that you were pretending" he made a slight gesture with his hand that seemed to mean : I am so stupid and breathed out.
"You don’t love me Daphne. You never did. I understand that now.” He said with a sigh, as if the reality of this was just sinking in.
“You thought I was asleep didn’t you? And then you called Arthur Petrelli? Telling him everything goes as planned?" he yelled.
"What was the plan, Daphne? Huh? Torture me? Make me fall in love with you so much that I would go blind to anything else? Using me to do your bidding? What?”
“No, Matt, you are wrong. This is all wrong, you don’t understand” she protested but her words sounded hollow even to her ears and for a moment the blonde woman wondered how could the truth sound so cheap, so lacking. She struggled for the words…
{False perceptions
That brought forth these questions of
Truth, love and hope
Now that you're injuring
I'll carry you with me just
Please hold on}
“Oh I understand perfectly. You took your orders to manipulate stupid, gullible Matt and you did. I just hope sleeping with me wasn’t too much of a sacrifice. I’d hate to think that I have wasted your time, Daphne” he whispered bitterly.
Even like this, angered and hurt and broken beyond repair, Matt Parkman had integrity.
Even like this he sounded sincere and noble and it only made it worse that she hadn’t been.
He deserved better. She knew that now. She had known for a long while but there was nothing she could do.
Nothing but to love him back as unconditionally as he did.
But that wasn’t enough to erase the past.
“Don’t say that. It’s not true. I love you. I love you Matt. Yes, it all started like this but I had to do it. I had to. You know they have something on me. I can’t disobey, I can’t erase it. Please try to understand”
She tried to fight against her constraints. She wanted to break free and hug him, just take him in her arms and make him understand that it was more than that.
Yes, she had deceived him, she had played with him, but it wasn’t her. It wasn’t her choice. It was what she had to do.
She wanted to stand in front of him and look into his eyes deep and steady, in a way he wouldn’t question, and tell him that she loved him and that this love was transcendent.
Not elusive but free, unwavering. But the words failed her.
Leaving, fleeing was what she was good at, but staying behind to bear the consequences and the guilt was nothing she could endure…
{Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris}
And then somehow Matt spared her the trouble. The trouble of either humiliating herself or making things worse than they already were.
“Shut up” he said. Just two words. Only two, but carrying the weight of months spent in deceit, in a bubble which was inescapably doomed to burst because lies could only be sustained for so long, they sounded so heavy, looming over both of them like a cloud full of sorrow and loss.
“I would never do this to you. Not ever, Daphne. To you or anyone else for that matter. All these months I never invaded your privacy. I never eavesdropped your thoughts, I never read your mind.
And you know why? Because I respected you. And I believed in you. But you were not worthy. You are not worthy. Not anymore. And you deserve what’s coming for you.”
Something in his eyes frightened her. She knew what he was capable of when he was angry, when he was mad, but she had never been on the receiving end of his wrath before and the thought was maddening.
“It all ends tonight. Tonight, I see everything, everything you want to hide”
“Matt? What do you mean? Matt? Please, don’t. Please… Nooooooooooo” she wailed but she was already lost…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 year ago
“Wait,how do you know that?” Daphne asked.
“That’s not important, Miss Flannigan, all that matters is that I do know and I will tell unless you do as I say!”
“Don’t you ever call me Miss Flannigan again! My name is Daphne Millbrook and don't you forget it!” she stressed a little too loudly.
He only grinned and went on.
“Ok, Miss Millbrook. Just don’t forget that I own you from now on. You are to do as I say”
“Ok” she conceded, but she never knew what she was getting herself into.
4 months ago
“No, you don’t understand. I can’t do that anymore. He will find out and then what will become of me?”
Daphne was pacing up and down their bedroom. Matt was at work so she could talk freely.
“No! I will not do it anymore. He is good, ok? Matt is good, a good person. And I don’t want to change that. I want out”
She exhaled listening to the man on the other side of the line.
“What do you mean? No, I don’t. That’s not it. You are wrong. No, I don’t love him. That would be stupid, because no one can ever love me back” she whispered as she hang up.
She wasn’t in love with him, was she?
{False affection
A spawn of neglecting
Of love, lust, hoax
Please understand me
That now where you're standing
Is closer then I'd hoped}
*****************************
Matt watched her as she was pinned to the wall. She wasn’t tied up. There were no bounds, no constraints though he had made her believe otherwise. He was good at that.
But then again, so was she. For months he thought he had found his soul mate at last but it was all a charade. Or wasn’t it?
Instead of pondering more on this, he continued reading her, invading her most private thoughts.
Flashback 11 years ago
She was lying in her bed, frail and broken. The sheets were wet with her tears and her blood. Everywhere.
Again he had come for her at night, when no one could see and no one could stop it.
Again he had touched her with those dirty, greedy hands of his that always wanted more.
See more, feel more, torture more of her until the place she escaped to inside her head whenever he came grew smaller and smaller till it was just a spot, a dot inside her head that had no room to hold what was left of her sanity and dignity.
Her mouth was still filled with bile. The taste was unbearable and it reminded her of him. Her screams and pleadings still resounded in her ears just like her mother’s cries were resounding right now from the other room as he beat her.
“No! You bastard, you touch my daughter again, I will kill you! Do you hear me?”
“And how are you gonna do that bitch? You are not strong enough! I will break every bone in your body and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
“Aaaarghh!”
Daphne could not listen to it anymore. She covered her ears with her hands and started rocking back and forth on the bed that was supposed to be her shelter but in truth was her prison.
And in that little room, a fifteen year old girl with dark brown hair and blue eyes made a promise to never put up with it again.
She made a promise to herself that this was the last time he touched her or her mother and she would do anything to keep it.
***************************************
The bruises were hard to cover. Blue, black, purple. Their skin looked as if it had been touched by the rainbow and not in a good way.
She had to cover them to go to school, just like her mother always had to go out wearing sunglasses even when the sun had set.
It wasn’t her real father.
Her real father had died.
But of all the men her mother could have chosen to take his place why him?
She was fed up with everything, everything her life had given her and everything it had taken from her. She wanted to feel in control again.
{Love's not all lost
But it's nailed to my cross
And crucified all that I've held on
To be awaiting
Anticipating a touch such as yours}
******************************
The door squeaked. She knew what that meant but this time she was prepared.
She’d break his hand with the baseball bat he held before she let him touch her again.
“Hello, daddy is here” his foul voice reached her ears and made her sick to her stomach.
She felt the bed sink under his weight but she didn’t dare move. She didn’t know if she was really brave or just suicidal.
He was more than twice her age and more than twice her weight. If she wanted to knock him out she had to take him aback.
Daphne held her breath as he leaned in closer to her and put his hand on the side of her face.
“Wake up sleeping beauty. It’s time for some loving. It’s been a while huh?” he smirked.
Yeah it had been a while, the happiest period of her life.
Slowly she turned to face him, his stern features only dimly lit.
“You are not touching me again” she whispered.
It felt as if her lungs were compressing and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Was he polluting the oxygen like a nasty airborne disease or was it just her losing her nerve?
“And who is gonna stop me little girl?” he laughed as he pulled her by the arms closer to him, shaking her so hard that it made her insides roll.
She tried to break her arm free to catch the bat and hit him with it but he had gripped her tightly.
“Who is gonna stop me?” he asked again.
“I will” her mother said as she entered the room holding a gun in her hands.
“Mom? Where did you get that? she asked breathless.
“On desperate Avenue” she simply said. “and I swear I am desperate enough to use it.
He didn’t flinch.
His movements were fluid, calculated and for a second, only a second Daphne envied him his composure.
When he stood up, overshadowing everything, he still looked threatening and ominous even with a gun pointed at him.
“Who are you kidding, Julia? You are not gonna use it. Not on me. On yourself maybe if I am lucky, but not on me”
“That’s what you think bastard” her mother said and pulled the trigger.
Just like that. No waiting, no hesitation, no unnecessary talking.
The bullet ripped through his chest and into his heart assuming he had one to begin with.
Daphne watched this in slow motion. As if it was a string of photos shown on a projector one by one with a few seconds apart from each other.
Maybe that should have given her more time to process what had just happened.
Maybe it was a defense mechanism.
But she wasn’t sure if it was meant to protect her sanity or her pride because it should have been her pulling the trigger.
It should have been her protecting her mother instead of the other way around.
She had to think fast. Move fast. And she did. In under a second she was next to her mother although she was standing several feet away from her.
She didn’t know how it was possible but then again none of this made any sense.
In an ideal world she would be a normal 15-year-old with a mother and a father who both cared and were both there.
In an ideal world her step father wouldn’t rape her when she was 14 and he wouldn’t keep on raping her till her mother had the guts to take him out.
But nothing was ideal and Daphne knew that better than anybody. Slowly she touched her mother’s hand. The hand holding the gun. She was shivering.
“Let me have it mom. Give it to me. I did it, ok?"
"We will say I did it. I am only fifteen, I won’t go on a regular trial. It may only be juvie and my file will be classified when I am an adult"
"Ok? Give it to me mom” she urged her mother.
Silently she complied. She only blinked once as she said: "How do you know all that?"
“Because if you hadn’t killed him, I would"
"Now hurry up, wash your hands. And when the Police come tell them I did it. ”
And with that she left. Fast, faster than his life ended. Faster than she had ever thought possible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Noooooooooooooo!” Daphne screamed at the top of her lungs. The burden of her past was unbearable.
She had locked everything within a small, dark place inside her mind hoping that no one would ever find the key to open it, because opening it would not mean just the truth coming out but her nightmares as well.
And when nightmares come back to haunt you, it is perpetual night.
{Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt kneeled from the strain. He felt weak, exhausted and his head hurt. It was always hard when he probed somebody’s mind, especially if he was feeling guilty at the same time.
This was harder than he had ever experienced or maybe that was because now he knew too.
Daphne was wanted. Her file was classified and put away since she was an adult now but would dully be opened again if anyone knew. And it wasn’t even her fault.
So that was it. It was something personal and so private that it scared him that even he felt violated as if by intruding on something as secret as that had infected him with something more shameful than disgrace, something almost like the plague.
And now he could not take it back.
Try though he did he couldn’t disengage. It was as if his mind refused to let go. As If the shame he was feeling acted like a glue and now wouldn’t let him let her go.
Blood was coming out of both of their noses and Matt felt trapped.
For the first time trapped inside his own illusion. Trapped inside his own game.
Oh, God what had he become? What had he turned into? That wasn’t who he was. Was he turning into his father?
Doing anything he wanted, hurting anyone he wanted suffering no remorse, no consequences. Is that who he wanted to become?
A killer? A person who would shamelessly use anyone to get what he wanted?
Was that the real reason he had this power?
He let himself slide down, his back against the wall, crawling closer to Daphne who had collapsed on the floor as well, reduced to a ball, wailing.
“Please, please Matt. Please don’t hurt me anymore”
He wanted to touch her, tell her it was a mistake. Even if she didn’t love him.
Even if she did use him, that wasn’t the way to deal with it.
He wanted to touch her hair, the haircut he so loved that made her look funky.
He wanted to see that smile of hers because now he could only see and taste her grief.
“Please Matt, don’t hurt me anymore. I really love you and I am pregnant. I am pregnant with your child” she mouthed among her sobs.
The words were nails piercing his heart. This should be a joyous moment instead it was a moment of utter dishonor.
How could he have been so blinded by anger that he couldn’t feel it, see it in her eyes?
Is that how he wanted to treat the mother of his child? The woman he loved?
“I am sorry. God, I am so sorry. I love you” he said and tried to pull her into his arms.
And like a miracle, his mind disengaged. He felt it end.
Like an inflating ball that had taken up more than its share of room, it now deflated reducing into but a spot inside his mind.
At first she flinched but then she leaned back in his arms and her heartbeat as it eased soon matched his; beat for beat.
And that was when he said: “It’s ok. It’s all going to be ok.”
It wasn’t as he had pictured it in his mind, but they were happy in the future, he had seen it and they did have a child and having seen the future, how their love had continued to bloom amidst the tragedy and the end of the world, Matt thought that maybe this experience was what had made it possible, what had made them stronger.
“If you love me and I love you, it’s all going to be ok”
{Love's not all lost
But it's nailed to my cross
And crucified all that I've held on
To be awaiting
Anticipating a touch such as yours}
~ Fin ~
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