フラれた💔「しかたがない」
received a wave. then i initiated a chat and we decided to meet for dinner. he is tall, bespectacled, and seeing him in suits was a big plus. When we started talking about where to eat and stuff, he seemed to be really particular about food and i thought to myself, “oh my, maybe we won’t get along" since he carried himself in a pretty (over)confident way, not to my liking.なんか苦手なタイプかも hmm…
but i was wrong. he was very conversational, and i really enjoyed listening to him introduce the different Japanese sakes as he is really knowledgeable. Well, i know it is going to be a quite expensive meal but i thought to myself well, it isn’t that bad after all. As we finished drinking and eating, he suggested going to karaoke and i was up for it. He turned out to be an excellent singer, even giving me pointers on how to improve. We sang through the night and i was totally wasted. I rested on his lap, and i began slipping my hands under his shirts and pants, hugging him at his waist. He didn’t mind and his hands began feeling up my abs. Haha. It was a good feeling i must admit.
As the session came to an end, the poor attitude of the staff who barged in without any warning to switch on the light really caught us off as we were screaming our lungs out. He stood up for his principles, chided the store manager and the staff. Showing his membership points, the store realized he was a loyal customer and in the end we ended having a free session. Though he wld keep saying that he was quite mischievous and bad to have gone to that extent, i was just so impressed.
I brought him back to my place. And as he took his clothes off, he apologized for his eczema condition. And as we chat i got to know his many bad experiences of people rejecting him for that. I felt sorry for him, but also i feel that it was not a serious problem as he had possessed the best fit of what i am looking for so far.
As we prepared to sleep, he revealed he is a bottom, and it was then that we realized that we had not asked each other that earlier. But i really enjoyed his company. or maybe i should say i think i have fallen for him.
I contacted him again three days later and we met for dinner. Of course i was over the clouds when he replied. We ate, drank, and then i brought him back again for a second round of drinks. Maybe i shouldn’t have raised the question of what’s next since we are both bottoms. But i am interested to know if there is any possibility between us. That's when it became clear to me that it is over as he mentioned that compatibility of body is a pre-requisite in a serious relationship...yet i can never fuck him nor vice versa, in other words, we can never satisfy each other physically. I guess i am fine being friends but i must say, i had never felt so heartbroken. Really. And i am already in tears just typing what had transpired over the last week.
i just wailed in tears as i showered alone just now.
It is really over. Can we still be friends?
he replied not to overexert myself and would still be willing to go for dinner if i invite him out the next time...though i must say i no longer know if i can trust those words…
I will never forget the feeling when we held our hands together in public as we walked down the empty street…or the way our fingers interlocked as we hugged in bed.
i do wish him all the best in finding his right one. I just felt bad for wasting his time and money. I just felt so sorry for myself that i can not satisfy others’ sexual needs. I am such a failure.
まさか「仕方ない」という言葉はかなり心底まで刺さるなんて、そんなに痛めるなんて想像もしなかった。
Fuck my life.