がっがりというより。。。
i really felt like an idiot.
the moment i log into my email account i was pleasantly surprised by that long-anticipated title appearing at the new messages column...but the content was totally what i had not expected.
it was approved. though only one out of the three courses was approved, they had actually given me the green light to defer for yet another year of studies. i felt devastated for a moment. 完全に絶望した。恥じかけた。that is how i felt. i cant remember when was the last time i felt the same, but this time i really felt that i was the sole reason for this screw-up...the thing is that when i first applied, i really did not carry any hopes of getting approved as i had been one odd ball causing lots of trouble for the administration...they took almost one year just to handle my first anomaly case and now they too replied me almost 2 months later than scheduled. but a positive reply was the last thing i thought would come true.
on the contrary, the negative response from the university initially made me felt like i aint that great i thought i am. haha..yup, the rejection notice really humbled me...and because of that i thought to myself that all is lost and i should just return in due time. this experience really really made me rethink about how i should handle further correspondence with the administration in the future. 見直したっていうか、反省します、ぼくは。今のチャンスを自らの手で逃しましたから、今度絶対に捕まえます。 i really did had a chance to go uk but now it has all gone up in smoke. nonetheless i still hope to pursue graduate studies in the future, hopefully that i do not become to acclimatize to my comfort zone. but i truly truly regret my actions now. regret in the sense that i should have been more careful with my application forms. i have no idea what went wrong but it is beyond doubt that something was lacking in my application. 具体的に知らないけど、自分しか責めない。
時間を戻したいな～
i have to stop brooding over it...its time to move on...but as far as i know, i am still very much affected by it...would love to share this with someone but knowing the person that i am, 俺しかいないでしょう。
it is a painful lesson learnt.
the moment i log into my email account i was pleasantly surprised by that long-anticipated title appearing at the new messages column...but the content was totally what i had not expected.
it was approved. though only one out of the three courses was approved, they had actually given me the green light to defer for yet another year of studies. i felt devastated for a moment. 完全に絶望した。恥じかけた。that is how i felt. i cant remember when was the last time i felt the same, but this time i really felt that i was the sole reason for this screw-up...the thing is that when i first applied, i really did not carry any hopes of getting approved as i had been one odd ball causing lots of trouble for the administration...they took almost one year just to handle my first anomaly case and now they too replied me almost 2 months later than scheduled. but a positive reply was the last thing i thought would come true.
on the contrary, the negative response from the university initially made me felt like i aint that great i thought i am. haha..yup, the rejection notice really humbled me...and because of that i thought to myself that all is lost and i should just return in due time. this experience really really made me rethink about how i should handle further correspondence with the administration in the future. 見直したっていうか、反省します、ぼくは。今のチャンスを自らの手で逃しましたから、今度絶対に捕まえます。 i really did had a chance to go uk but now it has all gone up in smoke. nonetheless i still hope to pursue graduate studies in the future, hopefully that i do not become to acclimatize to my comfort zone. but i truly truly regret my actions now. regret in the sense that i should have been more careful with my application forms. i have no idea what went wrong but it is beyond doubt that something was lacking in my application. 具体的に知らないけど、自分しか責めない。
時間を戻したいな～
i have to stop brooding over it...its time to move on...but as far as i know, i am still very much affected by it...would love to share this with someone but knowing the person that i am, 俺しかいないでしょう。
it is a painful lesson learnt.