I must say...

[ylime22]

TIM ADAMO IS HOT AS HELLLLLLLL. I think I've had a crush on him for...2 years? I don't know whether to be upset that Tom told Tim that I had a crush on him, or incredibly thrilled seeing as how it led to hanging out. Even if our hanging out meant swimming in water full of duck shit

Comments

[_cannedpoop_]

I know you feel like you don't know me anymore, but I like it that way. I try to distance myself from this family because what you do know of me seems to hurt me somehow. I never feel like I am good enough for you guys. Hood College wasn't good enough for you, you have no idea how much I cried when I first applied there because I wanted to go. Now that you've accepted it, things are better, but it bothered me so much. I've talked myself out of Field Hockey to stop hearing the money speech every day. I understand that you guys are pulling through a lot for me to have a car and an education, even though that statement means nothing to you.
For some reason, I feel like I've reached the pessimistic rock bottom. I am having the crappiest summer for a lot of reasons. I'm stressed out about work, my friends, my relationship with Renzie. Everyone is demanding time from me and I am trying to please everyone. I feel like all I hear is negatives about me. And it's not just from you guys, it's from Wendy and company. Look, now I'm just whining.
I'm tired of people calling me selfish. I am selfish to them because I wasn't home at all according to them, I was out galevanding and having a blast. Wednesday, I spend the work day, and the after work day helping Amy out because I am a good friend. If something like that happened to me, I would need someone to be there for me until I calmed down, to keep me out of trouble...and Amy and I would have hung out here until Madison fell asleep if I was asked to be. I spent my whole day thinking and worrying about someone else, and that's why I don't think I was selfish. And Tuesday, I did something for a few hours at the end of the day for myself..that could be selfish, I don't know.
I know you don't like my job, but it's a job. It's good enough for me, and I think that matters. I really like most of the people I work with, and even though they give me a lot of work, I have a good time.
As much as I would like to change who I am to make you guys happy, I can't. And when I try to change, it is only temporary like you said, because then I become angry again. I am always angry for some reason, even when I try to be happy, I am just deep down angry and resentful to everyone. And this whole situation just fuels my fire because no one will see it the way I do. Am I not hearing what people say or something? Why would I go out of my way to disrespect Margie, who has done so much for me like that? I'm just so mad that I was turned into the wrong-doer, when there was none to begin with. I'm so mad!! I'm mad at Margie, but I feel guilt for being mad at her because of the way you are standing up for her. I'm just so angry everyone turned against me in this situation, but I guess I should have expected everyone to take the word that isn't mine.
I'm just so flipping mad and upset right now, and I am honestly afraid of what your response to this will be. I get scared talking to you about how I feel because it always ends bad, so I don't.
And I don't go out every night to my social engagements. Most evenings, I am here in my room trying to sleep the day away.
Basically, I am sorry. I am sorry for everything I have ever disappointed you in, and I'm sorry for embarassing you and making you feel bad. I'm sorry. I hope Madison grows up to be a better daughter to you than I ever was.

I'm going to drop off your check now, then go to work.
Please don't respond to this email, not that I don't want to hear what you have to say, but I already know it's what it's going to say..cop outs. I know this word so well, I hear it every time we argue, and I can't escape it. So I'll just accept it.

See you later.

[ylime22]

I think that was good....I hope she doesn't get angry with you. If you need a night out or anything just call me.