I am REALLY, REALLY SORRY about taking so long, guys, and about not being around much recently. I've been busier than I have in a while, and it just kept slipping my mind between uni applications and volunteering and all sorts- for some reason I thought we were much further off a new post.
If there is anything I haven't responded to, as of now, I'm
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Tries to. Her feet feel like they’re glued to the floor, unable to move fast enough or get underneath her quick enough to make that jump, and keep her balance. Definitely not quick enough to dodge again when Superboy is half thrown, half jumps away and crashes into her.
Her mind moves slightly faster, and keeps them from hitting the floor. They float for a brief moment, before M’gann finds her center and sets them back down. He shoots her a confused look, and she can feel the briefest brush of "Why" in her head before he lunges again.
Why hadn’t she been able to move out of the way that time? Her thoughts are jumbled, making it hard enough to lift herself up, let alone pick a direction OR react in time.
And in a different answer, her feet take the opportunity to remind her just how cramped they feel with five toes jostling for space, instead of a simple number like three. The same as how her torso feels constricted under the tight, unyielding skeleton she keeps forcing into shape. How can she NOT move sluggishly when all of those things are wrong, and not a natural fit for her mind?
It doesn’t have to be that way, a stray thought reminds her. She could shed this form for something BETTER to fight with, and give that anger still boiling in her mind a proper outlet-
‘No! I can’t, I can’tIcan’tIcan’tI-‘ The thoughts run together into a high pitched buzz. Superboy is back to going toe to toe with the android, and for a flicker of a second M’gann thinks that she can see sparks arcing off the robot’s skin under the force of Conner’s punches. A crackle along the shoulder, where she can just remember Kaldur striking, a series of sparks along the back that could have matched Robin's attacks.
M’gann forces her body up into the air, taking as many deep breaths as she can and urging it to stay in that shape. In the corner of her mind she hears Artemis give a tiny, confused groan, then a gasp as she starts to take in her surroundings and struggle against the net. It shouldn’t be long before the others come to as well, which is just more reason for her to stay as she is.
She can make this work. She can-
Shock tears those thoughts up as a hand clamps around Conner’s neck. And M’gann realizes that she can’t fight at all now; not at the caliber she needs to. She tries to wrench at the android to knock it aside, and the telekinetic pull dissolves into the air before leaves her hands. Long before it ever reaches her target.
Conner howls, the same as Wolf when that electric current cuts through him. M’gann screams at her hands to move properly, to WORK, and tries again, this time pulling at Conner. She has to get him away from that pain, has to-
Superboy moves, but only because the robot turns and smashes him into the rubble. He looks oddly weak from that blue light flickering across him-
It isn't just from the sparks, and M'gann feels her breath rush out of her lungs and feels a fissure start to split down her heart when she realizes that she can't feel any air moving through Conner's. What’s more, she can feel Conner’s thoughts slowing down, the energy leaking out of his head as that current numbs his muscles and a hand crushes around his throat.
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‘He’s going to die.’ The thought echoes and snaps through her mind with a slap. ‘They’re all going to die. And I can’t-’
The thought flickers out as the arm is raised up for that last blow. And all of the hesitation in her mind burns away as she pictures Conner bleeding out and dying, the presence in her mind going quiet, followed by the rest of her friends. It terrifies her, and drowns out any mental images from her other fears.
M’gann throws back her head and lets her body wrench control away from her mind, feeling her heart cry out as it splits. From how it hurts, it feels like it should be shattering into a thousand pieces instead of two components. Her arms shed all that muscle she can’t use, the same as her legs, while her chest gains all the strength and mass she’s been lacking for too long. Her jaw wrenches itself open as all her teeth go sharp, and M’gann doesn’t bother to stop the half roar, half wail that comes out from her throat.
Everything slows down, stops as people hear her. And it all stays slow, moving around her in a blurry, lazy haze while her body crackles with a sudden burst of energy. Whatever is weighing the rest of the world down doesn’t apply to her now, as she tears free from the ground.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, M’gann curls up and cringes away from the sensations now flooding her mind, and she hates herself. For being so weak that she needs to be like this in order to fight, for giving into it. But she hates that thing, and what it has done to her friends far more.
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I loved the part where Robin has that little (unhelpful) talk with her. I'd imagine he knows what stress-baking looks like, with Alfred in the house. It was nice to see at least one of her friends have an idea of something being wrong.
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A part of her missed this. Having the proper balance, the strength in her torso and arms, and her head no longer confined behind a layer of too thick, too malleable flesh. The heaviness leeches out of her limbs when she leaves the floor in a lunge, throwing herself at the android. She smashes into it with a crunch, before it can ever bring its arm down to complete the attack.
Long arms and claws give her the advantage when it comes to reach. Her hand lashes out, hooks around an ankle just like Black Canary taught her...Only this time she doesn't have to worry so much about momentum to bring her enemy down, just has to flex her muscles and pull with her arm as she contracts her grip. There’s a scraping crash as she sweeps the foot out, and the entire body (more importantly the arm that was supposed to deliver an attack, she realizes with a jolt of fierce satisfaction) hits the floor hard enough that she can feel it through her toes, just touching the ground.
Superboy drops to the floor as well, heavy enough that it feels like the ground shakes when he hits it. There’s a split second where M’gann can feel his breath get smashed out of his lungs. Followed by several shaky gasps as his sides start moving again.
She turns back to look at the damage, in time to see that the android is already twisting itself up, hand out and palm cavity open to fire something. She can look right into the dark socket, and see something come rushing out, aimed straight at her face.
Pressure builds in her head, and she lets it go in a blast of energy, sweeping around her face and shuddering as the attack slams into it. A split second and she can see a network of lines and breaks spreading through the spear before it shatters against her shield.
The next second the other foot strikes at her legs, and that balance that had felt so rooted breaks. She regains it a second later as she lets go of the leg to catch herself, hands first. It’s only a slight shock that runs up her arms, getting absorbed before it ever reaches her shoulders. She lets herself drop down, closer to the ground as the android shoves itself back upright, weapon swinging down on her head this time.
She doesn’t allow it time to connect, but doesn’t pull away either. Instead she moves in close, feels it bounce off her shoulder in a way that tears at the skin running between her arm and back; but it’s superficial at best. M’gann doesn’t dwell on it, throwing herself upright and clamping down on her target (enemy, the still burning section of her mind insists) with a talon, this time on the arm. Both her fingers dig in tight over the bicep as her hand contracts, and the other slashes down to hook around the neck.
She can see the sparks arcing off from that cut slashed into where arm meets shoulder. ‘Kaldur’ she remembers for an instant, before the sparks try to bite at her skin. The claw of her hand squeezes tight around the upper arm, and she narrows her eyes until her world is just that tear…And she reaches out with her third, mental hand to make that rend and chink in the armor larger. She can feel the mesh, that synthetic skin that is far less real then what she was wearing, begin to tear at the edges. Her hand pulls, her mind pushes, and the metal bone between her claws gives a high, squealing whine before breaking with a snap and shower of sparks. M’gann wrenches as the last of the of the resistance gives way with an almost wet tearing sound, and it’s suddenly the easiest thing in the world to make that flex with her hand and her thoughts, and let the arm go sailing clear of the body and far away. One less thing that can be used to hurt them. Her body twists with the motion, turning her away for a moment.
Her target-enemy doesn’t feel pain the same way the rest of them do, as it rebalances and swings at her. The lack of an arm for balance slows it, however, and she…SHE is in the right shape, her balance still sure, and every muscle ready to react.
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It was harder the first time, slipping her awareness into those tears and then letting her thoughts flex. She understands how to go about it now, can send her thoughts through a wider area. The body shakes from the pressure building in her head, and when both of her arms slam into the torso. She pushes forward, pinning the android against the wall just a few feet away from where Superboy was. Her hands slide through the skin like a pair of knives, and when she feels them touch something that spits and bites with far more force-
She knows she has what acts as the thing’s heart, and tears back with both her arms and her thoughts. There is a moment of resistance against both of them, but it doesn’t matter; she is strong, powerful. And the thing in front of her can’t keep her thoughts from blasting its back out, through those holes Robin had punched through. Neither does it have any wiring left to keep M’gann from ripping out whatever is powering her enemy, and let it fall broken to the ground. And as it clatters to the floor in pieces, M’gann feels a fierce pride swelling through her. She has won-
“M’gann?” Her name cuts through that buzz of adrenaline, slows the pounding of her hearts so that she can hear the confusion in that thought. Like the one thinking it isn’t fully sure it’s her, can’t connect the name with what they see.
‘Lost.’ M’gann feels the word echo through her. Lost everything.
-o-o-o-
Her face stung as she crashed into the floor. A light buzzing sound filled M’gann’s ears as the circle flared up around her, marking where she hit the training tiles. Above her, Conner stared down, eyes wide and startled. Confusion settled over him, a thick and heavy fog that made it hard to pick out any thoughts that didn’t start with ‘what’ from him.
“Hey!” Robin, if he felt any of the same, didn’t let it settle over him the same way. His alarm was sharp, almost like a siren. “What just happened? You could have countered that kick in your sleep!”
Should have countered it, M’gann thought, feeling a bruise starting to build up where she’d taken the hit. It prickled along her face and a part of her arm that hadn’t moved fast enough to make a proper block. Even after a nights sleep, she still didn’t feel right, her responses dulled and half awake.
“I’m fine.” She could still lie convincingly, even though the words burned on her tongue. At least part of that was true, as her skin started to absorb the damage, work any bruising out and replacing damaged cells. By the time she pushed herself onto her arms, it was just a faint echo. By then some of that fog in Conner’s mind was clearing up, enough for him to reach down to her. When she took Conner’s hand with a small ‘don’t worry about it’ thought and smile, she couldn’t even pick out any hurt beyond a light buzz.
Robin looked between the two of them, still with that slight downturn in his mouth that M’gann had learned meant he wasn’t fully satisfied.
“It’s nothing.” She assured both of them. “I’m just,” Slow. Not put together right. “Still worn out. That fight in Qurac took a lot out of me.”
They never got the chance to continue that conversation, once the intercom buzzed to life and Batman’s voice gave orders for the team to assemble. M’gann thought for a moment on changing her clothing back to white and blue, before deciding that if there was a mission, black would work just as well.
She was right on both counts. It was a mission, given via screen once they all assembled in the command room. And while her skin might have twitched and chaffed under all that covering, M’gann firmly told it that this was the best clothing to wear for the situation.
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It would be alright, she reminded herself. They had nearly a full team there, all of them rested and ready. (A little part of her also liked to think that those cookies from last night would help as well; she’d made them with plenty of chocolate for energy.) Even if she was still feeling off balance, as a group they could handle this.
-o-o-o-
They are all aware now. M’gann feels the press of their thoughts as those who can, pull themselves to their feet. The thoughts that had been drowned out by the fight, emotions that were flowing wide around her through the mind link, all suddenly come crashing in around her.
She tries to remember last evening; calling up those smiles when she brought the cookies out, the sensation of sitting among the entire team and soaking in their warmth-
What she feels instead is the hammering of confusionshockFEAR radiating off of them. It cuts into her, cold and harsh in a way that drags her to the ground, sinking to her knees as a heavy knot settles into her chest. As she crumbles to the floor she can just see the team. Their body language is tense, even though the battle is over. (’I won it for you’ she wants to say to them, but her thoughts can barely hold against the barrage, and her throat won’t work.) Zatanna cradles her arm, holding it tight against her body, while Artemis throws whatever is left of her bonds to the floor and backs away. Wally simply stares at her, and Conner...
Superboy is in front of them all, is pushing himself up, and her neck doesn’t listen to her or let her turn away.
He is looking at her, with his face a near mirror to that bewildered expression she’d seen just a few hours ago in the training room. Trying to process what it is he sees…And she knows that it should take just a heartbeat, maybe even less for him to make that transition into disgust.
Further away there is a low gasp, as that barb gets yanked free from Kaldur’s skin. Followed by Robin muttering something under his breath as he leans over the leader and tosses the weapon aside. His thoughts are running together into a solid force of focus-on-THIS-thing-first, and getting the few bits of first aid out from his utility belt. Anything dealing with her is blocked out, and in a two-hearts wrenching way M’gann is glad for that.
Her face isn’t meant for crying the same way a human one is, skin stretched too thin over the head, eyes that can close but are not capable of weeping. But all the same, she can feel a mournful, wailing keen start to build in her throat and her mind. Her eyes go shut, to block out having to look at everyone as she catches the first flashes of alarm darting across Artemis’ face, the confusion spreading through Zatanna’s eyes, fear settling across Wally’s shoulders and neck. She can still feel the mental hammering of can’tbe-whatis-STAYBACK-M’gann,
“M’gann.” She freezes…All of her, thoughts, muscles; all of it freezes when that name and thought brushes against her a second time. Conner’s voice isn’t harsh, isn’t violent, doesn’t even have a trace of disgust. It sounds stunned, but…She keeps her eyes shut, waiting for the other blow to fall and praying that it won’t hurt as much as she imagines.
‘No,’ Her own mental voice feels fragile in the face of everyone’s thoughts, an echo for how the rest of her suddenly feels. She quivers, shoulders shaking as that keen leaks through her thoughts and out of her throat. ‘Don’t-‘
She feels a warm, gentle pressure against the plate of her forehead that cuts all of that short. Her first heart dilates, and before the second can continue the pulse, there’s a similar touch moving up, across her neck.
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M’gann tenses up, waiting to feel his emotions burn at her as she forces that link wide open and reaches out with her thoughts; her arms stay paralyzed and just barely holding her up. When she tries to cast out a message to him, she wonders if he can even hear that whisper of a thought.
‘This is…What I am.’ What. She can’t keep the thought from escaping; she doesn’t deserve ‘who’, that ‘what’ was the only way to describe her.
“You are M’gann.” On the heels of that is a slight shove at the back of her mind, trying to steer her thoughts towards better memories; when she threw too many ingredients at once at his head and tried to mop it up; the times spent watching a movie together or sitting side by side in class with a slight telepathic brush between them; the way her voice fills up any room they’re in when they talk, and edges out any morose thoughts in his own head. Even the memory of when she saved him in Bialya, still so vivid in Conner’s mind that M’gann can taste the crackle of electricity coating her throat and trying to stop her…His heart.
“You are M’gann.” He repeats that again for emphasis. Loud, certain, to keep it planted in her head.
And then followed by a quiet, almost nervous ”And I love you.” Like he’s afraid it won’t cut through her emotions and stay rooted, that he isn’t even thinking it right. His thoughts are usually strong, forthright; hearing them waver rarely happens, if ever. There’s also a sense of him reaching for her, the same way she’d cautiously touched his own mind. When she hears don’t push me away whispered in her head, M’gann is not fully sure which of them thought it. As an accent for that thought, she can feel his arm rest across her shoulders, navigating over the thick muscle and flaps of skin; somehow he manages to make something clumsy and awkward to hug feel almost normal-
“You are. No matter what.”
M’gann lets her breath out, and moves close to him.
Her body listens to her, and doesn't fight when she tries to switch; the muscles on her back flow into a softer, less angular shape, the same as the form of her face, while her hair fans out from her scalp. All the while, Conner's touch somehow encourages the transition to go faster. Her arms shorten up as she reaches for Conner, and she feels herself shift back into a smaller form so it's easier for them to fit together. Her skin, though...She doesn't will that to go back to green, and lets it stay chalky pale, and a sharp contrast to the black of her clothing. She keeps her hearts separate as well, given how hard they are pounding in her chest. When she blinks her eyes open to look back up at Conner, the irises stay bright red.
His thoughts remain the same, calm with the same strong grip as his hands on her shoulders. His eyes, on the other hand, are giving her a slightly curious, slightly confused look. There is a slight undercurrent of that emotion building in his thoughts as well, wondering if he didn't properly express how he loves her either way.
"I know. But I can't hug very well with my other arms." She offers, almost shyly, before he has the chance to ask out loud. M’gann tightens her hands around his back and pulls herself close to prove the point. Conner feels warm and solid against her, and she rests her head against his chest to absorb that sensation of steadiness.
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“Why?” Robin cuts in, before catching himself and glancing at Kaldur. At Kaldur’s nod, Robin continues. “Why didn’t you tell us the truth? Something like…“
To her own shock, words seem to fail him for once, and Robin has to gesture to the wrecked remains of their target, and a glance at how pale she is now. It still gets the point across. “It’s something we should know about.”
There’s a low thrum from Zatanna, and M’gann can hear a thought of ‘give her some space’ starting to take shape. She doesn’t want there to be a hint of a fight; her emotions and thoughts still feel raw, almost too raw to weather any of that.
So instead she closes her eyes, and forces her hearts to stay calm as she digs through her memories.
And then she finds them; those phantoms, Psimon’s cruel voice echoing as she watches her friends recoil, the crushing disappointment as the League looks down on her, the dusty and lonely red hills of Mars, and…Her breath comes out in a sob as she hears Conner’s voice again, but she grabs onto that as well. And then casts them out into the open, as if she could throw them clear out of her mind.
She lets them see all of it, but tries to keep her own emotions clamped down and in her own head. Although when Conner’s arms squeeze tight around her again, she has to wonder how shaken up her control is.
“…Oh.” Is Robin’s only response. Kaldur manages to be a bit more eloquent when he steps closer, and now M’gann can see a touch of softness to that measured, careful gaze of his. His thoughts churn beneath all that, though; a chaotic, almost confused undertow that she carefully treads around.
“You are one of our team, regardless. I…Will need to think on this, but I wish to make that clear.” She doesn’t have words for the emotion that floods through her then; gratitude, relief, something that squeezes tight on one heart while tugging hard on the other. She still tries to send a little of it towards him, just a slight taste to convey everything. His only response is a nod, but it’s enough.
Over his shoulder she can just see Wally, further back, blanching when he hears his own voice yelling for her to stay back; he's almost a match for her in how pale he looks, or how his eyes are starting to look a bit red. He blinks them, and turns away so he isn't facing the rest of the team.
Robin is one of the few who notices, and gives a low "KF?"
"Y-yeah. I'm fine...Just need a minute."
“Sorry, Megs.” When he speaks into her mind his voice sounds less choked up, but still seems to tremble a bit. “Really, really sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Ever.”
A pause, and then a surprisingly quiet “...Still friends?”
'Always.' For what it's worth, her own mental voice is a near match for his when it comes to being shaky. He still isn't facing her, but she hopes that he can still feel the smile in her thoughts; it’s a little watery, but still sincere.
She blinks for a moment when Artemis moves forwards, and shivers when the other girl quietly draws a hand through her hair and over her neck; it’s a soft, light touch. The archer’s middle and index fingers have a slight callous on them, but it takes nothing out of the reassurance. If anything, that and Conner finding her hand with his makes M’gann feel more grounded.
“You trust her, right?” Artemis’ voice has a slight undercurrent of ‘you damn well BETTER say yes’ as she glances between Robin and Kaldur. And as they both give a quiet “yes” M’gann can see some of the tension leak out of her friend’s shoulders.
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“…Can we head back?” There is a roughness in her voice that M’gann has since tied to being emotional. Like allowing feeling into her words is somehow harsh on her throat and tongue. “I’ve got…Something I might as well talk about too.”
“And if I’m going to talk about it, it’s going to be with OUR base and my room close on hand.” M’gann isn’t certain she was supposed to pick that up, but gives Artemis a smile anyway. The more she gives them now, the more solid they feel.
Something warm and soft bumps against her hip, and in the corner of her eye she can see a now standing Wolf brushing against Conner as well. Followed by a low “hnff” and a lick on her hand.
She thinks that if even Wolf, still bruised and sore, can manage a wet dog kiss for her and Conner, maybe she can face whatever will come next after all. She is not alone, with Conner’s arm still wrapped around her shoulders, and a low soft hum of background noise in her mind that affirms, yes, she still is one of them.
M’gann’s fingers, pale and slender against Conner’s, stay intertwined the entire trip back to the base.
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My time spent writing fic has gone up absurdly since I started visiting here, I think it's addicting @-@
But self satisfaction + bringing enjoyment to others is a wonderful combo
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Again, thanks!
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