and im back!!
it has been a hell of a long time since i wrote... a lot has happened in the past month or so... to shorten it all into one sentence, i have no job cuz i quit, im all out of my medication, i got another kidney infection and was sick for christies birthday, and me and sam broke up. wow... that was a handfull. oh yeah, and there are only 2 more episodes of smallville season 4 to go.... but on the up-side, michael rosenbaum (lex luther) is gonna be on mtv cribs on wednesday. im pathetic i know... and right now i am sittin on my computer and watching sorority boys for like the hundreth time cuz im bored and yeah, i dunno... id like to tell people about other shit thats been going on but i dont want to talk about it.... my brain is all fucked and ive been drinking this whole week. christie grounded me today though and told me that i cant drink for a few days.... so im taking her advice and feeling all shitty but ive been drinking too much and i know im gonna fuck my life up some more if i dont chill out...
oh, and i have a quote that ive thought up... heh it makes me feel special..
*obsession never looked more beautiful...*
yeah i made that the title of my journal that i write in... i dunno. im bored and just shooting things out of my ass.
i think im gonna put some lyrics down for yall... and then maybe some poems i wrote...
*Hurt*
I hurt myself today
to see if i still feel.
I focus on the pain,
the only thing thats real.
The needle tears a hole;
the old familiar sting,
try to kill it all away,
but I remember everything.
what have I become,
my sweetest friend?
Everyone i know,
goes away in the end,
and you could have it all:
my empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liars chair:
full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair.
Beneath the stains of time,
the feelings dissapear.
You are someone else,
I am still right here.
What have I become,
my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know,
goes away in the end,
and you could have it all:
my empire of dirt.
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.
If I could start again,
a million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way.
*scars*
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
now ill share some poetry...
*hidden*
the weather outside is warm
like in all my dreams.
but inside me hides
the silent screams.
i shouldnt be hiding in
all this sorrow.
i hold locked away
a dream of a new tommarrow.
*silent scream*
i cry for help but nobody hears me
a silent scream.
i think its obvious
maybe i hide things all too well.
even when my crys can be heard
people are obvlivious
maybe they cant deal with my pain.
if they only knew
a silent scream
thats all i have left to do.
*my excape*
the blood of sorrow
a cry for help
a pill full of hope
my lost mind
im drowning in a pool
of myself
i think that, that pill
may be the only thing
that will save me from me.
now im onto watching party monster... this is like the most awesome part in the movie.... its funny, cuz that sounds like something i would say!hahaha
James puts powdre on his hand.
Michael, "oh, i dont do drugs."
"nore do i." James looks around the donut shop, and then sniffs the drug."did you see that?! it just flew right up my nose!"
im done writing for real now!
oh, and i have a quote that ive thought up... heh it makes me feel special..
*obsession never looked more beautiful...*
yeah i made that the title of my journal that i write in... i dunno. im bored and just shooting things out of my ass.
i think im gonna put some lyrics down for yall... and then maybe some poems i wrote...
*Hurt*
I hurt myself today
to see if i still feel.
I focus on the pain,
the only thing thats real.
The needle tears a hole;
the old familiar sting,
try to kill it all away,
but I remember everything.
what have I become,
my sweetest friend?
Everyone i know,
goes away in the end,
and you could have it all:
my empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.
I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liars chair:
full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair.
Beneath the stains of time,
the feelings dissapear.
You are someone else,
I am still right here.
What have I become,
my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know,
goes away in the end,
and you could have it all:
my empire of dirt.
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.
If I could start again,
a million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way.
*scars*
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
now ill share some poetry...
*hidden*
the weather outside is warm
like in all my dreams.
but inside me hides
the silent screams.
i shouldnt be hiding in
all this sorrow.
i hold locked away
a dream of a new tommarrow.
*silent scream*
i cry for help but nobody hears me
a silent scream.
i think its obvious
maybe i hide things all too well.
even when my crys can be heard
people are obvlivious
maybe they cant deal with my pain.
if they only knew
a silent scream
thats all i have left to do.
*my excape*
the blood of sorrow
a cry for help
a pill full of hope
my lost mind
im drowning in a pool
of myself
i think that, that pill
may be the only thing
that will save me from me.
now im onto watching party monster... this is like the most awesome part in the movie.... its funny, cuz that sounds like something i would say!hahaha
James puts powdre on his hand.
Michael, "oh, i dont do drugs."
"nore do i." James looks around the donut shop, and then sniffs the drug."did you see that?! it just flew right up my nose!"
im done writing for real now!