Thoughts From This Weekend
So. Stepping away from the meme briefly...it sure is taking me a while.
I just want to comment on this weekend. It has been odd. This whole week really.
Mostly to do with the fellow. He's been acting very strange. Distant, upset, aggressive, stressed, tired, confused...all those terrible things and more. I know it's his job and his band and moving but he hasn't been talking to me or coming to me for comfort and he's supposed to. So now I'm getting upset with him for being all stressed and agro at me which is making it worse.
At least he's moved house now so that's one thing off the checklist.
He's living for his holiday which isn't really helping him because it's just adding impatience to the mix and making everything even worse. I'm really tired of him doing this, when things get tough look forward to one bright spark in the future so intently that he almost makes himself sick from impatience for that moment to arrive and then if it isn't exactly as he expected everything comes crashing down. It's not so healthy.
Trying to convince him to take less extreme outlooks on like...greyscale, not black and white.
So last few days has been trying to get him all set to move this weekend, convincing him that it can all be done in one day because he doesn't have that much stuff, and just generally not to worry. Of course as we are moving him and I can't help much because my back is still on the mend so i'm just giving insturctions and suggestions and what do you know he's moved and unpacked by 7:30pm. Then today was back to the old house to clean and he's grumpy at me again for giving instructions and then realising I was right. I know men have this need to be right but he's not and I am and I'm making things easier if he'd just look at it that way! *sigh*
So much unfun.
I know it is unfair and a big mistake but cannot help looking at some of the other fellows I am close to and comparing...have I really chosen the right one? He was the one who wanted me, so I guess that means yes. But did I want him? Have I come around to wanting him? Often the answer is yes. But then there are those stressful times where you just hate him, and can't think why on earth you normally like him. He's so annoying! And childish! And he just does not think anything through!
If I somehow had ended up with someone else, I'm sure I would have the same moments with him. People can't be so compatible that they always agree, and always get along right? This is normal right?
Is it normal? I dont know. I havent been in that many relationships...he isnt ignoring me to play computer games all the time and he isn't treating me like utter crap all the time so at least he's better than a lot of those in my past...but he's got problems with anger, and managing stress, and managing time and managing money, and communicating, and acting maturely, and thinking things through. These are basic problems that are common right?
He's still a boy in many ways. Part of me knows that I probably should be with someone more man-like...more self assured, more confident, less reliant, less high strung, but the perfect man isnt really out there is he? You dream he is, hope and pray he is, that your prince, your perfect ideal is out there and that you'll magically stumble across him and know him instantly but that's books and movies telling tales isnt it? That's not the real world.
Are you sure?
That's right. Question everything. Come to a decision and change your mind. Either he's good enough, you love him despite his flaws, or he isnt and his flaws will drive you insane. Which one is it? It's been over a year surely you should have worked it out? Perhaps that you have stuck it out this long means he's the one? Or are you just too scared to leave?
Ack.
My poor brain, going around in circles. Pretending that Monday isn't coming, that I have the time to stay up all night pondering these issues. Oh yes, I know I have issues.
I just want to comment on this weekend. It has been odd. This whole week really.
Mostly to do with the fellow. He's been acting very strange. Distant, upset, aggressive, stressed, tired, confused...all those terrible things and more. I know it's his job and his band and moving but he hasn't been talking to me or coming to me for comfort and he's supposed to. So now I'm getting upset with him for being all stressed and agro at me which is making it worse.
At least he's moved house now so that's one thing off the checklist.
He's living for his holiday which isn't really helping him because it's just adding impatience to the mix and making everything even worse. I'm really tired of him doing this, when things get tough look forward to one bright spark in the future so intently that he almost makes himself sick from impatience for that moment to arrive and then if it isn't exactly as he expected everything comes crashing down. It's not so healthy.
Trying to convince him to take less extreme outlooks on like...greyscale, not black and white.
So last few days has been trying to get him all set to move this weekend, convincing him that it can all be done in one day because he doesn't have that much stuff, and just generally not to worry. Of course as we are moving him and I can't help much because my back is still on the mend so i'm just giving insturctions and suggestions and what do you know he's moved and unpacked by 7:30pm. Then today was back to the old house to clean and he's grumpy at me again for giving instructions and then realising I was right. I know men have this need to be right but he's not and I am and I'm making things easier if he'd just look at it that way! *sigh*
So much unfun.
I know it is unfair and a big mistake but cannot help looking at some of the other fellows I am close to and comparing...have I really chosen the right one? He was the one who wanted me, so I guess that means yes. But did I want him? Have I come around to wanting him? Often the answer is yes. But then there are those stressful times where you just hate him, and can't think why on earth you normally like him. He's so annoying! And childish! And he just does not think anything through!
If I somehow had ended up with someone else, I'm sure I would have the same moments with him. People can't be so compatible that they always agree, and always get along right? This is normal right?
Is it normal? I dont know. I havent been in that many relationships...he isnt ignoring me to play computer games all the time and he isn't treating me like utter crap all the time so at least he's better than a lot of those in my past...but he's got problems with anger, and managing stress, and managing time and managing money, and communicating, and acting maturely, and thinking things through. These are basic problems that are common right?
He's still a boy in many ways. Part of me knows that I probably should be with someone more man-like...more self assured, more confident, less reliant, less high strung, but the perfect man isnt really out there is he? You dream he is, hope and pray he is, that your prince, your perfect ideal is out there and that you'll magically stumble across him and know him instantly but that's books and movies telling tales isnt it? That's not the real world.
Are you sure?
That's right. Question everything. Come to a decision and change your mind. Either he's good enough, you love him despite his flaws, or he isnt and his flaws will drive you insane. Which one is it? It's been over a year surely you should have worked it out? Perhaps that you have stuck it out this long means he's the one? Or are you just too scared to leave?
Ack.
My poor brain, going around in circles. Pretending that Monday isn't coming, that I have the time to stay up all night pondering these issues. Oh yes, I know I have issues.