Mullings.
Having a bit of a brain overload.
Need to get things out / thought through / organised / raged about.
Many things!
Having another phase of what do I want to be when I grow up / should I go back to school? I think the answer is yes. Get qualified in something productive. BUT WHAT? Well I have given myself a deadline. I want to enrol in SOMETHING next year. Can be short courses, long courses, probably tafe related (no university) which would also probably mean a new job (part time hours) and that would be the next challenge. NOT ADMIN!
6 months into this job and I am now settled, and cuising. I hate cruising. I feel like I am achieving nothing. Learning nothing. No growth, no challenge, no motivation to get up in the morning or go to bed a night, which is leaving me with at best 6 hours of sleep most night. NOT ENOUGH. So the tired/bored factors make me less incline to do the simple tasks to the highest quality which is what I really should be achieving.
BLAH.
Then the whole crazy man with a knife in our park incident has really shaken me. No one was hurt, it was all dealt with amazingly quickly by the cops - who didnt give us any crap despite us being a bunch of dirty hippies.
Just shaken by it, I might be out and about in the big wild world but I don't encounter violence much. Maybe I've been lucky, maybe I just play it sensible but I never really think about dangers like that. So now im a little edgy wandering around alone at night, looking at strangers a little more warily. I hope it will pass, I dont like being scared of the world. The world treats me ok!
Then I have relationship type mullings. I know for a fact that if I am in a relationship it must be monogamous. I am with you, you are with me and we dont need nobody else. I dont have a problem with all the various open and poly relationships around me, they can be perfect for people - I can see some of my friends so happy in their poly relationships that I can't say they plain dont work. BUT. Monogamous relationships dont always work and nor do poly. Both parties have to be in agreeance and this is what annoys me. People who say they are fine and arent, or who think they are fine then realise they arent and dont say, people who assume and people who pressure. It doesn't matter what sort of relationship you are in. You can't push people into anything they don't want. Sometimes I want to shake people. COMMUNICATE!
Im really concerned that I am being put in the middle of a relationship that has problems and I cant help but wonder if I am being used to bring matters to a head. I dont want that responsibilty. If you arent seeing eye to eye, if things are going cold, then you need to take a good hard look at your relationship. Do you want to fix it? Can it be fixed? People drift apart. They grow up. They change. You wont always grow up in compatible ways. Accept it. Please? For my sake!! *rah rah rah*
On a happier note the whole moving house thing is become more realistic. Plans are being made.
If I find something in time, and it is large enough, I may get to have a house party for my birthday. I would so like a house party for a change!
Need to get things out / thought through / organised / raged about.
Many things!
Having another phase of what do I want to be when I grow up / should I go back to school? I think the answer is yes. Get qualified in something productive. BUT WHAT? Well I have given myself a deadline. I want to enrol in SOMETHING next year. Can be short courses, long courses, probably tafe related (no university) which would also probably mean a new job (part time hours) and that would be the next challenge. NOT ADMIN!
6 months into this job and I am now settled, and cuising. I hate cruising. I feel like I am achieving nothing. Learning nothing. No growth, no challenge, no motivation to get up in the morning or go to bed a night, which is leaving me with at best 6 hours of sleep most night. NOT ENOUGH. So the tired/bored factors make me less incline to do the simple tasks to the highest quality which is what I really should be achieving.
BLAH.
Then the whole crazy man with a knife in our park incident has really shaken me. No one was hurt, it was all dealt with amazingly quickly by the cops - who didnt give us any crap despite us being a bunch of dirty hippies.
Just shaken by it, I might be out and about in the big wild world but I don't encounter violence much. Maybe I've been lucky, maybe I just play it sensible but I never really think about dangers like that. So now im a little edgy wandering around alone at night, looking at strangers a little more warily. I hope it will pass, I dont like being scared of the world. The world treats me ok!
Then I have relationship type mullings. I know for a fact that if I am in a relationship it must be monogamous. I am with you, you are with me and we dont need nobody else. I dont have a problem with all the various open and poly relationships around me, they can be perfect for people - I can see some of my friends so happy in their poly relationships that I can't say they plain dont work. BUT. Monogamous relationships dont always work and nor do poly. Both parties have to be in agreeance and this is what annoys me. People who say they are fine and arent, or who think they are fine then realise they arent and dont say, people who assume and people who pressure. It doesn't matter what sort of relationship you are in. You can't push people into anything they don't want. Sometimes I want to shake people. COMMUNICATE!
Im really concerned that I am being put in the middle of a relationship that has problems and I cant help but wonder if I am being used to bring matters to a head. I dont want that responsibilty. If you arent seeing eye to eye, if things are going cold, then you need to take a good hard look at your relationship. Do you want to fix it? Can it be fixed? People drift apart. They grow up. They change. You wont always grow up in compatible ways. Accept it. Please? For my sake!! *rah rah rah*
On a happier note the whole moving house thing is become more realistic. Plans are being made.
If I find something in time, and it is large enough, I may get to have a house party for my birthday. I would so like a house party for a change!