Deleima
Wow, it's been a while since I've written up a late-night anxiety post. This is progress, people. PROGRESS.
Had a dream or was thinking something in a half-state of dreaming and like... my leg started shaking or something o_o; I don't even know what it was, but it was enough for me to open my eyes and go 'What the fuck was that?' and have the mini-chest pains that come with late night anxiety attacks which switch to panic attacks and the whole "Oh god, I'm gonna die if I go back to sleep, I just know it," thing.
I took one of my clonazopam early since we went out to eat and the last time I checked my clock before the attack made me open my eyes, it was nearly 11. I should take another one to calm down the attack I'm having now but there's the whole "I will die if I let my guard down" thing combined with the irrational thought of overdosing, even though I've been told that I can safely take four whole pills within a day and still be good.
When has any of this ever made sense, though? When has it ever listened to rationality? It chews up and spits out rationality on a daily basis with a big "FUCK YOU" while it farts in its's eaten pulp-face, then sleeps with its mom.
I've calmed a bit writing this. This is good. Doesn't mean I can lay down without freaking out but it's still good. PROGRESS.
Had a dream or was thinking something in a half-state of dreaming and like... my leg started shaking or something o_o; I don't even know what it was, but it was enough for me to open my eyes and go 'What the fuck was that?' and have the mini-chest pains that come with late night anxiety attacks which switch to panic attacks and the whole "Oh god, I'm gonna die if I go back to sleep, I just know it," thing.
I took one of my clonazopam early since we went out to eat and the last time I checked my clock before the attack made me open my eyes, it was nearly 11. I should take another one to calm down the attack I'm having now but there's the whole "I will die if I let my guard down" thing combined with the irrational thought of overdosing, even though I've been told that I can safely take four whole pills within a day and still be good.
When has any of this ever made sense, though? When has it ever listened to rationality? It chews up and spits out rationality on a daily basis with a big "FUCK YOU" while it farts in its's eaten pulp-face, then sleeps with its mom.
I've calmed a bit writing this. This is good. Doesn't mean I can lay down without freaking out but it's still good. PROGRESS.