In which I win an award for Overdramatics; Dad wins one for Asshattery
I went to see my lawyer on the 13th of this month. She wanted me to try and go to DVR and start applying for jobs so that it'll look good for the judge. "Hey, I'm trying. There's just nothing. Places don't want to hire me," and that sort of thing.
Dad's pissed about it because we're now... *looks at calendar* three or so weeks from the Social Security hearing up in Roswell. We're so close to knowing whether or not I'll be able to get it or not. Two years in limbo and now we'll finally know. So while he gets the concept of the job searching, he's pissed that they're asking me to do it.
His reasoning: What if I get a job and they're like "Oh okay, so you don't need this then. Case closed!" and I find out that I actually can't take the pressure of the job I have. Then we're right back to square one only Social Security isn't an option this time. I'll be forced to keep looking while going through all the panic/anxiety attacks that come with it. (Honestly, I'm getting to where I think Dad doesn't think I'm going to be able to keep a job.)
I'm upset at him for being upset. To me, looking around for one is better than sitting on my ass and twiddling my thumbs and giving my mind the time to think about going to Roswell in three fucking weeks and freaking out over it unnecessarily because that's what I do. Someone told me to do it. A lawyer who won't get ANY MONEY off this case unless she wins it (other than telephone and mailing fees) is telling me to do this. I think she knows what she's talking about. Dad's contradicting it and it's upsetting me simply because I don't know what to do.
Well, I got off my ass today and decided to look for places I might be able to work. Went to tell Dad and he got pissed again. I got upset. He tries to damage control by saying he wants me to have some sort of income. He wants that because he doesn't want to support me for the rest of his life.
I get what he's saying. He wants me to have a life. He wants me to have independence. He wants me to be normal. I get it. But the way he said it... He doesn't want support me for the rest of his life.
My reaction's... pretty dramatic, admittedly. I think well, maybe we should sell my car and get me a bike- never mind it's 15 minutes by vehicle to get just about anywhere in town. There goes auto insurance that you don't have to worry about. We'll cancel my phone. There goes a phone bill. That's about all my parents are taking care of for me aside from the essential food and roof over my head.
Just... JFC. All that makes me want to do is curl up in bed and never come out. I'm talking to Staci (the job coordinator) about everything tomorrow. Nothing's looking right currently. It won't until we get the verdict.
I'm also sending this to Michelle.
God, I have no self-esteem and HE GOES AND SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
Dad's pissed about it because we're now... *looks at calendar* three or so weeks from the Social Security hearing up in Roswell. We're so close to knowing whether or not I'll be able to get it or not. Two years in limbo and now we'll finally know. So while he gets the concept of the job searching, he's pissed that they're asking me to do it.
His reasoning: What if I get a job and they're like "Oh okay, so you don't need this then. Case closed!" and I find out that I actually can't take the pressure of the job I have. Then we're right back to square one only Social Security isn't an option this time. I'll be forced to keep looking while going through all the panic/anxiety attacks that come with it. (Honestly, I'm getting to where I think Dad doesn't think I'm going to be able to keep a job.)
I'm upset at him for being upset. To me, looking around for one is better than sitting on my ass and twiddling my thumbs and giving my mind the time to think about going to Roswell in three fucking weeks and freaking out over it unnecessarily because that's what I do. Someone told me to do it. A lawyer who won't get ANY MONEY off this case unless she wins it (other than telephone and mailing fees) is telling me to do this. I think she knows what she's talking about. Dad's contradicting it and it's upsetting me simply because I don't know what to do.
Well, I got off my ass today and decided to look for places I might be able to work. Went to tell Dad and he got pissed again. I got upset. He tries to damage control by saying he wants me to have some sort of income. He wants that because he doesn't want to support me for the rest of his life.
I get what he's saying. He wants me to have a life. He wants me to have independence. He wants me to be normal. I get it. But the way he said it... He doesn't want support me for the rest of his life.
My reaction's... pretty dramatic, admittedly. I think well, maybe we should sell my car and get me a bike- never mind it's 15 minutes by vehicle to get just about anywhere in town. There goes auto insurance that you don't have to worry about. We'll cancel my phone. There goes a phone bill. That's about all my parents are taking care of for me aside from the essential food and roof over my head.
Just... JFC. All that makes me want to do is curl up in bed and never come out. I'm talking to Staci (the job coordinator) about everything tomorrow. Nothing's looking right currently. It won't until we get the verdict.
I'm also sending this to Michelle.
God, I have no self-esteem and HE GOES AND SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT.