On Anxiety and Shopping
Had to go grocery shopping for my mother today. It's been the source of many snappings and snippings and crying because every time I go, there's something missing or I get something completely wrong. I've gotten snapped at a few times before about this because it ends up in me either 1.) not bringing home dinner or 2.) leaving out an ingredient for said dinner without actually knowing because no one shares this sort of information with me.
Not only this, but the trip itself is usually physically and emotionally draining from the sheer number of people in one place trying to navigate between other people while making sure that THEY get to wherever they need to go first.
"An ant colony," I remember saying to myself last weekend. "This must be what it feels like to be inside an ant colony."
My anxiety problems just can't take it the abuse because to It, every person that tries to get in the same isle that I'm in or tries to get what they need in the same section or just pass me so they can get to another part of the store is like a physical attack. So when I get home, I'm not in the best of moods. This makes Mom feel like she's a burden to me- a hindrance, even- because she's asking me to go to the store and I'm coming home irritated, shaken, and more than a little defensive. I've gotten yelled at for that.
Today... was a bit worse than usual. If I thought the last Saturday was bad (that would be 3rd as in the day before Independence Day), I was dead wrong. Today was worse. My mood was slightly better than it had been on Saturday but my ears have been extremely sensitive so the sounds of the beeping at the cash registers, the murmur of the crowds and general goings on was giving me a large ear ache and a headache.
Add a 15 minute wait in the grocery line where someone actually hit my basket with a magazine pulling it out of its rack.
Add rain.
Add David and Kimberly being over when I'm already in a very unsociable mood and parked in my spot (where it's easiest to get the groceries in and out). Then falling over their shoes at the door. Then Kimberly asking what kind of toothpaste she should buy David that has baking soda in it and not being able to understand a word she says.
Assume the fetal position, like so:
And I have to tell you, it may not be realistically as traumatic or as awful as where the image came from, but it feels like it.
Not only this, but the trip itself is usually physically and emotionally draining from the sheer number of people in one place trying to navigate between other people while making sure that THEY get to wherever they need to go first.
"An ant colony," I remember saying to myself last weekend. "This must be what it feels like to be inside an ant colony."
My anxiety problems just can't take it the abuse because to It, every person that tries to get in the same isle that I'm in or tries to get what they need in the same section or just pass me so they can get to another part of the store is like a physical attack. So when I get home, I'm not in the best of moods. This makes Mom feel like she's a burden to me- a hindrance, even- because she's asking me to go to the store and I'm coming home irritated, shaken, and more than a little defensive. I've gotten yelled at for that.
Today... was a bit worse than usual. If I thought the last Saturday was bad (that would be 3rd as in the day before Independence Day), I was dead wrong. Today was worse. My mood was slightly better than it had been on Saturday but my ears have been extremely sensitive so the sounds of the beeping at the cash registers, the murmur of the crowds and general goings on was giving me a large ear ache and a headache.
Add a 15 minute wait in the grocery line where someone actually hit my basket with a magazine pulling it out of its rack.
Add rain.
Add David and Kimberly being over when I'm already in a very unsociable mood and parked in my spot (where it's easiest to get the groceries in and out). Then falling over their shoes at the door. Then Kimberly asking what kind of toothpaste she should buy David that has baking soda in it and not being able to understand a word she says.
Assume the fetal position, like so:
And I have to tell you, it may not be realistically as traumatic or as awful as where the image came from, but it feels like it.