I don't want to
I do not want to write about it, but I really think I should so here's a completely random-thought/probably doesn't make sense (when does it?) ramble on current situations:
Mark is gone now. He said goodbye to no one and left us basically bossless, except for what Cynthia can do with the time sheets by accessing his account. Everything else is up to us to decide and anything that needs a manager to access cannot be done. Whoo.
Juan is coming tomorrow which probably means Judgement Day for me and possibly bringing in a new manager and/or managing the place himself at least for the day. More than anything right now, I think I want him to sack me because as much as I love my co-workers and sometimes love my job, I am done with it. I want to wash my hands of that place and the constant paranoia of am I doing good enough?? and other thoughts like that. I'm done looking over my shoulder to see if they decided they're done needing me and give me the boot. Judgement Day. I'm ready for it.
Social Security is.. probably not going to go anywhere because despite the limitations I have, there are jobs I can do, they're just not very desirable. The lawyer I talked to today kept mentioning laundry type services and something about motels. If I can't find it here, I can find it somewhere else in the state like Taos or Roswell or, you know, other places like that except my anxiety basically keeps me from going to Roswell or even Artesia.
She said "Go see an actual psychiatrist or a psychologist. There's a good one in either Roswell or Hobbs."
...DID YOU MISS WHERE I TOLD YOU I GET PHYSICALLY SICK FROM TRAVELING ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF CARLSBAD????
I'm going to be nauseated, tense to the point of severe muscle ache, and shaking all day now despite the fact that I've actually taken my anxiety medication for actual anxiety attacks. Whoo.
So tomorrow I'm either jobless or Juan decides they do need me. Either way, I think I'm needing to go to DVR after work and telling them "Heeeyyyy did you know..."
Right now, though, I'm going to curl up in a ball on the couch and possibly sleep. I don't care if it messes up my sleep schedule tonight, I'm groggy from meds and stressed out of my mind. I WANT SLEEP.
Mark is gone now. He said goodbye to no one and left us basically bossless, except for what Cynthia can do with the time sheets by accessing his account. Everything else is up to us to decide and anything that needs a manager to access cannot be done. Whoo.
Juan is coming tomorrow which probably means Judgement Day for me and possibly bringing in a new manager and/or managing the place himself at least for the day. More than anything right now, I think I want him to sack me because as much as I love my co-workers and sometimes love my job, I am done with it. I want to wash my hands of that place and the constant paranoia of am I doing good enough?? and other thoughts like that. I'm done looking over my shoulder to see if they decided they're done needing me and give me the boot. Judgement Day. I'm ready for it.
Social Security is.. probably not going to go anywhere because despite the limitations I have, there are jobs I can do, they're just not very desirable. The lawyer I talked to today kept mentioning laundry type services and something about motels. If I can't find it here, I can find it somewhere else in the state like Taos or Roswell or, you know, other places like that except my anxiety basically keeps me from going to Roswell or even Artesia.
She said "Go see an actual psychiatrist or a psychologist. There's a good one in either Roswell or Hobbs."
...DID YOU MISS WHERE I TOLD YOU I GET PHYSICALLY SICK FROM TRAVELING ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF CARLSBAD????
I'm going to be nauseated, tense to the point of severe muscle ache, and shaking all day now despite the fact that I've actually taken my anxiety medication for actual anxiety attacks. Whoo.
So tomorrow I'm either jobless or Juan decides they do need me. Either way, I think I'm needing to go to DVR after work and telling them "Heeeyyyy did you know..."
Right now, though, I'm going to curl up in a ball on the couch and possibly sleep. I don't care if it messes up my sleep schedule tonight, I'm groggy from meds and stressed out of my mind. I WANT SLEEP.