The Night Shift.

[yippiekiyaymf]

John came home from his late night patrol and put away his gun and walked into the bedroom. Then he paused, frowning. The bedside lamp was still on, and Juliet was curled up eyes closed. John got closer. Her eyelashes were wet, and there were pictures scattered on the bed. Wedding pictures

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[island_juliet]

Juliet really couldn't explain it, she'd been fine that day, and then out of nowhere missing James slammed into her so hard it was like being hit in the chest with a hammer. She'd had a momentary panic attack, forgetting the way he smelled, and she pulled out the only thing the village had left of him - one of his undershirts. Closing her eyes tightly, she clutched it to her chest, smelled it, then pulled off her clothes and tugged it over her head. It was almost like being wrapped up in him.

Pulling out the small handful of pictures she had, she'd sat in the middle of the bed, touching his face in the pictures, tracing his dimples as she cried, letting go the way that she did when no one else was around. She had no idea that she'd cried herself to sleep just before John arrived home. When she felt the bed dip, she woke up with a soft gasp, startled.

[yippiekiyaymf]

"Hey, Angel," John said softly, stroking her face, compassion on his face.

"Rough night?"

[island_juliet]

Juliet looked down at the pictures he'd piled neatly, guilt washing over her features as she nodded.

"Yeah," she managed, her voice thick from crying. "I just...I couldn't remember what he smelled like."

[yippiekiyaymf]

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart." He leaned down to kiss her forehead, and rubbed her back.

[island_juliet]

"What happens when I can't hear him anymore? I see him when I close my eyes? It's like that with Rachel now, I can't even hear her anymore."

She wiped at her cheeks sniffling.

[yippiekiyaymf]

"Yeah, we don't lose people all at once, the get slowly torn from us over time, bit by bit."

[island_juliet]

Juliet covered her face, drawing her legs up. She'd lost him once, and now she was going to keep losing him, piece by piece, and it wasn't fair. God, it wasn't fair, and she started to really cry, her shoulders shaking.

[yippiekiyaymf]

John laid himself over her, like a warm, solid roof, wrapping his arms around her.

He didn't speak, because what was there to say that would make any of this better? He just held on.

[island_juliet]

Juliet's cries included a quiet moan that was just pure ache, and she rocked a little, trying to pull herself together, but unable to stop talking about him, thinking bout him.

"I kept calling my office," she finally admitted. "There's still...still a message, and..." She couldn't talk anymore, because it was his voice, and it was so simple. You an' me, Blondie. Dinner on the beach. Meet me after your shift.

She was holding her breath in between sobs, which was triggering a kind of anxiety attack.

[yippiekiyaymf]

"Breathe, Baby, breathe," John said, gathering her into his arms, stroking her back, racking with her.

[island_juliet]

She tried to take a deep breath, gasping a little as she did. She held onto him tightly, clinging to him as she tried to calm down. She hadn't gotten to this level of upset in a few weeks, she'd been doing so well, but tonight it all fell apart.

[yippiekiyaymf]

John got that, he really did. You're coasting along then suddenly something comes out of the blue -- funny how often it was a scent, or lack of one -- that capsizes your emotional boat.

"It's okay honey, I gotcha. I gotcha."

[island_juliet]

Just like she did every time, she started apologizing, always letting the guilt of missing James seep in because she was sleeping with John. She just had to go through it, no matter how many times he reassured her that it was okay, and she was allowed to miss James.

"I wish...I wish we would have known. I would have told him so many things..."

[yippiekiyaymf]

John stroked her hair,

"What would you have told him, honey?"

[island_juliet]

Juliet sniffled a little, trying to think now that he'd asked her point blank.

"I'd...tell him...I'm sorry. For thinking that he didn't love me enough. I'd tell him not to drink himself into a coma. I'd...tell him to go find his daughter. To be a part of her life. I'd tell him not to be too sad..." She couldn't keep going, her heart felt like it was in her throat as she sobbed.

[yippiekiyaymf]

"Yeah, that last bit...wouldn't help." John murmured, more to himself than to her as he kept rocking her.