One-shot: Mirrored Pain
Title: Mirrored Pain
Author: YINGxsquare
Pairing: Yuto/OC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slight fluff
Disclaimer: Only the plot and OCs are mine, others belonged to Johnny (:
Summary: If reunion is an occasion to rejoice, have you ever wonder how much pain was caused and tears were shed during the period of separation? What kind of greeting will one gets upon returning? "I'm glad you are back." or "Why did you even bother to come back?"
Note: Italics are thoughts. You can take this as a sequel for Diamond or just another one-shot by itself, since it's Yuto's POV.
A/N: Alright, another update from me. My brain is still refusing to work for my chaptered fic. So, I'm sorry to say that all of you will have to give me a little more time. Really sorry. I'll try to update soon.
“Yuto, have you finished packing your things?”
“Yeah,” I replied, pushing the last carton to the side of my desk.
As I headed towards the door, the wall calendar caught my attention and I mentally counted the number of days left before my departure for Tokyo.
Exactly three more days left.
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Before I knew, it was the last day of my stay in this place. School was long over and only the two of us stayed behind. I watched intently as she doodled on a piece of white paper while her hair fell forward, slightly covering her face. I resisted the urge to tuck the lock of hair behind her ears. Looking at her smilingly face, my uneasiness grew stronger and I clenched my jaws tightly.
No matter what it is, I’ve to tell her today, even if she has to get angry at me.
“Yuuka-chan, I’m leaving tomorrow, right after our graduation ceremony.”
As if my words were frightening, her head shot up instantly with her eyes widened. As I held our gaze together, I could clearly see the shock in her eyes. Unable to bring myself to explain to her that moment, I broke the gaze. Strong sense of guilt washed over me and I clenched my fists tight.
I broke our promise even though I knew how much it meant to her. She’ll never forgive me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered softly.
I could feel her stare on me and knew she was frowning. We were childhood friends for exactly ten years. If you would ask me anything about her, I'm sure I’ll be able to answer you with every single detail. That is how close we are.
“Why?”
Hearing her voice, my lips curved into a small smile. Her voice was always smoothing and never failed to calm me down. At that point of time, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the reason and avoided it. I shook my head and flashed a small smile before getting up from my seat.
“It’s nothing,” I replied and took a glimpse at the time on my watch.
“It’s late. Let's head home now.”
From the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of her expression. I knew what was running through her mind. However, instead of voicing out, she merely nodded and began to pack her things. I shifted my gaze away with a sigh and my grip on the bag tightened.
I don’t wish to see your beautiful smile disappear when I tell you the truth. That’s because it pains me too.
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As I took a quick glance at the familiar surroundings, I knew we would be reaching her house soon. For the past half an hour, both of us remained in silence which was unusual. During the whole time, I knew she was trying hard to think of a topic to break the awkwardness but to no avail. It was the same for me. My mind was in a terrible mess and I was thinking hard for a way to explain without hurting her. Just before I could think of a way to lessen the amount of hurt, her melodious voice entered my ears once again.
“Why…did you apologize earlier?”
My heart froze and that’s when I knew I couldn’t avoid any longer. Tightening my jaws, I refused to answer her question until we had reached her house. Our gaze met for a brief moment and I thought I saw a tint of hurt in her eyes before she looked away.
“I’m going in now. See you tomorrow then. Bye.”
As her fingers brushed against the gate, I heaved a heavy sigh. Taking in a deep breath, I mustered all my courage and spoke.
“I had broken the promise we made ten years ago.”
Though it was a soft whisper, I knew she had heard it clearly because she merely nodded before pushing the gate and went in without turning back.
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My heart clenched tightly as I recalled her reaction earlier.
Is she alright? Is she raging in anger or is she crying now?
Argh! I hate this!
Anxiously, I fished out my phone and dialed her number instantly. The dialing tone came and I tapped my feet against the concrete impatiently. Few seconds had gone and the only sound I heard was the dialing tone. Stealing a glance at the window, I heaved a heavy and was about to remove the phone from my ear when I heard a click sound, followed by her voice.
“Hello?”
A part of me felt relieved while the tightness in my heart lightened and I tried to figure out her tone but to no avail.
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
My grip on the phone tightened and furrowed my eyebrows.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
Her voice was icy cold. My heart tightened once again and I looked down at my feet, kicking a pebble that lay beside my shoes.
“We’ve been childhood friends since young. Every action and gesture you made, I know what’s actually on your mind. I’m really sorry, Yuuka. I didn't expect it to be this soon either,” I explained, hoping she’d understand my current feeling.
Then from the corner of my eyes, I saw the curtains on the windows moved and my heart skipped a beat.
Was she looking at me all these while?
“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize. As your best friend and childhood friend, I’m happy for you. You’re a step closer to your dreams.”
Before I could reply, the line went dead. I removed the phone and held it tightly.
It’s because we were friends for such a long time so I knew you’re hurting yourself.
Shaking my head, I took a final glance at her house before walking away.
Do you know that by inflicting pain to yourself is the same as hurting me too?
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“Aikawa Yuuka.”
As her name was called, my gaze was fixed on her back the whole time. A smile was adorned on my lips as she bowed in our direction. As soon as the ceremony had ended, I ran out of the hall immediately, not even bothered to look for her. Upon reaching the school gate, I chose to stand by a Sakura tree which brought back those good times.
Though I’m leaving today, yet I can’t bring myself to say farewell to you. It hurts to even think of it.
All of a sudden, I heard a crackling sound and spun around. To my astonishment, the person who stood in front of my eyes was her. I watched in shock as she panted softly. My eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment before curving my lips to her favourite smile.
“Hey,” I greeted softly.
Instead of replying, she merely returned a smile with a slight nod. Instantly, my heart melted.
It’s that angelic smile of hers.
Just then, the breeze brushed lightly against our faces and I stole a side glance at her. My heart fluttered and began to pound faster at the sight of her hair blown gently by the wind. At that moment, I was mesmerized by her.
She’s like a perfect angel standing right beside me.
“Are you waiting for your father to fetch you?”
“Yeah,” I answered and looked away quickly, afraid that she might see the blush on my face.
Stealing another side glance in her direction, my heart raced and I dropped my gaze on her hand. Her hand was dangling freely beside mine, just a few inches away. My fingers twitched slightly as I tried to reach out for hers. Just as my fingers almost brushed against hers, a black car zoomed past us before coming to a halt at the gate. Immediately, I withdrew my hand and looked up.
“Well, I guess my father is here. I’ve to go now. Take care, Yuuka.”
Each word that I spoke was like a stab in my heart. As I brushed past her, I placed my hand on her shoulder and my heart tightened.
Tell me that you want me to stay.
Tell me that you don’t wish to see me leave.
Tell me and I’ll stay.
A sudden urge to embrace her tiny frame rose within me. However, I clenched my jaws tight and removed my grip before heading towards the car. Just as my fingers brushed against the latch of the door, her voice made me froze on the spot.
“Yuto, wait!”
My jaws tightened and I turned to face her. As our gaze met, I felt her hesitated for a moment.
“J-just don’t forget about me even though there’ll be more pretty girls around you!”
My heart sank and I lowered my gaze.
“Remember to contact me too!”
That wasn't what I had wished to hear from you.
Gripping tightly on the latch, I gave a nod and waved in her direction before entering the car. Slamming the door shut, I heaved a heavy sigh before grabbing the cloth right at the spot where the pain grew more intense each second.
Why didn’t you say it?
If you did, I would definitely stay because I…
…love you…
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It was the first day of my life as a high school student of Horikoshi. Upon entering the class, I recognized some familiar faces and greeted them warmly. Taking a seat at the back beside the window, I placed my bag on the hook at the side of my table and settled down. Just as my mind was almost drifting away, a voice placed a halt to it.
“Yuto-kun!”
Looking up, I saw a familiar face running towards me. Blinking twice, I realized that the person was Yamada Ryosuke. We belonged to the same agency and although we were of the same age, he was my junior.
“Oh, good morning, Yamada-kun,” I greeted back.
“G-good…morning, Yuto-kun.”
I raised my eyebrows at the other voice before leaning to the side.
“Eh?”
At that moment, I couldn't recognize the voice and frowned slightly. Just then, the person revealed himself and it turned out to be Chinen Yuuri. He was in the same agency as the both of us. I gave a nod with a smile. As the bell rang, indicating the start of lessons, everyone went back to their seats. Looking out of the window, I glanced up at the sky and heaved a silent sigh.
Have you made any friends yet?
Unknowingly, my heart clenched tightly once again.
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Time flew and exactly four months had passed since I left for Tokyo. My work at the agency and homework had been so tight that I didn’t have any time left for myself.
"I'm home!" I shouted as I closed the door behind me.
“Welcome home,” my mother said loudly from the kitchen.
I headed to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of orange juice before heading up to my room. Once inside, I placed my glass on the desk and my bag on the chair before settling down on the bed. As I closed my eyes to take a short nap, images of her appeared in my mind and my eyes flew opened instantly. Staring at the ceiling, I took out the phone from my pocket and flipped it open, only to see a message icon on the screen. Pressing the 'Read' button, I realized that it was from Ryosuke and my heart sank a little unknowingly.
Was I hoping that the sender’s name would be hers instead of Yama-chan?
But I had changed my number without informing her…
After sending the reply to him, I was about to close the phone when I felt a sudden urge to send a message to her. Setting my lips into a grim line, I stared hard at the bright screen.
Speaking the truth, I had always wanted to send a message or letter to her. However, I couldn’t find any courage to do so. Whenever I started to type out a message, I would eventually back off and delete everything. It went the same for letter. Again, I began to type out the message on my phone.
“Hey, how have you been? How’s everything over there? Which scho-“
I clicked my tongue with a slight frown and hit the ‘Delete’ button. Sprawling both my hands and legs over across the bed, I heaved a sigh in frustration.
No, it doesn't seem right at all. Argh!
Annoyed, I ruffled my hair roughly and stood up. Walking over to my desk, I gulped down everything from the glass and placed it back on the table. Tightening my grip on the glass, I clenched my jaws together.
How can I even be labeled as her best friend when I couldn’t tell her my feelings that would probably change everything?
I’m such a coward.
Just then, the scene of her standing beside me at the gate appeared in my mind.
It felt so surreal.
I looked down at my hand and pressed my lips together.
That angelic smile which never fails to make my heart race a million miles.
That beautiful, long and silky hair which never fails to my fingers run through.
Then I clenched my fist tightly into a ball and my heart began to ache.
She’s just too perfect…for me…
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The next day, we were in the middle of our English lesson when the speaker crackled.
“Sorry for the interruption. Could Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke and Chinen Yuuri from class 1-B, and Arioka Daiki from class 3-B to head over to the school gate now. Thank you.”
After the announcement had ended, the three of us exchanged glances, surprised by it. Just then, our English teacher spoke.
“Chinen-san, Nakajima-san, Yamada-san, the three of you may go.”
Upon hearing that, we nodded and packed our things before rushing out of the classroom. As we reached the gate, we realized that a black van with the Johnny's Jimusho label was parked outside. A guy came out of the van and told us to get in. We followed his instructions and got in before another voice was heard. Few seconds later, another guy boarded the van and immediately, I recognized him.
“Arioka-kun!” I blurted out which grabbed his attention.
“Eh? Yuto-kun?” he said with raised his eyebrows before shifting his gaze to the pair who sat quietly beside me.
“Oh, Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun are here as well.”
An hour later, we found ourselves gathered in a room and was joined by another six guys whom I recognized instantly. We looked at each other with clueless expression and millions of questions racing through our minds. Then, a lady entered the room with a smile painted across her lips.
“Hello! I know this might be a sudden decision made by Johnny-san. However, these people you’re with currently will be your band mates, starting from this very moment.”
Immediately, loud mumblings were heard in the room and my eyebrows furrowed slightly.
So…does this means that I’m a permanent member in this group?
“What do you mean?” a voice shouted from the back and I turned around slightly.
Instantly, I recognized him. He was Yabu Kota from Ya-ya-yah. Averting my attention back to the lady, I watched as her smile widened slightly.
“Well, it simply means that the ten of you’ll be debuting as a group called Hey! Say! JUMP.”
That statement made everyone in the room, including me, dropped our jaws.
We…I…I’m…going to debut…?
I remembered joking to her once that I would definitely join an agency and debut one day. However, instead of cheering, she threw buckets of cold water on me. Now that it had really come true, I couldn’t believe my ears. I had no idea how I should be feeling at that moment.
By the time the meeting ended, it was late in the evening. On my way back, I thought about the things that the lady had told us earlier.
“This morning, we had broadcasted the debut of the group. By now, almost everyone in Japan would know that a new boy band was formed.”
I felt rather lost. It was too sudden for me to accept the news. Moreover, from tomorrow onwards, I would have to head over to the studio to record our first single. Unconsciously, I heaved a sigh.
I can feel that the road ahead will be really tough.
Just then, her face appeared in my mind again. Clenching my jaws, I looked up at the sky with a grim expression.
Did you listen to the radio this morning?
Do you know that I've debuted?
Are you happy for me?
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In the blink of an eye, three years passed and I was in the last year of my high school.
Our band had been very successful. Within four years, we had released a total of six singles and an album. Everyone in the band had grown so close that there were no secrets within us. All misunderstandings and dislikes were voiced out and solved.
Knowing that we were having a short break from work, I decided to head back to my hometown. Just the thought of it made my heart fluttered; because it meant that I could see her at last.
Stepping out of the train, I stood at the platform and took in a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent that I had missed for exactly three years. A smile was adorned on my lips when I realized that everything was still the same as before. Then I took my time to head back to my old house, choosing the route that would allow me to pass by her house on the way.
As I saw the familiar white house in view, I stopped on my tracks. Just as I was thinking about the past good times, I heard the front door clicked open and dashed to a corner quickly. Peeking from behind the wall, my heart froze when I saw her standing beside the gate, engrossed with her phone.
Yuuka…
I watched intently as she headed down the opposite lane before heaving a sigh and came out of my hiding place.
These three years, you had grown so much. You had cropped short your hair, but it still looked good on you.
As I continued my tracks, a sudden thought appeared in my mind and I stopped abruptly.
Could that person whom she was messaging earlier is her boyfriend?
That thought made my heart clenched tightly and I shook my head roughly.
Yuto, you’re in no stand to get angry over it. You were the one who missed out the chance to confess.
I’m really a coward. I don’t even dare to let my feelings be known.
Three days had gone and I still hadn’t informed her about my presence in the hometown. Somehow, it felt as though we had drifted apart. I knew it well that she would definitely get mad at me for not keeping in touch with her during the past three years. However, the more I wanted to avoid her, the guiltier I would feel. At last, I summed up my courage and dialed her number on my phone. Surprisingly, I was still able to remember her number after such a long period of time. Hitting the ‘Call’ button, I pressed the phone against my ear. After a few seconds of the dialing tone, her voice was appeared.
“Hello?”
I could easily figure out the hint of annoyance in her tone. However, her voice was still smoothing and calming as before. Unconsciously, my lips curved into a smile.
I missed her voice.
“Hey, Yuuka. It’s me.”
Instead of replying straightaway, there was a moment of silence and I felt that something wasn’t right. Just as I was about to speak again, she spoke and her voice was filled with hurt, anger and sarcasm.
“Well, I didn’t know you could still remember me after those three long years.”
My eyes widened in disbelief, astounded by her reply.
“Of course I remembered you! How could you say that, Yuuka? I’ve never for-”
“Then why didn't you contact me during those three years?”
She cut me off and screamed into the phone. My mouth opened but words were stuck at my throat. After so many years of friendship, she had never once screamed at me, not even when she was really angry with me. At that moment, my heart was clenched so tightly that I felt the need to gasp for air. Anger began to rise, not directed at her but me.
I was the cause of her suffering. It's my entire fault.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized softly, while my heart began to throb painfully.
“No, don’t apologize. Things don't work this way.”
My heart felt as though it had been ripped apart. Her tone was icy cold and hard. Unknowingly, tears started to well up in my eyes.
“I can understand if you hate me,” I said quietly.
“How could you be able to un-”
“I’m back in town,” I cut her off, unable to bring myself to hear it further.
I shook my head furiously. That wasn’t the conversation I had hoped for. Everything turned into a disaster.
“What?”
“I’m back in our hometown since three days ago and I’m going leaving tomorrow in the morning,” I explained.
“Then why didn’t you inform me earlier?”
Did she just growl at me?
“I didn't know how to face you again…” I answered with my voice trailed off, as the scene of us standing outside the gate replayed in my mind and I was determined to see her once again.
“…but I’ll be in the train station at ten in the morning. My train comes at ten-fifteen-“
Then I heard the click and the line went dead. Removed the phone from my ear, I took a long stare at it in bewilderment. She had hanged up my call again. Heaving a heavy sigh, I lay on the bed with my body facing down before rolling over to my back.
I'm sure you’ll come…right?
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The next day, I reached the train station an hour before my departure time purposely. Settling down on the seat where I could spot her easily, I glanced down at my watch. It was nine-fifteen in the morning. I leaned against the backrest and heaved a sigh.
You’ll come and you must come.
Half an hour had passed and there was still no sign of her. I took another glance at my watch again. It was nine-forty five. My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I continued to look around.
Where are you? Have you seen all the messages I had sent you earlier?
As more people began to arrive on the platform, I stood up as they were covering my view. Just then, I saw a familiar back view standing right in front of me. With a huge smile on my face, I ran up to her.
"Yuuka-chan!" I pulled and spun her around.
Instantly, my smile faded and my heart fell. I had mistaken someone else for her.
“Sorry,” I apologized and walked away.
Pushing up my sleeves, I stared down at my watch for the nth time. It was ten-fifteen and the sound of the train came promptly which made me cursed mentally.
Damn it. Where on earth are you?
As the train stopped and opened its doors, I ran to the driver cabin and knocked on the door. The driver narrowed his eyes at me before opening the door.
“What do you want, young man?” he asked with hint of irritation.
Although anger began to rise due to his impoliteness, yet I managed to force a smile at him.
“Could you stop at this station for another few minutes?” I asked politely with a small bow.
Looking up, a frown ran across his face and he hesitated for a moment before nodding slightly.
“Alright. But it's only for a few minutes,” he said sternly before closing the door.
Hearing that, a wide smile ran across my lips and I gave another bow.
“Thank you!”
Turning around, I began to walk to the other side of the platform to look for her. Just then, an old lady bumped into my shoulder that made her groceries bag fell onto the floor, spilling out the contents. Immediately, I apologized and helped to pick up the items. After I was done, I realized that my time was up. In the end, I still couldn't see her. Pressing my lips together, I entered the train with a grim look. Taking out my phone, I typed a message and hit the 'Send' button. As the train started to move, I leaned against the door of the train and looked out of the window.
How foolish can I be to hold my hopes high that you would come? After all, you’re still mad at me.
I was the one who had inflicted so much pain on you. I’m really sorry.
Without me, you’ll be much happier. Take care and goodbye, Yuuka.
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Few months passed and I realized she wasn’t on my mind anymore.
Maybe I had successfully forgotten about her.
On a particular Saturday, a loud buzzing sound woke me up from my slumber. Flipping the phone open, I pressed it against my ear.
“Hello?” I answered groggily while rubbing my eyes.
I heard a string of giggles knew who it was instantly. It belonged to my current girlfriend, Ohgo Suzuka. I heaved a silent sigh, slightly irritated that she had disrupted my peaceful sleep.
“Yuu-chan~”
I heaved another sigh and pretended to sound cheerful.
“Yes, my girlfriend. What makes you ring up so early in the morning?” I asked while getting up from my bed before heading towards the bathroom.
“Yuu-chan, it's eleven in the morning now!”
Hearing that, I raised my eyebrows and peeked out from the bathroom door. Staring at the wall clock, my mouth fell apart slightly. It was really eleven in the morning. I had slept for so many hours.
“Ah, you’re right. I’m sorry,” I apologized and took my toothbrush from the cup.
“It’s okay! You don’t have to apologize! Yuu-chan, let’s go on a date today. I’ll meet you outside Shibuya station at twelve-thirty, alright?”
Before I could answer, the line went dead. Heaving another sigh, I continued to brush my teeth while my mind began to drift off.
I remembered after I had return to Tokyo, I received a message from her, stating that she’d like to meet up with me at the school rooftop after lessons on the following day. The next day after lessons had ended; I went to the rooftop. After waiting for a while, I heard the rooftop door clicked open and turned around. She walked towards me shyly and didn't dare to look in my eyes. To my uttermost surprise, she confessed to me. I was astounded and could only stare at her widely. Just as she was about to say something, I leaned forward and pulled her into an embrace. Whispering softly, I told her that I had accepted her confession. After I got home that day, I recalled about my actions. Speaking the truth, I bore no special feelings for her. However, I took it as a sign from God that I should move on and forget about Yuuka.
And maybe one day, I might really fall in love with Suzuka.
Heading back into my room, I began to rummage through my wardrobe before changing into a set of casual yet stylish clothing. Packing my necessities into the bag, I headed out of the house shortly. Reaching the train station, I checked the time on my watch. It was twelve-twenty five. I had reached five minutes earlier. Shortly after I had settled down, I saw Suzuka walking down from the escalator. Standing up from my seat, I gave a small wave in her direction. My action caught her attention and she headed towards me with a smile.
“Have you been waiting for a long time?” she asked, combing her fringe with her fingers.
I shook my head with a smile.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Follow me,” she replied with a grin and linked her arm around mine before dragging me towards the junction.
As we reached the junction, she released her arm and disappointment washed over me. Unconsciously, I took her hand with mine and laced our fingers together. She stared at me in bewilderment and I merely chuckled at her reaction. The green man appeared and I pulled her along.
“Let’s go.”
There were so many people crossing the road that time but my gaze was locked on the girl who had brushed past us, and a sense of familiarity washed over me. After crossing the road, I wanted to take a better look at her but Suzuka was already tugging on my hand, pulling me to somewhere else. In the end, I decided to shrug off the thought.
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Without checking the time, the sky had darkened and the street lamps were lit. We were walking along the street with the breeze blowing lightly on us. My hand was wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her body closed to mine so that she wouldn't feel cold. At that moment, it felt as though we were really a couple with her head leaning against my shoulder.
“So, where’ll we be going next?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hearing that, she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked around. Then she stopped on her tracks abruptly which made me followed suit as well.
“Suzuka?” I called softly, confused by her action.
“Did you smell it?” she asked, closing her eyes and took in a deep breath.
I followed and took in a deep breath as well. An overwhelming smell of freshly baked toast entered my nostrils and I opened my eyes.
“Bread?”
She gave a nod and flashed a wide grin. Then she moved away from my arm and grabbed my hand in return.
“Follow me!”
Upon entering the bakery store, I was fascinated by the beautifully decorated cakes and the delicious-looking breads on the display shelves. Just then, I felt a light nudge on my arm and turned around.
“Yuu-chan, can you help me to decide which cake I should buy?” she asked, pointing at the two cakes in displayed shelf beside the counter.
Leaning in, I stared closely at both the cakes.
“Sure. Someone’s birthday is coming up?” I asked while continued to examine the cakes.
“Well, yeah. It’s my mother's birthday is tomorrow and I want to buy a cake for her,” she answered.
“Then I guess this should be better,” I said, pointing to the cake that was decorated with many different kind of sliced fruits.
“Oh! She loves fruits! Alright, I’ll take this,” she told the shopkeeper and headed towards the cashier.
While the shopkeeper was wrapping up the cake, she suddenly leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek that left me flustered and shocked. Instantly, my hand flew up to the spot where she had kissed and stared at her widely.
“Thank you, Yuu-chan,” she whispered softly and flashed a shy smile before shifting her attention to the shopkeeper.
At that moment, my heart skipped a beat.
Does that mean that I'm beginning to like her?
“I’m done! Let’s go, Yuu-chan,” she said, lacing our fingers together as we walked out of the store.
Just then, from the corner of my eyes, I saw that girl again. Immediately, I recognized her.
Yu-yu…Yuuka…
My eyes widened and my gaze was fixed on her. Just then, I felt Suzuka tightening the hold on my hand and shifted my gaze to her. After walking quite a distance away, I turned around to find the girl disappeared.
It is definitely her. No doubt.
“Yuu-chan…”
Hearing the voice, I averted my attention back to Suzuka.
“Hm?”
I could sense that something was wrong. Instead of staring into my eyes, she was avoiding my gaze.
“You...like her, don’t you?” she asked softly, releasing our laced fingers.
My heart froze instantly and widened my eyes slightly.
“Eh?” I blurted out.
“The person, whom you had given your heart to, was your childhood friend, right?" she asked quietly and horror was written all over my face.
How did she know about it?
“Don’t be mistaken. I didn't gossip about your past,” she said, lowering her gaze.
“I had overheard the conversation between Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun on accident.”
Pressing my lips together, I heaved a sigh. I knew she wasn't the type of girl who would gossip around.
“It’s okay. I’m not angry. I know you won’t gossip behind my back,” I said with a smile.
Even after I had said that, she seemed to fidget uncomfortably. Just as I was about to speak up, she spoke and left me stupefied.
“Yuu-chan, let’s...break up…”
My jaws fell as I stared at her widely.
What on earth is she saying?
“What?” I blurted out with shock clearly written on my face.
Finally, she looked up and our gaze met. Her eyes were watery.
“Before I went to confess to you, I had overheard the conversation between Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun. Despite that, I still summed up my courage to confess. I held onto the dim of hope that I could replace her in your heart. However, I was wrong. So, let’s break up, Yuu-chan,” she explained with a small smile.
I opened my mouth but words were stuck at my throat. Her gaze lingered on mine and flashed a bitter smile.
“You don’t have to comfort me. I knew how much I stood in your heart. I’m letting you go now,” she finished and gave me a hard push on the shoulder.
I stumbled slightly and looked up just in time to see her last smile before walking away. I flashed a smile as my gaze trailed after her back.
I’m sure you’ll find someone who loves you back dearly. Thank you, Suzuka.
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At last, winter was here. To our surprise, we were given a month’s break from work by Johnny-san. He said it was a form of reward for our hard work during the past many months. After the meeting was over, the other members were discussing about how they should spend the break fruitfully. On the other hand, I was in the midst of thinking whether I should head back to my hometown when Ryosuke called my name out of the blue.
“Yuto?” I snapped out of my thoughts and shifted my gaze to him.
“Yeah?”
“Chii, Dai-chan and I planned to stay in Osaka a few days during the break. Do you want to tag along?” he asked with a smile.
That statement made me hesitated.
Should I follow them or head back to my hometown?
Just then, the scene of her crying at the park under the heavy rain that night appeared in my mind. Although it made my heart torn apart, yet I couldn't bring myself forward and embrace her shivering tiny frame in my arms. A strong sense of regret washed over me and I knew I should head back to my hometown.
This time round, I need to tell her my feelings. I can’t hide it any longer.
“It’s okay. I think I’ll be going back to my hometown during the break,” I answered with an apologetic smile.
I watched the three of them exchanged glances before looking at me.
“I see. Alright then,” he said with a nod.
The next day, I took the earliest train back to my hometown. Upon arriving, I realized how much I had missed the place. On the way back to my house, I headed the same path that would lead past her house. Everything was the same. I heaved a sigh and continued on my tracks without stopping. On the same night, I decided to the head out.
----------------------------------------------------------
Walking along the streets at night, the breeze was definitely freezing cold. I pulled up the scarf around my neck and stuffed both my hands into the pocket. At last, I reached my destination. It was the park that I hadn’t visit for the past four years. I scanned the park and my gaze stopped at a particular bench where a figure appeared. Advancing quietly, I decided to hide behind a tree and peeked out. My jaws dropped slightly when I realized that the figure belonged to her. I didn't expect to meet her there. Then I saw her fingers fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist and narrowed my eyes before gasping softly.
It isn’t a bracelet! It was the misanga that we had received on New Year five years ago!
I looked away and leaned against the tree. Pushing up the sleeves of my winter coat, an identical pair of the misanga appeared before my eyes. Looking up at the sky, my mind drifted back to the time when we received it together.
-Flashback-
We were walking along the stalls when we passed by one that sold misangas. She was tugging my sleeves, telling me to stop and take a look. As we set our eyes on the different varieties of misangas, our hands shot out together, grabbing the same misanga at the same time. Then we stared at each other for a second before I withdrew my hand.
“You should take it,” I said, patting her head lightly.
She stared at the misanga for a brief moment before shifting her gaze to me. Shaking her head, she pushed it into my hand.
“It’s alright. You should take it instead. Besides, it suits you better,” she said with a smile.
Just as I was about to speak, the old lady tending the store spoke up.
“The both of you shouldn’t fight over a misanga,” she said sternly.
“Let me take a look at the misanga you both had chosen.”
I handed the misanga to her and saw her lips curved into a smile before gave a slight nod.
“The both of you’re meant to be together,” she muttered softly and that made my eyes widened.
My heart began to pound faster and I stole a side glance at her. She didn't seem to hear it.
“Eh?” I blurted out.
The old lady took a glance at us before bending down to retrieve something. As she stood up, she stretched out both of her hands.
“The misanga that the both of you had chosen has an identical pair,” she said, placing both of the misangas together and looked at us with a warm smile.
“These two misangas are supposed to be a pair.”
“A pair?” Yuuka asked which earned a nodded from the old lady.
“This pair of misangas is said to be the rarest and luckiest pair. However, nobody chooses them due to its dull colour," she explained and we exchanged glances.
“There was a saying about this pair of misangas," she said mysteriously.
“If both owners of this pair of misangas are of the same gender, they’ll become closest friends. However, if both owners are of the opposite gender, they’ll fall in love with each other and become a couple.”
My heart fluttered and I stole a glance at her once again. To my surprise, her cheeks were tinted with pink and I chuckled softly.
She’s blushing.
“I’ll take it,” I said, taking out my wallet but was stopped by a hand.
“You don’t have to pay, young man. It’s a gift from me to the both of you. Here, take it,” she said warmly and we exchanged glances before giving a small bow.
“Thank you,” we thanked in chorus.
-End of Flashback-
Heaving a heavy sigh, I fiddled with the misanga on my wrist before taking a peek at her again. She appeared to be staring on the ground with a sad expression. A strong urge to run up and envelope into a hug boost. Without having a second thought, I stepped out from my hiding place and headed in her direction slowly. Just then, I stepped on a twig and caught her attention. Upon recognizing that it was me, shock was written all over her face. Swallowing hard, I flashed her favourite smile.
“It’s been a long time, Yuuka-chan.”
“Yu…to…”
My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice. However, she looked away.
“Why are you here?”
My heart fell and a frown ran across my face.
“What?” I blurted out.
Shifting her gaze to me, I saw hint of anger in her eyes.
“It’s Winter break now. Shouldn’t you be spending your time with your girlfriend? Why did you even bother to return?” she snapped, glaring hard.
Her words made me speechless. My mind was blank. I didn’t expect her to say those things.
“Are you speechless now? It’s getting late. I’m heading home now, bye,” she said while standing up and brushed past me.
As I continued to process her words in my mind, anger boosted within me and I grabbed her wrist tightly. Tightening my grip, I spun her around roughly.
“No, I’m not. Let me explain, Yuuka,” I said firmly, staring into her eyes.
“I’m sorry but there’s nothing left for you to explain. So let go of me! It hurts!” she cried while struggling to pry away from my grip.
Instead, I held it even tighter and began to explain.
I’ve to clear this misunderstanding. I had owed her too much.
“No, you’re wrong. She isn’t my girlfriend. I bore no feelings for her. And I came back because I missed you.”
I felt her froze for a moment before she looked into my eyes and flashed a smirk. My eyes widened, astounded by her reaction.
“She isn't your girlfriend? Oh, I get it. So the famous Nakajima Yuto is now playing with girls' feelings? What a jerk," she commented harshly.
“I-“
“No, you don’t have to explain any further. I’ve finally know the real you. You said that you missed me. Do you use that sentence to get other girls as well? I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not the type of girl who’ll fall easily for this kind of sweet talking,” she added and lowered her gaze at my grip.
“And I’ll very much appreciate it if you’ll let go of me, Nakajima-san.”
With that, she took chance of my loosen grip and flung my hand away. It made me stumbled slightly but my heart was ripped apart by her harsh words.
My confession had turned out to be sweet talking. She even called me a jerk.
How could she say that to me!
Immediately, anger boosted and I pulled her roughly in my embrace before smashing our lips together. She began to pound her fists on my chest continuously but I held her tightly, wrapping one of my arms around her waist and the other behind her head to deepen the kiss. At last, she stopped and I broke off the kiss. Upon opening my eyes, I was astounded to see her tear-stricken face. Before I could react, she slapped me hard on the cheek and the spot began to sting in pain.
“Yuuka…”
“Why? Why didn’t you contact me for the past four years?” she screamed as more tears flowed down her redden cheeks.
I reached out to pull her into an embrace but only to be flung away by her. At that moment, the pain on my cheek was gone, but my heart was ripped further apart.
“I know. It’s my fault. I was a coward to hide my feelings and even made you suffered,” I said softly, but she shook her head.
“No. You don’t understand my feelings at all. Do you know I had been waiting for your mails and messages ever since the day you left?” she shouted hoarsely and took a step back while I was left speechless by her words.
“I’ve been waiting for exactly four years, Yuto. And I’m really tired now. Just let go and forget about me, please," she begged, taking a few more steps back while sobbing uncontrollably.
“No, I can’t. I had missed out my chance four years ago and now that you’re standing right in front of my eyes, I’ll never let you slip away anymore. I don’t wish to live my life in regret, it’s painful,” I said, shaking my head and took a step towards her.
Again, she shook her head.
“Just forget me. It’s really painful. I...I can’t bear the pain anymore. It's suffocating. Please, Yuto…," she begged again, tears continued to spill out from her swollen eyes.
Immediately, I ran up and embraced her tightly.
It’s the same feeling as four years ago. It’s exactly how I felt at that time.
As my warmth enveloped her body, she broke down and began to sob. Each of her sob was like a stab in my heart. Hearing her muffled cries, that was when I knew how much pain she was in for the past four years. Placing my cheek against her head, I stroked her hair gently.
As her sobs became softer, I loosened my grip around her body and lifted her chin lightly with my finger. My heart broke at the sight of her tear-stricken face. Holding her face in my hands, I thumbed away the tears that rolled down her cheeks and pressed my lips over hers softly. It was a tender yet passionate kiss. After I broke away the kiss, I locked our gaze together and found that her cheeks were tint with pink which made her looked even cuter.
“Yuuka, I love you.”
She looked away and blushed harder. However, I lifted her chin lightly and forced our eyes to meet.
“I love you,” I repeated and felt her body shuddered lightly.
Her cheeks flushed another few shades darker and buried her face against my chest. A smile was adorned on my lips as I wrapped my hands around her body protectively and buried my face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent.
“I love you too, Yuto…”
The smile on my lips spread wider and she lifted up her head before leaned in. Our lips met again under the snowy sky.
“I love you and I’ll never let you go.”
Author: YINGxsquare
Pairing: Yuto/OC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slight fluff
Disclaimer: Only the plot and OCs are mine, others belonged to Johnny (:
Summary: If reunion is an occasion to rejoice, have you ever wonder how much pain was caused and tears were shed during the period of separation? What kind of greeting will one gets upon returning? "I'm glad you are back." or "Why did you even bother to come back?"
Note: Italics are thoughts. You can take this as a sequel for Diamond or just another one-shot by itself, since it's Yuto's POV.
A/N: Alright, another update from me. My brain is still refusing to work for my chaptered fic. So, I'm sorry to say that all of you will have to give me a little more time. Really sorry. I'll try to update soon.
“Yuto, have you finished packing your things?”
“Yeah,” I replied, pushing the last carton to the side of my desk.
As I headed towards the door, the wall calendar caught my attention and I mentally counted the number of days left before my departure for Tokyo.
Exactly three more days left.
----------------------------------------------------------
Before I knew, it was the last day of my stay in this place. School was long over and only the two of us stayed behind. I watched intently as she doodled on a piece of white paper while her hair fell forward, slightly covering her face. I resisted the urge to tuck the lock of hair behind her ears. Looking at her smilingly face, my uneasiness grew stronger and I clenched my jaws tightly.
No matter what it is, I’ve to tell her today, even if she has to get angry at me.
“Yuuka-chan, I’m leaving tomorrow, right after our graduation ceremony.”
As if my words were frightening, her head shot up instantly with her eyes widened. As I held our gaze together, I could clearly see the shock in her eyes. Unable to bring myself to explain to her that moment, I broke the gaze. Strong sense of guilt washed over me and I clenched my fists tight.
I broke our promise even though I knew how much it meant to her. She’ll never forgive me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered softly.
I could feel her stare on me and knew she was frowning. We were childhood friends for exactly ten years. If you would ask me anything about her, I'm sure I’ll be able to answer you with every single detail. That is how close we are.
“Why?”
Hearing her voice, my lips curved into a small smile. Her voice was always smoothing and never failed to calm me down. At that point of time, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the reason and avoided it. I shook my head and flashed a small smile before getting up from my seat.
“It’s nothing,” I replied and took a glimpse at the time on my watch.
“It’s late. Let's head home now.”
From the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of her expression. I knew what was running through her mind. However, instead of voicing out, she merely nodded and began to pack her things. I shifted my gaze away with a sigh and my grip on the bag tightened.
I don’t wish to see your beautiful smile disappear when I tell you the truth. That’s because it pains me too.
----------------------------------------------------------
As I took a quick glance at the familiar surroundings, I knew we would be reaching her house soon. For the past half an hour, both of us remained in silence which was unusual. During the whole time, I knew she was trying hard to think of a topic to break the awkwardness but to no avail. It was the same for me. My mind was in a terrible mess and I was thinking hard for a way to explain without hurting her. Just before I could think of a way to lessen the amount of hurt, her melodious voice entered my ears once again.
“Why…did you apologize earlier?”
My heart froze and that’s when I knew I couldn’t avoid any longer. Tightening my jaws, I refused to answer her question until we had reached her house. Our gaze met for a brief moment and I thought I saw a tint of hurt in her eyes before she looked away.
“I’m going in now. See you tomorrow then. Bye.”
As her fingers brushed against the gate, I heaved a heavy sigh. Taking in a deep breath, I mustered all my courage and spoke.
“I had broken the promise we made ten years ago.”
Though it was a soft whisper, I knew she had heard it clearly because she merely nodded before pushing the gate and went in without turning back.
----------------------------------------------------------
My heart clenched tightly as I recalled her reaction earlier.
Is she alright? Is she raging in anger or is she crying now?
Argh! I hate this!
Anxiously, I fished out my phone and dialed her number instantly. The dialing tone came and I tapped my feet against the concrete impatiently. Few seconds had gone and the only sound I heard was the dialing tone. Stealing a glance at the window, I heaved a heavy and was about to remove the phone from my ear when I heard a click sound, followed by her voice.
“Hello?”
A part of me felt relieved while the tightness in my heart lightened and I tried to figure out her tone but to no avail.
“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
My grip on the phone tightened and furrowed my eyebrows.
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
Her voice was icy cold. My heart tightened once again and I looked down at my feet, kicking a pebble that lay beside my shoes.
“We’ve been childhood friends since young. Every action and gesture you made, I know what’s actually on your mind. I’m really sorry, Yuuka. I didn't expect it to be this soon either,” I explained, hoping she’d understand my current feeling.
Then from the corner of my eyes, I saw the curtains on the windows moved and my heart skipped a beat.
Was she looking at me all these while?
“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize. As your best friend and childhood friend, I’m happy for you. You’re a step closer to your dreams.”
Before I could reply, the line went dead. I removed the phone and held it tightly.
It’s because we were friends for such a long time so I knew you’re hurting yourself.
Shaking my head, I took a final glance at her house before walking away.
Do you know that by inflicting pain to yourself is the same as hurting me too?
----------------------------------------------------------
“Aikawa Yuuka.”
As her name was called, my gaze was fixed on her back the whole time. A smile was adorned on my lips as she bowed in our direction. As soon as the ceremony had ended, I ran out of the hall immediately, not even bothered to look for her. Upon reaching the school gate, I chose to stand by a Sakura tree which brought back those good times.
Though I’m leaving today, yet I can’t bring myself to say farewell to you. It hurts to even think of it.
All of a sudden, I heard a crackling sound and spun around. To my astonishment, the person who stood in front of my eyes was her. I watched in shock as she panted softly. My eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment before curving my lips to her favourite smile.
“Hey,” I greeted softly.
Instead of replying, she merely returned a smile with a slight nod. Instantly, my heart melted.
It’s that angelic smile of hers.
Just then, the breeze brushed lightly against our faces and I stole a side glance at her. My heart fluttered and began to pound faster at the sight of her hair blown gently by the wind. At that moment, I was mesmerized by her.
She’s like a perfect angel standing right beside me.
“Are you waiting for your father to fetch you?”
“Yeah,” I answered and looked away quickly, afraid that she might see the blush on my face.
Stealing another side glance in her direction, my heart raced and I dropped my gaze on her hand. Her hand was dangling freely beside mine, just a few inches away. My fingers twitched slightly as I tried to reach out for hers. Just as my fingers almost brushed against hers, a black car zoomed past us before coming to a halt at the gate. Immediately, I withdrew my hand and looked up.
“Well, I guess my father is here. I’ve to go now. Take care, Yuuka.”
Each word that I spoke was like a stab in my heart. As I brushed past her, I placed my hand on her shoulder and my heart tightened.
Tell me that you want me to stay.
Tell me that you don’t wish to see me leave.
Tell me and I’ll stay.
A sudden urge to embrace her tiny frame rose within me. However, I clenched my jaws tight and removed my grip before heading towards the car. Just as my fingers brushed against the latch of the door, her voice made me froze on the spot.
“Yuto, wait!”
My jaws tightened and I turned to face her. As our gaze met, I felt her hesitated for a moment.
“J-just don’t forget about me even though there’ll be more pretty girls around you!”
My heart sank and I lowered my gaze.
“Remember to contact me too!”
That wasn't what I had wished to hear from you.
Gripping tightly on the latch, I gave a nod and waved in her direction before entering the car. Slamming the door shut, I heaved a heavy sigh before grabbing the cloth right at the spot where the pain grew more intense each second.
Why didn’t you say it?
If you did, I would definitely stay because I…
…love you…
----------------------------------------------------------
It was the first day of my life as a high school student of Horikoshi. Upon entering the class, I recognized some familiar faces and greeted them warmly. Taking a seat at the back beside the window, I placed my bag on the hook at the side of my table and settled down. Just as my mind was almost drifting away, a voice placed a halt to it.
“Yuto-kun!”
Looking up, I saw a familiar face running towards me. Blinking twice, I realized that the person was Yamada Ryosuke. We belonged to the same agency and although we were of the same age, he was my junior.
“Oh, good morning, Yamada-kun,” I greeted back.
“G-good…morning, Yuto-kun.”
I raised my eyebrows at the other voice before leaning to the side.
“Eh?”
At that moment, I couldn't recognize the voice and frowned slightly. Just then, the person revealed himself and it turned out to be Chinen Yuuri. He was in the same agency as the both of us. I gave a nod with a smile. As the bell rang, indicating the start of lessons, everyone went back to their seats. Looking out of the window, I glanced up at the sky and heaved a silent sigh.
Have you made any friends yet?
Unknowingly, my heart clenched tightly once again.
----------------------------------------------------------
Time flew and exactly four months had passed since I left for Tokyo. My work at the agency and homework had been so tight that I didn’t have any time left for myself.
"I'm home!" I shouted as I closed the door behind me.
“Welcome home,” my mother said loudly from the kitchen.
I headed to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of orange juice before heading up to my room. Once inside, I placed my glass on the desk and my bag on the chair before settling down on the bed. As I closed my eyes to take a short nap, images of her appeared in my mind and my eyes flew opened instantly. Staring at the ceiling, I took out the phone from my pocket and flipped it open, only to see a message icon on the screen. Pressing the 'Read' button, I realized that it was from Ryosuke and my heart sank a little unknowingly.
Was I hoping that the sender’s name would be hers instead of Yama-chan?
But I had changed my number without informing her…
After sending the reply to him, I was about to close the phone when I felt a sudden urge to send a message to her. Setting my lips into a grim line, I stared hard at the bright screen.
Speaking the truth, I had always wanted to send a message or letter to her. However, I couldn’t find any courage to do so. Whenever I started to type out a message, I would eventually back off and delete everything. It went the same for letter. Again, I began to type out the message on my phone.
“Hey, how have you been? How’s everything over there? Which scho-“
I clicked my tongue with a slight frown and hit the ‘Delete’ button. Sprawling both my hands and legs over across the bed, I heaved a sigh in frustration.
No, it doesn't seem right at all. Argh!
Annoyed, I ruffled my hair roughly and stood up. Walking over to my desk, I gulped down everything from the glass and placed it back on the table. Tightening my grip on the glass, I clenched my jaws together.
How can I even be labeled as her best friend when I couldn’t tell her my feelings that would probably change everything?
I’m such a coward.
Just then, the scene of her standing beside me at the gate appeared in my mind.
It felt so surreal.
I looked down at my hand and pressed my lips together.
That angelic smile which never fails to make my heart race a million miles.
That beautiful, long and silky hair which never fails to my fingers run through.
Then I clenched my fist tightly into a ball and my heart began to ache.
She’s just too perfect…for me…
----------------------------------------------------------
The next day, we were in the middle of our English lesson when the speaker crackled.
“Sorry for the interruption. Could Nakajima Yuto, Yamada Ryosuke and Chinen Yuuri from class 1-B, and Arioka Daiki from class 3-B to head over to the school gate now. Thank you.”
After the announcement had ended, the three of us exchanged glances, surprised by it. Just then, our English teacher spoke.
“Chinen-san, Nakajima-san, Yamada-san, the three of you may go.”
Upon hearing that, we nodded and packed our things before rushing out of the classroom. As we reached the gate, we realized that a black van with the Johnny's Jimusho label was parked outside. A guy came out of the van and told us to get in. We followed his instructions and got in before another voice was heard. Few seconds later, another guy boarded the van and immediately, I recognized him.
“Arioka-kun!” I blurted out which grabbed his attention.
“Eh? Yuto-kun?” he said with raised his eyebrows before shifting his gaze to the pair who sat quietly beside me.
“Oh, Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun are here as well.”
An hour later, we found ourselves gathered in a room and was joined by another six guys whom I recognized instantly. We looked at each other with clueless expression and millions of questions racing through our minds. Then, a lady entered the room with a smile painted across her lips.
“Hello! I know this might be a sudden decision made by Johnny-san. However, these people you’re with currently will be your band mates, starting from this very moment.”
Immediately, loud mumblings were heard in the room and my eyebrows furrowed slightly.
So…does this means that I’m a permanent member in this group?
“What do you mean?” a voice shouted from the back and I turned around slightly.
Instantly, I recognized him. He was Yabu Kota from Ya-ya-yah. Averting my attention back to the lady, I watched as her smile widened slightly.
“Well, it simply means that the ten of you’ll be debuting as a group called Hey! Say! JUMP.”
That statement made everyone in the room, including me, dropped our jaws.
We…I…I’m…going to debut…?
I remembered joking to her once that I would definitely join an agency and debut one day. However, instead of cheering, she threw buckets of cold water on me. Now that it had really come true, I couldn’t believe my ears. I had no idea how I should be feeling at that moment.
By the time the meeting ended, it was late in the evening. On my way back, I thought about the things that the lady had told us earlier.
“This morning, we had broadcasted the debut of the group. By now, almost everyone in Japan would know that a new boy band was formed.”
I felt rather lost. It was too sudden for me to accept the news. Moreover, from tomorrow onwards, I would have to head over to the studio to record our first single. Unconsciously, I heaved a sigh.
I can feel that the road ahead will be really tough.
Just then, her face appeared in my mind again. Clenching my jaws, I looked up at the sky with a grim expression.
Did you listen to the radio this morning?
Do you know that I've debuted?
Are you happy for me?
----------------------------------------------------------
In the blink of an eye, three years passed and I was in the last year of my high school.
Our band had been very successful. Within four years, we had released a total of six singles and an album. Everyone in the band had grown so close that there were no secrets within us. All misunderstandings and dislikes were voiced out and solved.
Knowing that we were having a short break from work, I decided to head back to my hometown. Just the thought of it made my heart fluttered; because it meant that I could see her at last.
Stepping out of the train, I stood at the platform and took in a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent that I had missed for exactly three years. A smile was adorned on my lips when I realized that everything was still the same as before. Then I took my time to head back to my old house, choosing the route that would allow me to pass by her house on the way.
As I saw the familiar white house in view, I stopped on my tracks. Just as I was thinking about the past good times, I heard the front door clicked open and dashed to a corner quickly. Peeking from behind the wall, my heart froze when I saw her standing beside the gate, engrossed with her phone.
Yuuka…
I watched intently as she headed down the opposite lane before heaving a sigh and came out of my hiding place.
These three years, you had grown so much. You had cropped short your hair, but it still looked good on you.
As I continued my tracks, a sudden thought appeared in my mind and I stopped abruptly.
Could that person whom she was messaging earlier is her boyfriend?
That thought made my heart clenched tightly and I shook my head roughly.
Yuto, you’re in no stand to get angry over it. You were the one who missed out the chance to confess.
I’m really a coward. I don’t even dare to let my feelings be known.
Three days had gone and I still hadn’t informed her about my presence in the hometown. Somehow, it felt as though we had drifted apart. I knew it well that she would definitely get mad at me for not keeping in touch with her during the past three years. However, the more I wanted to avoid her, the guiltier I would feel. At last, I summed up my courage and dialed her number on my phone. Surprisingly, I was still able to remember her number after such a long period of time. Hitting the ‘Call’ button, I pressed the phone against my ear. After a few seconds of the dialing tone, her voice was appeared.
“Hello?”
I could easily figure out the hint of annoyance in her tone. However, her voice was still smoothing and calming as before. Unconsciously, my lips curved into a smile.
I missed her voice.
“Hey, Yuuka. It’s me.”
Instead of replying straightaway, there was a moment of silence and I felt that something wasn’t right. Just as I was about to speak again, she spoke and her voice was filled with hurt, anger and sarcasm.
“Well, I didn’t know you could still remember me after those three long years.”
My eyes widened in disbelief, astounded by her reply.
“Of course I remembered you! How could you say that, Yuuka? I’ve never for-”
“Then why didn't you contact me during those three years?”
She cut me off and screamed into the phone. My mouth opened but words were stuck at my throat. After so many years of friendship, she had never once screamed at me, not even when she was really angry with me. At that moment, my heart was clenched so tightly that I felt the need to gasp for air. Anger began to rise, not directed at her but me.
I was the cause of her suffering. It's my entire fault.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized softly, while my heart began to throb painfully.
“No, don’t apologize. Things don't work this way.”
My heart felt as though it had been ripped apart. Her tone was icy cold and hard. Unknowingly, tears started to well up in my eyes.
“I can understand if you hate me,” I said quietly.
“How could you be able to un-”
“I’m back in town,” I cut her off, unable to bring myself to hear it further.
I shook my head furiously. That wasn’t the conversation I had hoped for. Everything turned into a disaster.
“What?”
“I’m back in our hometown since three days ago and I’m going leaving tomorrow in the morning,” I explained.
“Then why didn’t you inform me earlier?”
Did she just growl at me?
“I didn't know how to face you again…” I answered with my voice trailed off, as the scene of us standing outside the gate replayed in my mind and I was determined to see her once again.
“…but I’ll be in the train station at ten in the morning. My train comes at ten-fifteen-“
Then I heard the click and the line went dead. Removed the phone from my ear, I took a long stare at it in bewilderment. She had hanged up my call again. Heaving a heavy sigh, I lay on the bed with my body facing down before rolling over to my back.
I'm sure you’ll come…right?
----------------------------------------------------------
The next day, I reached the train station an hour before my departure time purposely. Settling down on the seat where I could spot her easily, I glanced down at my watch. It was nine-fifteen in the morning. I leaned against the backrest and heaved a sigh.
You’ll come and you must come.
Half an hour had passed and there was still no sign of her. I took another glance at my watch again. It was nine-forty five. My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I continued to look around.
Where are you? Have you seen all the messages I had sent you earlier?
As more people began to arrive on the platform, I stood up as they were covering my view. Just then, I saw a familiar back view standing right in front of me. With a huge smile on my face, I ran up to her.
"Yuuka-chan!" I pulled and spun her around.
Instantly, my smile faded and my heart fell. I had mistaken someone else for her.
“Sorry,” I apologized and walked away.
Pushing up my sleeves, I stared down at my watch for the nth time. It was ten-fifteen and the sound of the train came promptly which made me cursed mentally.
Damn it. Where on earth are you?
As the train stopped and opened its doors, I ran to the driver cabin and knocked on the door. The driver narrowed his eyes at me before opening the door.
“What do you want, young man?” he asked with hint of irritation.
Although anger began to rise due to his impoliteness, yet I managed to force a smile at him.
“Could you stop at this station for another few minutes?” I asked politely with a small bow.
Looking up, a frown ran across his face and he hesitated for a moment before nodding slightly.
“Alright. But it's only for a few minutes,” he said sternly before closing the door.
Hearing that, a wide smile ran across my lips and I gave another bow.
“Thank you!”
Turning around, I began to walk to the other side of the platform to look for her. Just then, an old lady bumped into my shoulder that made her groceries bag fell onto the floor, spilling out the contents. Immediately, I apologized and helped to pick up the items. After I was done, I realized that my time was up. In the end, I still couldn't see her. Pressing my lips together, I entered the train with a grim look. Taking out my phone, I typed a message and hit the 'Send' button. As the train started to move, I leaned against the door of the train and looked out of the window.
How foolish can I be to hold my hopes high that you would come? After all, you’re still mad at me.
I was the one who had inflicted so much pain on you. I’m really sorry.
Without me, you’ll be much happier. Take care and goodbye, Yuuka.
----------------------------------------------------------
Few months passed and I realized she wasn’t on my mind anymore.
Maybe I had successfully forgotten about her.
On a particular Saturday, a loud buzzing sound woke me up from my slumber. Flipping the phone open, I pressed it against my ear.
“Hello?” I answered groggily while rubbing my eyes.
I heard a string of giggles knew who it was instantly. It belonged to my current girlfriend, Ohgo Suzuka. I heaved a silent sigh, slightly irritated that she had disrupted my peaceful sleep.
“Yuu-chan~”
I heaved another sigh and pretended to sound cheerful.
“Yes, my girlfriend. What makes you ring up so early in the morning?” I asked while getting up from my bed before heading towards the bathroom.
“Yuu-chan, it's eleven in the morning now!”
Hearing that, I raised my eyebrows and peeked out from the bathroom door. Staring at the wall clock, my mouth fell apart slightly. It was really eleven in the morning. I had slept for so many hours.
“Ah, you’re right. I’m sorry,” I apologized and took my toothbrush from the cup.
“It’s okay! You don’t have to apologize! Yuu-chan, let’s go on a date today. I’ll meet you outside Shibuya station at twelve-thirty, alright?”
Before I could answer, the line went dead. Heaving another sigh, I continued to brush my teeth while my mind began to drift off.
I remembered after I had return to Tokyo, I received a message from her, stating that she’d like to meet up with me at the school rooftop after lessons on the following day. The next day after lessons had ended; I went to the rooftop. After waiting for a while, I heard the rooftop door clicked open and turned around. She walked towards me shyly and didn't dare to look in my eyes. To my uttermost surprise, she confessed to me. I was astounded and could only stare at her widely. Just as she was about to say something, I leaned forward and pulled her into an embrace. Whispering softly, I told her that I had accepted her confession. After I got home that day, I recalled about my actions. Speaking the truth, I bore no special feelings for her. However, I took it as a sign from God that I should move on and forget about Yuuka.
And maybe one day, I might really fall in love with Suzuka.
Heading back into my room, I began to rummage through my wardrobe before changing into a set of casual yet stylish clothing. Packing my necessities into the bag, I headed out of the house shortly. Reaching the train station, I checked the time on my watch. It was twelve-twenty five. I had reached five minutes earlier. Shortly after I had settled down, I saw Suzuka walking down from the escalator. Standing up from my seat, I gave a small wave in her direction. My action caught her attention and she headed towards me with a smile.
“Have you been waiting for a long time?” she asked, combing her fringe with her fingers.
I shook my head with a smile.
“Where do you want to go?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Follow me,” she replied with a grin and linked her arm around mine before dragging me towards the junction.
As we reached the junction, she released her arm and disappointment washed over me. Unconsciously, I took her hand with mine and laced our fingers together. She stared at me in bewilderment and I merely chuckled at her reaction. The green man appeared and I pulled her along.
“Let’s go.”
There were so many people crossing the road that time but my gaze was locked on the girl who had brushed past us, and a sense of familiarity washed over me. After crossing the road, I wanted to take a better look at her but Suzuka was already tugging on my hand, pulling me to somewhere else. In the end, I decided to shrug off the thought.
----------------------------------------------------------
Without checking the time, the sky had darkened and the street lamps were lit. We were walking along the street with the breeze blowing lightly on us. My hand was wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her body closed to mine so that she wouldn't feel cold. At that moment, it felt as though we were really a couple with her head leaning against my shoulder.
“So, where’ll we be going next?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hearing that, she lifted her head from my shoulder and looked around. Then she stopped on her tracks abruptly which made me followed suit as well.
“Suzuka?” I called softly, confused by her action.
“Did you smell it?” she asked, closing her eyes and took in a deep breath.
I followed and took in a deep breath as well. An overwhelming smell of freshly baked toast entered my nostrils and I opened my eyes.
“Bread?”
She gave a nod and flashed a wide grin. Then she moved away from my arm and grabbed my hand in return.
“Follow me!”
Upon entering the bakery store, I was fascinated by the beautifully decorated cakes and the delicious-looking breads on the display shelves. Just then, I felt a light nudge on my arm and turned around.
“Yuu-chan, can you help me to decide which cake I should buy?” she asked, pointing at the two cakes in displayed shelf beside the counter.
Leaning in, I stared closely at both the cakes.
“Sure. Someone’s birthday is coming up?” I asked while continued to examine the cakes.
“Well, yeah. It’s my mother's birthday is tomorrow and I want to buy a cake for her,” she answered.
“Then I guess this should be better,” I said, pointing to the cake that was decorated with many different kind of sliced fruits.
“Oh! She loves fruits! Alright, I’ll take this,” she told the shopkeeper and headed towards the cashier.
While the shopkeeper was wrapping up the cake, she suddenly leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek that left me flustered and shocked. Instantly, my hand flew up to the spot where she had kissed and stared at her widely.
“Thank you, Yuu-chan,” she whispered softly and flashed a shy smile before shifting her attention to the shopkeeper.
At that moment, my heart skipped a beat.
Does that mean that I'm beginning to like her?
“I’m done! Let’s go, Yuu-chan,” she said, lacing our fingers together as we walked out of the store.
Just then, from the corner of my eyes, I saw that girl again. Immediately, I recognized her.
Yu-yu…Yuuka…
My eyes widened and my gaze was fixed on her. Just then, I felt Suzuka tightening the hold on my hand and shifted my gaze to her. After walking quite a distance away, I turned around to find the girl disappeared.
It is definitely her. No doubt.
“Yuu-chan…”
Hearing the voice, I averted my attention back to Suzuka.
“Hm?”
I could sense that something was wrong. Instead of staring into my eyes, she was avoiding my gaze.
“You...like her, don’t you?” she asked softly, releasing our laced fingers.
My heart froze instantly and widened my eyes slightly.
“Eh?” I blurted out.
“The person, whom you had given your heart to, was your childhood friend, right?" she asked quietly and horror was written all over my face.
How did she know about it?
“Don’t be mistaken. I didn't gossip about your past,” she said, lowering her gaze.
“I had overheard the conversation between Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun on accident.”
Pressing my lips together, I heaved a sigh. I knew she wasn't the type of girl who would gossip around.
“It’s okay. I’m not angry. I know you won’t gossip behind my back,” I said with a smile.
Even after I had said that, she seemed to fidget uncomfortably. Just as I was about to speak up, she spoke and left me stupefied.
“Yuu-chan, let’s...break up…”
My jaws fell as I stared at her widely.
What on earth is she saying?
“What?” I blurted out with shock clearly written on my face.
Finally, she looked up and our gaze met. Her eyes were watery.
“Before I went to confess to you, I had overheard the conversation between Yamada-kun and Chinen-kun. Despite that, I still summed up my courage to confess. I held onto the dim of hope that I could replace her in your heart. However, I was wrong. So, let’s break up, Yuu-chan,” she explained with a small smile.
I opened my mouth but words were stuck at my throat. Her gaze lingered on mine and flashed a bitter smile.
“You don’t have to comfort me. I knew how much I stood in your heart. I’m letting you go now,” she finished and gave me a hard push on the shoulder.
I stumbled slightly and looked up just in time to see her last smile before walking away. I flashed a smile as my gaze trailed after her back.
I’m sure you’ll find someone who loves you back dearly. Thank you, Suzuka.
----------------------------------------------------------
At last, winter was here. To our surprise, we were given a month’s break from work by Johnny-san. He said it was a form of reward for our hard work during the past many months. After the meeting was over, the other members were discussing about how they should spend the break fruitfully. On the other hand, I was in the midst of thinking whether I should head back to my hometown when Ryosuke called my name out of the blue.
“Yuto?” I snapped out of my thoughts and shifted my gaze to him.
“Yeah?”
“Chii, Dai-chan and I planned to stay in Osaka a few days during the break. Do you want to tag along?” he asked with a smile.
That statement made me hesitated.
Should I follow them or head back to my hometown?
Just then, the scene of her crying at the park under the heavy rain that night appeared in my mind. Although it made my heart torn apart, yet I couldn't bring myself forward and embrace her shivering tiny frame in my arms. A strong sense of regret washed over me and I knew I should head back to my hometown.
This time round, I need to tell her my feelings. I can’t hide it any longer.
“It’s okay. I think I’ll be going back to my hometown during the break,” I answered with an apologetic smile.
I watched the three of them exchanged glances before looking at me.
“I see. Alright then,” he said with a nod.
The next day, I took the earliest train back to my hometown. Upon arriving, I realized how much I had missed the place. On the way back to my house, I headed the same path that would lead past her house. Everything was the same. I heaved a sigh and continued on my tracks without stopping. On the same night, I decided to the head out.
----------------------------------------------------------
Walking along the streets at night, the breeze was definitely freezing cold. I pulled up the scarf around my neck and stuffed both my hands into the pocket. At last, I reached my destination. It was the park that I hadn’t visit for the past four years. I scanned the park and my gaze stopped at a particular bench where a figure appeared. Advancing quietly, I decided to hide behind a tree and peeked out. My jaws dropped slightly when I realized that the figure belonged to her. I didn't expect to meet her there. Then I saw her fingers fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist and narrowed my eyes before gasping softly.
It isn’t a bracelet! It was the misanga that we had received on New Year five years ago!
I looked away and leaned against the tree. Pushing up the sleeves of my winter coat, an identical pair of the misanga appeared before my eyes. Looking up at the sky, my mind drifted back to the time when we received it together.
-Flashback-
We were walking along the stalls when we passed by one that sold misangas. She was tugging my sleeves, telling me to stop and take a look. As we set our eyes on the different varieties of misangas, our hands shot out together, grabbing the same misanga at the same time. Then we stared at each other for a second before I withdrew my hand.
“You should take it,” I said, patting her head lightly.
She stared at the misanga for a brief moment before shifting her gaze to me. Shaking her head, she pushed it into my hand.
“It’s alright. You should take it instead. Besides, it suits you better,” she said with a smile.
Just as I was about to speak, the old lady tending the store spoke up.
“The both of you shouldn’t fight over a misanga,” she said sternly.
“Let me take a look at the misanga you both had chosen.”
I handed the misanga to her and saw her lips curved into a smile before gave a slight nod.
“The both of you’re meant to be together,” she muttered softly and that made my eyes widened.
My heart began to pound faster and I stole a side glance at her. She didn't seem to hear it.
“Eh?” I blurted out.
The old lady took a glance at us before bending down to retrieve something. As she stood up, she stretched out both of her hands.
“The misanga that the both of you had chosen has an identical pair,” she said, placing both of the misangas together and looked at us with a warm smile.
“These two misangas are supposed to be a pair.”
“A pair?” Yuuka asked which earned a nodded from the old lady.
“This pair of misangas is said to be the rarest and luckiest pair. However, nobody chooses them due to its dull colour," she explained and we exchanged glances.
“There was a saying about this pair of misangas," she said mysteriously.
“If both owners of this pair of misangas are of the same gender, they’ll become closest friends. However, if both owners are of the opposite gender, they’ll fall in love with each other and become a couple.”
My heart fluttered and I stole a glance at her once again. To my surprise, her cheeks were tinted with pink and I chuckled softly.
She’s blushing.
“I’ll take it,” I said, taking out my wallet but was stopped by a hand.
“You don’t have to pay, young man. It’s a gift from me to the both of you. Here, take it,” she said warmly and we exchanged glances before giving a small bow.
“Thank you,” we thanked in chorus.
-End of Flashback-
Heaving a heavy sigh, I fiddled with the misanga on my wrist before taking a peek at her again. She appeared to be staring on the ground with a sad expression. A strong urge to run up and envelope into a hug boost. Without having a second thought, I stepped out from my hiding place and headed in her direction slowly. Just then, I stepped on a twig and caught her attention. Upon recognizing that it was me, shock was written all over her face. Swallowing hard, I flashed her favourite smile.
“It’s been a long time, Yuuka-chan.”
“Yu…to…”
My heart skipped a beat when I heard her voice. However, she looked away.
“Why are you here?”
My heart fell and a frown ran across my face.
“What?” I blurted out.
Shifting her gaze to me, I saw hint of anger in her eyes.
“It’s Winter break now. Shouldn’t you be spending your time with your girlfriend? Why did you even bother to return?” she snapped, glaring hard.
Her words made me speechless. My mind was blank. I didn’t expect her to say those things.
“Are you speechless now? It’s getting late. I’m heading home now, bye,” she said while standing up and brushed past me.
As I continued to process her words in my mind, anger boosted within me and I grabbed her wrist tightly. Tightening my grip, I spun her around roughly.
“No, I’m not. Let me explain, Yuuka,” I said firmly, staring into her eyes.
“I’m sorry but there’s nothing left for you to explain. So let go of me! It hurts!” she cried while struggling to pry away from my grip.
Instead, I held it even tighter and began to explain.
I’ve to clear this misunderstanding. I had owed her too much.
“No, you’re wrong. She isn’t my girlfriend. I bore no feelings for her. And I came back because I missed you.”
I felt her froze for a moment before she looked into my eyes and flashed a smirk. My eyes widened, astounded by her reaction.
“She isn't your girlfriend? Oh, I get it. So the famous Nakajima Yuto is now playing with girls' feelings? What a jerk," she commented harshly.
“I-“
“No, you don’t have to explain any further. I’ve finally know the real you. You said that you missed me. Do you use that sentence to get other girls as well? I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not the type of girl who’ll fall easily for this kind of sweet talking,” she added and lowered her gaze at my grip.
“And I’ll very much appreciate it if you’ll let go of me, Nakajima-san.”
With that, she took chance of my loosen grip and flung my hand away. It made me stumbled slightly but my heart was ripped apart by her harsh words.
My confession had turned out to be sweet talking. She even called me a jerk.
How could she say that to me!
Immediately, anger boosted and I pulled her roughly in my embrace before smashing our lips together. She began to pound her fists on my chest continuously but I held her tightly, wrapping one of my arms around her waist and the other behind her head to deepen the kiss. At last, she stopped and I broke off the kiss. Upon opening my eyes, I was astounded to see her tear-stricken face. Before I could react, she slapped me hard on the cheek and the spot began to sting in pain.
“Yuuka…”
“Why? Why didn’t you contact me for the past four years?” she screamed as more tears flowed down her redden cheeks.
I reached out to pull her into an embrace but only to be flung away by her. At that moment, the pain on my cheek was gone, but my heart was ripped further apart.
“I know. It’s my fault. I was a coward to hide my feelings and even made you suffered,” I said softly, but she shook her head.
“No. You don’t understand my feelings at all. Do you know I had been waiting for your mails and messages ever since the day you left?” she shouted hoarsely and took a step back while I was left speechless by her words.
“I’ve been waiting for exactly four years, Yuto. And I’m really tired now. Just let go and forget about me, please," she begged, taking a few more steps back while sobbing uncontrollably.
“No, I can’t. I had missed out my chance four years ago and now that you’re standing right in front of my eyes, I’ll never let you slip away anymore. I don’t wish to live my life in regret, it’s painful,” I said, shaking my head and took a step towards her.
Again, she shook her head.
“Just forget me. It’s really painful. I...I can’t bear the pain anymore. It's suffocating. Please, Yuto…," she begged again, tears continued to spill out from her swollen eyes.
Immediately, I ran up and embraced her tightly.
It’s the same feeling as four years ago. It’s exactly how I felt at that time.
As my warmth enveloped her body, she broke down and began to sob. Each of her sob was like a stab in my heart. Hearing her muffled cries, that was when I knew how much pain she was in for the past four years. Placing my cheek against her head, I stroked her hair gently.
As her sobs became softer, I loosened my grip around her body and lifted her chin lightly with my finger. My heart broke at the sight of her tear-stricken face. Holding her face in my hands, I thumbed away the tears that rolled down her cheeks and pressed my lips over hers softly. It was a tender yet passionate kiss. After I broke away the kiss, I locked our gaze together and found that her cheeks were tint with pink which made her looked even cuter.
“Yuuka, I love you.”
She looked away and blushed harder. However, I lifted her chin lightly and forced our eyes to meet.
“I love you,” I repeated and felt her body shuddered lightly.
Her cheeks flushed another few shades darker and buried her face against my chest. A smile was adorned on my lips as I wrapped my hands around her body protectively and buried my face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent.
“I love you too, Yuto…”
The smile on my lips spread wider and she lifted up her head before leaned in. Our lips met again under the snowy sky.
“I love you and I’ll never let you go.”