oh, no...

[yinface]

i was in a really sad mood yesterday after the play and i think sina was trying to cheer me up, but everything he said just made me sadder and madder. i was feeling just sort of vaguely dejected, but as he tried to "figure out" what was on my mind, he made me realize a bunch of problems i hadn't even thought of! or...he pinpointed them for me in a

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[beckybu2]

this is not an attempt to cheer you up, so don't call me sina if it doesn't. (never call me sina!!!!) (sina, you're awesome.) and i am not saying that any of the following things necessarily pertain to your life or situations, these are just some of my personal situations/musings which your situations/musins reminded me of:
1. last year one of my best friends manipulated me into telling him that i liked him... and i was pretty upset about it, and things were weird for a little while after that and i was worried that was it... but then things stopped being weird and we were just really good friends again. well, things are always weird because it is me and... an israeli, and israelis are just crazy crazy people!
2. i also feel lonely often. i think it is perhaps a plague of the over-active thinker... because however much time i spend with people, there is still so much going on in my head that i don't have a chance to talk about. and of course i don't spend a lot of time with people anyway.
3. i most certainly do not know who i am. i think (hope) that most people our age don't. cliches are usually so prevalent for a reason. and i think it is made harder by the fact that people are complex beings. so if i try to make a generalization about myself and the way i think or feel or act, it is often not actually consistently true. which makes figuring out how to deal with my life more difficult.
4. the fact that i am an extremely critical person makes it harder for me to be completely happy. i am always thinking about how things could be better, which means that i am never totally satisfied, but also means that i am constantly on a quest for improvement, which i hope means it is useful and good in addition to the hardhips it presents. but who knows? i do not.
5. contemplation has value.