(no subject)
Sorry, the last few days I've felt very bad because of my back and neck.
So here's my issue that many of you already know. I love Jarrod. I really care about him a great deal.
Then I met my soulmate.
His name is Court. He's a law student, a FF and anime nerd, has a wonderful part Italian and part Irish family (who've already fixed me three meals) and he makes me melt when he smiles. He's arrogant in a cute, beautiful way, but secretly very vulnerable. He's honest to a tee. He's currently abstaining from sex and doesn't mind that I am doing the same (most likely until marriage or at least an engagement). He respects me and doesn't pressure me or make me feel bad about my faults or things I disagree with him on. He's tall and fit, works out because he cares about his health and his body and the way he's perceived (to a degree -- he'll be damned if he lives based on anyone else). He tickles me until I can barely speak because of my laughter. He and I have intellegent debate on everything, from making babies in a lab to race to the death penalty. He's a religious catholic with vices (he doesn't go to church enough, just like I do) and does want to have children someday. He totally encourages me to follow my dreams of medicine, even telling me that I'd make a great JD as well (for more income). He thinks it's cool that I can name every major bone in the body from the toes up. So cool in fact that he's asked me to do it twice. He loves it when you tickle around the neck. He loves staying out and drinking too much coffee until 3am. He's silly yet serious, emotional yet still the alpha male, and he's so damn funny. He loves the stars. He tells me the god honest truth about my body (he thinks it's beautiful). He loves to dress up when he goes out. He's passionate about everything in his life. He makes me feel really truly alive.
He's perfect for me in every single way. He's not a perfect person, but perfect for me. I swear he's my soulmate.
So I made the decision to end it with Jarrod. He's too far away, too irresponsible, and even though I know I could be happy with him for the rest of my life, I wouldn't feel complete. That and the fact that I know Jarrod does not respect me, because he did not accept my decision to not have sex anymore.
I still feel very sad that I know I'm hurting him. I feel like I should be loyal (even though it's not like I'm screwing around with Court) but I can't do that. I am crazy for this person who's just as into me and absolutely made for me. I am not a fortune teller, so I can't guarantee that this will work the way I want it to (since I am moving 1 1/2 to 2 hours away, not Colorado anymore but to Louisville, KY), but I have a feeling that this will be one of the best things that ever happened to me. If not, he'll be one of the most kick ass friends I'll ever have. And this way I can stay close to my family, my friends (my two closest friends are moving to Louisville as well for work) and my life. And I won't be fucked over by moving to the Springs. Jarrod really fucked me over when he decided he didn't want to live with me just a month before I was supposed to move.
Did I make the right decision? Should I have given it more thought? I still have time to undo some of my choices. But I don't think I am in love with Jarrod. I love him as a person, but I know I don't love him as my soulmate. Because he's not.
So here's my issue that many of you already know. I love Jarrod. I really care about him a great deal.
Then I met my soulmate.
His name is Court. He's a law student, a FF and anime nerd, has a wonderful part Italian and part Irish family (who've already fixed me three meals) and he makes me melt when he smiles. He's arrogant in a cute, beautiful way, but secretly very vulnerable. He's honest to a tee. He's currently abstaining from sex and doesn't mind that I am doing the same (most likely until marriage or at least an engagement). He respects me and doesn't pressure me or make me feel bad about my faults or things I disagree with him on. He's tall and fit, works out because he cares about his health and his body and the way he's perceived (to a degree -- he'll be damned if he lives based on anyone else). He tickles me until I can barely speak because of my laughter. He and I have intellegent debate on everything, from making babies in a lab to race to the death penalty. He's a religious catholic with vices (he doesn't go to church enough, just like I do) and does want to have children someday. He totally encourages me to follow my dreams of medicine, even telling me that I'd make a great JD as well (for more income). He thinks it's cool that I can name every major bone in the body from the toes up. So cool in fact that he's asked me to do it twice. He loves it when you tickle around the neck. He loves staying out and drinking too much coffee until 3am. He's silly yet serious, emotional yet still the alpha male, and he's so damn funny. He loves the stars. He tells me the god honest truth about my body (he thinks it's beautiful). He loves to dress up when he goes out. He's passionate about everything in his life. He makes me feel really truly alive.
He's perfect for me in every single way. He's not a perfect person, but perfect for me. I swear he's my soulmate.
So I made the decision to end it with Jarrod. He's too far away, too irresponsible, and even though I know I could be happy with him for the rest of my life, I wouldn't feel complete. That and the fact that I know Jarrod does not respect me, because he did not accept my decision to not have sex anymore.
I still feel very sad that I know I'm hurting him. I feel like I should be loyal (even though it's not like I'm screwing around with Court) but I can't do that. I am crazy for this person who's just as into me and absolutely made for me. I am not a fortune teller, so I can't guarantee that this will work the way I want it to (since I am moving 1 1/2 to 2 hours away, not Colorado anymore but to Louisville, KY), but I have a feeling that this will be one of the best things that ever happened to me. If not, he'll be one of the most kick ass friends I'll ever have. And this way I can stay close to my family, my friends (my two closest friends are moving to Louisville as well for work) and my life. And I won't be fucked over by moving to the Springs. Jarrod really fucked me over when he decided he didn't want to live with me just a month before I was supposed to move.
Did I make the right decision? Should I have given it more thought? I still have time to undo some of my choices. But I don't think I am in love with Jarrod. I love him as a person, but I know I don't love him as my soulmate. Because he's not.