Is it the color of my hair?
First day of classes is going pretty smooth. One of my classes was five minutes long. I don't think the teacher even introduced himself. I think the worst part of it was the drive up here because I kept on freaking out over how bad this day was going to be. I did take some precautionary measures and bought some (MAXIMUM strength) Pepto Bismol and downed half the bottle before I got into Purdue. I think Ms. Bismol is going to be my new best friend and savior.
But, not everything is going swell. Walking to and from class, I walk past several booths and kiosks on the sidewalk with people promoting different clubs, organizations, and such. There was one that caught my eye just because of the handful of yellow people that where handing out flyers. This was the booth for the asian (-interest) sorority/fraternity. I took a quick glance at it and walked away. It isn't anything that i'm interested in joining.
I had a little bit of time before my next class began so I sat under this giant tree that was near the booth although it was facing the opposite direction. Then I saw something at work. An asian guy hiding behind some bushes speaking giddily into his cell phone was pointing at a very pretty asian girl standing on the other side of the bushes. Then, the representatives from the sorority came running (one on her cell phone) and did some serious invasion of personal space. The asian guy/spy was all smiles. Funny really.
After watching all of this occur, I got this funny feeling in my stomach (no, it wasn't because of the Bismol).
Now wait a minute. Hold on right there. WHY DIDN'T I GET THE SAME TREATMENT!?
Yeah, that does sound a bit "full-of-it", doesn't it? This girl was PRETTY. Like, whoa. And I don't mean to compare myself to her. Still... a simple recognition of the fact that I am asian and a female would have been nice.
The fact is, even if they did attack me with their flyers and promise me all the sushi in the world, I still wouldn't join (well... the sushi part would be a little tempting) it's really not my thing. Yet there is this part of me that feels like such a failure. Am I not pretty enough? Cool enough? Smart enough? Can they see that I don't know jack about computers or math? Can they smell that I don't eat rice every singe day (maybe just five times a week)? AM I JUST NOT ASIAN ENOUGH???????
So... do I just let it go? or, do I walk past their booth several more times to see if I catch anyone's eyes? It is very possible that the sun was in their eyes when I walked past the first time, right?
.... what bothers me the most about this whole stupid thing is that it bothers me. And I'm not even interested in joining.
But, not everything is going swell. Walking to and from class, I walk past several booths and kiosks on the sidewalk with people promoting different clubs, organizations, and such. There was one that caught my eye just because of the handful of yellow people that where handing out flyers. This was the booth for the asian (-interest) sorority/fraternity. I took a quick glance at it and walked away. It isn't anything that i'm interested in joining.
I had a little bit of time before my next class began so I sat under this giant tree that was near the booth although it was facing the opposite direction. Then I saw something at work. An asian guy hiding behind some bushes speaking giddily into his cell phone was pointing at a very pretty asian girl standing on the other side of the bushes. Then, the representatives from the sorority came running (one on her cell phone) and did some serious invasion of personal space. The asian guy/spy was all smiles. Funny really.
After watching all of this occur, I got this funny feeling in my stomach (no, it wasn't because of the Bismol).
Now wait a minute. Hold on right there. WHY DIDN'T I GET THE SAME TREATMENT!?
Yeah, that does sound a bit "full-of-it", doesn't it? This girl was PRETTY. Like, whoa. And I don't mean to compare myself to her. Still... a simple recognition of the fact that I am asian and a female would have been nice.
The fact is, even if they did attack me with their flyers and promise me all the sushi in the world, I still wouldn't join (well... the sushi part would be a little tempting) it's really not my thing. Yet there is this part of me that feels like such a failure. Am I not pretty enough? Cool enough? Smart enough? Can they see that I don't know jack about computers or math? Can they smell that I don't eat rice every singe day (maybe just five times a week)? AM I JUST NOT ASIAN ENOUGH???????
So... do I just let it go? or, do I walk past their booth several more times to see if I catch anyone's eyes? It is very possible that the sun was in their eyes when I walked past the first time, right?
.... what bothers me the most about this whole stupid thing is that it bothers me. And I'm not even interested in joining.