Why does being sad make you sick?
I am sitting in front of my computer forcing myself to write this entry. my heart is soo full of sadness right now, i don't know if it will ever heal. i feel so disconected from everyone back home. when i return half of them will be gone, for who knows how long. reading all my friends entries makes me even more homesick. chloe talking about saying goodbye to everyone, and i don't even get to be there for it. i hardly even got to say goodbye to her. as i am writing this i can hardly see the screen through all my tears...why does this summer have to be like this? it makes me sick with sadness just thinking about everything that i am missing. i have no one to comfort me either. no loving friends to hold my hand or be a shoulder for me to cry on. i am half way across the fucking country!! i cannot stand it out here anymore. i feel like an empty shell. there is nothing iside of me anymore....nothing. my mother doesn't even call or e-mail me anymore! i had to find out about this new boy from my freaking cousin!! i don't know why i even bother anymore to keep connected with people. not when they don't even try to stay connected with me. why do i even bother keeping this fucking journal updated!?! no one reads it! i sure as hell don't do it so i know what is going on in my life! now my sadness has transformed into rage..another unhealthly emotion. i tried opium for the first time on monday night. it wasn't the dried stuff you smoke, it was fresh from the plant and i had to eat it. the mose bitter nasty taste ever. it made me sick trying to eat the stuff, but afterwards, that's another story. i have never had such an awesome high like that before. my whole body felt good, not just my head. the only side effect of eating opium. is the neausea. i got really sick at the end and ended up throwing up..a lot. but it was worth it.it helped me to forget everything for a couple of hours. i needed the escape that opium so nicely provided. sadly it only lasted for 6 hours...i wish it had never stopped. that was the only thing new, intersting, exciting, whatever..that i have done since i got here. sounds like my life is just a riot, huh? well i guess, it is time for me to stop writing and go be lonely and sad in my basement bedroom now. not that anyone would care....not even my own mother......