The Star and His Moon
THE STAR AND HIS MOON
Part 7
When they neared the Great Hall to get their breakfast that morning, they can see an unexpected person waiting in front of the door, seemingly waiting for someone. As soon as Tim Jennings spotted the four of them, he straightened himself and started to approach them before stopping to stand in front of Remus. Jennings clearly felt as bad about the break-up as Remus was, probably even worse, if the state of his tired eyes were to go by, and Sirius couldn’t help but felt bad about how the other boy must’ve felt. Remus still hasn’t told him anything about what happened between him and his ex-boyfriend and Sirius knew that such a thing needed time and he didn’t want to rush him into speaking and feeling uncomfortable in the process.
But that didn’t stop him from turning tense at Jennings’ words.
“Remus, may I please speak to you for a moment?”
He knew that whatever unresolved issues that the pair has had to be solved or they won’t be going forward and he accepted that. But the thought of Remus being alone with the other boy so soon after their break-up…
It was at this moment that Remus turned to him, his eyes asking for Sirius’ permission. He knew that if he so much as let loose a fraction of his current feelings, Remus wouldn’t agree to the Ravenclaw’s request. It made his feelings somewhat calmer at knowing that Remus still considered him to be his first priority. That it was his opinion and thoughts that counted. He managed to release a rather genuine smile in his boyfriend’s direction, his eyes showing all the trust he can bring himself to give to the other, before moving on into the Great Hall; dragging a somewhat annoyed James and worried Peter along with him.
“Sirius, are you sure it’s okay for you to leave them alone just like that?” James asked as soon as they were out of the earshot of the two students standing outside the Great Hall.
“What do you want me to do, Prongs? Say no and leave their issues unresolved like this? Jennings had been Remus’ boyfriend for the past few months and until last night.”
It was as if a sudden light bulb went off on top of his friend’s head.
“Oh Merlin, you feel bad about being Remus’ boyfriend so soon after they broke up! You actually didn’t think you should be his boyfriend yet!”
“Oh, shut up, Potter.”
James sobered up, “But seriously though, you shouldn’t be feeling bad. It was clear from the start that Remus had never held strong feelings towards Jennings, no matter how hard he tried. You can see that the depth of his affection had always been somewhat…less than what he has towards us. Much less.”
Sirius hesitantly nodded and James finally got it.
“But then again, you were probably too blinded by jealousy and too heart-broken to see the truth, huh?”
Sirius sighed before nodded once in defeat. It seemed like there was no point for him to lie to James about it anyway; he’ll just get the truth out of him sooner or later.
“Well, that’s all in the past. You’re with Moony now and there shouldn’t be anything that Jennings can do,” James stated cheerfully.
“Because if he tried, James and I are going to make sure that he would finally understand the meaning of the word pain,” Peter continued suddenly with an innocent smile that belied his words. Sirius and James’ eyes widened in surprise at the usually timid boy’s words.
Sirius smiled, “Oh, how I do adore you, Wormy!” He exclaimed before tugging the other boy into a one-armed hug that the smallest Marauder returned with a laugh.
“So? What was it that you want to talk to me about?” Remus asked in as neutral of a tone as he could manage.
“Remus, I - I still don’t understand why we have to break up. I mean - I love you! Why am I not enough? Why do you care for Sirius so much?”
Remus couldn’t help himself from feeling guilty. But remembering what happened the night before, he allowed himself a momentary anger.
“So? What was it that you wanted to ask me about?” Remus asked as soon as they started walking away from Sirius.
“Well, I actually wanted to ask you about next week’s Hogsmeade weekend and as to where you would like us to go to. But now? Now I just want to know what the hell you were doing with Black all alone in Forbidden forest,” Jennings answered with no small amount of jealousy in his voice.
“I was just trying to help James and Peter from finding Sirius because he’d been missing for awhile from the dorm. They were getting worried and I happened to be lucky.”
“Really? Is that all? Because the two of you were looking really cozy just then.”
Remus turned his head sideways to face his boyfriend. This amount of jealousy out of such a small thing was completely out of character for the other boy. He knew that he was probably at fault; after all, he’d very nearly voiced his feelings towards his best friend despite the fact that he already has a caring boyfriend to think about.
“Are you implying that I was cheating behind your back? And with Sirius, my best friend, no less?”
“Not you. I know you would never do such a thing, Remus. It’s him I don’t trust. After all, he’s always been a playboy and maybe now that you’re finally going out with someone else and has someone who’s in higher priority than him, he probably got jealous. He could very well have tried to lure you away from me. After all, he’s a Black; attention-seeking and selfish to the core,” Jennings sneered.
Uncontrollable anger consumed the werewolf.
“Don’t you dare say such a thing about Sirius.”
Jennings seemed genuinely surprised. He’d really thought that the other boy would be on his side. Remus had been getting further and further away from the bad influence of those Marauder friends of his, after all.
“What? Remus, surely you don’t think that he’s good? He’s a Black! He’s a Slytherin at heart!”
“You don’t know anything about him!” Remus shouted in anger. “Don’t just assume on things you know nothing about! You’ve never tried to befriend him despite his effort and so you have no right to say anything of the sort about my. Best. Friend,” Remus stated through gritted teeth.
“I don’t understand! You were supposed to be on my side! Why are you defending him when he clearly betrayed you?”
Remus laughed a short, bitter laugh.
“Because I know that he would do the same for me. If I were to be the one who betrayed him, he would never turn his back on me when I needed it the most. He’s caring and loyal to the core, very much unlike what you just said about him, Tim.”
“Remus! He. Betrayed. You. I thought it would be clear that he’s no such things?”
“You don’t understand him and you don’t know him. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Tim. We’re already reaching the school and I don’t want us to be having an argument in front of other students.”
“Fine. But this conversation is not over. We’re taking this after dinner, Remus.”
“Fine.”
They were silent throughout dinner and as soon as they were finished, they found themselves hiding within one of the empty classrooms near the Ravenclaw tower.
“So? Can you tell me just why it is that you were suddenly acting so jealous towards Sirius?” Remus asked as soon as the door was closed behind them.
“Isn’t it obvious, Remus? That boy fancies you! He knows that you already have a boyfriend, and yet he still tried to get closer to you and you were always paying attention to him! What part of that is not supposed to make me jealous?”
Eyes wide in shock at the repeated statement of Sirius’ feelings towards him, this time coming from his own boyfriend, Remus was speechless for a few moments. “What -?”
“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Remus. Don’t tell me you never realised after all this time just how much attention he showered you with? That isn’t something that you do towards someone who was merely a best friend, Remus. Sirius Black fancies you. You just have to see the right moments and you’ll get it right away.”
“So what you’re saying is that my best friend, Sirius, somehow has feelings for me and you’re jealous because I don’t seem to be stopping him from his advances or whatever it is?”
"Well, yes. I think it's quite normal for me to feel uneasy over the amount of affection you're giving him."
"He's one of my best friends! Of course I'm going to be affectionate towards him. In-between us, there isn't anything else but friendship and it would be good if you could please get rid of this unreasonable jealousy. You can't just make it into whatever truth suits your fancy. Sirius fancying me. Honestly."
"Unreasonable? I'm being unreasonable because I want my boyfriend to pay more attention to me, his boyfriend, rather than his best friend?"
"Well, I don't see-"
"Yes, that's it! You don't see, Remus! How can you still blind towards Black's feelings towards you even when you saw with your own two eyes that he'd go as far as secretly shoving a potion down your throat just to confess and take you away from me-"
"Wait a minute, for confessing? I thought you told me that they were using that potion to make me agree to help them disturb Snape even though I specifically told them not to?"
Jennings fell into an uneasy silence.
"Tim? You said you heard them plotting behind my back! What was that all about if the potion was for confessing his feelings?"
"...was...lie..." Jennings murmured.
"You lied! You made me lose my trust in them so that I would distance myself. All because of your jealousy! You would go that far?" The last question was uttered in a soft, unbelieving tone.
“I didn’t mean it to get this bad, Remus! I promise! I -“
“I don’t want to hear any more excuses from you. From now on, we’re through,” Remus’ cold voice cut through his apology.
Jennings went pale, “Remus! I-I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! Please, give me a second chance! I love you! Does that not mean anything to you? Remus?”
A short, sharp and bitter laugh came from the direction of the brown-haired boy.
“Love me? Is that how you show your love? By bringing unhappiness to your loved one? If that is so, I’m sorry to say that I’m not that kind, Tim. I’m not kind enough to forget and forgive you just like that when you’ve made me hurt my friends.”
“But, Remus - Surely their importance -“
“They’re the most important people in my life, Tim. Without them, I’m nothing. And you’re right, I do care for Sirius more than anyone else but I would’ve tried to care for you too. Because I do consider you to be special. Now, it’s too late. It’s over, Tim. Goodbye.”
“Wait, Remus! Remus, please…Remus!”
Remus remained silent.
“I told you, didn’t I? It’s over for us. There is no need for you to try to fix us because there’s nothing that you can do to fix it, Tim.”
“But surely you can bring it in yourself to forgive me? Slowly is fine, but I just - I love you and I want us to be together again, Remus. I love you.”
Remus felt somewhat guilty despite his best intention to stay angry at the boy who’d lied and broke his trust. The hurt was palpable and clear, but the anger…He always felt guilty over the lack of love he felt for the other boy throughout the course of their relationship, but he wasn’t lying when he told him that he was trying. He really tried to care for the other boy and even if he might never cared to Tim more than he cared for Sirus, there might come a time when he would be able to care for them equally. There may come a time when his love for Tim would grow and blossom.
But now it was too late. Unlike his best friends that he could forgive for most of the hurt they caused him throughout the years, Tim hasn’t given him time to trust him enough for him to forgive his mistakes. They had only started to get closer and he ended up doing the one thing Remus would find it the hardest in himself to forgive him for. If there was one thing he hated more than anything would be when someone tried to sabotage his relationship with Sirius and thus caused hurt to appear in those beautiful silver eyes. Sirius was clearly hurt because of the misunderstanding that Tim had caused. His words had made Remus utter those hurtful words towards his Sirius.
“I’m sorry, Tim. I really am. But, it’s too late. Because you were right; Sirius does love me. And I love him.”
“You - You’re with him?! How could you, Remus? How could you?!”
Jennings turned to start running towards the Ravenclaw tower, no doubt feeling utterly hurt and betrayed. But more than anything, the one thing that caused the deepest pain in Remus’ heart were his last words. It was just three little words. Three little, hurtful words.
“I hate you, Remus Lupin! I hate you!”
And Remus’ whisper fell into deaf ears, “Then may this hate cause you happiness once the pain is over.”
Sirius was getting worried. It had been close to fifteen minutes and Remus’ profile still hasn’t shown itself in the Great Hall. While James and Peter didn’t have any trouble eating the maple syrup coated pancakes that appeared on their plates, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to even pretend that he can taste what he’d been actually putting in his mouth. All he could taste was worry.
He let go of a breath he didn’t realise he was holding in when he saw a familiar mop of brown hair appeared near the entrance. He was one step away from moving himself and seeing that Remus seemed almost just like before calmed him more than anything. He knew that something important had probably happened because he could see the pain and regret in those loved brown eyes. Within seconds, their gaze had met and a mutual understanding that they would talk about this once Remus deemed himself capable and they were in a private environment passed in-between them as swift and naturally as water flowing down a river.
Soon enough all four of them enjoyed their breakfast and it was as if the past few weeks had never happened. The Marauders’ corner in the Great Hall was once again filled with raucous laughter of the four best friends.
A red-haired someone sitting few seats down released a small relieved and fond smile.
Thank god everything’s come back to normal. Maybe it’s time for me to finally make the final move on these growing feelings for Potter.
TBC
Part 8