The Star and His Moon
THE STAR AND HIS MOON
Part 3
They were standing in front of the Fat Lady with James calling out the password when they heard a familiar voice calling for Sirius.
"Black! You're here!"
Lily Evans, face red and breath heavy from running, came to a halt in front of them. It wasn't unusual for her to ask for Sirius. They were clearly close enough to be considered friends, but they had never got out of the habit of calling each other by their last names for reasons unknown to anyone aside from the two. For Lily to be openly showing her need for Sirius, however, was something unusual.
"Evans? What is it? I thought you're busy doing your project?"
"I need your help! I just realised that a crucial part of my potion need to be brewed by someone- by someone exactly like you. It needs two people. Come with me?"
"And what do I get from doing this for you?" Sirius asked playfully. Despite his words, he was already starting to move towards the direction that Lily steered him to.
"You think of something! I'll do a request of yours as a return of favour," Lily replied quickly and easily. It wasn't long before the pair of them disappears at a turn in the corridor. But it wasn't before Sirius managed to pause in his walk and gestured towards his three friends to go in the tower without him.
"What was that all about?" James asked after a few seconds of silence following the departure of the two potions students.
Remus shrugged as his answer. Potions had never been his forte and he doubted that he'd understand what that pair was going to engage in. Something complicated no doubt, knowing Lily's love for a challenge.
"I think it would be better if we don't know," Peter answered.
"Wise answer, Pete." Remus grinned.
James seemed to shake himself out of his reverie and the trio entered the tower to hide away for the night. The fire in the common room's fireplace was already blazing, creating a comfortable cocoon of warmth all around. They decided to lounge around in front of the fireplace instead of climbing up into their dorm room straight away.
While James and Peter were involved in a chess match, Remus brought his books and quill over and started on his DADA essay. It was a peaceful night with no pranks or detention to be carried out. It was on nights like these that Sirius' presence could be felt strongly. His lively nature made even quiet evening like this become somewhat exciting.
It made the fact of his absence even more pronounced than usual.
Remus cursed his mind for wandering; and he felt somewhat embarrassed in realising just how much he relied on Sirius to keep him from being a quiet recluse over the years. James and Peter knew how to be quiet when needed, but Sirius had always failed at that. In most days Remus found this aspect of his best friend somewhat annoying -if not adorable; not that he'd ever admit thinking it- but he was somewhat thankful of it.
This ability of Sirius forced him to open up; to become close to the other three Marauders and made them what they were: four pranksters who could read each other like books despite having individualities as different as the sky and the earth.
James maybe seen as the charismatic leader out of the four of them, but Sirius was the source of laughter and giddiness that made them them. Marauders.
"So, you need someone who's, not only a virgin, but also have never kissed anyone before. Can't you ask anyone else, Evans? I'm sure there surely are girls who haven't snog anyone yet," Sirius complained upon learning about Lily's reason.
"Well, yeah, but none of them would be as skilled in potion as you. I need someone who knew what they're required to do. This is a complex potion and I don't want to muck it up," replied Lily in a straight tone while unlocking the door to a potion classroom.
Sirius 'harrumphed' and crossed his arms, but all the while continued to follow the red-haired girl inside. He knew just how important this potions assignment was and he was secretly glad that the other girl trust him above all others.
"Okay, but you're listening and doing whatever request I feel like giving you. Okay?"
"Yes, yes," Lily answered distractedly, having most of the attention taken by her potion.
"What kind of potion are you making anyway? The specificity of its brewer must mean that it's something...don't tell me, are you making unicorn-perfume?"
Lily grinned.
"Why, you tricky girl!" Exclaimed Sirius with a grin before continuing, "What are you planning to do with it? Aside from the obvious, that is."
"Oh, I don't really have anything specific in mind when I chose it. I just knew that it'll give me the top mark. And I'll end up with a valuable potion."
"Hmmm."
"What about you, Black? What potion did you make?"
"You'll see on the day," Sirius replied with a smirk. Lily rolled her eyes and went back to her potion; knowing clearly that she'll never get the answer out of him when he was being his secretive self.
It wasn't until fifteen minutes later that Sirius' aid was required; and he was pleased to be able to say that the potion was finished perfectly. Lily smiled widely, clearly giddy with her success that'll earn her one of the top marks. Knowing that his job there was done, he was just going to excuse himself when the red-haired girl's question cut off his train of thought.
"So? What help do you need from me?"
Sirius shook his head. He honestly had been joking when he'd said that. There was nothing that he wanted that could be achieved through sheer will and help alone. Because the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world was something that had been taken by someone else.
"Oh, come on, Black. Don't tell me you were helping me simply from the goodness of your heart?"
Even though he knew that the words were uttered in a jest, it didn't fail to cause a stab into his heart. Too late, his face had shown this feeling before he could hide it away like usual. These past few days of hiding away his feelings seem to have been taken their toll on him.
Lily paused in her speech, her eyes widening at seeing the undisguised hurt that appeared in those grey orbs. This was something that had never happened before; Sirius wasn't someone who would let emotions other than giddiness and anger show in his face. Hurt had never been in the equation when they were together.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it Sirius. I-"
Lily's half-formed apology was waved aside by the raven-haired boy. He knew about it already; and even if he didn't, her use of his given name would have given it away. The pair of them hardly calls each other by anything other than their respective family names and a breach of this unspoken rule was a rarity that accompanied honest and serious words.
He put on his smile and waved away her frown. He pretended not to have realise the unspoken Is there something wrong? that was present in the worried green gaze boring into his.
"Okay, it's getting late and we should be heading back. Pack up your precious potion away, Evans. Was there anything in there that'll throw havoc if reacted with magical cleaning?" Lily shook her head in negative and with a swish and a flick of Sirius' wand; the whole room that had previously been messy cleaned itself. There was no sign of any potion brewing aside from the last lingering odour of unicorn potion.
They walked up the stairs towards the dorms with a comfortable pace despite the elephant that was present between them. Stepping past the portrait, they saw the other three Marauders sitting in a circle with a few other students enjoying themselves in a game of exploding snap; Remus having been tempted away from his essay by his other two friends.
"Well, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, just know that I'll always be here, Sirius," Lily whispered; the tone of her words surprisingly fond.
"Thanks, Lils," Sirius replied in his most sincere tone despite the ever-present teasing smile on his face. Lily simply rolled her eyes and stepped past the students making a circle on the dormitory rug with a greeting and a smile; before walking up the stairs towards her room.
Grinning down at the circle of people engrossed in their cards, Sirius decided to head in for the night. Unlike usual, he really wasn't in the mood for any socialising or joking around tonight. The incident with Lily was a close call and he didn't want anybody else seeing his unguarded expression by accident. He was just lucky Lily was the type that could bring a secret to her grave. She was one of the few people that Sirius could trust with a secret; if and when he decided to reveal any of his.
"Oi, Padfoot, you're not joining in?"
James' voice reached his ears as he started to climb up the stairs. He turned to find most of the people had paused in their game and looked at him with identical expression of curiosity; after all, it had never been known for Sirius to turn down a game of snap.
"Nah, I think I'll tuck in for the night. I'm feeling sleepy. I'll see you guys tomorrow morning," he replied with a fake yawn and a smile.
He didn't feel the worried, amber gaze that followed his figure up the stairs.
Waking up the next morning, Sirius felt more refreshed than he'd felt for the past few weeks. He opened his bed-curtains to find the others still dozing in, no doubt sleeping late from the game last night. Grinning at this rare occasion of having long bathroom time for himself this morning, he tip-toed his way into the showers. He hardly ever has time for a nice, long hot shower in the morning and he took the outmost advantage of it this morning.
Stroking himself into full hardness, he let his imagination roam free; safe and secure in the knowledge of the locked bathroom door and the noise of the water to drown any of the questionable sounds that he might've emitted. Unquestionably, it was Remus' image that appeared in his mind. It was his smile and his surprisingly fit body that Sirius could secretly peek at during their showers together that made him moan. He let his guilty pleasure consume him; imagining his best friend standing there behind him, holding him close and trailing those piano fingers all over his body; stroking him, fondling his balls and trailing even lower. It was this phantom touch towards his sensitive skin that brought him into a sudden climax.
But it was Sirius' own mind that turned that pleasing after-glow into a cold reality of having lost the possible chance of ever turning those phantom touches into reality. He cursed his rational mind on the time when he didn't want it to be so. Sighing at the loss of having this morning turning even better; he scrubbed himself clean from any evidence of what he'd gotten up to that morning and dried himself brusquely before donning on his uniform.
He stepped out of the steaming bathroom and breathed a silent sigh of relief at finding his other three friends still deep within the land of comfortable pillows and restful sleep. Knowing that Remus will most definitely woke the three of them up on time, Sirius decided to walk down towards breakfast by himself.
To his uncomfortable surprise, he could see Jennings between the few early-risers that had already seated themselves on the Great Hall's dining tables. He didn't know as to whether he should approach the other boy at all; not wanting to seem rude, but also not wanting to come into a confrontation with Remus' boyfriend. He decided against it, choosing to sit himself on the Marauders' usual spot. He was just lucky that Jennings was sitting on the Ravenclaw table, giving him a reason not to join the other boy if questioned.
He was helping himself to that morning's breakfast of French toast and scrambled eggs when he felt a sudden presence to his left. His gut feeling knew who it was, but he was hoping he would be wrong. But luck didn't seem to be on his side that morning because he found himself coming face to face with the new addition to their group.
He forced himself to smile before greeting the other boy, "Morning, Jennings. Lovely weather this morning, isn't it?"
However, it wasn't the usual smile that replied to his question that morning, but rather a cold scowl that looked so foreign on the usually soft boy's face. Sirius knew it was coming. It was inevitable, really, he shouldn't have expected anything different. He sent a quick prayer and hope for the best. Merlin help me.
"Okay, Black, I'm not going to twiddle my words around here. I'm going to go straight to the point. I'm here to warn you that Remus already has a boyfriend, which is me, and I would appreciate it if you would stop trying to put your moves on him."
Sirius gaped in surprise. He expected lots of things from this confrontation; from angry whispers to hateful shouts, but in a hundred years, he'd never expected Jennings to accuse him of putting his moves on Remus. The idea was preposterous!
"Are you kidding me? Who told you that I'm trying to put any move on Remus? The idea had never even crossed my mind! I knew he was dating you from the first day that you guys had been together, why would I do such a thing?"
Jennings rolled his eyes, "Don't play coy with me, Black. It's obvious that you want him and you are probably jealous of me. So the idea isn't so ridiculous when you put it in that light, is it?"
Sirius barked out a short, dry laugh, "I'm jealous of you and so I decided to put my move on Remy now of all times? If I wanted to, I could've done it for the past six years we've been best friends! Give me some credit; even I'm not that much of a bastard!"
"But you didn't deny the fact that you're clearly in love with him? That you harbour feelings for him? Don't you feel ashamed, Black? Having secret, perverted feelings for your best friend who trusted you the most?"
Sirius felt his patience thinning, "Okay, you listen here, Jennings. I'll be blunt with you. I don't care about whatever the hell could happen to you or your feelings. But I care a hell of a lot about Remus', alright? He chose you, and if you make him happy, I'm happy with whatever he chose, because his happiness is mine. Got it? So get over your bouts of insecurities, it's unbecoming. I'll tell you straight and clear that yes, I do fancy Moony, but I would not try to break the two of you up. I hope I make myself clear."
Jennings seemed affronted at Sirius' words and he opened his mouth for another retort, but Sirius cut him off before the words was formed. "And if you felt like telling Remus about your finding or whatever today, just remember that I wasn't the one who started this. And if the worst scenario happened, just think; who'll Moony trust more? Me, his best friend who'd been with him for nearly half of his life; or you, his boyfriend of a few months? Think it clearly, Jennings. You're smart, I'm sure you'll figure it out in no time."
Sirius stood up from the bench, his appetite gone for the time being. "Now if you'll excuse me. I have some friends to go back to."
With a tightly reined anger, Sirius walked back up towards the dorm in a brisk pace. Even though he had a feeling that this forced truce wouldn't last for long, it felt good to let go some of his irritation towards the other boy for once.
"Sirius, I don't understand! Why are you and Tim being like this with each other?"
Sirius refused to budge from his position on the bed; turned away from Remus. He didn't have to see Remus' face to know that the other boy was frowning worriedly; his tone of voice was a giveaway. After studying the other boy for so long, Sirius could tell Remus' expressions with his eyes closed.
He knew he was going to feel so much guiltier if he so much as caught a glimpse of his best friend's face. Right at this moment, it felt as if his stomach had turned into stone and lodged at the bottom of his feet already.
In turning himself away from that handsome face, he could find the courage to stand firm in his cold attitude, "Why don't you ask Jennings about it instead? He'll surely give you a good reason," he mumbled darkly.
"Well, that's just it! He wouldn't tell me what was wrong either and the two of you are driving me mad!" The exasperated voice shouted. It was very unlike the quiet werewolf to raise his voice; the fact that he shouted must've meant that he was standing at the edge of his rope of patience.
"I'm sorry if I don't feel like divulging this information to you, Moony, but it's not exactly something that I could explain to you without you reacting negatively."
Sirius could hear footsteps moving around the room and, upon feeling the curtain of his bed shifting, automatically opened his eyes; only to find himself suddenly face to face with Remus who was kneeling at the side of his bed; his expression pleading.
"Can you at least try to get along then? Just like before? Because the gap between the two of you are making everyone worry."
"He doesn't like me, Remus, so I don't see the point. I did try to befriend him before, as you'll recall."
Remus sighed; his face looked tired and worn out. It seemed like the cold war between Jennings and himself affected Remus more than they initially expected.
After their confrontation in the Great Hall a few weeks back, Sirius had tried his best in treating the Ravenclaw boy with the same manner as before. He could also see Jennings trying to do the same; both boys didn't want to hurt the one boy who held both of their affections.
But two weeks in, which was last week, Jennings seemed to have given up in his charade in befriending Sirius. The black-haired boy didn't know what caused it, but it was the start of the fallout that occurred between the two boys.
Sirius mentally sighed, already knowing the outcome of any attempt he could've made to become close with the other boy again. It was useless. Jealousy is an ugly thing that won't leave the person it possesses so easily.
"I can try. Mind you, Remus, try. But if it doesn't work out, it's not my fault. I warned you already and I'm not taking responsibility."
Remus nodded enthusiastically, simply happy for having his request listened to.
'Well, at least I proved that I was right.'
Just as he had predicted, trying to befriend the Ravenclaw had been a very bad idea. The other boy had been suspicious when Sirius greeted everyone (himself included) instead of individuals' names like what he had been doing the past week or so.
When Sirius acted as if their cold war had never been there and tried to strike up a conversation, Jennings had been less than happy. Remembering what had happened brought a headache in the size of Hogwarts even now.
"So, Jennings, have you finished your Divination essay?"
Jennings turned to look at Sirius suspiciously, "Yeah. Why?"
"Nothing. Just asking," Sirius replied easily with a shrug of his shoulders.
"What are you trying to do now, Black? I'm not buying your innocent act even the slightest bit."
"Godric, I can't even be friendly with you without your sharp tongue attacking, can I? Remus was worried about us, he doesn't want us to keep on fighting anymore. I don't get why you're still pissed at me. I thought we agreed on a truce?"
"Oh, I see your real motive here. You must be trying to get into Remus' good grace. What are you planning to do by being nice to me? Use it to your advantage when you feel like badmouthing me? Wanting to be seem like the nice one out of the two of us, don't you?"
Sirius had groaned in exasperation and muttered a quietly annoyed, "Just do and think what you want. I don't want to have anything with you anymore," before promptly walking off.
"Well, I don't want to have anything to do with you either!" Sirius heard upon walking further away from the other boy.
He sighed for the umpteenth time.
This is what he gets for agreeing with Remus' request.
"Okay, Padfoot, we really have to do something about the sub-zero temperature present between you and Jennings," James, who was currently sitting on the edge of his bed, stated.
This time, Sirius released a long and pained groan out loud.
"What? I think my request is reasonable."
"No, it's not, James. Not when the said boy does not want to accept any token of friendship from me. Just leave it. I tried few times already, but it's not working."
"Hmmm, and why is it not working? Is there something you're not telling me here, Pads? If he was simply jealous from his paranoia at seeing you and Remus being cozy in an alcove, it shouldn't stay this long."
"Remus and I weren't being cozy! How many times must I tell you that before the concept goes into your head, Prongs?"
"Yeah, yeah. So you keep saying. But that wasn't my main point, was it?"
"Well, nothing really happened. I think he's being childish."
"Mm-hmm. Are you sure it's only him being childish? It's not because you might've told him something to make him act this way?"
"What? What made you think so?" Sirius could feel nervous sweat starting to gather on the top of his head. He really didn't need James to find out about his confrontation with Jennings; because it'll lead to him finding out about Sirius' more than platonic feelings towards their mutual best friend.
"Well, I really don't think Jennings is that unreasonable. There must be a deeper reason than his paranoia... Unless, said paranoia is not a paranoia? Sirius?"
Sirius had gone from healthy, flushed pale into ghostly pale in a span of a second.
"So there is something of a truth in that... Padfoot..."
"Drop it! James, just...drop it. Please..."
This surprised James, because while Sirius does occasionally beg for something in a joking manner, it had never been like this. Sirius was completely serious. And while this pun usually made James smiled and tease the other boy, this time it didn't elicit the same reaction.
"Sirius, you know that you can trust me...right? You know that you can tell me anything and I'll be sure to never tell a soul about it if you ask me to."
Sirius' bowed head silently nodded.
"Well then, you should also know that I would never walk away from you? That I'll always be on your side no matter what happens?"
"Well, yeah, but..."
"Then no buts. If there is something that's bothering you, you should always tell me! You do trust me, don't you?"
"Well, of course I do! You're a brother to me, Prongs!" Sirius replied quickly and firmly.
"Now that's settled, you should tell me what this whole mess between Jennings and you is all about then."
Sirius moved to open his mouth, only to close it back again. He was in loss for words. He wanted so badly for James to understand and accept him if he revealed his hidden secret, but even though he trusted the other boy with his life, he still didn't want to blurt out the fact about his affections towards their werewolf friend in a sudden manner.
"Well, James, don't be too freaked out by this, but I think I'm in love with-"
"Remus?"
He shot his head towards the direction of his best friend's face; the disbelieving expression painted on his feature being the opposite of his friend's knowing smirk.
"You...knew?"
"Well, I've been wondering for a long time. Then there were signs that made me almost a hundred percent sure all this time. But no; I never knew without any doubt. I simply assumed through watching you."
"You- You- And yet you made me worry all this time as to whether knowing this will make you hate me or not! Why didn't you hint it or something?"
"Well...It's not easy opening up a conversation like that between the two of us, you know. I just didn't know how," replied James with a sheepish scratching of the back of his neck.
"Oh, Bollocks." With that statement voiced in an incredulous tone, Sirius threw himself backwards onto his bed. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath in relief.
"Well, now that this is clear, I'm assuming Jennings somehow knew about your feelings? Is that why he'd been acting like an ice pole towards you?"
"Well, yeah. He confronted me about my feelings because he felt suspicious. I didn't deny it. Thus, we got to this point, Mr. Prongs."
"Don't be a smart arse. We got to this point due to your and Jennings' childish dislike towards each other. Seriously, I thought this sort of mess was over once we turned ten."
"Tell that to yourself, Mr. I-don't-like-snivelly's-attitude."
"Shut up. That's different. He was the one getting too friendly towards my beautiful Evans."
Releasing a snort of disbelief, Sirius started his trek to take his afternoon shower, "Believe that if it'll make you feel better, Prongs. I'm going to go take my shower now," before promptly closing the bathroom door.
"Hey! Sirius! We haven't finished! Come back here!"
Ignoring the cries coming from the other direction, the raven-haired boy started his shower routine.
'Serves him right for wanting to know about everything. Even if it's because he was worried about me.'
He somehow knew that this whole mess was going to come into a big confrontation as its climax, he just never expected it to happen this soon.
Now he ended up risking the loss of his most important person.
TBC
Part 4