Tears
I feel like I've cried for years...but it's only the fourth day. I want to stop crying but I'm so terrified of stopping. I don't want to forget. Someday my son will see me looking at old family pictures and he'll ask me who that man is...to him it will be like he never existed. My little son has lost so many family members in his short little life. I fear for his future, it seems so lonely. So empty of family gatherings and love like I had when I was a child. The future looks so bleak. I feel so empty. Who will I call when I have a question? My cousin was the smartest person I knew, who will I turn to now? All the life experiences I'll never get to share with him, all the jokes he'll never tell me. All the smiles he'll miss out on. How could he leave us??? How could he not see the love that surrounded him? People across the country are mourning him. He has affected so many lives, but he could never see it. Only four days and there have been so many occasions where I've thought, I need to call him and tell him this or ask him that...and then I remember. My life will never be the same. The world will never be the same.