ahead, afoot
It's very likely that Bao will be starting nursery in the last week of August, at the end of the summer break. I think she's ready; she's quite social and clearly enjoys playing with others and she will get more out of nursery than she does staying at home with me. We'll probably continue going to our Tuesday playgroup because she has lots of friends there, but truthfully I want to continue with this playgroup because lots of my friends are there as well and I look forward to spending two hours talking and commiserating nonstop every week.
Some people have asked me previously why I didn't send The Bun to school before he turned four. There were several factors involved, but most of them revolved around the fact that I had thought I was able to give The Bun enough stimulation and socialisation by staying home with him. It's easier when only one child is involved, isn't it. One has so much more time and energy to create learning activities, or to take them to new places for new experiences and so on. It's simpler with just one child, even if you don't realise this at the time. Sometimes in restaurants when other couples give us the your-children-are-such-noisy-monsters look, these same people tend to have just one child with them. When it was just The Bun and us two adults with plenty of attention to give, I was guilty of giving those looks, too, or feeling smug that I had a well-behaved toddler at my table doing constructive things like drawing, instead of staring silently at a smartphone screen.
These days, what I mostly feel is defiance ('just you wait till your genius-angel toddler turns into a monster') with a tinge of embarrassment ('who needs contraception when they see us with the children? I'd tie my tubes myself if I could'). Ah, karma.
Anyway, as I was saying before I got lost in my own tangent: I sort of regretted not putting The Bun into school at a younger age, especially when we moved here and he started school proper and basically short-circuited for a month while his entire worldview shifted several degrees. It was the first time he had separated from me, it was his first time with strange adults looking after him, it was his first time being with children who were much more streetwise than him and therefore a couple of steps ahead in everything, it was his first time in a new home in a new country with a new language. That's not to say that he would have adapted better to life here if he had gone to school in Singapore instead of staying home with me, but I think he would probably not have been as frightened or shocked.
Then again I think a lot of it boils down to personality. The Bun, like his father, does not trust or open up to strangers easily. Unlike his father (but very much like me), he is cautious about new situations and prefers to take all factors into account before he jumps in. Actually, since starting school, he has grown to be much more socially confident and is more willing to trust people. Previously, I had to accompany him to all of his friends' birthday parties because he didn't want to be left alone there, even though the moment he entered the party he would take off with his friends and ignore me completely. In the last couple of months he has managed to attend two parties on his own with some encouragement from me. We discussed his worries, which revolved around not knowing what to do if something went wrong, and I told him to ask the birthday child's parents if he needed something, or any adult, for that matter. And both times he had a great time at the party and even asked me why I had returned 'too early' to pick him up.
I didn't realise this until recently, but your firstborn is your first teacher in parenting.
The Bun at age two, way back when!
To return to Bao: her sociability is at a contrast to her brother, who went through a memorable Phase of Fears where he screamed constantly in public places because there were too many strangers. Bao is the sort who will walk directly into a crowd to say hi to a stranger smiling at her, who will push other children at playgrounds to defend her turf (The Bun would scuttle away if anyone even approached), who will go willingly with another mother into a different room to do something else when I am busy at playgroup. She is familiar and comfortable enough at playgroup now to just do her own thing without me by her side; I used to have problems even leaving The Bun to go to the toilet when he was at playgroup. Perhaps this is partly down to her personality, and partly because she has been a part of group interactions at a much earlier age than her brother was, tagging along and playing with the other kids at school pick-ups and playdates, twice-weekly playgroups since she was nine months old, hanging around and playing at my coffee mornings with friends. She loves playgroup and will sometimes ask at random times to go; she cries if I tell her it isn't a playgroup day.
J asked, aren't you worried about her crying during separation? He thinks Bao is still a bit too young for school. I think that crying is normal, especially in the beginning, but if The Bun got through it, so will she. I just cannot imagine her hanging about at home with me until she turns four and returns to Singapore to enter school there - now that would be the exact same culture and separation shock that The Bun had, but in the opposite country. As it is, goodness knows how much we'll already have to deal with when we eventually return.
We've visited a couple of schools and we have a place at one of them, but I haven't yet made a decision over which one to choose. At the first school we visited, Bao walked into the classroom and then took off her coat, unprompted, and tried to hang it on the coat peg. She was ready to get into the ongoing activities but I held her back and told her we were just there to watch. I think she has a basic idea of what school is because she often accompanies her brother to school in the mornings, watching him as he hangs up his coat, chatters to his friends, and runs into the classroom.
So the new school year will bring a new milestone for us all as a family. Mornings will be extra chaotic with two separate drop-offs! And, for the first time in nearly six years, I will be partially child-free - in the mornings at least. Nursery here is usually a morning affair, and if you need full-day childcare then your main option is crèche, places in which are very hard to come by. I don't think we need Bao in school for an entire day, not while she's still little. It doesn't make sense especially since I'm not working.
Bao moved here when she was eight months old, only crawling at that time. When August arrives, she will have lived here for just over two years, and in that time she has grown so much it takes my breath away. As she is my last child (I have often said that having another child will push me over the edge), the school milestone is going to be a huge one, especially for me. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the summer I will be shopping for two sets of school clothes, two backpacks, two sets of sticker labels, so on and so forth. Yes, I know it's a mere toeprint in the grand scheme of education, but still!
Many changes afoot. But for now, we're off to Amsterdam tomorrow. I hope it doesn't rain too much.
Some people have asked me previously why I didn't send The Bun to school before he turned four. There were several factors involved, but most of them revolved around the fact that I had thought I was able to give The Bun enough stimulation and socialisation by staying home with him. It's easier when only one child is involved, isn't it. One has so much more time and energy to create learning activities, or to take them to new places for new experiences and so on. It's simpler with just one child, even if you don't realise this at the time. Sometimes in restaurants when other couples give us the your-children-are-such-noisy-monsters look, these same people tend to have just one child with them. When it was just The Bun and us two adults with plenty of attention to give, I was guilty of giving those looks, too, or feeling smug that I had a well-behaved toddler at my table doing constructive things like drawing, instead of staring silently at a smartphone screen.
These days, what I mostly feel is defiance ('just you wait till your genius-angel toddler turns into a monster') with a tinge of embarrassment ('who needs contraception when they see us with the children? I'd tie my tubes myself if I could'). Ah, karma.
Anyway, as I was saying before I got lost in my own tangent: I sort of regretted not putting The Bun into school at a younger age, especially when we moved here and he started school proper and basically short-circuited for a month while his entire worldview shifted several degrees. It was the first time he had separated from me, it was his first time with strange adults looking after him, it was his first time being with children who were much more streetwise than him and therefore a couple of steps ahead in everything, it was his first time in a new home in a new country with a new language. That's not to say that he would have adapted better to life here if he had gone to school in Singapore instead of staying home with me, but I think he would probably not have been as frightened or shocked.
Then again I think a lot of it boils down to personality. The Bun, like his father, does not trust or open up to strangers easily. Unlike his father (but very much like me), he is cautious about new situations and prefers to take all factors into account before he jumps in. Actually, since starting school, he has grown to be much more socially confident and is more willing to trust people. Previously, I had to accompany him to all of his friends' birthday parties because he didn't want to be left alone there, even though the moment he entered the party he would take off with his friends and ignore me completely. In the last couple of months he has managed to attend two parties on his own with some encouragement from me. We discussed his worries, which revolved around not knowing what to do if something went wrong, and I told him to ask the birthday child's parents if he needed something, or any adult, for that matter. And both times he had a great time at the party and even asked me why I had returned 'too early' to pick him up.
I didn't realise this until recently, but your firstborn is your first teacher in parenting.
The Bun at age two, way back when!
To return to Bao: her sociability is at a contrast to her brother, who went through a memorable Phase of Fears where he screamed constantly in public places because there were too many strangers. Bao is the sort who will walk directly into a crowd to say hi to a stranger smiling at her, who will push other children at playgrounds to defend her turf (The Bun would scuttle away if anyone even approached), who will go willingly with another mother into a different room to do something else when I am busy at playgroup. She is familiar and comfortable enough at playgroup now to just do her own thing without me by her side; I used to have problems even leaving The Bun to go to the toilet when he was at playgroup. Perhaps this is partly down to her personality, and partly because she has been a part of group interactions at a much earlier age than her brother was, tagging along and playing with the other kids at school pick-ups and playdates, twice-weekly playgroups since she was nine months old, hanging around and playing at my coffee mornings with friends. She loves playgroup and will sometimes ask at random times to go; she cries if I tell her it isn't a playgroup day.
J asked, aren't you worried about her crying during separation? He thinks Bao is still a bit too young for school. I think that crying is normal, especially in the beginning, but if The Bun got through it, so will she. I just cannot imagine her hanging about at home with me until she turns four and returns to Singapore to enter school there - now that would be the exact same culture and separation shock that The Bun had, but in the opposite country. As it is, goodness knows how much we'll already have to deal with when we eventually return.
We've visited a couple of schools and we have a place at one of them, but I haven't yet made a decision over which one to choose. At the first school we visited, Bao walked into the classroom and then took off her coat, unprompted, and tried to hang it on the coat peg. She was ready to get into the ongoing activities but I held her back and told her we were just there to watch. I think she has a basic idea of what school is because she often accompanies her brother to school in the mornings, watching him as he hangs up his coat, chatters to his friends, and runs into the classroom.
So the new school year will bring a new milestone for us all as a family. Mornings will be extra chaotic with two separate drop-offs! And, for the first time in nearly six years, I will be partially child-free - in the mornings at least. Nursery here is usually a morning affair, and if you need full-day childcare then your main option is crèche, places in which are very hard to come by. I don't think we need Bao in school for an entire day, not while she's still little. It doesn't make sense especially since I'm not working.
Bao moved here when she was eight months old, only crawling at that time. When August arrives, she will have lived here for just over two years, and in that time she has grown so much it takes my breath away. As she is my last child (I have often said that having another child will push me over the edge), the school milestone is going to be a huge one, especially for me. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that at the end of the summer I will be shopping for two sets of school clothes, two backpacks, two sets of sticker labels, so on and so forth. Yes, I know it's a mere toeprint in the grand scheme of education, but still!
Many changes afoot. But for now, we're off to Amsterdam tomorrow. I hope it doesn't rain too much.