short notes on friendships
Nearly nine months since we moved here, and do I have new friends? Well, in a sense I do - mostly the women I see at playgroup and at school.
Three notes about new friendships:
A few months ago I described one of the playgroups as dominated by a clique of alpha moms, who kind of run the show and speak as though they are making announcements. At that point I still felt like a newbie in the group, still feeling my way around and trying to suss out who everyone was.
As it turns out, the alpha moms have all moved on because their children are now old enough to attend nursery. For a few weeks it felt odd without them around, and with the oldest kid about two-and-a-half, suddenly the playgroup seemed very toddler dominated. The alpha mums' departure also meant that spaces were now available to fresh applicants. As the new faces appeared, I chatted to them and helped them get familiarised with the loose-but-predictable routine of the playgroup.
And then slowly I began to do more for the group. I signed up to be in charge of crafts on certain weeks. I led the singing (!!) when the other mothers all seemed unsure of themselves, hesitating at the start. I helped to fix toys, rearrange furniture, hold newborns so that their mothers could handle their older siblings, corral children that weren't mine out of dangerous areas. A few of the other women and I began to have in-jokes and shared glances across the room.
Suddenly I am a part of the alpha mom group. Funny how I didn't see that coming.
________________
In the past couple of weeks I have been smiling and making casual chit-chat with another mother in the schoolyard. Our kids aren't in the same year, but we see each other almost every weekday during pick-up. Her friendliness and directness impressed me. Her son is in nursery so he is actually picked up before the rest of the school is released, but this mother makes a deliberate effort to hang around the playground so that she can meet people. If she had just picked up her kid and went home, we probably would never have met. I'm impressed by this because I'm the sort who just ducks in and out of school as quick as I can.
She just moved here in November, but she has really making efforts to put herself out there, to meet people and to make connections by joining many expat social groups. Today we chatted as usual, and she said that this was very random but why not pop over to hers for coffee one morning next week? I replied yes, of course, because I do genuinely enjoy chatting to her and I have a good feeling about this. So we exchanged numbers and like a teenager I have already thought about which day would suit me best and how soon I could suggest a day without seeming too forward. I know she really won't mind but still… we barely know each other. I don't want to scare the woman off before I've had a chance. She's really high-powered and I'm just… argh. See what I mean about being like a lovestruck teen?
From past history I know that some of my most memorable friendships have happened in a flash, as compared to the friendships that have taken years to grow and cultivate. We meet, we talk our hearts out, we really connect, and suddenly we're new best friends. These are usually with people I usually meet on a chance encounter, like at a networking party, or through other people. It's like there's some sort of magnetic attraction and the frission is amazing. Many of my old friends will know what I mean.
________________
Geneva being what it is, many of the people I've met are here on temporary postings. It's usually one of the first points of conversation with anyone new - 'how long will you be staying for?' So I shouldn't be surprised that one of the better friends that I've made since moving here will be moving on herself at the end of April. It's such a shame, really, because we were getting on so well and had just managed to move past the usual getting-to-know-you talking points to discussing more personal stories. But that's just how it is, and it is an inevitable part of living an expat life. We'll still be in touch I hope, but Facebook only gets you so far. I'm sure that in three years' time, when it is our turn to bid farewell, there will be plenty more of this wistfulness to come.
Three notes about new friendships:
A few months ago I described one of the playgroups as dominated by a clique of alpha moms, who kind of run the show and speak as though they are making announcements. At that point I still felt like a newbie in the group, still feeling my way around and trying to suss out who everyone was.
As it turns out, the alpha moms have all moved on because their children are now old enough to attend nursery. For a few weeks it felt odd without them around, and with the oldest kid about two-and-a-half, suddenly the playgroup seemed very toddler dominated. The alpha mums' departure also meant that spaces were now available to fresh applicants. As the new faces appeared, I chatted to them and helped them get familiarised with the loose-but-predictable routine of the playgroup.
And then slowly I began to do more for the group. I signed up to be in charge of crafts on certain weeks. I led the singing (!!) when the other mothers all seemed unsure of themselves, hesitating at the start. I helped to fix toys, rearrange furniture, hold newborns so that their mothers could handle their older siblings, corral children that weren't mine out of dangerous areas. A few of the other women and I began to have in-jokes and shared glances across the room.
Suddenly I am a part of the alpha mom group. Funny how I didn't see that coming.
________________
In the past couple of weeks I have been smiling and making casual chit-chat with another mother in the schoolyard. Our kids aren't in the same year, but we see each other almost every weekday during pick-up. Her friendliness and directness impressed me. Her son is in nursery so he is actually picked up before the rest of the school is released, but this mother makes a deliberate effort to hang around the playground so that she can meet people. If she had just picked up her kid and went home, we probably would never have met. I'm impressed by this because I'm the sort who just ducks in and out of school as quick as I can.
She just moved here in November, but she has really making efforts to put herself out there, to meet people and to make connections by joining many expat social groups. Today we chatted as usual, and she said that this was very random but why not pop over to hers for coffee one morning next week? I replied yes, of course, because I do genuinely enjoy chatting to her and I have a good feeling about this. So we exchanged numbers and like a teenager I have already thought about which day would suit me best and how soon I could suggest a day without seeming too forward. I know she really won't mind but still… we barely know each other. I don't want to scare the woman off before I've had a chance. She's really high-powered and I'm just… argh. See what I mean about being like a lovestruck teen?
From past history I know that some of my most memorable friendships have happened in a flash, as compared to the friendships that have taken years to grow and cultivate. We meet, we talk our hearts out, we really connect, and suddenly we're new best friends. These are usually with people I usually meet on a chance encounter, like at a networking party, or through other people. It's like there's some sort of magnetic attraction and the frission is amazing. Many of my old friends will know what I mean.
________________
Geneva being what it is, many of the people I've met are here on temporary postings. It's usually one of the first points of conversation with anyone new - 'how long will you be staying for?' So I shouldn't be surprised that one of the better friends that I've made since moving here will be moving on herself at the end of April. It's such a shame, really, because we were getting on so well and had just managed to move past the usual getting-to-know-you talking points to discussing more personal stories. But that's just how it is, and it is an inevitable part of living an expat life. We'll still be in touch I hope, but Facebook only gets you so far. I'm sure that in three years' time, when it is our turn to bid farewell, there will be plenty more of this wistfulness to come.