mind over matter
Somebody please tell me that picky boys who eat very little eventually grow into ravenous teenagers who eat their parents out of house and home.
Since my post on The Bun's poor appetite more than two weeks ago, there has been little improvement where his diet is concerned. From being a good, adventurous eater, his dietary range has shrunk to: bread, crackers or biscuits, cheese and yogurt, salmon (but only if it is not overcooked), tomatoes (sometimes), the occasional chicken wing or fish finger, pizza, pasta, ikura sushi, fries (of course), a fair amount of fruit, and any kind of junk food (e.g. potato chips) or treat (e.g. ice cream) that he can get his hands on. And even then, the servings of these foods are quite small in comparison to what he used to consume.
Now that I've typed it all out, it doesn't seem so bad because there is representation from most of the main food groups: carbs, protein, fat, fibre. That's assuming he is always served the food he wants or likes at every meal, which is unrealistic and sometimes unhealthy. The lunches I make for him these days mostly consist of sandwiches - an open-faced PBJ one and a toasted cheese one, served with a side of fruit. He never complains about eating the same thing all the time and he never asks to try a bite of whatever I'm eating, which is unusual for him.
Dinners are harder, and I always get frustrated because after devoting the time and energy into cooking dinner, he never seems to eat much of it. Involving him in its preparation doesn't help much; The Bun is always happy to help me do kitchen prep but his enthusiasm fades the moment dinner is served. It takes a long time and a lot of coaxing to get him to simply chew and swallow and this has made mealtimes quite tense and frustrating, even though J and I keep reminding each other not to react too much to his poor eating. When we eat out or at our parents' place, it gets even harder because he simply will not eat whatever is served, especially if rice is involved. Seeing rice on the table seems to cause an immediate loss of appetite, even if he usually likes the other dishes served. He seems to have lost all of his Chinese tastebuds. We've reached the point where 'good eating' is his consumption of one soup spoon's worth of rice, sometimes eaten a few grains at a time.
I am quite determined not to be one of those parents who cook a special separate meal just for their picky kids. I do try to accommodate his preferences but it is impossible to cater to his tastes all the time, and when he refuses whatever is on the table, he simply goes hungry for the night. Hunger doesn't seem to bother him though, so I haven't been able to teach the 'if you don't eat what's on your plate then you have to go hungry' lesson very well.
I guess it should be quite clear by now that his pickiness is mostly a power struggle that revolves around his need for more attention, whether positive or negative. Even when given attention, like me sitting with him for forty-five minutes while he fiddles with his dinner, he still doesn't eat much, especially if it is food that he is not enthusiastic about. I'm also aware that praising or scolding him for eating (or not) sets him up for emotional eating. It is just very, very, hard to stay calm and unconcerned over your child's appetite, especially when you are sitting down at the same meal and all he does is slump at the table, chew infinitely slowly, claim he doesn't know how to feed himself, spit out his food (because it is a 'big bite' or it is 'not good' or whatever reason) or cry because I want to do the washing up and he hasn't finished his meal. As a family and as a culture we value and enjoy good food, and it's hard to detach my own emotions from the entire process where The Bun's eating is concerned.
It seems like the best thing would really be to ignore his poor eating and to wait for this phase to pass. 'The child won't fade away,' I keep telling J (and myself). I also need to make mealtimes more pleasant, at least for the rest of us, even if The Bun is determined to bring a miserable face to the table. I've also been working on giving The Bun more one-on-one attention (more of that in another post) so that he doesn't feel the need to seek it at the dinner table. One can hope. The child won't fade away, right?
Since my post on The Bun's poor appetite more than two weeks ago, there has been little improvement where his diet is concerned. From being a good, adventurous eater, his dietary range has shrunk to: bread, crackers or biscuits, cheese and yogurt, salmon (but only if it is not overcooked), tomatoes (sometimes), the occasional chicken wing or fish finger, pizza, pasta, ikura sushi, fries (of course), a fair amount of fruit, and any kind of junk food (e.g. potato chips) or treat (e.g. ice cream) that he can get his hands on. And even then, the servings of these foods are quite small in comparison to what he used to consume.
Now that I've typed it all out, it doesn't seem so bad because there is representation from most of the main food groups: carbs, protein, fat, fibre. That's assuming he is always served the food he wants or likes at every meal, which is unrealistic and sometimes unhealthy. The lunches I make for him these days mostly consist of sandwiches - an open-faced PBJ one and a toasted cheese one, served with a side of fruit. He never complains about eating the same thing all the time and he never asks to try a bite of whatever I'm eating, which is unusual for him.
Dinners are harder, and I always get frustrated because after devoting the time and energy into cooking dinner, he never seems to eat much of it. Involving him in its preparation doesn't help much; The Bun is always happy to help me do kitchen prep but his enthusiasm fades the moment dinner is served. It takes a long time and a lot of coaxing to get him to simply chew and swallow and this has made mealtimes quite tense and frustrating, even though J and I keep reminding each other not to react too much to his poor eating. When we eat out or at our parents' place, it gets even harder because he simply will not eat whatever is served, especially if rice is involved. Seeing rice on the table seems to cause an immediate loss of appetite, even if he usually likes the other dishes served. He seems to have lost all of his Chinese tastebuds. We've reached the point where 'good eating' is his consumption of one soup spoon's worth of rice, sometimes eaten a few grains at a time.
I am quite determined not to be one of those parents who cook a special separate meal just for their picky kids. I do try to accommodate his preferences but it is impossible to cater to his tastes all the time, and when he refuses whatever is on the table, he simply goes hungry for the night. Hunger doesn't seem to bother him though, so I haven't been able to teach the 'if you don't eat what's on your plate then you have to go hungry' lesson very well.
I guess it should be quite clear by now that his pickiness is mostly a power struggle that revolves around his need for more attention, whether positive or negative. Even when given attention, like me sitting with him for forty-five minutes while he fiddles with his dinner, he still doesn't eat much, especially if it is food that he is not enthusiastic about. I'm also aware that praising or scolding him for eating (or not) sets him up for emotional eating. It is just very, very, hard to stay calm and unconcerned over your child's appetite, especially when you are sitting down at the same meal and all he does is slump at the table, chew infinitely slowly, claim he doesn't know how to feed himself, spit out his food (because it is a 'big bite' or it is 'not good' or whatever reason) or cry because I want to do the washing up and he hasn't finished his meal. As a family and as a culture we value and enjoy good food, and it's hard to detach my own emotions from the entire process where The Bun's eating is concerned.
It seems like the best thing would really be to ignore his poor eating and to wait for this phase to pass. 'The child won't fade away,' I keep telling J (and myself). I also need to make mealtimes more pleasant, at least for the rest of us, even if The Bun is determined to bring a miserable face to the table. I've also been working on giving The Bun more one-on-one attention (more of that in another post) so that he doesn't feel the need to seek it at the dinner table. One can hope. The child won't fade away, right?