tantrums for three
This is the half-finished post I wrote sometime in January, about The Bun's awful tantrums and the horror that he was to live with:
I knew to expect tears, tantrums, and regression after the arrival of a new sibling, but I didn't expect The Bun to go so far with it. He has definitely been testing his limits in a major way, on just about everything. It's like having a two-year-old throwing Terrible Two fits all over again, except that one can make excuses for the two-year-old because it has limited communication and comprehension skills. This is not the case with The Bun - he definitely can communicate and he definitely understands what I ask of him, but he chooses to make everything a battle.
I also know that as the parent, I should pick my battles and the higher ground, but sometimes the battle is never-ending, when seemingly everything is a trigger for a meltdown. Take yesterday for example. J had the day off so we decided to escape the heat and pop by J-Cube for some lunch.
Tantrum 1: because he didn't want to stop playing and leave the house, even though we told him in advance what was going to happen, and even set a timer so that we could countdown the end of play.
Tantrum 2: because he didn't want to visit the toilet before we left the house, when this rule has been in place since forever, and he knows it.
Tantrum 3: because while he was in the car, he decided he would rather go to another mall instead, when he actually loves going to J-Cube because he likes watching the skaters at the ice skating rink there.
Tantrum 4: because I told him he couldn't have a popsicle at J-Cube, where there's a popsicle shop he likes, because he has a bad cough. (Okay, this one I'll admit that I was mean to him on purpose because I was so frustrated with him thanks to tantrums 1 - 3.)
Tantrum 5: because J and I wanted to go visit some shops before going to the skating rink to watch the ice-skaters.
Tantrum 6: because at lunch, he couldn't wait five minutes after ordering for the server to bring his milk.
Tantrum 7: because at lunch, he couldn't wait five minutes after ordering for the server to bring his ice-cream (which he really shouldn't be eating, but it was part of the kids' meal and I didn't want to battle it, but look what happened anyway).
Tantrum 8: because he didn't want to leave the Apple Store where he was playing around with the display iPads, even though we gave him due warning, countdown, etc.
Tantrum 9: because he claimed he was tired and wanted to leave, and then when we agreed, he claimed he didn't want to leave after all, etc etc.
Tantrum 10: because we went home.
Ten meltdowns in a three-hour span. I don't know who is more exhausted - his parents or him.
_______________________
Coincidentally, tonight we were at J-Cube again for dinner and I am relieved to say that this time we had no meltdowns, not even from Bao. Apart from The Bun's ongoing eating issues (which J and I are fairly resigned to), we all had a good time.
Reading what I wrote back in January makes me realise how much all of us struggled at that point - we were collectively tired, both physically and emotionally, we were dealing with changes and new responsibilities, and we also had to adjust our relationships with each other, and the boundaries that involved. No wonder The Bun acted up so much. Compared to January, he's improved and more pleasant to live with now. We still have our days where I have to actively restrain myself from throttling him a-la Homer Simpson (I just leave the room instead) but the good days seem more frequent now. I hope we get a break and get to cruise in relative peace for a while before the next upheaval (i.e. our Big Move) comes along.
I knew to expect tears, tantrums, and regression after the arrival of a new sibling, but I didn't expect The Bun to go so far with it. He has definitely been testing his limits in a major way, on just about everything. It's like having a two-year-old throwing Terrible Two fits all over again, except that one can make excuses for the two-year-old because it has limited communication and comprehension skills. This is not the case with The Bun - he definitely can communicate and he definitely understands what I ask of him, but he chooses to make everything a battle.
I also know that as the parent, I should pick my battles and the higher ground, but sometimes the battle is never-ending, when seemingly everything is a trigger for a meltdown. Take yesterday for example. J had the day off so we decided to escape the heat and pop by J-Cube for some lunch.
Tantrum 1: because he didn't want to stop playing and leave the house, even though we told him in advance what was going to happen, and even set a timer so that we could countdown the end of play.
Tantrum 2: because he didn't want to visit the toilet before we left the house, when this rule has been in place since forever, and he knows it.
Tantrum 3: because while he was in the car, he decided he would rather go to another mall instead, when he actually loves going to J-Cube because he likes watching the skaters at the ice skating rink there.
Tantrum 4: because I told him he couldn't have a popsicle at J-Cube, where there's a popsicle shop he likes, because he has a bad cough. (Okay, this one I'll admit that I was mean to him on purpose because I was so frustrated with him thanks to tantrums 1 - 3.)
Tantrum 5: because J and I wanted to go visit some shops before going to the skating rink to watch the ice-skaters.
Tantrum 6: because at lunch, he couldn't wait five minutes after ordering for the server to bring his milk.
Tantrum 7: because at lunch, he couldn't wait five minutes after ordering for the server to bring his ice-cream (which he really shouldn't be eating, but it was part of the kids' meal and I didn't want to battle it, but look what happened anyway).
Tantrum 8: because he didn't want to leave the Apple Store where he was playing around with the display iPads, even though we gave him due warning, countdown, etc.
Tantrum 9: because he claimed he was tired and wanted to leave, and then when we agreed, he claimed he didn't want to leave after all, etc etc.
Tantrum 10: because we went home.
Ten meltdowns in a three-hour span. I don't know who is more exhausted - his parents or him.
_______________________
Coincidentally, tonight we were at J-Cube again for dinner and I am relieved to say that this time we had no meltdowns, not even from Bao. Apart from The Bun's ongoing eating issues (which J and I are fairly resigned to), we all had a good time.
Reading what I wrote back in January makes me realise how much all of us struggled at that point - we were collectively tired, both physically and emotionally, we were dealing with changes and new responsibilities, and we also had to adjust our relationships with each other, and the boundaries that involved. No wonder The Bun acted up so much. Compared to January, he's improved and more pleasant to live with now. We still have our days where I have to actively restrain myself from throttling him a-la Homer Simpson (I just leave the room instead) but the good days seem more frequent now. I hope we get a break and get to cruise in relative peace for a while before the next upheaval (i.e. our Big Move) comes along.