Nothing Crashes Like The Two Of Us
Title: Nothing Crashes Like The Two Of Us
Pairing/Group: ShigeRyo, PiRyo, platonic JinRyo
Rating/Warnings: Porny goodness
Word Count: 5,670
Summary: The road to heartbreak is ugly and unforgiving, but sometimes unavoidable.
Notes: je_fqfest fic for tatoeba ♥
Once upon a time, they would hold each other close after sex. Ryo would tickle his fingers along Shige's torso; and Shige would laugh softly against Ryo's skin, pressing light kisses in their wake. Life and the world was their playground and they danced along it, always together, always smiling. They couldn't imagine how it could ever end. No one who is in love ever thinks that feeling will end. Or that their partner will grow bored.
-
Ryo is still curled up in bed, hidden by the blankets, head shoved underneath a pillow.
Pi walks in with a cup of coffee, sets it on the bedside table nearest to Ryo.
"Get up, Ryo-chan. It's nearly noon."
The blankets fidget, the pillow falls from off Ryo's head. He peers up, eyes blurry, chest bare, an obvious bruise on the left side of his neck where it slopes down into his shoulder.
Pi yawns, scratches the back of his neck and pads over his dresser, slowly getting dressed. Ryo reaches for the coffee, looking at his dark reflection in the liquid. He puts it back, and curls up under the covers again.
-
Ryo steps out of the shower, just pats dry his skin with a towel and follows the line of the wall to the bedroom.
He flops down, grinning, reaching out for Shige, waking him up.
"What?" Shige whines, halfway rolling over to glare at Ryo over his shoulder.
Ryo just smiles, leans forward and kisses Shige on the corner of his mouth, acting coy, then scoots closer.
"Ugh, what- Go dry your hair!" Shige snaps, "You're getting the pillows wet."
Ryo blinks, a little taken back. "...Will you dry it for me?"
Shige sighs, loudly, like it's bothersome, "Fine, but hurry up."
He jumps out of bed, returning quickly with a towel and handing it over.
Normally, Shige's hands are gentle and he's patient when Ryo has infantile-seeming requests. But this time is different; he's snappish, short, like he's trying to get this over with as soon as possible so he can get back to bed. He finishes quickly, skipping the scalp massage he would normally give and tosses the towel into the hamper.
"Now go to sleep," he says, and curls back in bed.
Ryo sits there a little longer, in the dark, feeling an unpleasant pang in his chest.
-
"Shut up!" Ryo snaps, slamming Jin against the wall, his collar fisted in his hands.
"Dammit, calm down!"
"Don't say that! Ever!"
"You're in fucking denial, dude."
Ryo lets go of Jin, punching him in the shoulder. His face scrunches up, but he doesn't try to strike back.
"You're in fucking denial," Jin says again.
Ryo walks off, sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.
"Just get over him already. This isn't healthy, Ryo!"
"Shut up," Ryo croaks. "Shut up."
-
"Are we okay?" Ryo asks one night, while Shige is putting the leftovers away. He stops awkwardly, tupperware in one hand, the other on the top of the fridge door; it's open, blowing cold air out.
Ryo blinks sadly, and says quietly, "We're not, are we?"
The fridge door closes, and Shige looks at him from the kitchen. "I just- Haven't you-..... You aren't bored? At all? Of anything?"
Ryo shakes his head furiously. "No, no." He bites his lip. "... You're bored?"
Shige coughs, like he's trying to put off saying anything, "I feel like... the spark is gone."
"What?" Ryo gasps, looking horrified. "Gone?"
Shige rests his hands on the counter, pointedly not looking at Ryo.
"You really think so?"
"I'm sorry," Shige says, but it doesn't sounds very enthusiastic.
-
Ryo isn't willing to give up, not when his heart still flutters when Shige enters a room, not when he still goes to sleep with the scent of Shige's cologne on the pillows, not when he can't think of a single person he'll ever love more.
He thinks that maybe, Shige's just so comfortable with them, that it's clouding his vision; he's bored, but like an old-married-couple bored. They're meant to be together and nothing is going to happen to that. They just need to spice things up a little; that'll bring the spark back.
"Let's go out tonight," Ryo says, smiling, driving through Shibuya after work.
"Seriously?" Shige sighs, but doesn't protest any more than that.
Ryo continues smiling as he pulls into a parking garage, driving up and up, passing more than a few open spots.
"What are you doing?" Shige asks, sounding confused; Ryo doesn't answer.
He goes all the way up the roof, there's only one other car, way on the far end. Ryo parks far from it.
"What are you doing?" Shige repeats.
Ryo just unbuckles his seatbelt, leans over Shige's lap, pulls up on the little lever on the side of the seat and pushes his seat back.
"Ryo, what-"
And then he vaults over the gearshift, settling himself on Shige's lap, hands on his chest.
Shige flails, pushing at Ryo. "We're in public!"
"There's no one else here," he whispers and grinds his hips down, biting his lip and watching Shige fight to retain his sanity.
"You are fucking crazy," Shige mutters, but doesn't put up a fight when Ryo kisses him, gnawing softly on his bottom lip.
Ryo is still grinding down, movements getting more frantic as his dick presses against the zipper of his jeans and he feels Shige's growing too.
Shige starts swearing, ripping at Ryo's jeans. "If we're going to fuck in the car, don't be so damn slow about it."
Ryo leans forward, letting Shige pull his jeans and underwear down off one leg, not even worrying about getting them off completely. Shige fists him tight in his hand and Ryo keens, pressing his face into Shige's shirt, rubbing his cheek against it.
"You're going to need to be quiet," Shige whispers, and Ryo can feel him unbuckling his pants.
Ryo shudders, breath hot on Shige's neck, reaches a hand out and thumps about the center console.
Shige knocks his hand away, opening the little compartment next to the gear shift. He presses the condom packet against Ryo's hand until he takes it, then digs out a little foil rectangle of lube.
Ryo tears at the condom, ripping it with his teeth, looking at the blue rubber like it's a little piece of heaven and rolls it down Shige's cock, still fisting it.
When Shige presses two fingers right in, slick and cool, Ryo nearly screams; just grinds his teeth together and moves back towards Shige's fingers. He looks down at Shige, love in his eyes and prays he'll see that looking back at him. He sees a spark, something like love, and Ryo figures it's close enough.
The third finger is a surprise, and Ryo actually does shout, his back arching.
Shige smacks on the thigh lightly, a little reminder.
"Sorry," Ryo whines. "But, I can't-"
"You're gonna have to be."
The fingers are gone, and Shige moves Ryo's hips, pulling him down and pressing up to meet him.
Ryo's mouth hangs slack, open, and little noises fall out; his hips twitch and hands clench in Shige's shirt.
"Go," Shige says, and Ryo doesn't waste a moment.
He rocks back and forth, panting with the effort of it, trapped in an awkward angle in order not to bash his head into the roof of the car. Shige returns his hand, still moist with lube, to Ryo's dick; he moans, moving back and forth between Shige's cock thick up his spine and his slick, tight fingers.
"Quiet," Shige says again, squeezing Ryo.
"I love you," Ryo mouths, not sure if such a thing counts as unacceptable noise.
Shige looks torn for a moment, before Ryo breaks eye contact, coming across Shige's hand and shirt, swallowing his moan.
He twitches above Shige, working to catch his breath. Absently, he hears Shige grab some tissues from the side pocket of the door, and a moment later, he's pitching Ryo forward, letting him rest his weight on Shige's chest and abdomen. He moves his hands back to Ryo's hips, holding him still, some weight on his knees.
He pumps up into Ryo, pressing off from the floor of the car, driven by Ryo's panting and moaning in his ear. Both their bodies damp from sweat, the air in the car heated and smelling of sex - Shige's pace is furious, like there's something more about this moment than Ryo's unspoken "spicing up the relationship" idea.
When he comes, he pulls Ryo's hips down hard, Ryo grunting, in a complaining tone, like he might be left with a bruise (but he's never minded that before).
Ryo would be content to sit like for that hours; just him and Shige and the afterglow of sex.
But they're in the car, and while the roof of the parking garage may be deserted, it's stupid and risky to linger. He pushes Ryo off, back towards the driver's seat.
Reluctantly, he goes back, sitting down gingerly and putting his pants back on. He looks back at Shige, who's checking his hair in the mirror, and Ryo leans over, kissing him on the cheek. Shige jolts, like he's surprised, like Ryo hasn't ever kissed him softly after sex.
"Will you," Shige coughs, "Will you at least roll down the windows?"
"Can we sit here for a little longer?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just... you need to air out the car."
Ryo turns on the car, but only to the first little dash by the keyhole, so the radio and power windows will work. They keep sitting there for a while, and Ryo reaches across the center console, loosely holding a few of Shige's fingers in his hand.
-
"Just stop," Jin snaps. "I'm sick of hearing about this!"
Ryo pouts from where he stands behind the counter, waiting for the water for the tea to boil.
"This shit happens. Just get it the fuck over with, so I don't have to hear your whining any more."
"You don't get it," Ryo mutters, tapping at the laminate.
"We've all been there. You're just putting off the inevitable."
The water boiler tings, but Ryo doesn't move to make the tea. He hears a chair slide, and then Jin's hand lands on his shoulder.
"You know I'm right."
Ryo slaps his hand off and scowls. Jin shoves him back.
-
Ryo's shoes in the genkan of Pi's apartment becomes an increasingly common occurrence. As is his coming home to the shower on, or the smell of ginger pork wafting through, or the vacuum cleaner running.
He pops his head into the bath, just as Ryo climbs into the tub, his hair slicked back.
"This isn't why I asked you to hold onto my spare key, but I don't mind," Pi says, smiling. "Do you mind if I shower? I was out and-"
"It's your apartment," Ryo mumbles, sinking down until his mouth is almost underwater.
"Ah, you're right."
Pi starts to undress, and tests the temperature of the shower on his hand, before wetting his hair.
"I can guess how you'll answer, but how are you?"
The water in the tub bubbles and Pi rubs shampoo into his hair.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Ryo doesn't answer. Pi washes out the shampoo, replaces it with conditioner and lets it soak in for a few minutes. They sit in silence. It's not until Pi finishes his shower that they talk again.
Pi doesn't make a move to get into the tub, but he does rest his arms on the side of it.
"I'm here if you need me," he says.
Ryo nods, and Pi isn't sure if he's flushed from the heat or something else.
A minute later, when Ryo half-lunges out of the bath, arms around Pi's shoulders, voice hoarse and tense, Pi can't really find it in himself to be surprised.
Pi doesn't love Ryo the way that Ryo still loves Shige, even if Shige seems bored, and maybe has already emotionally moved on. Pi is a friend, desperate to provide comfort, and having worked for so long in the entertainment industry has left him opened-minded and accepting of even something like this.
He doesn't sneer or push Ryo away as he crawls out of the tub, water splashing all over the floor; he just keeps sure hands on Ryo's torso, to help him keep his balance on the wet tile floor.
Ryo's lip are instantly on his, lonely and crazy for love, and Pi responds with the opposite - soft affection and solid confidence, keeping his hands on Ryo's warm, damp skin, even though they're already pressed close, chest-to-chest. Ryo's hand falls on his thigh, and drags right up to his crotch, teasing at Pi's skin, like he's trying to prove that he's still a good partner.
Pi is still young enough that such attention doesn't take long to get him worked up and excited, mouthing wetly across Ryo's jaw and pulling a hand away from his back to reciprocate.
When they're together like this, Ryo never says much, just short, simple words and throaty sounds, and Pi wonders if this is what he's like with Shige, or maybe staying quiet is how he tricks himself into thinking Pi is Shige.
The little noise they make - mostly that of skin-on-skin and not voice - echoes off the walls of the bathroom, making the moment almost surreal, until Ryo whispers against Pi's neck a single word: "Please."
Pi nods, and pushes Ryo off him enough so that he can get up, stumble over to the counter and dig out that little plastic bottle that makes Ryo's eyes shine.
He snatches it out of Pi's hand, snapping open the top and his hand disappears behind his back, eyes turning fuzzy, and Pi settles himself back on the floor, back against the tile wall. Moments later, Ryo's crawling into his lap, lube discarded to the side, hands on Pi's shoulders for balance.
Pi realizes well that he is a tool, something to be used by another for their own gain. Giving Ryo what he needs like this isn't much at all different from his work as an idol, so he doesn't protest when Ryo rocks violently on top of him, the muscles in his abdomen and thighs visibly tensing and relaxing, with his erection bobbing between the two of them.
It's furious and demanding and Pi feels like he's just there for the ride; that this whole thing is about Ryo, whose eyes are closed, mouth slack and a jaw, cheeks flushed.
The air in the bathroom is humid and sticky, but Ryo doesn't feel it at all. All he knows is that deep stretch and skin under his hands giving him the leverage to grind down and back up. He doesn't dare open his eyes, doesn't dare break the spell he's put himself under.
He moves one hand down, jerking it rapidly, gasping and moaning as he gets closer and can't hold it back.
Pi comes first, letting himself get lost in his own fantasy, and holds Ryo's waist tight in his hands as his head bumps back into the wall and he rolls up a few times to meet Ryo - the only real action he took in this whole thing. Ryo follows shortly thereafter, like there's no point in going on with this if his partner can't keep up.
-
"I'll do anything you want," Ryo says, quietly, shyly, sitting on the couch, facing Shige, who's focused on the TV.
Shige clicks his tongue. "Is that what this is about?"
"Please?"
It's a simple word, only a couple syllables, but the meaning behind it is so heavy that Shige can feel it, can so obviously tell that Ryo doesn't want to give up on them. Shige thinks that maybe he should just say the words right now and get it over with; end what's left of the farce of their relationship. The bit they have left is like a bitter taste on his tongue and he's unfond of it. Shige doesn't want to hurt Ryo, but dragging it on like this is bad for the both of them.
Shige frowns, still thinking to himself and not replying. Ryo scoots closer on the couch, a quiet pressure.
Shige turns towards him, scowling a little, half mad at Ryo for that and half mad at himself for not being able to end things between them with a clean cut. He reaches out, grabbing the collar of Ryo's shirt tight in his hand and pulling the shorter man close.
"Anything?" He says, voice heavy.
Ryo nods, like he's incapable of speaking.
Shige laughs. "Such dangerous words."
He stands, Ryo's shirt still in his hand, and walks toward the bedroom. Ryo follows; obviously he does, since he's essentially being dragged there, but even if he wasn't, he would have. He has to take awkward, short steps in order not to bump into Shige's heels.
Just inside the door, Shige pushes Ryo towards the bed with a light shove to his shoulder; he keeps standing by the door jam and Ryo stands at the foot of the bed.
"Undress," is all Shige says.
Ryo's face flushes with the force of just that one word, and he does.
Something about the moment feels embarrassing and it makes Ryo meek, unable to keep eye contact with Shige, normally something easy for him.
"Sit."
He does, and stares at the floorboards while he waits for whatever is going to come next.
"Touch yourself," Shige says, barely above a whisper, yet firm. "Like how you want me to touch you."
Ryo whines, under his breath, hands twitching on the bedspread.
"What are you waiting for?"
Ryo closes his eyes, lifting his hands to his chest, rubbing his nipples under the pads of his fingers.
"Is that really where you want me to touch you?" Shige asks, and Ryo shakes his head.
Shige doesn't need to direct him any more than that, and Ryo moves his hands down, lingering just barely at the indentations of his abs. He trembles when his hand brushes against his member for the first time, his skin feeling more sensitive than normal.
It's strangely not difficult for him to imagine that it really is Shige that's touching him. The room is quiet, except for his own little noises, and the air is stuffy and warm, like Shige really is close to him and not a meter and a half away. He's attentive to the touches, coming to life in his own hand, twitching and gasping, the head red and puffed out, Shige's name whispered from his lips.
A hand closes around his wrist - Shige's - and holds his hand still. Ryo can barely smell his cologne and he leans his head forward, nose brushing against Shige's shirt.
"Open your eyes."
Ryo does and blinks a few times to focus his vision and notices right away that Shige's looking straight at him, eyes dark, looking like he wants to say something. He holds Ryo's focus for a long time before he leans down, pressing his face into Ryo's hair.
This is the last time, Shige thinks, I'll give him one last moment.
He pushes Ryo's legs up. "Scoot back further on the bed."
Ryo grabs his hands, pulling Shige with him, eyes still completely focused on Shige.
Shige leans over Ryo, his face against the other's neck, breathing damp against his skin, and Ryo trembles, softly laying his hands on Shige's waist. Shige wraps a hand around Ryo's erection, his thumb rubbing against the head. Ryo grunts and pushes himself up into Shige's hand.
Shige keeps rubbing, the rest of his hand absolutely still and it drives Ryo crazy, his body flopping around, pushing and pulling at Shige, looking at him with foggy, sex-filled eyes. But Shige lingers in that touch, making Ryo feel nothing but that.
"Shige," he whimpers, nearly biting the pillow. "Do something."
He laughs, quietly, but not in a mean way, and takes a little pity on Ryo, moving his hand so lightly it can't even really be called a handjob.
"You hate me," Ryo whines, and Shige just leans forward and kisses each of his cheekbones.
"No," is all he says.
Shige leans back a little, so he can move the weight off his other hand, and drags the backs of his fingers across Ryo's chest, flicking at each of his nipples.
Ryo stretches one hand out, trying to grasp Shige's pants, but he's just barely able to scratch at his belt from the angle he has.
"Shige, let me."
"Hm?"
Ryo looks right into Shige's eyes, determined and hungry, and Shige smirks in reply, drawing his hands away from Ryo. In the same moment that he's moving himself towards the headboard and leaning his back against it, Ryo sits up, practically rips off Shige's belt and jeans and mouths at the pale skin where the inseam of his boxer-briefs end. He moves up, just enough, and moans into the cotton when he feels Shige's dick under his tongue, twitching as he licks at it through the fabric. Shige lifts a hand, holding Ryo's hair out of his line of vision.
Ryo pulls the underwear out of the way, and flicks his tongue against the head of Shige's cock, like he's mimicking Shige's own actions from earlier. Shige can't really find the energy to glare or tell Ryo to get on with it, but he knows he doesn't really need to. Ryo has that twinkle in his eyes that says he knows he's about to get laid and he's eager for it.
It's barely a few seconds after Shige recognizes that twinkle that Ryo moves one hand up, holding Shige around the base and a little away from his lower stomach, and Ryo slides the whole thing in his mouth, looking up at Shige when his lips bump into his fingers. Ryo swallows - Shige would have been able to tell even if they hadn't been looking right at each other - and Shige's hands clench the sheets. Ryo pulls back, sucking hotly on just the top half, languidly pumping the bottom half.
Ryo leans back, smacking and licking his lips. He draws his eyes down Shige's chest and abdomen, settling on his cock, his breath puffing against it.
"You're so hard," he whispers, leaning back in enough to lick wetly across the head.
"What're you gonna do about that?"
Ryo smirks and crawls up Shige's body, until he's practically sitting in the other's lap. He rolls his hips, in a mocking action of sex and sucks at Shige's bottom lip like it's his cock. Shige's hands grab Ryo's backside, fingers digging sharply into what little ass he has. It should be almost painful with how tight Shige's grip is, but Ryo just keens, throwing his head back and breaking the sort-of kiss, grinding down against Shige harder. Shige bites his clavicle, probably hard enough to leave a mark.
"Fuck me," Ryo mutters into the stuffy air above their heads.
"You think I had some other plan?"
Shige pushes Ryo off, who rolls to the side, settling on his back, legs wide apart. With one hand, Shige fumbles around the bedside table, grabbing lube, and with the other, strips off his shirt. As he moves back towards Ryo, the shorter pulls his legs up to his chest, completely exposing himself to Shige, absolutely shameless.
He moans when Shige's finger touch him, wet and slick, and he nearly shouts when Shige leans in, sucking at the skin just below his balls.
"I love you," Ryo chokes out, just as Shige presses a second finger in.
It takes him a moment, and when he does reply, all Shige says is, "I know," into Ryo's thigh, because he's too scared to look up into Ryo's eyes.
Ryo gets twitchy when he's emotionally and physically worked up, completely unable to keep still on the bedspread as Shige pulls away and rubs clear lube on himself. Even though they're both ready, Shige spends a long moment staring at some spot just beyond Ryo's right knee, and the only thing that brings him back to reality is Ryo poking him in the stomach with his foot and whining Shige's name just above a whisper.
As Shige pushes in, the noise, and even the expression, that Ryo makes can only be described as "content," and he looks up at Shige through heavy eyelashes. Shige closes his eyes, overwhelmed. Ryo's fingers skitter along his forearms, finally holding loosely around Shige's elbows, his thumbs rubbing softly against the skin there.
The pace is lackadaisical, unrushed, and Ryo bumps his hips back to meet each of Shige's thrusts, his breath puffing out each time they meet like that. Ryo tugs at Shige's elbows, pulling them closer, and Shige lets himself rest a little of his weight on Ryo's chest, the rest spread between his knees and hands on the bed.
Ryo's skin feels prickly against his, and as they move together, Shige is almost regretful that he fell out of love with Ryo. He knew they had something together and while it lasted it was wonderful. Shige thinks it makes perfectly logical sense that he feels like the bad guy in this situation.
"Shige," Ryo mutters, suddenly, breaking the near-silence of the room. "Can-... Will you..."
There's a lot of things in bed that Ryo wants, but can't generally bring himself to say; Shige knows this. He's gotten pretty good at figuring Ryo out.
He leans back, pulling out of Ryo slowly, and rubs his hands up and down Ryo's thighs, careful of cramps that might develop. Ryo is impatient though, laying still only momentarily before he flips himself over onto his hands and knees. Shige can see where a faint blush is spreading around the sides of his neck and up the back.
Shige sits up, petting Ryo's hips, and realizes part of him is happy that Ryo asked for this, because it means he doesn't have to remember to be conscious of his facial expression. Though, when Ryo sighs softly, Shige's heart clenches.
He picks up where they left off, only a little faster and Ryo's hips firmly in his hands. Ryo readjusts his weight, and Shige doesn't pay much attention to that, until Ryo moans and tenses and it's obvious what one of his hands is doing.
It doesn't take long for him to come; it generally doesn't. He shudders, groaning Shige's name into a pillow and tightens up, forcing Shige to stop and let Ryo calm down before he starts back up again.
Shige rubs his back. "Are your arms tired?"
Ryo nods, and starts lying down, right cheek and arms against the pillow, Shige following after him.
"I won't take too much longer."
Ryo grumbles something that sounds like, "Don't worry about that."
It's such a Ryo-like thing to say.
Shige starts moving above him again, settled between Ryo's legs, rolling and thrusting into him in a smooth rhythm. It's not a position they ever used much; Shige always thought it felt like he was taking advantage of Ryo to an extent. Ryo never cared though.
One of Ryo's hands reaches down, grabbing for Shige's and twining their fingers together. Shige tightens his fingers around Ryo's, and pitches his body forward, letting his forehead rest just below were Ryo's neck meets his shoulders.
Shige knows how much Ryo hates a mess, and it's such a natural reaction for him to pull out when he feels that tight coil in his gut, just about to explode, and comes across Ryo's lower back, gasping and exhaling loudly. Ryo starts reaching for the tissues, but he can't quite reach them from where he is. Shige pats his hips, a silent "Relax, I'll get it."
Once everything is cleaned up, they settle together under the blankets, Ryo using Shige's shoulder as his new pillow. He falls asleep quickly, sated and warm against Shige, who for his part, is awake for quite awhile longer, trying to figure out how to say what needs to be said while hurting Ryo as little as possible. He thinks a relationship as complicated like theirs could only end as equally complicated.
-
Shige doesn't make an elaborate breakfast, because he knows if he does, once he's finished saying what needs to be said, Ryo will probably throw it at him. In lieu of that, he brings Ryo a mug of green tea, sitting on the edge of the bed with it while Ryo rubs his eyes sleepily.
Ryo blinks away the last bits of sleep from his mind and frowns once he looks at Shige. "Why are you up already? And dressed?"
Shige hands him the tea, and doesn't say anything. It's just the right temperature to drink, so Ryo takes a few short sips while he waits for Shige. The moment is odd, as is Shige's behavior, and it worries him.
Abruptly, Shige stands, turning on the hardwood floor towards Ryo and drops to his knees. Ryo stiffens, the mug tight between his fingers; Shige is sitting in the traditional, all-purpose, I-fucked-up kneeling position.
"Ryo-"
"What are you doing?" He croaks, fumbling to put the mug on the side table.
"... I can't bring myself to lie to you anymore," Shige whispers. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I think it would be best if we stopped."
Ryo coughs, trying to alleviate the tension in his throat, but it doesn't work, and his voice comes out hoarse and sounding just as heartbroken as he must look, "But I love you."
Shige fists his hands in his jeans. "I know. I'm sorry."
The words hit him like a train, sudden and forceful and more painful than he can comprehend. He tries to recollect the last time Shige had said he'd loved him too; he can't remember. It only hurts more to realize it had been that long.
"I'll go now," Shige says, standing.
Ryo's too in shock to do much else but nod and watch Shige walk out of the bedroom and absently hear the front door open and close. Ryo doesn't know for how long he sits in bed, his mind a jumble of 'when's and 'why's.
-
When Jin opens the door, even though it's Pi's apartment (not an especially rare occurrence), he almost slams it shut in the knocker's face. But when he takes a second look, the poor bastard just looks so miserable and broken, eyes red and cheeks blotchy, and Jin drags him in, and then slams the door shut.
"I told you," he says, and Ryo just sniffles, and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his jacket.
Jin scoffs and pushes him further into the apartment. Pi is looking over the edge of the couch, curious, and he bolts up the second he sees Ryo.
"What hap-" he starts, but realizes that the answer is obvious. He frets for a moment before pulling Ryo into a tight hug.
"You shouldn't have let him get the last word in. Be a man about that, at the very least."
Pi glares at Jin over Ryo's shoulder. "You're really not helping."
There's a long silence, until Ryo mutters into the collar of Pi's shirt, "I still love him."
Jin physically falters, balancing himself on the wall.
"I know it hurts. I get it," Pi says, rubbing soft circles on Ryo's back. "You can stay here as long as you need to."
There's stumbling noises from the genkan, and the door opens, closes; Jin's gone, but they know he'll be back. Pi and Ryo settle on the couch, Ryo choking out the last few tears he's got. By the time Jin returns a few minutes later, he's really finished, ready to start the long, painful road to moving on.
Jin drops a plastic convenience store bag on the coffee table. "I got purin and ice cream, just in case. And some chu-hais, 'cause I figure you're a girl and might need a girly drink to soothe your whiney heart."
Ryo punches Jin in the torso, right by his kidney, and Jin mockingly falls for the floor, calling out his final testament of life, and leaves all his worldly possessions to his dog. He's back up in a second, ripping at the paper wrapper of an ice cream sandwich.
Ryo's face is still a little pinched as he slurps up the purin in one giant mouthful, but Pi and Jin smile, because they both know that punch wasn't half-hearted (Jin especially knows), and that it won't be long before Ryo is back to being the snarky, sharp-minded, shrimp of a man that they've known for years.
At the end of the night, Jin stumbles back to his own home, more tired than tipsy. Pi doesn't ask if Ryo is spending the night - he can already guess the answer to that question. Ryo goes to take a shower, lounging in the tub for what seems like a long time, but Pi isn't quite sure, since he falls asleep on the couch for a while before getting up and properly getting in bed. When the bed dips with Ryo's weight, Pi jerks awake, mumbling groggily.
Ryo tugs at the blankets. "Move over a little, will ya?"
He does, rolling over and hugging his pillow. "You'll be okay."
They both know that Pi isn't talking about blankets or space on the bed.
There's a long silent moment between them before Ryo replies quietly, "That doesn't mean right now it doesn't hurt."
"I know," Pi says, reaching out and patting Ryo on the arm. "But you'll be okay."
Ryo snuggles up with the blankets, a casual distance between him and Pi, and it's not long before he dozes off, the sounds of Pi's steady breaths lulling him to sleep.
Pairing/Group: ShigeRyo, PiRyo, platonic JinRyo
Rating/Warnings: Porny goodness
Word Count: 5,670
Summary: The road to heartbreak is ugly and unforgiving, but sometimes unavoidable.
Notes: je_fqfest fic for tatoeba ♥
Once upon a time, they would hold each other close after sex. Ryo would tickle his fingers along Shige's torso; and Shige would laugh softly against Ryo's skin, pressing light kisses in their wake. Life and the world was their playground and they danced along it, always together, always smiling. They couldn't imagine how it could ever end. No one who is in love ever thinks that feeling will end. Or that their partner will grow bored.
-
Ryo is still curled up in bed, hidden by the blankets, head shoved underneath a pillow.
Pi walks in with a cup of coffee, sets it on the bedside table nearest to Ryo.
"Get up, Ryo-chan. It's nearly noon."
The blankets fidget, the pillow falls from off Ryo's head. He peers up, eyes blurry, chest bare, an obvious bruise on the left side of his neck where it slopes down into his shoulder.
Pi yawns, scratches the back of his neck and pads over his dresser, slowly getting dressed. Ryo reaches for the coffee, looking at his dark reflection in the liquid. He puts it back, and curls up under the covers again.
-
Ryo steps out of the shower, just pats dry his skin with a towel and follows the line of the wall to the bedroom.
He flops down, grinning, reaching out for Shige, waking him up.
"What?" Shige whines, halfway rolling over to glare at Ryo over his shoulder.
Ryo just smiles, leans forward and kisses Shige on the corner of his mouth, acting coy, then scoots closer.
"Ugh, what- Go dry your hair!" Shige snaps, "You're getting the pillows wet."
Ryo blinks, a little taken back. "...Will you dry it for me?"
Shige sighs, loudly, like it's bothersome, "Fine, but hurry up."
He jumps out of bed, returning quickly with a towel and handing it over.
Normally, Shige's hands are gentle and he's patient when Ryo has infantile-seeming requests. But this time is different; he's snappish, short, like he's trying to get this over with as soon as possible so he can get back to bed. He finishes quickly, skipping the scalp massage he would normally give and tosses the towel into the hamper.
"Now go to sleep," he says, and curls back in bed.
Ryo sits there a little longer, in the dark, feeling an unpleasant pang in his chest.
-
"Shut up!" Ryo snaps, slamming Jin against the wall, his collar fisted in his hands.
"Dammit, calm down!"
"Don't say that! Ever!"
"You're in fucking denial, dude."
Ryo lets go of Jin, punching him in the shoulder. His face scrunches up, but he doesn't try to strike back.
"You're in fucking denial," Jin says again.
Ryo walks off, sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.
"Just get over him already. This isn't healthy, Ryo!"
"Shut up," Ryo croaks. "Shut up."
-
"Are we okay?" Ryo asks one night, while Shige is putting the leftovers away. He stops awkwardly, tupperware in one hand, the other on the top of the fridge door; it's open, blowing cold air out.
Ryo blinks sadly, and says quietly, "We're not, are we?"
The fridge door closes, and Shige looks at him from the kitchen. "I just- Haven't you-..... You aren't bored? At all? Of anything?"
Ryo shakes his head furiously. "No, no." He bites his lip. "... You're bored?"
Shige coughs, like he's trying to put off saying anything, "I feel like... the spark is gone."
"What?" Ryo gasps, looking horrified. "Gone?"
Shige rests his hands on the counter, pointedly not looking at Ryo.
"You really think so?"
"I'm sorry," Shige says, but it doesn't sounds very enthusiastic.
-
Ryo isn't willing to give up, not when his heart still flutters when Shige enters a room, not when he still goes to sleep with the scent of Shige's cologne on the pillows, not when he can't think of a single person he'll ever love more.
He thinks that maybe, Shige's just so comfortable with them, that it's clouding his vision; he's bored, but like an old-married-couple bored. They're meant to be together and nothing is going to happen to that. They just need to spice things up a little; that'll bring the spark back.
"Let's go out tonight," Ryo says, smiling, driving through Shibuya after work.
"Seriously?" Shige sighs, but doesn't protest any more than that.
Ryo continues smiling as he pulls into a parking garage, driving up and up, passing more than a few open spots.
"What are you doing?" Shige asks, sounding confused; Ryo doesn't answer.
He goes all the way up the roof, there's only one other car, way on the far end. Ryo parks far from it.
"What are you doing?" Shige repeats.
Ryo just unbuckles his seatbelt, leans over Shige's lap, pulls up on the little lever on the side of the seat and pushes his seat back.
"Ryo, what-"
And then he vaults over the gearshift, settling himself on Shige's lap, hands on his chest.
Shige flails, pushing at Ryo. "We're in public!"
"There's no one else here," he whispers and grinds his hips down, biting his lip and watching Shige fight to retain his sanity.
"You are fucking crazy," Shige mutters, but doesn't put up a fight when Ryo kisses him, gnawing softly on his bottom lip.
Ryo is still grinding down, movements getting more frantic as his dick presses against the zipper of his jeans and he feels Shige's growing too.
Shige starts swearing, ripping at Ryo's jeans. "If we're going to fuck in the car, don't be so damn slow about it."
Ryo leans forward, letting Shige pull his jeans and underwear down off one leg, not even worrying about getting them off completely. Shige fists him tight in his hand and Ryo keens, pressing his face into Shige's shirt, rubbing his cheek against it.
"You're going to need to be quiet," Shige whispers, and Ryo can feel him unbuckling his pants.
Ryo shudders, breath hot on Shige's neck, reaches a hand out and thumps about the center console.
Shige knocks his hand away, opening the little compartment next to the gear shift. He presses the condom packet against Ryo's hand until he takes it, then digs out a little foil rectangle of lube.
Ryo tears at the condom, ripping it with his teeth, looking at the blue rubber like it's a little piece of heaven and rolls it down Shige's cock, still fisting it.
When Shige presses two fingers right in, slick and cool, Ryo nearly screams; just grinds his teeth together and moves back towards Shige's fingers. He looks down at Shige, love in his eyes and prays he'll see that looking back at him. He sees a spark, something like love, and Ryo figures it's close enough.
The third finger is a surprise, and Ryo actually does shout, his back arching.
Shige smacks on the thigh lightly, a little reminder.
"Sorry," Ryo whines. "But, I can't-"
"You're gonna have to be."
The fingers are gone, and Shige moves Ryo's hips, pulling him down and pressing up to meet him.
Ryo's mouth hangs slack, open, and little noises fall out; his hips twitch and hands clench in Shige's shirt.
"Go," Shige says, and Ryo doesn't waste a moment.
He rocks back and forth, panting with the effort of it, trapped in an awkward angle in order not to bash his head into the roof of the car. Shige returns his hand, still moist with lube, to Ryo's dick; he moans, moving back and forth between Shige's cock thick up his spine and his slick, tight fingers.
"Quiet," Shige says again, squeezing Ryo.
"I love you," Ryo mouths, not sure if such a thing counts as unacceptable noise.
Shige looks torn for a moment, before Ryo breaks eye contact, coming across Shige's hand and shirt, swallowing his moan.
He twitches above Shige, working to catch his breath. Absently, he hears Shige grab some tissues from the side pocket of the door, and a moment later, he's pitching Ryo forward, letting him rest his weight on Shige's chest and abdomen. He moves his hands back to Ryo's hips, holding him still, some weight on his knees.
He pumps up into Ryo, pressing off from the floor of the car, driven by Ryo's panting and moaning in his ear. Both their bodies damp from sweat, the air in the car heated and smelling of sex - Shige's pace is furious, like there's something more about this moment than Ryo's unspoken "spicing up the relationship" idea.
When he comes, he pulls Ryo's hips down hard, Ryo grunting, in a complaining tone, like he might be left with a bruise (but he's never minded that before).
Ryo would be content to sit like for that hours; just him and Shige and the afterglow of sex.
But they're in the car, and while the roof of the parking garage may be deserted, it's stupid and risky to linger. He pushes Ryo off, back towards the driver's seat.
Reluctantly, he goes back, sitting down gingerly and putting his pants back on. He looks back at Shige, who's checking his hair in the mirror, and Ryo leans over, kissing him on the cheek. Shige jolts, like he's surprised, like Ryo hasn't ever kissed him softly after sex.
"Will you," Shige coughs, "Will you at least roll down the windows?"
"Can we sit here for a little longer?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just... you need to air out the car."
Ryo turns on the car, but only to the first little dash by the keyhole, so the radio and power windows will work. They keep sitting there for a while, and Ryo reaches across the center console, loosely holding a few of Shige's fingers in his hand.
-
"Just stop," Jin snaps. "I'm sick of hearing about this!"
Ryo pouts from where he stands behind the counter, waiting for the water for the tea to boil.
"This shit happens. Just get it the fuck over with, so I don't have to hear your whining any more."
"You don't get it," Ryo mutters, tapping at the laminate.
"We've all been there. You're just putting off the inevitable."
The water boiler tings, but Ryo doesn't move to make the tea. He hears a chair slide, and then Jin's hand lands on his shoulder.
"You know I'm right."
Ryo slaps his hand off and scowls. Jin shoves him back.
-
Ryo's shoes in the genkan of Pi's apartment becomes an increasingly common occurrence. As is his coming home to the shower on, or the smell of ginger pork wafting through, or the vacuum cleaner running.
He pops his head into the bath, just as Ryo climbs into the tub, his hair slicked back.
"This isn't why I asked you to hold onto my spare key, but I don't mind," Pi says, smiling. "Do you mind if I shower? I was out and-"
"It's your apartment," Ryo mumbles, sinking down until his mouth is almost underwater.
"Ah, you're right."
Pi starts to undress, and tests the temperature of the shower on his hand, before wetting his hair.
"I can guess how you'll answer, but how are you?"
The water in the tub bubbles and Pi rubs shampoo into his hair.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Ryo doesn't answer. Pi washes out the shampoo, replaces it with conditioner and lets it soak in for a few minutes. They sit in silence. It's not until Pi finishes his shower that they talk again.
Pi doesn't make a move to get into the tub, but he does rest his arms on the side of it.
"I'm here if you need me," he says.
Ryo nods, and Pi isn't sure if he's flushed from the heat or something else.
A minute later, when Ryo half-lunges out of the bath, arms around Pi's shoulders, voice hoarse and tense, Pi can't really find it in himself to be surprised.
Pi doesn't love Ryo the way that Ryo still loves Shige, even if Shige seems bored, and maybe has already emotionally moved on. Pi is a friend, desperate to provide comfort, and having worked for so long in the entertainment industry has left him opened-minded and accepting of even something like this.
He doesn't sneer or push Ryo away as he crawls out of the tub, water splashing all over the floor; he just keeps sure hands on Ryo's torso, to help him keep his balance on the wet tile floor.
Ryo's lip are instantly on his, lonely and crazy for love, and Pi responds with the opposite - soft affection and solid confidence, keeping his hands on Ryo's warm, damp skin, even though they're already pressed close, chest-to-chest. Ryo's hand falls on his thigh, and drags right up to his crotch, teasing at Pi's skin, like he's trying to prove that he's still a good partner.
Pi is still young enough that such attention doesn't take long to get him worked up and excited, mouthing wetly across Ryo's jaw and pulling a hand away from his back to reciprocate.
When they're together like this, Ryo never says much, just short, simple words and throaty sounds, and Pi wonders if this is what he's like with Shige, or maybe staying quiet is how he tricks himself into thinking Pi is Shige.
The little noise they make - mostly that of skin-on-skin and not voice - echoes off the walls of the bathroom, making the moment almost surreal, until Ryo whispers against Pi's neck a single word: "Please."
Pi nods, and pushes Ryo off him enough so that he can get up, stumble over to the counter and dig out that little plastic bottle that makes Ryo's eyes shine.
He snatches it out of Pi's hand, snapping open the top and his hand disappears behind his back, eyes turning fuzzy, and Pi settles himself back on the floor, back against the tile wall. Moments later, Ryo's crawling into his lap, lube discarded to the side, hands on Pi's shoulders for balance.
Pi realizes well that he is a tool, something to be used by another for their own gain. Giving Ryo what he needs like this isn't much at all different from his work as an idol, so he doesn't protest when Ryo rocks violently on top of him, the muscles in his abdomen and thighs visibly tensing and relaxing, with his erection bobbing between the two of them.
It's furious and demanding and Pi feels like he's just there for the ride; that this whole thing is about Ryo, whose eyes are closed, mouth slack and a jaw, cheeks flushed.
The air in the bathroom is humid and sticky, but Ryo doesn't feel it at all. All he knows is that deep stretch and skin under his hands giving him the leverage to grind down and back up. He doesn't dare open his eyes, doesn't dare break the spell he's put himself under.
He moves one hand down, jerking it rapidly, gasping and moaning as he gets closer and can't hold it back.
Pi comes first, letting himself get lost in his own fantasy, and holds Ryo's waist tight in his hands as his head bumps back into the wall and he rolls up a few times to meet Ryo - the only real action he took in this whole thing. Ryo follows shortly thereafter, like there's no point in going on with this if his partner can't keep up.
-
"I'll do anything you want," Ryo says, quietly, shyly, sitting on the couch, facing Shige, who's focused on the TV.
Shige clicks his tongue. "Is that what this is about?"
"Please?"
It's a simple word, only a couple syllables, but the meaning behind it is so heavy that Shige can feel it, can so obviously tell that Ryo doesn't want to give up on them. Shige thinks that maybe he should just say the words right now and get it over with; end what's left of the farce of their relationship. The bit they have left is like a bitter taste on his tongue and he's unfond of it. Shige doesn't want to hurt Ryo, but dragging it on like this is bad for the both of them.
Shige frowns, still thinking to himself and not replying. Ryo scoots closer on the couch, a quiet pressure.
Shige turns towards him, scowling a little, half mad at Ryo for that and half mad at himself for not being able to end things between them with a clean cut. He reaches out, grabbing the collar of Ryo's shirt tight in his hand and pulling the shorter man close.
"Anything?" He says, voice heavy.
Ryo nods, like he's incapable of speaking.
Shige laughs. "Such dangerous words."
He stands, Ryo's shirt still in his hand, and walks toward the bedroom. Ryo follows; obviously he does, since he's essentially being dragged there, but even if he wasn't, he would have. He has to take awkward, short steps in order not to bump into Shige's heels.
Just inside the door, Shige pushes Ryo towards the bed with a light shove to his shoulder; he keeps standing by the door jam and Ryo stands at the foot of the bed.
"Undress," is all Shige says.
Ryo's face flushes with the force of just that one word, and he does.
Something about the moment feels embarrassing and it makes Ryo meek, unable to keep eye contact with Shige, normally something easy for him.
"Sit."
He does, and stares at the floorboards while he waits for whatever is going to come next.
"Touch yourself," Shige says, barely above a whisper, yet firm. "Like how you want me to touch you."
Ryo whines, under his breath, hands twitching on the bedspread.
"What are you waiting for?"
Ryo closes his eyes, lifting his hands to his chest, rubbing his nipples under the pads of his fingers.
"Is that really where you want me to touch you?" Shige asks, and Ryo shakes his head.
Shige doesn't need to direct him any more than that, and Ryo moves his hands down, lingering just barely at the indentations of his abs. He trembles when his hand brushes against his member for the first time, his skin feeling more sensitive than normal.
It's strangely not difficult for him to imagine that it really is Shige that's touching him. The room is quiet, except for his own little noises, and the air is stuffy and warm, like Shige really is close to him and not a meter and a half away. He's attentive to the touches, coming to life in his own hand, twitching and gasping, the head red and puffed out, Shige's name whispered from his lips.
A hand closes around his wrist - Shige's - and holds his hand still. Ryo can barely smell his cologne and he leans his head forward, nose brushing against Shige's shirt.
"Open your eyes."
Ryo does and blinks a few times to focus his vision and notices right away that Shige's looking straight at him, eyes dark, looking like he wants to say something. He holds Ryo's focus for a long time before he leans down, pressing his face into Ryo's hair.
This is the last time, Shige thinks, I'll give him one last moment.
He pushes Ryo's legs up. "Scoot back further on the bed."
Ryo grabs his hands, pulling Shige with him, eyes still completely focused on Shige.
Shige leans over Ryo, his face against the other's neck, breathing damp against his skin, and Ryo trembles, softly laying his hands on Shige's waist. Shige wraps a hand around Ryo's erection, his thumb rubbing against the head. Ryo grunts and pushes himself up into Shige's hand.
Shige keeps rubbing, the rest of his hand absolutely still and it drives Ryo crazy, his body flopping around, pushing and pulling at Shige, looking at him with foggy, sex-filled eyes. But Shige lingers in that touch, making Ryo feel nothing but that.
"Shige," he whimpers, nearly biting the pillow. "Do something."
He laughs, quietly, but not in a mean way, and takes a little pity on Ryo, moving his hand so lightly it can't even really be called a handjob.
"You hate me," Ryo whines, and Shige just leans forward and kisses each of his cheekbones.
"No," is all he says.
Shige leans back a little, so he can move the weight off his other hand, and drags the backs of his fingers across Ryo's chest, flicking at each of his nipples.
Ryo stretches one hand out, trying to grasp Shige's pants, but he's just barely able to scratch at his belt from the angle he has.
"Shige, let me."
"Hm?"
Ryo looks right into Shige's eyes, determined and hungry, and Shige smirks in reply, drawing his hands away from Ryo. In the same moment that he's moving himself towards the headboard and leaning his back against it, Ryo sits up, practically rips off Shige's belt and jeans and mouths at the pale skin where the inseam of his boxer-briefs end. He moves up, just enough, and moans into the cotton when he feels Shige's dick under his tongue, twitching as he licks at it through the fabric. Shige lifts a hand, holding Ryo's hair out of his line of vision.
Ryo pulls the underwear out of the way, and flicks his tongue against the head of Shige's cock, like he's mimicking Shige's own actions from earlier. Shige can't really find the energy to glare or tell Ryo to get on with it, but he knows he doesn't really need to. Ryo has that twinkle in his eyes that says he knows he's about to get laid and he's eager for it.
It's barely a few seconds after Shige recognizes that twinkle that Ryo moves one hand up, holding Shige around the base and a little away from his lower stomach, and Ryo slides the whole thing in his mouth, looking up at Shige when his lips bump into his fingers. Ryo swallows - Shige would have been able to tell even if they hadn't been looking right at each other - and Shige's hands clench the sheets. Ryo pulls back, sucking hotly on just the top half, languidly pumping the bottom half.
Ryo leans back, smacking and licking his lips. He draws his eyes down Shige's chest and abdomen, settling on his cock, his breath puffing against it.
"You're so hard," he whispers, leaning back in enough to lick wetly across the head.
"What're you gonna do about that?"
Ryo smirks and crawls up Shige's body, until he's practically sitting in the other's lap. He rolls his hips, in a mocking action of sex and sucks at Shige's bottom lip like it's his cock. Shige's hands grab Ryo's backside, fingers digging sharply into what little ass he has. It should be almost painful with how tight Shige's grip is, but Ryo just keens, throwing his head back and breaking the sort-of kiss, grinding down against Shige harder. Shige bites his clavicle, probably hard enough to leave a mark.
"Fuck me," Ryo mutters into the stuffy air above their heads.
"You think I had some other plan?"
Shige pushes Ryo off, who rolls to the side, settling on his back, legs wide apart. With one hand, Shige fumbles around the bedside table, grabbing lube, and with the other, strips off his shirt. As he moves back towards Ryo, the shorter pulls his legs up to his chest, completely exposing himself to Shige, absolutely shameless.
He moans when Shige's finger touch him, wet and slick, and he nearly shouts when Shige leans in, sucking at the skin just below his balls.
"I love you," Ryo chokes out, just as Shige presses a second finger in.
It takes him a moment, and when he does reply, all Shige says is, "I know," into Ryo's thigh, because he's too scared to look up into Ryo's eyes.
Ryo gets twitchy when he's emotionally and physically worked up, completely unable to keep still on the bedspread as Shige pulls away and rubs clear lube on himself. Even though they're both ready, Shige spends a long moment staring at some spot just beyond Ryo's right knee, and the only thing that brings him back to reality is Ryo poking him in the stomach with his foot and whining Shige's name just above a whisper.
As Shige pushes in, the noise, and even the expression, that Ryo makes can only be described as "content," and he looks up at Shige through heavy eyelashes. Shige closes his eyes, overwhelmed. Ryo's fingers skitter along his forearms, finally holding loosely around Shige's elbows, his thumbs rubbing softly against the skin there.
The pace is lackadaisical, unrushed, and Ryo bumps his hips back to meet each of Shige's thrusts, his breath puffing out each time they meet like that. Ryo tugs at Shige's elbows, pulling them closer, and Shige lets himself rest a little of his weight on Ryo's chest, the rest spread between his knees and hands on the bed.
Ryo's skin feels prickly against his, and as they move together, Shige is almost regretful that he fell out of love with Ryo. He knew they had something together and while it lasted it was wonderful. Shige thinks it makes perfectly logical sense that he feels like the bad guy in this situation.
"Shige," Ryo mutters, suddenly, breaking the near-silence of the room. "Can-... Will you..."
There's a lot of things in bed that Ryo wants, but can't generally bring himself to say; Shige knows this. He's gotten pretty good at figuring Ryo out.
He leans back, pulling out of Ryo slowly, and rubs his hands up and down Ryo's thighs, careful of cramps that might develop. Ryo is impatient though, laying still only momentarily before he flips himself over onto his hands and knees. Shige can see where a faint blush is spreading around the sides of his neck and up the back.
Shige sits up, petting Ryo's hips, and realizes part of him is happy that Ryo asked for this, because it means he doesn't have to remember to be conscious of his facial expression. Though, when Ryo sighs softly, Shige's heart clenches.
He picks up where they left off, only a little faster and Ryo's hips firmly in his hands. Ryo readjusts his weight, and Shige doesn't pay much attention to that, until Ryo moans and tenses and it's obvious what one of his hands is doing.
It doesn't take long for him to come; it generally doesn't. He shudders, groaning Shige's name into a pillow and tightens up, forcing Shige to stop and let Ryo calm down before he starts back up again.
Shige rubs his back. "Are your arms tired?"
Ryo nods, and starts lying down, right cheek and arms against the pillow, Shige following after him.
"I won't take too much longer."
Ryo grumbles something that sounds like, "Don't worry about that."
It's such a Ryo-like thing to say.
Shige starts moving above him again, settled between Ryo's legs, rolling and thrusting into him in a smooth rhythm. It's not a position they ever used much; Shige always thought it felt like he was taking advantage of Ryo to an extent. Ryo never cared though.
One of Ryo's hands reaches down, grabbing for Shige's and twining their fingers together. Shige tightens his fingers around Ryo's, and pitches his body forward, letting his forehead rest just below were Ryo's neck meets his shoulders.
Shige knows how much Ryo hates a mess, and it's such a natural reaction for him to pull out when he feels that tight coil in his gut, just about to explode, and comes across Ryo's lower back, gasping and exhaling loudly. Ryo starts reaching for the tissues, but he can't quite reach them from where he is. Shige pats his hips, a silent "Relax, I'll get it."
Once everything is cleaned up, they settle together under the blankets, Ryo using Shige's shoulder as his new pillow. He falls asleep quickly, sated and warm against Shige, who for his part, is awake for quite awhile longer, trying to figure out how to say what needs to be said while hurting Ryo as little as possible. He thinks a relationship as complicated like theirs could only end as equally complicated.
-
Shige doesn't make an elaborate breakfast, because he knows if he does, once he's finished saying what needs to be said, Ryo will probably throw it at him. In lieu of that, he brings Ryo a mug of green tea, sitting on the edge of the bed with it while Ryo rubs his eyes sleepily.
Ryo blinks away the last bits of sleep from his mind and frowns once he looks at Shige. "Why are you up already? And dressed?"
Shige hands him the tea, and doesn't say anything. It's just the right temperature to drink, so Ryo takes a few short sips while he waits for Shige. The moment is odd, as is Shige's behavior, and it worries him.
Abruptly, Shige stands, turning on the hardwood floor towards Ryo and drops to his knees. Ryo stiffens, the mug tight between his fingers; Shige is sitting in the traditional, all-purpose, I-fucked-up kneeling position.
"Ryo-"
"What are you doing?" He croaks, fumbling to put the mug on the side table.
"... I can't bring myself to lie to you anymore," Shige whispers. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I think it would be best if we stopped."
Ryo coughs, trying to alleviate the tension in his throat, but it doesn't work, and his voice comes out hoarse and sounding just as heartbroken as he must look, "But I love you."
Shige fists his hands in his jeans. "I know. I'm sorry."
The words hit him like a train, sudden and forceful and more painful than he can comprehend. He tries to recollect the last time Shige had said he'd loved him too; he can't remember. It only hurts more to realize it had been that long.
"I'll go now," Shige says, standing.
Ryo's too in shock to do much else but nod and watch Shige walk out of the bedroom and absently hear the front door open and close. Ryo doesn't know for how long he sits in bed, his mind a jumble of 'when's and 'why's.
-
When Jin opens the door, even though it's Pi's apartment (not an especially rare occurrence), he almost slams it shut in the knocker's face. But when he takes a second look, the poor bastard just looks so miserable and broken, eyes red and cheeks blotchy, and Jin drags him in, and then slams the door shut.
"I told you," he says, and Ryo just sniffles, and wipes his nose on the sleeve of his jacket.
Jin scoffs and pushes him further into the apartment. Pi is looking over the edge of the couch, curious, and he bolts up the second he sees Ryo.
"What hap-" he starts, but realizes that the answer is obvious. He frets for a moment before pulling Ryo into a tight hug.
"You shouldn't have let him get the last word in. Be a man about that, at the very least."
Pi glares at Jin over Ryo's shoulder. "You're really not helping."
There's a long silence, until Ryo mutters into the collar of Pi's shirt, "I still love him."
Jin physically falters, balancing himself on the wall.
"I know it hurts. I get it," Pi says, rubbing soft circles on Ryo's back. "You can stay here as long as you need to."
There's stumbling noises from the genkan, and the door opens, closes; Jin's gone, but they know he'll be back. Pi and Ryo settle on the couch, Ryo choking out the last few tears he's got. By the time Jin returns a few minutes later, he's really finished, ready to start the long, painful road to moving on.
Jin drops a plastic convenience store bag on the coffee table. "I got purin and ice cream, just in case. And some chu-hais, 'cause I figure you're a girl and might need a girly drink to soothe your whiney heart."
Ryo punches Jin in the torso, right by his kidney, and Jin mockingly falls for the floor, calling out his final testament of life, and leaves all his worldly possessions to his dog. He's back up in a second, ripping at the paper wrapper of an ice cream sandwich.
Ryo's face is still a little pinched as he slurps up the purin in one giant mouthful, but Pi and Jin smile, because they both know that punch wasn't half-hearted (Jin especially knows), and that it won't be long before Ryo is back to being the snarky, sharp-minded, shrimp of a man that they've known for years.
At the end of the night, Jin stumbles back to his own home, more tired than tipsy. Pi doesn't ask if Ryo is spending the night - he can already guess the answer to that question. Ryo goes to take a shower, lounging in the tub for what seems like a long time, but Pi isn't quite sure, since he falls asleep on the couch for a while before getting up and properly getting in bed. When the bed dips with Ryo's weight, Pi jerks awake, mumbling groggily.
Ryo tugs at the blankets. "Move over a little, will ya?"
He does, rolling over and hugging his pillow. "You'll be okay."
They both know that Pi isn't talking about blankets or space on the bed.
There's a long silent moment between them before Ryo replies quietly, "That doesn't mean right now it doesn't hurt."
"I know," Pi says, reaching out and patting Ryo on the arm. "But you'll be okay."
Ryo snuggles up with the blankets, a casual distance between him and Pi, and it's not long before he dozes off, the sounds of Pi's steady breaths lulling him to sleep.