Re: Panacea; part vii
TITLE: Re: Panacea; part vii
PAIRING: KoyaShige, maybe some extremely vague TegoMasu. With appearances by TOKIO.
RATING: NC17
WORD COUNT: 4,975
SUMMARY: The doctors drill him on his friendship with Koyama. He admits the hand holding. They're not happy. Berate Shige about how that was detrimental to Koyama's treatment. Shige tells them he thinks Koyama's scared and lonely and needs some one. They tell Shige he's not a doctor.
WARNINGS: AU. Totally inaccurate rehabilitation procedures. Dubious sexual context at times.
Recap, part vi:
Koyama leaves the facility, promptly finding an apartment and employment. Shige is melancholic without Koyama around. Koyama starts thinking about what to do to help Shige with his therapy; he buys an old Polaroid camera for Shige on a whim. Shige appears to get interested in photography. He asks Koyama for a picture, and then gives Koyama a few in return. Shige tells Koyama why he's worried about his therapy and fights against it. Tegoshi receives his discharge. Shigeru-san (Shige's doctor) asks Koyama to keep supporting Shige.
-
Koyama's sessions are usually on the same days, at the same times, and Shige knows that. He waits in the common room, for the direct purpose of seeing Koyama, and spending time with him.
It's normal. The only time Shige missed that was when he was sick.
He turns up absent again, but Koyama doesn't let himself fret.
After two weeks though, Koyama can't help it. He starts getting anxious, flops down in the seat next to Yamashita, eye's wide, voice strained.
"Where's Shige?"
Yamashita blinks, like he's confused, and Nishikido loudly slurps his tea.
"His room. Probably," Yamashita says after a moment.
Koyama whines, "Why?!"
"He's working on his therapy," Nishikido snaps.
"But-"
"Let him rest, Koyama," Yamashita whispers. "Shige's been having a hard time lately."
Koyama scoots his chair closer, lowering his voice, like there's some juicy Shige-gossip.
"I've heard he's been having daily sessions. Really intense daily sessions. Shige's a tough case, and all that.... he's been exhausted. Eats like a robot, absently nods his head if you ask him anything."
"If he comes out at all," Nishikido adds.
"Shige needs his rest. Just be patient."
Koyama leans back in his seat, frowning, eyes downcast.
It's been two weeks since they last talked, and Koyama misses Shige. He feels lethargic, unmotivated. But he steels himself, because if Shige's working hard and going through the treatment, he could wait forever. He asked Shige to be serious, and now that he is, Koyama has no room to complain.
He lies in bed that night, looking at the photo of himself that Shige gave him a week prior. The edges are already looking worn and discolored from frequent handling.
More than anything else, Koyama wants Shige to get better. To be better. To breathe the stale air of the city. To struggle to find a spot for his bike at a rack outside a train station. To sit with Koyama in a little izakaya during happy hour.
Regardless of how selfish is might sound, Koyama wants Shige out in the world with him.
But he can't forget Jin's words from so long ago; "The docs are having to completely break him down. And once that's done, they have to rebuild him."
-
After another week though, Koyama grows desperate for even a fleeting glance of Shige.
He camps out in the common room, growing despondent when Sakurai tells Koyama that Shige most likely won't be coming out.
Yamashita and Nishikido are absent as well, probably hiding out in their room, since sessions are usually done by this time in the evening.
Occasionally, another patient will come out from the west wing. When Koyama hears the creak of the hinge, his head snaps around, nearly giving him whip-lash each time.
But it's never Shige. And Koyama returns to his previous posture, waiting like a loyal dog.
At 7:30pm, Koyama figures Shige won't be coming out. But his legs won't let him leave; they take him right in front of the west wing doors. He stands outside them awkwardly, since he can't go in.
It's almost like they had more freedom when Koyama was a patient too.
"Shige," he whines, voice quiet.
And then, Koyama remembers something: Tegoshi telling him about the time he stood outside the door shouting for Shige once, and he came out.
At his age, and with his personality, Koyama finds the prospect horribly embarrassing.
That doesn't stop him though.
"Shige!" he says louder, and again, "Shige!"
A few nurses give him strange looks, but don't do anything.
He keeps shouting Shige's name, waving away the few patients that tell him to quiet down. There are more important things than other people right now.
7:45pm. The north wing doors open. It's Jin.
"What the hell are you screaming about, Koyama?" He mutters.
Koyama ignores him too.
7:50pm.
There's shuffling on the other side of the west wing doors.
"Shige?" Koyama calls.
And when the doors open, it's Shige. Hair frizzy, eyes red, pallor pale, wearing a facility-issued yukata. In his left hand, the Polaroid camera Koyama gave him.
"S-Shige!" Koyama gasps, instantly going into fret-mode, pulling Shige aside of the doors. "What happened?! You look so...."
"Awful," Shige croaks. "You can say it. It's okay."
"You look exhausted."
Shige nods. "It's hard work."
He doesn't have to say what's hard. Koyama knows. Treatment is like that.
Shige looks over Koyama's shoulder. "A-Akanishi-kun? Do you have a moment?"
His answer his a sashay over to the two of them and then blatantly checking out Koyama.
"Do you... mind taking our picture?"
"Oh, no. Not at all," he says, taking the camera, and stepping back a few feet.
Shige presses himself close to Koyama, flush from shoulders almost to their knees.
Koyama had forgotten how warm Shige always felt, like he's just come in from a sunny day. His hand twitches and his heart clenches. Being so close to Shige after weeks of nothing is intoxicating. Not a glance, not a smile, not a lovingly condescending correction, not a soft graze of hands together. This is almost too much, too fast.
Jin pulls the camera up to his face, placing them in the viewfinder. "Say Cheese..."
Neither of them say it.
Koyama feels his body shudder; he can't help the movement. He doesn't feel like himself; feels completely out of control of his body. Like it's running utterly on primal desires and wants.
Just as the flash goes off, he throws himself towards Shige, arms around his torso, face pressed into his neck, squeezing him close.
Jin swears somewhere behind him.
"K-Koyama," Shige whispers in an embarrassed tone.
It takes another short moment until Koyama can will himself to pull away. "Sorry. I just-"
Shige shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Just don't mess up the next one."
Koyama nods, holds his body stiff. Shige steps close again and Koyama can't control his hand as it drifts towards Shige's lower back, settling there like that spot is where it's supposed to be.
Shige doesn't move, twitch, nothing. No sign that he can feel the hand, but more importantly, no sign that he doesn't want it there. Koyama exhales deeply.
"Are we ready now?" Jin asks, obviously annoyed that this is taking so long.
"Yeah, sorry," is all Koyama says.
The second picture turns out much better. Koyama's smiling normally, but Shige's looks a little strained.
Shige motions towards the second picture. "You can have that one."
"Eh? But then you'll have the first one, and that one is awful. I messed it up. You have the good one."
"I like this one." Shige holds the first picture - which is mostly Koyama's head and back, and just the very top of Shige's head - tightly.
"But, Shige-"
"I think it's beautiful."
Koyama's jaw drops; he's taken aback. Completely speechless.
"Um.. okay. If that's what you want..."
Shige nods and looks at the picture with soft eyes.
A nurse calls time. It's 8pm.
Koyama clicks his tongue in irritance.
"I know you're working hard on the treatment, and all, but... Don't leave me so alone, okay? It's still tough for me without you."
Shige looks up, nods, and reaches for Koyama's hand, holding it gently. "Please wait just a little longer for me."
A nurse snaps for Shige to go back to his wing.
"I'd wait for you forever. But I'd prefer it if I didn't have to," Koyama whispers.
Shige smiles, face glowing and returns his room.
-
On a Saturday, a little while later, Koyama meets up with Tegoshi and Massu.
It's weird, seeing them outside of the facility, but it's reassuring when he realizes they're still exactly the same (with the exception of their addictions); Tegoshi creates the flow and Massu goes along with it.
They sit at a picnic table at the park, enjoying the sun, eating from convenience store bento lunches. Tegoshi steals one of Massu's karaage. He repays it with a pudding when Massu furrows his brow and looks unhappy.
"Kei-chan, how are the others?" Tegoshi finally asks.
He grumbles. "Okay-ish? I can't tell about Nishikido-kun and Yamashita-kun. Shige's... he's doing better. He's exhausted a lot of the time now, but it's because he's properly participating in his therapy."
Massu chokes on his drink. "Seriously?!" he nearly shouts. "Are you serious?"
Koyama nods, a little shocked my Massu's reaction.
Tegoshi smiles. "It's so nice to hear that. I miss Shige."
"You miss bothering him."
"Well..... Yes," Tegoshi laughs.
The three of them banter back and forth, talking less about the facility than might be expected. There are more interesting things. Like Massu's job as a physical trainer at a gym in his neighborhood, or how Tegoshi has decided to get a degree in psychology and is getting ready to take entrance exams soon. Koyama feels like his life is boring in comparison; part-time job at a kindergarten and a handful of weekly treks to the facility for sessions with Taichi-san.
Tegoshi starts going off about something else, talking like the only point is to hear his own voice. Koyama nods at all the right places, and partially zones out.
He just watches the two of them, how they're in sync and react to other. But considering they were roommates for who-knows-how-long, it's probably not very surprising.
A few clouds move and the sun shines brighter. Tegoshi turns his head up and glares at the sky, takes off his jacket.
"Summer is coming early this year, I guess," he whines. "I don't have that many summer clothes..."
"You have a ton," Massu quickly interjects, patting Tegoshi on the shoulder. "You don't need to go shopping."
Koyama's eyes shuffle between the two of them for the short moment that Tegoshi is looking to the side, like he's thinking.
"Ah, you're right," he says, finally, turning towards Massu. "I think a lot of them are in the attic. I should go looking when I get home."
And then the conversation moves on.
Koyama's jaw nearly drops when it hits him, how the two of them are managing out in a world that is based so strongly upon consumerist tenancies and the need for the newest, bestest thing as soon as it comes out.
They have each other, one always looking out for the other. Individually, they have weaknesses still, even after being deemed 'cured', but it's alright, because together, they're strong.
Koyama smiles, wide, and Tegoshi's eyes light up, thinking that the smile is Koyama's response to an unfortunate pun he'd just said. Massu, for his part, doesn't seem amused by it.
-
Shige's sitting at a table, alone, turning an apple over in his hands, like it's a toy, rather than food. He's completely zoned out, looking out the window, but not seeing anything.
Nishikido is standing awkwardly near the book window, holding a book tightly in his hands, trying to figure out what to do. What would be uplifting. What would be positive. What would be best to say to Shige right now, who's facing the one thing he's always dreaded, the one thing he never knows how to deal with.
Every one knows what's going on. For some one like Shige, who's been in so long, he's practically a celebrity, one of the few people in the facility that have seen so many people come and go. Like a grandfather or a patriarch, he knows many secrets.
He doesn't know the secret of getting out though. That's the one that's alluded him for so long.
So the other patients are giving him a wide berth today, even Yamashita and Nishikido whom have known him for a quite a while.
Today is the day of Shige's 36 month review, and no one knows what to expect.
-
"But he's been working so hard," Shigeru complains. "He knows that. We know that."
Taichi frowns, "Just because he's working hard doesn't mean he should be discharged. Considering he's taken to long to get to this point, doesn't that show he still needs a lot of guidance?"
"I'm with Taichi on this," Matsuoka adds, lifting his hands in the air like he's done with the conversation.
"I don't know," Nagase mutters, scratching the back of his head before speaking up. "Shigeru has a point. I mean, isn't it really discouraging to Katou-kun if, after all this progress, we give him nothing in recognition?"
Taichi face palms. "I will not agree to a half-discharge. He is nowhere near ready for that."
Shigeru's brows furrow, and he looks like he's steeling himself for a long fight.
A pen clicks idly, followed by scritches on newsprint paper, the four doctors turn to their fifth member, the freelancer, the only one among them that isn't tied to a specific wing, the guy who bounces around as he pleases, hand-picks his patients.
"Yamaguchi. What do you think?" Taichi asks.
He adds something to a crossword before answering, "Something has to be done to recognize Katou-kun. But I don't think a discharge of any kind is appropriate."
Matsuoka moves to stand, thinking the meeting is over with Yamaguchi siding with him and Taichi.
"So give him a pass."
Matsuoka freezes, awkwardly half-standing. "What?"
"Like, a two-day pass or something. Let him get out, Breathe the fresh air. Go to an onsen. I dunno." Yamaguchi turns back to the crossword.
There's silence between the five of them for a long while.
"But we can't just... set him free. Who knows if he'd even come back. We have to release him into some one's care..." Taichi whines.
Simultaneously, three cell phones beep; alarms.
"We can finish this later," Yamaguchi mumbles, standing, stretching. "Some of us have sessions."
Shigeru leaves the little conference room with a harsh frown on his face, feeling dejected. A few days' pass was less than he'd been hoping for concerning Katou-kun. He opens a door, steps into the common room, meaning to cut through it on his way to the west wing. It's just past the lunch rush, a few last stragglers in the room.
It's like fate that his eyes land on Koyama, who's talking with Yamashita near the east wing doors. Yamashita gestures occasionally towards Shige, who's still alone, like he's giving Koyama a warning about the circumstances.
Shigeru grins, and steps cheerfully the rest of the way to office.
-
Four days later, after Koyama's re-adjusted his work and therapy session schedules, clearing any obligations he might have, he arrives at the facility to pick-up Shige. He's grinning like an idiot.
Shigeru's patting him on the shoulder, giving him recommendations about things to do, while Shige shifts a small duffel bag between his hands awkwardly.
Shige seems worried, apprehensive, unsure. So on the train, Koyama rambles on about nothing, different things that are happening around the city.
They swing by Koyama's place to drop of Shige's bag. It's only supposed to be momentary; there are better things to do.
But Shige lingers, looking over every little thing, but he stops completely when he comes upon the pictures he's given Koyama. He doesn't say anything about them. Just looks. Koyama's the one who drags him away, back to the station and into the city center.
-
The first stop seems inconsequential to Shige.
They take the train downtown, to Ginza. Some little hole-in-the-wall cafe. Koyama leaves him at a table while he gets drinks.
"Do you remember me telling you about this place?" He asks, bringing back two mugs.
Shige ponders. "It seems familiar..."
"Ahh, Shige," Koyama whines. "You don't listen to me at all when I'm talking, do you?"
Shige laughs, and to Koyama it feels like it's been forever since he's heard that sound.
They drink their mochas, talking quietly
Shige admits he has no plans. Nothing he's dying to see or do. He just wants to hang out in the city, not thinking or talking about the facility and related topics.
Koyama asks if Shige would like to see his parents.
His face turns grim. "No... I don't think so. I'd rather spend this time with you."
Koyama's heart swells, and he reaches across the table to grasp Shige's hand.
-
They spend the rest of the day meandering around town.
Watching performers at Ueno Park. Letting Shige gush over digital cameras in an electronics store. Flipping through travel magazines in a bookstore, pointing out all the places they'd each like to go. The last stop of the day is the supermarket, where Koyama asks what Shige wants for dinner.
He cough-laughs, then says, "Ah, whatever it fine. I don't want to be a bother."
"Shige."
"Um, well.... Yakisoba."
Koyama sighs. "Of all of the possibilities, you want Yakisoba? Shige, if you want something more extravagant it's okay."
"It's been a long time since I've had good Yakisoba," Shige says, nearly pouting. "You know damn well that the cooks always make it too salty."
Koyama blinks, then makes a disgusted face. "Oh, God, you're right. Alright. Yakisoba."
So, it's a simple meal of yakisoba on the little griddle that Koyama's sister bought him as an apartment-warming gift. Shige insists on helping clean up, and Koyama tries to fight it, but some how, they end smushed together in front of the sink washing and drying dishes.
There's a badly dubbed Chinese action movie on TV that they decide to watch after flipping through the TV Guide. The two curl up, sitting on Koyama's folded-up futon, wrapping the blanket around their shoulders, because Koyama's apartment has poor insulation.
It's only ten minutes into the movie when Koyama can't take it any more.
He turns off the TV with the remote, turns to Shige, who's about to say something. It doesn't get out; Koyama's kissing him, one hand on Shige's thigh under the blanket and the other tilting Shige's face into a more comfortable angle for the both of them.
Shige makes a surprised sound, then practically throws himself at Koyama, wrapping arms around his middle and pressing closer to him. Koyama drags Shige's closest leg across his lap, essentially pulling Shige into his lap. The blanket gets tangled up in Shige's legs, and crumpled up between Koyama's back and the wall.
Koyama slips his hands up the back of Shige's shirt. "It's been a while..."
Shige leans down, pressing his face close into Koyama's neck, breathing heavy. "Let's spend all day in tomorrow."
"Wha-," Koyama gasps, unconsciously pulling Shige closer. "Are you serious? That's how you want to spend-"
"Yes," Shige replies, with no hesitation or doubt. "Now, stop talking."
He pulls back enough to lick across the corner of Koyama's mouth, biting at his bottom lip. Koyama moans, rolling his hips up, and meets Shige's lips for a harsh kiss, teeth scraping across fragile skin.
Their clothes don't last long, not when it's been so long since they've last been alone together. It's frantic, the pace at which Koyama tears Shige's clothes away, and Shige pulls Koyama's shirt and pants off.
But once they're down to their underwear, Shige still more in Koyama's lap than not, the pace stops, the air calms. Koyama sighs, pressing his forehead against Shige's, one hand on his back, the other lightly grasping Shige's hand. There's no need to rush. No time limit. No Sakurai waiting to bust in on them.
It would have been impossible to do this at the facility; for Koyama to slowly love Shige the way he wants to. It was always a rush there.
He drags his hand up Shige's back, laughing quietly at how Shige trembles lightly, obviously more from ticklishness than fright or worry. He lowers his face, pressing his cheek against Shige's, sighing, his eyes closed, and thinks that this moment is what he's been waiting for. That it's showing him what every future moment could be like. That he just needs to be patient. He fucked without meaning for so long and searched for something to satisfy him without any luck for years. Koyama's finally found that person, and he's in his arms, and Koyama's willing to do anything.
Shige twitches, canting his head, nipping at Koyama's lips, looking for another kiss. And Koyama obliges, pressing back against Shige, directing him to lie down, and Shige does so, Koyama's hands on his back, supporting him.
Koyama kisses a slow line across Shige's upper chest, from one shoulder to the other. Follows the left side of his rib cage down to his belly-button, follows the right side up.
Shige's squirming, making little whining noises deep in his chest whenever Koyama comes across an especially sensitive spot. He tugs Koyama up to his face, runs a hand through his hair, and kisses Koyama gently on his lips, exhales softly.
"What do you want?" Koyama asks, whispering.
In any other tone, it would almost be dirty, scandalous. But here, it's nothing of the sort. It's loving. Tender.
"Everything," Shige replies. "Everything you want to give me."
It's unspoken between them, that this moment is precious, because neither knows when it might appear again. Shige is still a patient, committed to a work-addiction treatment regimen. His time and freedom are not his own, he lives by a different schedule, and they do no live having easy access to one another. Hesitation is unacceptable, not when they're both craving this so strongly.
Shige takes the bold move, slipping his hands down Koyama's body, dipping into his boxers, pulling Koyama's hips flush against his.
Koyama groans, hands skittering across Shige's body, ending up pulling at Shige's underwear, taking them off and throwing them somewhere over near the closet. Shige follows suits with Koyama's.
Koyama leans forward, resting the weight of his body heavily on his forearms that are up near Shige's head. He dips his hips down, rubbing himself against Shige's lower half, the two of them keening and moaning together. Koyama does it again, but with more force, grinding against Shige's body.
Koyama has one knee between Shige's legs and visa-versa, but it's sudden and completely without any warning that Shige pulls his leg out from between Koyama's, settling his knees on either side of Koyama's hips. He looks up at Koyama, eyes heavy and dark and utterly trusting. He knows Koyama won't hurt him, knows that he is something precious to Koyama.
"S-Shige, we can't," Koyama finally chokes out.
"But I want you," Shige says, pulling Koyama closer, making his intentions clear.
Koyama swears, stares blankly at the wall, forces himself to calm down. "I... don't have the stuff for it. Lube. Condoms."
Shige clicks his tongue in annoyance. "What kind of recovering sex-addict are you?"
"I've been waiting for you," he replies, very quietly.
"You knew I was coming. Why didn't you get it?"
"I didn't want to presume."
Koyama's still looking away, taking slow breaths. He feels Shige sit up, almost back to sitting in his lap. There's a hand on his cheek, turning his face so they can properly look at each.
"Will you get it tomorrow?"
"Yes," Koyama blurts out, pulling them close together. "In the mean time, I'll take care of you in other methods."
Shige blinks, flushing lightly, if that's even possible at this point, and Koyama pushes him down on his back again. He doesn't dare work his way down like he'd been trying; it only got him side-tracked. So he starts at what had been his goal.
Shige is the sort of person who's sensitive to the atmosphere. It's obvious, because Koyama's barely touched his erection at all, but he's already half-hard, thickening up in Koyama's grasp as he slowly pumps it in his fist, licking around the base, taking frequent, careful looks up at Shige.
Shige, for his part, is looking right at Koyama, like he's trying to memorize every part of this. He's got fingers on every bit of Koyama's skin that he can reach and trembles softly whenever they make eye contact.
When Shige finally tears his eyes away, it's not until when Koyama takes his erection fully in his mouth, heavy and wet down to the base, throat constricting the head of his cock.
Koyama swallows, the tightness only intensifying, and Shige moans, loud and like a porn star, then bites his lip, as though in an effort to keep any more noise from spilling out. Koyama pulls back, drags his teeth just across the head and sucks Shige down completely again.
His thighs and hips are twitching in Koyama's grasp, like he's trying to jump off the floor, his skin is becoming slick with sweat. Shige's not even trying to keep up the eye contact any more, his face is half-pressed into the hardwood floor, and the other half into Koyama's discarded shirt. His hips jerk in time with Koyama's movements and he keeps muttering partial sentences that Koyama can't hear over the slick-slide of his mouth on Shige.
Koyama drags his right hand down Shige's hip, closer to where it would be more useful; he replaces his mouth with that hand. Shige making a whining noise, then immediately with another loud moan, because Koyama's giving his balls the same treatment he was just giving Shige's cock. Tongue laving thickly across them, sucking them into his mouth and watching Shige come apart completely as much as he can.
Shige's hands flutter across Koyama's skin and floor as he takes gasping breaths, body shining with sweat. He digs his fingernails into Koyama's skin, calls his name weakly, continuously until he's answered.
"What? I'm kind of of busy down here," he says in fake-irritance.
Shige pulls at his under arms. "Come back," he whines.
Koyama blinks, thinking about that statement for a few scant seconds before smiling, and moving up, keeping his hand on Shige's cock.
"Did you miss me?" He jokes and Shige nods, pulling Koyama in for a deep kiss, tongues sliding wet across one another.
Shige lasts barely another minute, moaning Koyama's name against his lips, hips jolting, spilling completely in Koyama's hand.
He falls back against the floor, Koyama hovering just above him, kissing Shige's neck in a relaxing manner. Koyama reaches his hand out, wiping it across some one's shirt.
It's another minute of silence, broken only by Shige's heavy breathing before either of them speaks, and it's Koyama who finally does.
"Keiichirou," he says, and Shige grunts in response. "Call me 'Keiichirou'."
Shige's incapable of blushing right now, but Koyama figures if he could manage, he would be.
"Seriously?" He finally says.
"Yeah. I've practically called you by your first name since we first met."
Shige sighs, breath puffing against Koyama's skin. "K... Keiichirou."
Koyama gasps hearing it, and his hips jerks against Shige's body, his cock still hard. "The way you say that... I could come just from that."
Shige doesn't answer, his hands twitching, barely, against Koyama's body in nervousness. He drags short nails across Koyama's hips, quietly loving the tense noise he makes.
"S-Shige," Koyama mutters, canting his head and catching the other's lips again.
Fingertips brush against the skin of Koyama upper thigh, and he moans into the kiss, letting his tone tell Shige what he likes.
Shige's shy - it's obvious. His hand moves in awkward, short movements, drawing back sharply whenever Koyama's dick twitches at his touch. Koyama thinks it's almost cute. Almost.
It would actually be cute if he wasn't so damn hard.
"Shige," he says again. "Please don't tease me right now."
Koyama can feel him nod and just a short moment later, knuckles brush softy against his dick. Koyama bites his tongue, working hard not to startle Shige, but he can't help the shudder that runs through his body.
Shige takes a deep breath, like he's steeling himself for something serious, and wraps a few fingers around Koyama's cock, the pad of his thumb pressing lightly into the head.
Koyama can't help the near-shout from his chest and the thrusting up of his hips into Shige's hand.
His hand jerks, like for a split second he considers running away from the moment, but Shige doesn't; stays pressed again Koyama's torso, holding his erection gently, fingers still. Shige leans his head down, forehead against Koyama's collarbone, grasps Koyama more firmly, starting a modest rhythm.
Koyama moans, throwing his legs open wider, body jolting him time with Shige's pattern. He turns his head closer towards Shige's, biting the shell of his ear that just barely in reach. He moans scandalous things, about condoms, and days staying slick against Shige's skin, and marking his body like a painting.
Shige presses closer, body shaking in interest at Koyama's words and his hand speeds up, closing in tighter, drawing him closer to release.
In mid-sentence, saying something dirty about what he wants to do to Shige, Koyama comes, practically without warning, almost shocking Shige into stillness. He pants following his release, keeping Shige close with a hand across his back. Shige's hand is lying across Koyama's hip, and his vision is trained upon the white speckles on Koyama's tanned skin.
Koyama almost falls asleep, what with the relaxation of coming, combined with Shige's warmth close at his side. He barely has the energy to stretch out his arms, grabbing a few tissues, tugging Shige's hand away from his skin, wiping off the mess he'd made. He throw's them out of arm's reach, but not necessarily towards the garbage can.
Shige fidgets at his side, almost like he's nervous, worried about the things he said in the heat of the moment.
There's only one way Koyama's knows how to reassure, comfort, calm him down.
He kisses Shige, deep and soft. Lazy and passionate, like there's no deadline looming over their heads. Shige stills, but stays close. Doesn't make any move away from Koyama, and when they break apart, he rests his heads back on Koyama's shoulder, breath gliding down across Koyama's chest.
PAIRING: KoyaShige, maybe some extremely vague TegoMasu. With appearances by TOKIO.
RATING: NC17
WORD COUNT: 4,975
SUMMARY: The doctors drill him on his friendship with Koyama. He admits the hand holding. They're not happy. Berate Shige about how that was detrimental to Koyama's treatment. Shige tells them he thinks Koyama's scared and lonely and needs some one. They tell Shige he's not a doctor.
WARNINGS: AU. Totally inaccurate rehabilitation procedures. Dubious sexual context at times.
Recap, part vi:
Koyama leaves the facility, promptly finding an apartment and employment. Shige is melancholic without Koyama around. Koyama starts thinking about what to do to help Shige with his therapy; he buys an old Polaroid camera for Shige on a whim. Shige appears to get interested in photography. He asks Koyama for a picture, and then gives Koyama a few in return. Shige tells Koyama why he's worried about his therapy and fights against it. Tegoshi receives his discharge. Shigeru-san (Shige's doctor) asks Koyama to keep supporting Shige.
-
Koyama's sessions are usually on the same days, at the same times, and Shige knows that. He waits in the common room, for the direct purpose of seeing Koyama, and spending time with him.
It's normal. The only time Shige missed that was when he was sick.
He turns up absent again, but Koyama doesn't let himself fret.
After two weeks though, Koyama can't help it. He starts getting anxious, flops down in the seat next to Yamashita, eye's wide, voice strained.
"Where's Shige?"
Yamashita blinks, like he's confused, and Nishikido loudly slurps his tea.
"His room. Probably," Yamashita says after a moment.
Koyama whines, "Why?!"
"He's working on his therapy," Nishikido snaps.
"But-"
"Let him rest, Koyama," Yamashita whispers. "Shige's been having a hard time lately."
Koyama scoots his chair closer, lowering his voice, like there's some juicy Shige-gossip.
"I've heard he's been having daily sessions. Really intense daily sessions. Shige's a tough case, and all that.... he's been exhausted. Eats like a robot, absently nods his head if you ask him anything."
"If he comes out at all," Nishikido adds.
"Shige needs his rest. Just be patient."
Koyama leans back in his seat, frowning, eyes downcast.
It's been two weeks since they last talked, and Koyama misses Shige. He feels lethargic, unmotivated. But he steels himself, because if Shige's working hard and going through the treatment, he could wait forever. He asked Shige to be serious, and now that he is, Koyama has no room to complain.
He lies in bed that night, looking at the photo of himself that Shige gave him a week prior. The edges are already looking worn and discolored from frequent handling.
More than anything else, Koyama wants Shige to get better. To be better. To breathe the stale air of the city. To struggle to find a spot for his bike at a rack outside a train station. To sit with Koyama in a little izakaya during happy hour.
Regardless of how selfish is might sound, Koyama wants Shige out in the world with him.
But he can't forget Jin's words from so long ago; "The docs are having to completely break him down. And once that's done, they have to rebuild him."
-
After another week though, Koyama grows desperate for even a fleeting glance of Shige.
He camps out in the common room, growing despondent when Sakurai tells Koyama that Shige most likely won't be coming out.
Yamashita and Nishikido are absent as well, probably hiding out in their room, since sessions are usually done by this time in the evening.
Occasionally, another patient will come out from the west wing. When Koyama hears the creak of the hinge, his head snaps around, nearly giving him whip-lash each time.
But it's never Shige. And Koyama returns to his previous posture, waiting like a loyal dog.
At 7:30pm, Koyama figures Shige won't be coming out. But his legs won't let him leave; they take him right in front of the west wing doors. He stands outside them awkwardly, since he can't go in.
It's almost like they had more freedom when Koyama was a patient too.
"Shige," he whines, voice quiet.
And then, Koyama remembers something: Tegoshi telling him about the time he stood outside the door shouting for Shige once, and he came out.
At his age, and with his personality, Koyama finds the prospect horribly embarrassing.
That doesn't stop him though.
"Shige!" he says louder, and again, "Shige!"
A few nurses give him strange looks, but don't do anything.
He keeps shouting Shige's name, waving away the few patients that tell him to quiet down. There are more important things than other people right now.
7:45pm. The north wing doors open. It's Jin.
"What the hell are you screaming about, Koyama?" He mutters.
Koyama ignores him too.
7:50pm.
There's shuffling on the other side of the west wing doors.
"Shige?" Koyama calls.
And when the doors open, it's Shige. Hair frizzy, eyes red, pallor pale, wearing a facility-issued yukata. In his left hand, the Polaroid camera Koyama gave him.
"S-Shige!" Koyama gasps, instantly going into fret-mode, pulling Shige aside of the doors. "What happened?! You look so...."
"Awful," Shige croaks. "You can say it. It's okay."
"You look exhausted."
Shige nods. "It's hard work."
He doesn't have to say what's hard. Koyama knows. Treatment is like that.
Shige looks over Koyama's shoulder. "A-Akanishi-kun? Do you have a moment?"
His answer his a sashay over to the two of them and then blatantly checking out Koyama.
"Do you... mind taking our picture?"
"Oh, no. Not at all," he says, taking the camera, and stepping back a few feet.
Shige presses himself close to Koyama, flush from shoulders almost to their knees.
Koyama had forgotten how warm Shige always felt, like he's just come in from a sunny day. His hand twitches and his heart clenches. Being so close to Shige after weeks of nothing is intoxicating. Not a glance, not a smile, not a lovingly condescending correction, not a soft graze of hands together. This is almost too much, too fast.
Jin pulls the camera up to his face, placing them in the viewfinder. "Say Cheese..."
Neither of them say it.
Koyama feels his body shudder; he can't help the movement. He doesn't feel like himself; feels completely out of control of his body. Like it's running utterly on primal desires and wants.
Just as the flash goes off, he throws himself towards Shige, arms around his torso, face pressed into his neck, squeezing him close.
Jin swears somewhere behind him.
"K-Koyama," Shige whispers in an embarrassed tone.
It takes another short moment until Koyama can will himself to pull away. "Sorry. I just-"
Shige shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Just don't mess up the next one."
Koyama nods, holds his body stiff. Shige steps close again and Koyama can't control his hand as it drifts towards Shige's lower back, settling there like that spot is where it's supposed to be.
Shige doesn't move, twitch, nothing. No sign that he can feel the hand, but more importantly, no sign that he doesn't want it there. Koyama exhales deeply.
"Are we ready now?" Jin asks, obviously annoyed that this is taking so long.
"Yeah, sorry," is all Koyama says.
The second picture turns out much better. Koyama's smiling normally, but Shige's looks a little strained.
Shige motions towards the second picture. "You can have that one."
"Eh? But then you'll have the first one, and that one is awful. I messed it up. You have the good one."
"I like this one." Shige holds the first picture - which is mostly Koyama's head and back, and just the very top of Shige's head - tightly.
"But, Shige-"
"I think it's beautiful."
Koyama's jaw drops; he's taken aback. Completely speechless.
"Um.. okay. If that's what you want..."
Shige nods and looks at the picture with soft eyes.
A nurse calls time. It's 8pm.
Koyama clicks his tongue in irritance.
"I know you're working hard on the treatment, and all, but... Don't leave me so alone, okay? It's still tough for me without you."
Shige looks up, nods, and reaches for Koyama's hand, holding it gently. "Please wait just a little longer for me."
A nurse snaps for Shige to go back to his wing.
"I'd wait for you forever. But I'd prefer it if I didn't have to," Koyama whispers.
Shige smiles, face glowing and returns his room.
-
On a Saturday, a little while later, Koyama meets up with Tegoshi and Massu.
It's weird, seeing them outside of the facility, but it's reassuring when he realizes they're still exactly the same (with the exception of their addictions); Tegoshi creates the flow and Massu goes along with it.
They sit at a picnic table at the park, enjoying the sun, eating from convenience store bento lunches. Tegoshi steals one of Massu's karaage. He repays it with a pudding when Massu furrows his brow and looks unhappy.
"Kei-chan, how are the others?" Tegoshi finally asks.
He grumbles. "Okay-ish? I can't tell about Nishikido-kun and Yamashita-kun. Shige's... he's doing better. He's exhausted a lot of the time now, but it's because he's properly participating in his therapy."
Massu chokes on his drink. "Seriously?!" he nearly shouts. "Are you serious?"
Koyama nods, a little shocked my Massu's reaction.
Tegoshi smiles. "It's so nice to hear that. I miss Shige."
"You miss bothering him."
"Well..... Yes," Tegoshi laughs.
The three of them banter back and forth, talking less about the facility than might be expected. There are more interesting things. Like Massu's job as a physical trainer at a gym in his neighborhood, or how Tegoshi has decided to get a degree in psychology and is getting ready to take entrance exams soon. Koyama feels like his life is boring in comparison; part-time job at a kindergarten and a handful of weekly treks to the facility for sessions with Taichi-san.
Tegoshi starts going off about something else, talking like the only point is to hear his own voice. Koyama nods at all the right places, and partially zones out.
He just watches the two of them, how they're in sync and react to other. But considering they were roommates for who-knows-how-long, it's probably not very surprising.
A few clouds move and the sun shines brighter. Tegoshi turns his head up and glares at the sky, takes off his jacket.
"Summer is coming early this year, I guess," he whines. "I don't have that many summer clothes..."
"You have a ton," Massu quickly interjects, patting Tegoshi on the shoulder. "You don't need to go shopping."
Koyama's eyes shuffle between the two of them for the short moment that Tegoshi is looking to the side, like he's thinking.
"Ah, you're right," he says, finally, turning towards Massu. "I think a lot of them are in the attic. I should go looking when I get home."
And then the conversation moves on.
Koyama's jaw nearly drops when it hits him, how the two of them are managing out in a world that is based so strongly upon consumerist tenancies and the need for the newest, bestest thing as soon as it comes out.
They have each other, one always looking out for the other. Individually, they have weaknesses still, even after being deemed 'cured', but it's alright, because together, they're strong.
Koyama smiles, wide, and Tegoshi's eyes light up, thinking that the smile is Koyama's response to an unfortunate pun he'd just said. Massu, for his part, doesn't seem amused by it.
-
Shige's sitting at a table, alone, turning an apple over in his hands, like it's a toy, rather than food. He's completely zoned out, looking out the window, but not seeing anything.
Nishikido is standing awkwardly near the book window, holding a book tightly in his hands, trying to figure out what to do. What would be uplifting. What would be positive. What would be best to say to Shige right now, who's facing the one thing he's always dreaded, the one thing he never knows how to deal with.
Every one knows what's going on. For some one like Shige, who's been in so long, he's practically a celebrity, one of the few people in the facility that have seen so many people come and go. Like a grandfather or a patriarch, he knows many secrets.
He doesn't know the secret of getting out though. That's the one that's alluded him for so long.
So the other patients are giving him a wide berth today, even Yamashita and Nishikido whom have known him for a quite a while.
Today is the day of Shige's 36 month review, and no one knows what to expect.
-
"But he's been working so hard," Shigeru complains. "He knows that. We know that."
Taichi frowns, "Just because he's working hard doesn't mean he should be discharged. Considering he's taken to long to get to this point, doesn't that show he still needs a lot of guidance?"
"I'm with Taichi on this," Matsuoka adds, lifting his hands in the air like he's done with the conversation.
"I don't know," Nagase mutters, scratching the back of his head before speaking up. "Shigeru has a point. I mean, isn't it really discouraging to Katou-kun if, after all this progress, we give him nothing in recognition?"
Taichi face palms. "I will not agree to a half-discharge. He is nowhere near ready for that."
Shigeru's brows furrow, and he looks like he's steeling himself for a long fight.
A pen clicks idly, followed by scritches on newsprint paper, the four doctors turn to their fifth member, the freelancer, the only one among them that isn't tied to a specific wing, the guy who bounces around as he pleases, hand-picks his patients.
"Yamaguchi. What do you think?" Taichi asks.
He adds something to a crossword before answering, "Something has to be done to recognize Katou-kun. But I don't think a discharge of any kind is appropriate."
Matsuoka moves to stand, thinking the meeting is over with Yamaguchi siding with him and Taichi.
"So give him a pass."
Matsuoka freezes, awkwardly half-standing. "What?"
"Like, a two-day pass or something. Let him get out, Breathe the fresh air. Go to an onsen. I dunno." Yamaguchi turns back to the crossword.
There's silence between the five of them for a long while.
"But we can't just... set him free. Who knows if he'd even come back. We have to release him into some one's care..." Taichi whines.
Simultaneously, three cell phones beep; alarms.
"We can finish this later," Yamaguchi mumbles, standing, stretching. "Some of us have sessions."
Shigeru leaves the little conference room with a harsh frown on his face, feeling dejected. A few days' pass was less than he'd been hoping for concerning Katou-kun. He opens a door, steps into the common room, meaning to cut through it on his way to the west wing. It's just past the lunch rush, a few last stragglers in the room.
It's like fate that his eyes land on Koyama, who's talking with Yamashita near the east wing doors. Yamashita gestures occasionally towards Shige, who's still alone, like he's giving Koyama a warning about the circumstances.
Shigeru grins, and steps cheerfully the rest of the way to office.
-
Four days later, after Koyama's re-adjusted his work and therapy session schedules, clearing any obligations he might have, he arrives at the facility to pick-up Shige. He's grinning like an idiot.
Shigeru's patting him on the shoulder, giving him recommendations about things to do, while Shige shifts a small duffel bag between his hands awkwardly.
Shige seems worried, apprehensive, unsure. So on the train, Koyama rambles on about nothing, different things that are happening around the city.
They swing by Koyama's place to drop of Shige's bag. It's only supposed to be momentary; there are better things to do.
But Shige lingers, looking over every little thing, but he stops completely when he comes upon the pictures he's given Koyama. He doesn't say anything about them. Just looks. Koyama's the one who drags him away, back to the station and into the city center.
-
The first stop seems inconsequential to Shige.
They take the train downtown, to Ginza. Some little hole-in-the-wall cafe. Koyama leaves him at a table while he gets drinks.
"Do you remember me telling you about this place?" He asks, bringing back two mugs.
Shige ponders. "It seems familiar..."
"Ahh, Shige," Koyama whines. "You don't listen to me at all when I'm talking, do you?"
Shige laughs, and to Koyama it feels like it's been forever since he's heard that sound.
They drink their mochas, talking quietly
Shige admits he has no plans. Nothing he's dying to see or do. He just wants to hang out in the city, not thinking or talking about the facility and related topics.
Koyama asks if Shige would like to see his parents.
His face turns grim. "No... I don't think so. I'd rather spend this time with you."
Koyama's heart swells, and he reaches across the table to grasp Shige's hand.
-
They spend the rest of the day meandering around town.
Watching performers at Ueno Park. Letting Shige gush over digital cameras in an electronics store. Flipping through travel magazines in a bookstore, pointing out all the places they'd each like to go. The last stop of the day is the supermarket, where Koyama asks what Shige wants for dinner.
He cough-laughs, then says, "Ah, whatever it fine. I don't want to be a bother."
"Shige."
"Um, well.... Yakisoba."
Koyama sighs. "Of all of the possibilities, you want Yakisoba? Shige, if you want something more extravagant it's okay."
"It's been a long time since I've had good Yakisoba," Shige says, nearly pouting. "You know damn well that the cooks always make it too salty."
Koyama blinks, then makes a disgusted face. "Oh, God, you're right. Alright. Yakisoba."
So, it's a simple meal of yakisoba on the little griddle that Koyama's sister bought him as an apartment-warming gift. Shige insists on helping clean up, and Koyama tries to fight it, but some how, they end smushed together in front of the sink washing and drying dishes.
There's a badly dubbed Chinese action movie on TV that they decide to watch after flipping through the TV Guide. The two curl up, sitting on Koyama's folded-up futon, wrapping the blanket around their shoulders, because Koyama's apartment has poor insulation.
It's only ten minutes into the movie when Koyama can't take it any more.
He turns off the TV with the remote, turns to Shige, who's about to say something. It doesn't get out; Koyama's kissing him, one hand on Shige's thigh under the blanket and the other tilting Shige's face into a more comfortable angle for the both of them.
Shige makes a surprised sound, then practically throws himself at Koyama, wrapping arms around his middle and pressing closer to him. Koyama drags Shige's closest leg across his lap, essentially pulling Shige into his lap. The blanket gets tangled up in Shige's legs, and crumpled up between Koyama's back and the wall.
Koyama slips his hands up the back of Shige's shirt. "It's been a while..."
Shige leans down, pressing his face close into Koyama's neck, breathing heavy. "Let's spend all day in tomorrow."
"Wha-," Koyama gasps, unconsciously pulling Shige closer. "Are you serious? That's how you want to spend-"
"Yes," Shige replies, with no hesitation or doubt. "Now, stop talking."
He pulls back enough to lick across the corner of Koyama's mouth, biting at his bottom lip. Koyama moans, rolling his hips up, and meets Shige's lips for a harsh kiss, teeth scraping across fragile skin.
Their clothes don't last long, not when it's been so long since they've last been alone together. It's frantic, the pace at which Koyama tears Shige's clothes away, and Shige pulls Koyama's shirt and pants off.
But once they're down to their underwear, Shige still more in Koyama's lap than not, the pace stops, the air calms. Koyama sighs, pressing his forehead against Shige's, one hand on his back, the other lightly grasping Shige's hand. There's no need to rush. No time limit. No Sakurai waiting to bust in on them.
It would have been impossible to do this at the facility; for Koyama to slowly love Shige the way he wants to. It was always a rush there.
He drags his hand up Shige's back, laughing quietly at how Shige trembles lightly, obviously more from ticklishness than fright or worry. He lowers his face, pressing his cheek against Shige's, sighing, his eyes closed, and thinks that this moment is what he's been waiting for. That it's showing him what every future moment could be like. That he just needs to be patient. He fucked without meaning for so long and searched for something to satisfy him without any luck for years. Koyama's finally found that person, and he's in his arms, and Koyama's willing to do anything.
Shige twitches, canting his head, nipping at Koyama's lips, looking for another kiss. And Koyama obliges, pressing back against Shige, directing him to lie down, and Shige does so, Koyama's hands on his back, supporting him.
Koyama kisses a slow line across Shige's upper chest, from one shoulder to the other. Follows the left side of his rib cage down to his belly-button, follows the right side up.
Shige's squirming, making little whining noises deep in his chest whenever Koyama comes across an especially sensitive spot. He tugs Koyama up to his face, runs a hand through his hair, and kisses Koyama gently on his lips, exhales softly.
"What do you want?" Koyama asks, whispering.
In any other tone, it would almost be dirty, scandalous. But here, it's nothing of the sort. It's loving. Tender.
"Everything," Shige replies. "Everything you want to give me."
It's unspoken between them, that this moment is precious, because neither knows when it might appear again. Shige is still a patient, committed to a work-addiction treatment regimen. His time and freedom are not his own, he lives by a different schedule, and they do no live having easy access to one another. Hesitation is unacceptable, not when they're both craving this so strongly.
Shige takes the bold move, slipping his hands down Koyama's body, dipping into his boxers, pulling Koyama's hips flush against his.
Koyama groans, hands skittering across Shige's body, ending up pulling at Shige's underwear, taking them off and throwing them somewhere over near the closet. Shige follows suits with Koyama's.
Koyama leans forward, resting the weight of his body heavily on his forearms that are up near Shige's head. He dips his hips down, rubbing himself against Shige's lower half, the two of them keening and moaning together. Koyama does it again, but with more force, grinding against Shige's body.
Koyama has one knee between Shige's legs and visa-versa, but it's sudden and completely without any warning that Shige pulls his leg out from between Koyama's, settling his knees on either side of Koyama's hips. He looks up at Koyama, eyes heavy and dark and utterly trusting. He knows Koyama won't hurt him, knows that he is something precious to Koyama.
"S-Shige, we can't," Koyama finally chokes out.
"But I want you," Shige says, pulling Koyama closer, making his intentions clear.
Koyama swears, stares blankly at the wall, forces himself to calm down. "I... don't have the stuff for it. Lube. Condoms."
Shige clicks his tongue in annoyance. "What kind of recovering sex-addict are you?"
"I've been waiting for you," he replies, very quietly.
"You knew I was coming. Why didn't you get it?"
"I didn't want to presume."
Koyama's still looking away, taking slow breaths. He feels Shige sit up, almost back to sitting in his lap. There's a hand on his cheek, turning his face so they can properly look at each.
"Will you get it tomorrow?"
"Yes," Koyama blurts out, pulling them close together. "In the mean time, I'll take care of you in other methods."
Shige blinks, flushing lightly, if that's even possible at this point, and Koyama pushes him down on his back again. He doesn't dare work his way down like he'd been trying; it only got him side-tracked. So he starts at what had been his goal.
Shige is the sort of person who's sensitive to the atmosphere. It's obvious, because Koyama's barely touched his erection at all, but he's already half-hard, thickening up in Koyama's grasp as he slowly pumps it in his fist, licking around the base, taking frequent, careful looks up at Shige.
Shige, for his part, is looking right at Koyama, like he's trying to memorize every part of this. He's got fingers on every bit of Koyama's skin that he can reach and trembles softly whenever they make eye contact.
When Shige finally tears his eyes away, it's not until when Koyama takes his erection fully in his mouth, heavy and wet down to the base, throat constricting the head of his cock.
Koyama swallows, the tightness only intensifying, and Shige moans, loud and like a porn star, then bites his lip, as though in an effort to keep any more noise from spilling out. Koyama pulls back, drags his teeth just across the head and sucks Shige down completely again.
His thighs and hips are twitching in Koyama's grasp, like he's trying to jump off the floor, his skin is becoming slick with sweat. Shige's not even trying to keep up the eye contact any more, his face is half-pressed into the hardwood floor, and the other half into Koyama's discarded shirt. His hips jerk in time with Koyama's movements and he keeps muttering partial sentences that Koyama can't hear over the slick-slide of his mouth on Shige.
Koyama drags his right hand down Shige's hip, closer to where it would be more useful; he replaces his mouth with that hand. Shige making a whining noise, then immediately with another loud moan, because Koyama's giving his balls the same treatment he was just giving Shige's cock. Tongue laving thickly across them, sucking them into his mouth and watching Shige come apart completely as much as he can.
Shige's hands flutter across Koyama's skin and floor as he takes gasping breaths, body shining with sweat. He digs his fingernails into Koyama's skin, calls his name weakly, continuously until he's answered.
"What? I'm kind of of busy down here," he says in fake-irritance.
Shige pulls at his under arms. "Come back," he whines.
Koyama blinks, thinking about that statement for a few scant seconds before smiling, and moving up, keeping his hand on Shige's cock.
"Did you miss me?" He jokes and Shige nods, pulling Koyama in for a deep kiss, tongues sliding wet across one another.
Shige lasts barely another minute, moaning Koyama's name against his lips, hips jolting, spilling completely in Koyama's hand.
He falls back against the floor, Koyama hovering just above him, kissing Shige's neck in a relaxing manner. Koyama reaches his hand out, wiping it across some one's shirt.
It's another minute of silence, broken only by Shige's heavy breathing before either of them speaks, and it's Koyama who finally does.
"Keiichirou," he says, and Shige grunts in response. "Call me 'Keiichirou'."
Shige's incapable of blushing right now, but Koyama figures if he could manage, he would be.
"Seriously?" He finally says.
"Yeah. I've practically called you by your first name since we first met."
Shige sighs, breath puffing against Koyama's skin. "K... Keiichirou."
Koyama gasps hearing it, and his hips jerks against Shige's body, his cock still hard. "The way you say that... I could come just from that."
Shige doesn't answer, his hands twitching, barely, against Koyama's body in nervousness. He drags short nails across Koyama's hips, quietly loving the tense noise he makes.
"S-Shige," Koyama mutters, canting his head and catching the other's lips again.
Fingertips brush against the skin of Koyama upper thigh, and he moans into the kiss, letting his tone tell Shige what he likes.
Shige's shy - it's obvious. His hand moves in awkward, short movements, drawing back sharply whenever Koyama's dick twitches at his touch. Koyama thinks it's almost cute. Almost.
It would actually be cute if he wasn't so damn hard.
"Shige," he says again. "Please don't tease me right now."
Koyama can feel him nod and just a short moment later, knuckles brush softy against his dick. Koyama bites his tongue, working hard not to startle Shige, but he can't help the shudder that runs through his body.
Shige takes a deep breath, like he's steeling himself for something serious, and wraps a few fingers around Koyama's cock, the pad of his thumb pressing lightly into the head.
Koyama can't help the near-shout from his chest and the thrusting up of his hips into Shige's hand.
His hand jerks, like for a split second he considers running away from the moment, but Shige doesn't; stays pressed again Koyama's torso, holding his erection gently, fingers still. Shige leans his head down, forehead against Koyama's collarbone, grasps Koyama more firmly, starting a modest rhythm.
Koyama moans, throwing his legs open wider, body jolting him time with Shige's pattern. He turns his head closer towards Shige's, biting the shell of his ear that just barely in reach. He moans scandalous things, about condoms, and days staying slick against Shige's skin, and marking his body like a painting.
Shige presses closer, body shaking in interest at Koyama's words and his hand speeds up, closing in tighter, drawing him closer to release.
In mid-sentence, saying something dirty about what he wants to do to Shige, Koyama comes, practically without warning, almost shocking Shige into stillness. He pants following his release, keeping Shige close with a hand across his back. Shige's hand is lying across Koyama's hip, and his vision is trained upon the white speckles on Koyama's tanned skin.
Koyama almost falls asleep, what with the relaxation of coming, combined with Shige's warmth close at his side. He barely has the energy to stretch out his arms, grabbing a few tissues, tugging Shige's hand away from his skin, wiping off the mess he'd made. He throw's them out of arm's reach, but not necessarily towards the garbage can.
Shige fidgets at his side, almost like he's nervous, worried about the things he said in the heat of the moment.
There's only one way Koyama's knows how to reassure, comfort, calm him down.
He kisses Shige, deep and soft. Lazy and passionate, like there's no deadline looming over their heads. Shige stills, but stays close. Doesn't make any move away from Koyama, and when they break apart, he rests his heads back on Koyama's shoulder, breath gliding down across Koyama's chest.