why do you let me stay here?
title: why do you let me stay here?
rating: teen
summary: they held hands and walked back to class, not after knocking arthur into a pile of bushes and giggling away.
notes: last paragraph is a rosie thomas' song (you and me).
Different hospitals, same city; they were born under the same, yet different circumstances.
And it's a new moon that brings them together.
For now, for soon, for later, and for never.
---
Her name was Abigail.
She was the daughter of neurosurgeon and an interior designer. Basically, she had whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, but not making it her ungrateful in the process.
She was the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, rose-tinted girl of their dreams (an all-american girl).
Her future was planned the day she was conceived with money being tucked away for a college tuition and/or a car that she might need when she blew out sixteen candles.
But Abigail didn't care for any of that (material), she cared for other things (intangible).
Too bad no one was ever around to hand her what she needed truly (love, security, warm arms, bedtime stories).
---
Mae was born to a mother, no father.
She was conceived under a veil of distrust, a too-hot-and-heavy night (i don't have a condom; that's okay, i'm on the pill).
Her mother didn't want her to know she was a mistake, so she never let on who her father was.
Instead, she artistically created her name for the month she was born in, adding a twist, hoping she liked it.
Hoping she would never ask a momma, where's daddy?
---
First day of kindergarten.
Mae was wearing a short secondhand dress her mother found in the local salvation army.
She was itching to get out of it and put on some normal clothes (you know, shorts and shirts and sneakers with no socks).
She looked around for somewhere to sit (she was late) and found a seat next to a blonde girl with a pink dress on and flowers in her hair.
Hi.
Hello.
Her eyes were the brightest blue she's ever seen and they hypnotized her.
Can (May) I sit her?
Sure. I'm Abigail.
She stretched out a small, soft hand that contrasted heavily to Mae's charred and skinned hand.
I'm Mae.
Like the month?
No.
Then like what?
Like me.
---
Before she knew it, she was being pushed headfirst into the cement floor during lunch.
She tasted blood in her mouth and a new hole where a tooth should be.
Stop it!
She opened her gritty eyes and saw a flash of blonde hair pushing the other kids away from where she was.
Abigail's hands helped her up as the other kids laughed at her when they realized her tooth had fallen off.
Mae started crying and ran into the bathroom.
And Abigail followed after her, pushing the other kids down, too.
---
What happened?
I was playing hopscotch by myself when Arthur came and pushed me.
Why?
He said I didn't have a dad and that my mother was a tramp.
Mae was brushing away flecks of blood from her dress.
It's true though, I don't have a father.
And Abigail ran out of things to say, so she hugged her.
My blood stained your pretty dress.
It's fine don't worry, mama will wash it up when I get home.
Thank you for helping me.
Hey, that's what friends do, right?
They held hands and walked back to class, not after knocking Arthur into a pile of bushes and giggling away.
---
That summer, they planted a tree in the middle of Abigail's yard.
It's a symbol of our friendship!
Every day, they came to water it, care for it, and nurture it.
Sort of like their own friendship.
---
They were turning ten now.
After they both found out they were born the same day, they managed to convince Abigail's parents and Mae's mom to celebrate it together.
Mae's mother still had to make an appearance to one of the parties.
Their day was full of balloons, cake, friends, ice cream, and of course, a game of truth and dare.
In a circle formed by ten girls in Abigail's living room, a bottle was placed in the middle.
Abigail! Truth or dare?
Dare.
I dare you to call Michael Lewis and tell him you love him.
She grabbed the house phone, dialed the number, and said:
Michael, I love you. Love, Abigail.
The girls all laughed as Abigail hung up and sat back down.
Dares were made and truths were told until the bottle landed directly on Mae.
Truth or dare?
Truth.
Do you know what your mother does for a living?
She works at an office.
A girl piped in, That's not what I heard.
Then a chorus of me neither's, my dad/mom told me something else's piped in.
Then Gladys broke the tension.
I heard your mother is a whore.
No one said anything, but the sound of a heart breaking and tear falling could be heard plain as day.
Abigail looked solemnly at the rest of the group:
You guys should go home.
And they all did as Mae stood in the same spot, tears silently falling.
---
Later that night, when they were lying down in Abigail's room, they talked.
It doesn't matter what they say, your mom loves you either way.
I know, but why can't she be normal like your parents? Why can't I have a dad like yours?
You don't know what you're wishing for Mae.
Yes I do! I wish your parents were my parents, too.
Abigail didn't say anything as she turned her back to Mae and fell asleep.
(Mae didn't know about the too-much drinking, the violent fights she heard brewing in the middle of the night. She didn't hear the names her parents would call each other. She didn't know how Abigail has never heard of an i love you being whispered in her home. Ever.)
So instead of explaining, Abigail traced patterns on her back, expressing the hurt she held inside.
---
The tree was growing.
---
When they turned fifteen, Abigail slept over Mae's for the first time.
They sneaked out some liquor from Mae's mother's cabinet and proceeded on getting very, very drunk.
Oh my god, Mae, you're like my best friend in the world.
Mae smiled at Abigail's drunken words.
You're my best friend, too Abby.
Good. I have to tell you something, but, oh my god, you have to, like, promise you won't tell anyone.
I promise.
Abigail took another shot of fiery whiskey and shuddered.
I had sex with Kevin Dawes.
Mae's eyes bugged out of her skull.
But Abby, you knew I liked him.
Oh please, Mae, you never even talked to him. Anyway, we were so high it happ-
What? You're doing drugs now?
Oh my god, stop being so fucking prude, Virgin Mary. It's not even the first time.
I'm not being a prude.
Abigail rolled her eyes.
Whatever, anyways it felt so good, like, you totally know why they make up this hype about it. It was so good, he completed me.
Mae wasn't saying anything, sobered up completely by this discussion.
Awe, Mae, you're not mad or anything right? Cause I knew you liked him, but you've never even talked to him.
She couldn't say anything because Abigail was right, she never talked to him, never even had a claim on him.
(But now Abby did.)
Mae? Come on, let's just go to sleep.
Abigail snored softly in her bed, as Mae was bent over the toilet retching all the alcohol and letting the tears flow.
---
After that night, nothing was the same, really.
Less time was being spent with each other, though they did say an occasion hello during passing periods.
They called each other sometimes, to talk about mundane things and never about what happened that night.
Mae watched as Abigail held onto Kevin's hand during school.
And Abigail pretended she never saw the hurt in Mae's eyes.
---
The more Mae studied their friendship, the more she came to realize how bad they were for each other.
Abigail was blonde, beautiful, wealthy, popular, athletic, spontaneous, and had a loving family (Abigail never told her the truth about that).
And Mae?
Mae was scrawny, brunette, nerdy, akwardly tall, lonely, intelligent to the point of being in all ap classes, poor, and had a mother but no father.
It was Mae's upbringing (mother who worked from nine to five and a graveyard shift) that made her plan for something better, a better life, a stronger future.
Abigail never talked about the future. Abigail already had it planned out.
Mae took down all their pictures together, the contrast of beautiful and ugly, rich and poor, happy and not-so-much.
She cried as she cut them in half, half in a drawer and half in a wastebasket.
Guess what half she kept.
---
It was midnight when the phone rang.
Hello?
Happy birthday, sleepy head!
Who is this?
It's Abby, stupid. What are you doing?
Oh I don't know, building a fucking castle. I was sleeping, asshole.
Calm down. I'm swinging by and picking you up. Be ready in five.
They were turning eighteen together.
---
In ten minutes, Abigail parked her new car in front of Mae's deteriorating lawn.
It was a candy apple red convertible (Nothing but the best for my princess, her father had said).
She honked impatiently, time was being wasted.
Mae shuffled out looking like an old woman in jeans, flats, and an old cardigan.
Abigail raised her eyebrows.
You're wearing that to turn eighteen?
Well you didn't specify where we're going. Nice ride.
Thanks, another present from backstabbing daddy.
Backstabbing daddy?
Yes. Mother found him banging one of his secretaries in their bedroom. Couldn't have been more original, right? But that's daddy for you.
I thought your parents were happy.
You never let me explain the truth, Mae. You only saw what you wanted to see.
Abigail tried to keep tears from running as she sped away into the dark.
---
Where the fuck are we at?
Some guy's house. I don't know, Bradley invited me.
Bradley? As in the theater guy Bradley?
Yes, I know isn't he adorable?
Wh-What happened to Kevin?
I dumped him ages ago, Mae. Man, where have you been?
(Nowhere.)
Come on, it's supposed to get abso-fucking-lutely wild.
(Great.)
---
Abigail felt so uncomfortable in the room where couples were making out and pot smoke was waving tendrils in her hair.
She tried looking for Abby but couldn't find her anywhere until she stumbled into a bright-lit room and found her crouched over a table, a dollar bill in hand and her nose crusty.
Maeeeeeeeeeeee, my beesst friend in the whole fuckinggggg world.
Abigail wrapped her warm arms around Mae's neck.
Look Brad, this is Mae, my sister.
Bradley glanced at her before turning away to snort another line.
Mae, come on, try it. It'll make you so happy, I swear. It'll make you feel like you're flying!
Mae shook her head, disentangling herself from Abigail's sticky arms.
Come on, Mae. You deserve this after so working so hard.
I'm fine, really.
Hey, Mae, where are you going next year?
Columbia, Stanford, Berkeley? I haven't decided yet.
Figures. Come on, do it. For our birthday, please.
No, Abby.
You're such a fucking baby, always was and will be.
You don't mean that, I me-
No, Mae. You're such a fucking prude, get out.
What?
You heard me. The last you can do is have fun with me, a friend you ignored cause you thought you were too good for us. But really? Get out. I don't want to look at you anymore.
Mae got lost on her way home, the tears blurring the street names.
---
Graduation day (cue song).
Guess who the valedictorian was?
(Mae.)
Guess who didn't even show up?
(Abigail.)
---
After dinner with her mom, Mae stopped by Abigail's home.
She knocked for five minutes before letting herself in.
Hello?
She walked up the stairs, opened Abigail's bedroom door.
Hello?
She stepped out and noticed the bathroom light on at the end of the hallway.
She opened it and Abigail was lying down in the tub of now-clear water and Mae smelled cigarette smoke before she saw the pack and the one in her mouth.
Abigail lazily looked up at her before inhaling.
What? You're here to fucking gloat?
Mae shook her head, looking at her protruding hip bones, clavicle, small bony wrists and gaunt eyes.
What the fuck is going on, Abigail?
Abigail laughed, sucking hard on the cigarette.
Wouldn't you like to know, oh virginal one? I'm not going anywhere with my life.
That's not true, Abby. You have so much, your fami-
My family? Get the fucking picture. We were made to seem perfect, but we're not. My daddy the backstabbing bastard, my mother the neurotic, pill-popping psycho bitch, and me? The fucking loser.
That's not true.
Mae, seriously? Leave me alone.
Knowing she could no longer say anything, she stepped out of the bathroom, and out of her friend's life, too.
But before she left, she checked up on the tree in the backyard.
Still tall, green, strong.
So unlike their friendship.
(Best friends forever!
And sisters for longer!)
Not true anymore.
---
She was twenty when she lost her virginity.
Mae wanted to grab the phone and call Abigail and prove to her that she wasn't a prude.
But the old number was disconnected and years (three) have passed by since the bathroom confrontation.
Mae no longer knew of her friend and what happened to her.
She decided to call her mother.
Hello?
Hey, Mom, it's me.
Oh, honey, how are you?
Mom, have you heard anything about Abigail?
Not really, last thing I heard was that she went to the state school.
Thanks.
And she hung up.
---
The years passed by and she never found a name listing in the phone book or on the internet.
---
She was twenty seven now, a wedding ring proudly placed on her finger.
Mae accomplished everything she wanted (being a teacher, finding love, being successful).
But she couldn't fight of the nagging feeling and worse, she knew it was about Abigail.
---
Her fingers typed out slowly her name: Abigail Steubens.
And her hands fell when the one and final listing finally came out.
---
It was hot spring night the day Abigail's funeral took place.
The ceremony was small and intimate (meaning only a handful of people showed up).
Mae felt akward in a crocheted black dress, standing near the back of the church.
She felt eyes on her though, and looked towards the front and gasped.
A miniature Abigail was staring at her from the first pew.
Blue hypnotizing eyes.
---
In a diary entry she wrote before taking her life, Abigail requested that her daughter be adopted by a Miss Mae Tomasian.
She's the only woman I trust with Raquelle, the only one I know will give her the best upbringing I failed to offer.
And who was Mae to deny it?
---
Mae and Raquelle stood in front of the now gone tree in the backyard of Abigai's yard.
The stumb was the only thing that proved its location and the rings of years (twenty-two years).
Were you mommy's best friend?
Mae nodded.
She always talked about you, you know.
Really?
Yes. She always said that she wished she could've been more like you.
Raquelle sneezed.
She said you were her hero and she wished that she would've listened to you.
Mae closed her eyes as she cried silent tears and held onto Raquelle's hand.
Why are you crying?
(I'm wondering what she wrote on my back so many years ago.)
Because I loved your mother very much.
Don't cry. She's here with us right now. Can't you feel it?
And she did. She felt the radiating happiness that Abigail always had and the scent of lilac of the perfume she wore religiously.
Yes, I do.
And Raquelle smiled Abigail's smile.
---
You and me, me and you,
There's so much that we've been through.
Through it all I've come to understand God's love.
And if tomorrow never comes know this twice, just know this once.
Knowing you has made me able to go on.
rating: teen
summary: they held hands and walked back to class, not after knocking arthur into a pile of bushes and giggling away.
notes: last paragraph is a rosie thomas' song (you and me).
Different hospitals, same city; they were born under the same, yet different circumstances.
And it's a new moon that brings them together.
For now, for soon, for later, and for never.
---
Her name was Abigail.
She was the daughter of neurosurgeon and an interior designer. Basically, she had whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, but not making it her ungrateful in the process.
She was the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, rose-tinted girl of their dreams (an all-american girl).
Her future was planned the day she was conceived with money being tucked away for a college tuition and/or a car that she might need when she blew out sixteen candles.
But Abigail didn't care for any of that (material), she cared for other things (intangible).
Too bad no one was ever around to hand her what she needed truly (love, security, warm arms, bedtime stories).
---
Mae was born to a mother, no father.
She was conceived under a veil of distrust, a too-hot-and-heavy night (i don't have a condom; that's okay, i'm on the pill).
Her mother didn't want her to know she was a mistake, so she never let on who her father was.
Instead, she artistically created her name for the month she was born in, adding a twist, hoping she liked it.
Hoping she would never ask a momma, where's daddy?
---
First day of kindergarten.
Mae was wearing a short secondhand dress her mother found in the local salvation army.
She was itching to get out of it and put on some normal clothes (you know, shorts and shirts and sneakers with no socks).
She looked around for somewhere to sit (she was late) and found a seat next to a blonde girl with a pink dress on and flowers in her hair.
Hi.
Hello.
Her eyes were the brightest blue she's ever seen and they hypnotized her.
Can (May) I sit her?
Sure. I'm Abigail.
She stretched out a small, soft hand that contrasted heavily to Mae's charred and skinned hand.
I'm Mae.
Like the month?
No.
Then like what?
Like me.
---
Before she knew it, she was being pushed headfirst into the cement floor during lunch.
She tasted blood in her mouth and a new hole where a tooth should be.
Stop it!
She opened her gritty eyes and saw a flash of blonde hair pushing the other kids away from where she was.
Abigail's hands helped her up as the other kids laughed at her when they realized her tooth had fallen off.
Mae started crying and ran into the bathroom.
And Abigail followed after her, pushing the other kids down, too.
---
What happened?
I was playing hopscotch by myself when Arthur came and pushed me.
Why?
He said I didn't have a dad and that my mother was a tramp.
Mae was brushing away flecks of blood from her dress.
It's true though, I don't have a father.
And Abigail ran out of things to say, so she hugged her.
My blood stained your pretty dress.
It's fine don't worry, mama will wash it up when I get home.
Thank you for helping me.
Hey, that's what friends do, right?
They held hands and walked back to class, not after knocking Arthur into a pile of bushes and giggling away.
---
That summer, they planted a tree in the middle of Abigail's yard.
It's a symbol of our friendship!
Every day, they came to water it, care for it, and nurture it.
Sort of like their own friendship.
---
They were turning ten now.
After they both found out they were born the same day, they managed to convince Abigail's parents and Mae's mom to celebrate it together.
Mae's mother still had to make an appearance to one of the parties.
Their day was full of balloons, cake, friends, ice cream, and of course, a game of truth and dare.
In a circle formed by ten girls in Abigail's living room, a bottle was placed in the middle.
Abigail! Truth or dare?
Dare.
I dare you to call Michael Lewis and tell him you love him.
She grabbed the house phone, dialed the number, and said:
Michael, I love you. Love, Abigail.
The girls all laughed as Abigail hung up and sat back down.
Dares were made and truths were told until the bottle landed directly on Mae.
Truth or dare?
Truth.
Do you know what your mother does for a living?
She works at an office.
A girl piped in, That's not what I heard.
Then a chorus of me neither's, my dad/mom told me something else's piped in.
Then Gladys broke the tension.
I heard your mother is a whore.
No one said anything, but the sound of a heart breaking and tear falling could be heard plain as day.
Abigail looked solemnly at the rest of the group:
You guys should go home.
And they all did as Mae stood in the same spot, tears silently falling.
---
Later that night, when they were lying down in Abigail's room, they talked.
It doesn't matter what they say, your mom loves you either way.
I know, but why can't she be normal like your parents? Why can't I have a dad like yours?
You don't know what you're wishing for Mae.
Yes I do! I wish your parents were my parents, too.
Abigail didn't say anything as she turned her back to Mae and fell asleep.
(Mae didn't know about the too-much drinking, the violent fights she heard brewing in the middle of the night. She didn't hear the names her parents would call each other. She didn't know how Abigail has never heard of an i love you being whispered in her home. Ever.)
So instead of explaining, Abigail traced patterns on her back, expressing the hurt she held inside.
---
The tree was growing.
---
When they turned fifteen, Abigail slept over Mae's for the first time.
They sneaked out some liquor from Mae's mother's cabinet and proceeded on getting very, very drunk.
Oh my god, Mae, you're like my best friend in the world.
Mae smiled at Abigail's drunken words.
You're my best friend, too Abby.
Good. I have to tell you something, but, oh my god, you have to, like, promise you won't tell anyone.
I promise.
Abigail took another shot of fiery whiskey and shuddered.
I had sex with Kevin Dawes.
Mae's eyes bugged out of her skull.
But Abby, you knew I liked him.
Oh please, Mae, you never even talked to him. Anyway, we were so high it happ-
What? You're doing drugs now?
Oh my god, stop being so fucking prude, Virgin Mary. It's not even the first time.
I'm not being a prude.
Abigail rolled her eyes.
Whatever, anyways it felt so good, like, you totally know why they make up this hype about it. It was so good, he completed me.
Mae wasn't saying anything, sobered up completely by this discussion.
Awe, Mae, you're not mad or anything right? Cause I knew you liked him, but you've never even talked to him.
She couldn't say anything because Abigail was right, she never talked to him, never even had a claim on him.
(But now Abby did.)
Mae? Come on, let's just go to sleep.
Abigail snored softly in her bed, as Mae was bent over the toilet retching all the alcohol and letting the tears flow.
---
After that night, nothing was the same, really.
Less time was being spent with each other, though they did say an occasion hello during passing periods.
They called each other sometimes, to talk about mundane things and never about what happened that night.
Mae watched as Abigail held onto Kevin's hand during school.
And Abigail pretended she never saw the hurt in Mae's eyes.
---
The more Mae studied their friendship, the more she came to realize how bad they were for each other.
Abigail was blonde, beautiful, wealthy, popular, athletic, spontaneous, and had a loving family (Abigail never told her the truth about that).
And Mae?
Mae was scrawny, brunette, nerdy, akwardly tall, lonely, intelligent to the point of being in all ap classes, poor, and had a mother but no father.
It was Mae's upbringing (mother who worked from nine to five and a graveyard shift) that made her plan for something better, a better life, a stronger future.
Abigail never talked about the future. Abigail already had it planned out.
Mae took down all their pictures together, the contrast of beautiful and ugly, rich and poor, happy and not-so-much.
She cried as she cut them in half, half in a drawer and half in a wastebasket.
Guess what half she kept.
---
It was midnight when the phone rang.
Hello?
Happy birthday, sleepy head!
Who is this?
It's Abby, stupid. What are you doing?
Oh I don't know, building a fucking castle. I was sleeping, asshole.
Calm down. I'm swinging by and picking you up. Be ready in five.
They were turning eighteen together.
---
In ten minutes, Abigail parked her new car in front of Mae's deteriorating lawn.
It was a candy apple red convertible (Nothing but the best for my princess, her father had said).
She honked impatiently, time was being wasted.
Mae shuffled out looking like an old woman in jeans, flats, and an old cardigan.
Abigail raised her eyebrows.
You're wearing that to turn eighteen?
Well you didn't specify where we're going. Nice ride.
Thanks, another present from backstabbing daddy.
Backstabbing daddy?
Yes. Mother found him banging one of his secretaries in their bedroom. Couldn't have been more original, right? But that's daddy for you.
I thought your parents were happy.
You never let me explain the truth, Mae. You only saw what you wanted to see.
Abigail tried to keep tears from running as she sped away into the dark.
---
Where the fuck are we at?
Some guy's house. I don't know, Bradley invited me.
Bradley? As in the theater guy Bradley?
Yes, I know isn't he adorable?
Wh-What happened to Kevin?
I dumped him ages ago, Mae. Man, where have you been?
(Nowhere.)
Come on, it's supposed to get abso-fucking-lutely wild.
(Great.)
---
Abigail felt so uncomfortable in the room where couples were making out and pot smoke was waving tendrils in her hair.
She tried looking for Abby but couldn't find her anywhere until she stumbled into a bright-lit room and found her crouched over a table, a dollar bill in hand and her nose crusty.
Maeeeeeeeeeeee, my beesst friend in the whole fuckinggggg world.
Abigail wrapped her warm arms around Mae's neck.
Look Brad, this is Mae, my sister.
Bradley glanced at her before turning away to snort another line.
Mae, come on, try it. It'll make you so happy, I swear. It'll make you feel like you're flying!
Mae shook her head, disentangling herself from Abigail's sticky arms.
Come on, Mae. You deserve this after so working so hard.
I'm fine, really.
Hey, Mae, where are you going next year?
Columbia, Stanford, Berkeley? I haven't decided yet.
Figures. Come on, do it. For our birthday, please.
No, Abby.
You're such a fucking baby, always was and will be.
You don't mean that, I me-
No, Mae. You're such a fucking prude, get out.
What?
You heard me. The last you can do is have fun with me, a friend you ignored cause you thought you were too good for us. But really? Get out. I don't want to look at you anymore.
Mae got lost on her way home, the tears blurring the street names.
---
Graduation day (cue song).
Guess who the valedictorian was?
(Mae.)
Guess who didn't even show up?
(Abigail.)
---
After dinner with her mom, Mae stopped by Abigail's home.
She knocked for five minutes before letting herself in.
Hello?
She walked up the stairs, opened Abigail's bedroom door.
Hello?
She stepped out and noticed the bathroom light on at the end of the hallway.
She opened it and Abigail was lying down in the tub of now-clear water and Mae smelled cigarette smoke before she saw the pack and the one in her mouth.
Abigail lazily looked up at her before inhaling.
What? You're here to fucking gloat?
Mae shook her head, looking at her protruding hip bones, clavicle, small bony wrists and gaunt eyes.
What the fuck is going on, Abigail?
Abigail laughed, sucking hard on the cigarette.
Wouldn't you like to know, oh virginal one? I'm not going anywhere with my life.
That's not true, Abby. You have so much, your fami-
My family? Get the fucking picture. We were made to seem perfect, but we're not. My daddy the backstabbing bastard, my mother the neurotic, pill-popping psycho bitch, and me? The fucking loser.
That's not true.
Mae, seriously? Leave me alone.
Knowing she could no longer say anything, she stepped out of the bathroom, and out of her friend's life, too.
But before she left, she checked up on the tree in the backyard.
Still tall, green, strong.
So unlike their friendship.
(Best friends forever!
And sisters for longer!)
Not true anymore.
---
She was twenty when she lost her virginity.
Mae wanted to grab the phone and call Abigail and prove to her that she wasn't a prude.
But the old number was disconnected and years (three) have passed by since the bathroom confrontation.
Mae no longer knew of her friend and what happened to her.
She decided to call her mother.
Hello?
Hey, Mom, it's me.
Oh, honey, how are you?
Mom, have you heard anything about Abigail?
Not really, last thing I heard was that she went to the state school.
Thanks.
And she hung up.
---
The years passed by and she never found a name listing in the phone book or on the internet.
---
She was twenty seven now, a wedding ring proudly placed on her finger.
Mae accomplished everything she wanted (being a teacher, finding love, being successful).
But she couldn't fight of the nagging feeling and worse, she knew it was about Abigail.
---
Her fingers typed out slowly her name: Abigail Steubens.
And her hands fell when the one and final listing finally came out.
---
It was hot spring night the day Abigail's funeral took place.
The ceremony was small and intimate (meaning only a handful of people showed up).
Mae felt akward in a crocheted black dress, standing near the back of the church.
She felt eyes on her though, and looked towards the front and gasped.
A miniature Abigail was staring at her from the first pew.
Blue hypnotizing eyes.
---
In a diary entry she wrote before taking her life, Abigail requested that her daughter be adopted by a Miss Mae Tomasian.
She's the only woman I trust with Raquelle, the only one I know will give her the best upbringing I failed to offer.
And who was Mae to deny it?
---
Mae and Raquelle stood in front of the now gone tree in the backyard of Abigai's yard.
The stumb was the only thing that proved its location and the rings of years (twenty-two years).
Were you mommy's best friend?
Mae nodded.
She always talked about you, you know.
Really?
Yes. She always said that she wished she could've been more like you.
Raquelle sneezed.
She said you were her hero and she wished that she would've listened to you.
Mae closed her eyes as she cried silent tears and held onto Raquelle's hand.
Why are you crying?
(I'm wondering what she wrote on my back so many years ago.)
Because I loved your mother very much.
Don't cry. She's here with us right now. Can't you feel it?
And she did. She felt the radiating happiness that Abigail always had and the scent of lilac of the perfume she wore religiously.
Yes, I do.
And Raquelle smiled Abigail's smile.
---
You and me, me and you,
There's so much that we've been through.
Through it all I've come to understand God's love.
And if tomorrow never comes know this twice, just know this once.
Knowing you has made me able to go on.