email I sent to panda re her telling me he's not worth it, cos... yeh maybe he's not, I dont know.
It's just a hard one to call... because of so many things.
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Its just difficult really, because, in all honesty wes and I would've got together two or three years ago if I hadnt been hung up on sam.. Wes and I liked each other the moment we met... and we even had a date.. and I kissed him and it was kind of bleh.. I kissed, he seemed nervous, closed his mouth, I pulled away, he went to kiss me... and that was it. I just couldnt stop thinking about sam. And it was that way for the past two and a half years... I spent a lot of my time with wes, but was still always thinking about sam, and wondering what if I be with wes, and then sam wants me, what would I do? It was only after I let myself actually get over sam.. that I realised how much I DID?DO whatever, feel for wes.
So, unfort.. for current events... I'm still distancing myself from it, but when I think about how we were and how things could've been if I'd not been so wrapped up sam, and letting him make me think we'd end up together, and being abusive and so on... I'd have been with wes a long time ago. So.. even though I know it's not happening right now, and it might not ever, and thats okay because I know if it doesn't, Ill still find someone... I actually dont want to tell myself that I would never be with him.. Because of just the way things have happened. If something eventually comes of it.. I dont know. I just am not the kind of person to completely discard someone until I really really know its the right time.
The first night we met, and had coffee together (I dont like people often at all) I spent the night in the cafe laying on the couch, opposite him, and we were all talking and having the best night.. and I kept watching his feet, body language, the way you do trying to gauge it. Because I'd been told he just wasnt into girls. We had those little smiles, and I made jokes and he laughed, and vice versa, and even then I just wanted him. Whether it is bulshit or not, he's said pretty much the same thing to me. That the first time he saw me walking out to the car we were to go to this cafe in, he thought I as the most beautiful girl he'd seen and that he wanted to be with me forever. Which I do "pshaw whatever" at.. but it's a nice thought that we both have the same ideas about the very first moment and time we saw each other. Even after that, we spent a night swimming at my house, nothing sexual, but the thoughts were there on my side at least, and I wanted him so much, and it felt so right, but I said nothing, I did nothing. I sent him a txt later that night after he went home.. saying if only he ilked girls.. and he was all 'we have to talk' and I thoguh oh no, he's going to tell me that if we're going to be friends, I have to not act like that... but it wasnt.. and we dated once and spent so much time together... but I just couldnt let myself go but for Sam.
So.. its yeh, its not just about what's happenig now. There is so much stuff that comes up with the whole ordeal. And, as much as I do think it's a horrible thing that has happened... and I've told him this, and he knows.. he's "said" that he's spent most of the week yelling at her for it, but mostly I dont really care to think about it, because I want to trust him but I just dont know, wouldnt want him to yell at her, all I'd want from him is to say sorry that it hurt me(which now, he has done). I do think I'd be selfish, to let the whole thing go, just because after he's spent two years getting over me.. and got himself into a relationship, that he doesnt leave her like 'snap' as soon as I ask him to.. I dont think I'd leave someone straight away or maybe at all, if I'd loved someone and they didnt want me and then they did.. It'd be exacty like me getting into a relationship and then sam asking me to come marry him.. what would I say? Now I know I'd tell him to go away.. but a year ago? I'd have been so messed up. I think it would be emotionally volotile thing for him to do anyway. If we ever end up together, for any amount of time, I'd rather it be when we're both ready, and open, and unattached.
and.... my conversation with jadey this morning. (for someone who is not thinking about it, I seem to be talking about it a lot. I guess... whenever I think about trying to be me, I think about me being myself with wes, and its hard to imagine being myself without him and so I think about him. Its that hard part where you're trying find an emotional area that covers how you're feeling. )
\23/04/2006 10:50:53 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id rather you marry sam
23/04/2006 10:50:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow i woudlnt
23/04/2006 10:51:01 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont like wes, from what I hear of him
23/04/2006 10:51:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow id end upkilling myself
23/04/2006 10:51:08 AM jessica. Jade - meow sam makes me angry
23/04/2006 10:51:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow wes and i never really had a fight before this
23/04/2006 10:51:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont judge you for liking him or if your with him but I just think you can do way better
23/04/2006 10:51:24 AM jessica. Jade - meow except when he got obsessive and i told him to go away
23/04/2006 10:51:33 AM jessica. Jade - meow but that was more becase i still loved sam and didnt want to get close to anyone else
23/04/2006 10:51:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow thats sams fault
23/04/2006 10:51:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow the fucked up thing is that im just as obsessive
23/04/2006 10:52:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we wouldve been so crazy and fucked up but together
23/04/2006 10:52:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow bleh.
23/04/2006 10:53:11 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont know. i want to belive him but i dont know. the thing is, i know or at least i thought i realy knew he would never say soemthign like that to me
23/04/2006 10:53:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow aw i dont have that messenver
23/04/2006 10:53:20 AM jessica. Jade - meow i cant hear it
23/04/2006 10:53:44 AM Jade - meow jessica. well jesss
23/04/2006 10:53:48 AM Jade - meow jessica. personally i think he is lying
23/04/2006 10:53:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. I will tell you why
23/04/2006 10:54:07 AM Jade - meow jessica. when he was stealing your underwear, he said he wasnt and denied it
23/04/2006 10:54:12 AM Jade - meow jessica. but now he says yes he did
23/04/2006 10:54:14 AM Jade - meow jessica. PLUS
23/04/2006 10:54:18 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh but i knew he did and he admitted it later
23/04/2006 10:54:23 AM Jade - meow jessica. oh I forgot the other thing hold on
23/04/2006 10:54:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow this time its like, i think i know he didnt
23/04/2006 10:54:34 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh exactly admited it LATER not at the time
23/04/2006 10:54:36 AM Jade - meow jessica. oh
23/04/2006 10:54:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. and the other thing is
23/04/2006 10:54:46 AM Jade - meow jessica. he is playing you both
23/04/2006 10:54:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. it seems like it at least
23/04/2006 10:55:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow welll i basically was pissed at him last night
23/04/2006 10:55:04 AM Jade - meow jessica. like, if he doesnt wanna leave weave then he wouldnt mess with you
23/04/2006 10:55:04 AM jessica. Jade - meow im like it hurt etc etc
23/04/2006 10:55:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i said
23/04/2006 10:55:08 AM jessica. Jade - meow right
23/04/2006 10:55:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow if you want to be my friend this is how its going to work
23/04/2006 10:55:15 AM Jade - meow jessica. but if he is messing iwth you then why the fuck doesnt he leave her?
23/04/2006 10:55:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow yr not going to talk to me about feelings or try to kiss me or touch me or tell me yotu want to do any of those things,
23/04/2006 10:55:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow youre nmot going to let your girlvfiend be abusve to me
23/04/2006 10:55:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. he wants his cake and eat it too
23/04/2006 10:55:40 AM jessica. Jade - meow you are not going ot be abuseve to me
23/04/2006 10:55:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow and youre gong to make time to see me, despite being busy
23/04/2006 10:55:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow if you cant do any of those things then we cant be friends
23/04/2006 10:55:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow and heds like okay i can do them all.
23/04/2006 10:56:01 AM jessica. Jade - meow so we'll see how we go
23/04/2006 10:56:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow personally if i were her i think id' leave, and part of me thinkts thats why hes done it
23/04/2006 10:56:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow because he doesnt seem like he could break up with anyone
23/04/2006 10:56:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow hes just tooo.... attached. like.. hes too much of a pussy to break up with someone, even if it were the most horrible relationship ever.
23/04/2006 10:56:41 AM Jade - meow jessica. the thing that scares me about it is if he cheats on a girl he says he has feelings for and doesnt wanna leave he could totally do it to you and thats not right
23/04/2006 10:56:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow its just him
23/04/2006 10:56:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow so maybe hes been a shit hopnig she will
23/04/2006 10:56:59 AM jessica. Jade - meow i know, thats why id never be with someone who left someone for me anyway
23/04/2006 10:57:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. but if someone LEAVES them for you and doesnt CHEAT on them htat is way bette
23/04/2006 10:57:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. r
23/04/2006 10:57:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think anyways
23/04/2006 10:58:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i said this to him and thats why we had the argument earlier, and i was making him tell me every timehe kissed her and that they hadnt slept together in a couple weeks. then they got back togethe rlike two days after we spent the night, and i yelled at him.
23/04/2006 10:58:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id rather lose them than share them
23/04/2006 10:58:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow well yeh exactly, i think so too. but still
23/04/2006 10:58:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow like ik said
23/04/2006 10:58:17 AM jessica. Jade - meow i made rules
23/04/2006 10:58:22 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i think its a fair thing for me to do
23/04/2006 10:58:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow because
23/04/2006 10:58:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow in all honesty
23/04/2006 10:58:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow if i got into a relationship and sam came to me and said oh wait i realy want to be with you now break up with them
23/04/2006 10:58:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow id be like fuck you
23/04/2006 10:58:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos it was exactly what i was scared of happening and why i didnt see wes to start with
23/04/2006 10:58:57 AM jessica. Jade - meow i think its a prtty selfish thing to do
23/04/2006 10:59:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow so i can see both sides
23/04/2006 10:59:22 AM jessica. Jade - meow plus i spoke to my friends husband about this
23/04/2006 10:59:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow and thats how i worked out the rules
23/04/2006 10:59:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow because if he actually cares for me
23/04/2006 10:59:43 AM jessica. Jade - meow he'll make the effort to keep me as a friend, even after i take out all of the sexual stuff
23/04/2006 10:59:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow and put a total ban on it, if he cares he'll make the effort
23/04/2006 11:00:12 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:00:22 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think thats true but wes seems i dunno,
23/04/2006 11:00:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. different
23/04/2006 11:00:35 AM jessica. Jade - meow its a bit gay really. i mean, i get angry with everyone, but i actually kind of care enough to not get angry about this.
23/04/2006 11:00:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont want to wreck it by getting angry
23/04/2006 11:00:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow wes is dfiferent
23/04/2006 11:00:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow jade
23/04/2006 11:00:47 AM jessica. Jade - meow im different
23/04/2006 11:00:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow im nuts
23/04/2006 11:00:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow okay
23/04/2006 11:00:53 AM Jade - meow jessica. like if you guys are together in the future Id always be worried that he would do something, whats the word, not right to you ya know?
23/04/2006 11:01:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow liek what?
23/04/2006 11:01:18 AM jessica. Jade - meow cheat on me? id divorce him and it'd crush him and he'd know that
23/04/2006 11:01:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. like if he cheated on you
23/04/2006 11:01:22 AM Jade - meow jessica. or I dunno
23/04/2006 11:01:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow or?
23/04/2006 11:01:32 AM Jade - meow jessica. steal underwears again hahahaha
23/04/2006 11:01:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont know
23/04/2006 11:01:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow if we were married i woudlnt care
23/04/2006 11:01:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id just be worried thats all. cuz i love you
23/04/2006 11:02:01 AM jessica. Jade - meow id put them in his breifcase to take to twork when he didnt know
23/04/2006 11:02:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow just to be funny
23/04/2006 11:02:09 AM Jade - meow jessica. your different but so am I, its good different
23/04/2006 11:02:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. I want you to be happy baby
23/04/2006 11:02:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh so do i
23/04/2006 11:02:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. Im just worried he wouldnt make you happy like you deserve to be
23/04/2006 11:02:36 AM Jade - meow jessica. thats ll
23/04/2006 11:02:39 AM Jade - meow jessica. all ecen
23/04/2006 11:02:43 AM Jade - meow jessica. jgtlfdsjasj cant spell
23/04/2006 11:02:44 AM Jade - meow jessica. even
23/04/2006 11:02:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow im happy in myself right now, its more an external kind of unhappy. that i dont realy like whtas going on around me
23/04/2006 11:03:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow if he didnt then we just wouldnt stay together
23/04/2006 11:03:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow in a way its pretty scary how much we've both said
23/04/2006 11:03:21 AM Jade - meow jessica. I really need to pee brb
23/04/2006 11:03:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow becase now it knd of feels liek well as soon as we're both free we hvae to get togeher and thats it you know
23/04/2006 11:03:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow when it shoudlnt be
23/04/2006 11:03:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow i still want to be able to just date
23/04/2006 11:03:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow but we've both gone ' i want to marry you'
23/04/2006 11:03:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and thats scary
23/04/2006 11:03:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow even if i say it sometimes and half mean it, i also half dont
23/04/2006 11:04:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow i think its not because i dont want to get married
23/04/2006 11:04:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow becaue it doesnt realy matter when you do it
23/04/2006 11:04:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow its more because im scared
23/04/2006 11:04:32 AM jessica. Jade - meow of being tied down
23/04/2006 11:04:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow dunno.
23/04/2006 11:06:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. back
23/04/2006 11:06:24 AM Jade - meow jessica. i gotta read all this now hold on
23/04/2006 11:07:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:07:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. well I know its TOTALLY not the same thing but its similar,
23/04/2006 11:07:57 AM Jade - meow jessica. Mark, the guy in New York who I met at rocky horror
23/04/2006 11:08:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. I told you about him yeh?
23/04/2006 11:08:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:08:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow no
23/04/2006 11:08:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dnno
23/04/2006 11:08:09 AM jessica. Jade - meow keep going
23/04/2006 11:08:11 AM Jade - meow jessica. haha
23/04/2006 11:08:21 AM Jade - meow jessica. when I came for the holiday in sep 04
23/04/2006 11:08:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:08:43 AM Jade - meow jessica. well I was on holiday and was just feeling all happy and fun and flirty and stuff
23/04/2006 11:09:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. and I think i was a little horny so I thought he was "OK" looking and was a little flirty with him
23/04/2006 11:09:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. we did nothing at all
23/04/2006 11:09:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. but after I left we kept in touch via email and text and he said he really wanted to kiss me and blah blah blah
23/04/2006 11:09:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. and I was flattered
23/04/2006 11:10:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. so we flirted on text and email for ages and thats why I kinda didnt wanna come to New York,
23/04/2006 11:10:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos youd run into him in a cioty of like 9 million pp
23/04/2006 11:10:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. cuz it was kinda expected that we would hook up or whatever
23/04/2006 11:10:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh no i get it
23/04/2006 11:10:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:10:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. no cuz we kept talking about "when i reuturn to new york
23/04/2006 11:10:39 AM Jade - meow jessica. or whatever
23/04/2006 11:10:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:10:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh i get it, i aggree
23/04/2006 11:11:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. so Ive seen him ONCE since I got here and it was a little awkward cuz I really dont want him like that now
23/04/2006 11:11:14 AM jessica. Jade - meow i mean its noto to say that things might not work out if we were to get together, its just now weve both said a lot and thas a lot of pressure
23/04/2006 11:11:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. and we were nice but yeh and now I feel like he doesnt put in ANY effort to contact me or see me cuz he knows he wont get anything out of me and im a little pissed at him for it
23/04/2006 11:11:48 AM jessica. Jade - meow haha
23/04/2006 11:11:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh boys are gay
23/04/2006 11:11:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:11:52 AM jessica. Jade - meow its my fault realy cos i said it to him first.
23/04/2006 11:11:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:12:14 AM jessica. Jade - meow we were on his bed in his old house (like four weeksago )and we hadnt kissed before that but he was touchy feely
23/04/2006 11:12:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. thats why I was trying to get you to come visit me and think things over a while first hehehe
23/04/2006 11:12:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow and im like. cant we just get married and not have sex? you can have sex with other poeple
23/04/2006 11:12:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and hes like no i couldnt do that i couldnt not hve all of you
23/04/2006 11:13:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow i couldnt be with you and not be able to make love to you. but the minute you change yr mind we'll get married. the second
23/04/2006 11:13:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow and im like whatever
23/04/2006 11:13:37 AM Jade - meow jessica. why did you say that about hte not having sex thing?
23/04/2006 11:13:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then we both started saying it more. we'd spent like a night making out ihn some park and on the drive hom he txt me and hes like marry me
23/04/2006 11:13:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow because well its a long story
23/04/2006 11:14:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow when i first met wes, i just really really, like straigh away there was chemistry and i wanted to fuck him
23/04/2006 11:14:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow and id dintk nw him that well so thas all i felt
23/04/2006 11:14:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i also thought he didnt even like girl
23/04/2006 11:14:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow s
23/04/2006 11:14:17 AM Jade - meow jessica. k
23/04/2006 11:14:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow right so in my head it was sex
23/04/2006 11:14:42 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then it ened up that he knew i iked him and hes ke no i like girls too
23/04/2006 11:14:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. I remember you thought he was gay at first haha
23/04/2006 11:14:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we went out once and we had a really really bad kiss, i coudlnt stop thinking about sam
23/04/2006 11:14:57 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then we just became really good friends
23/04/2006 11:15:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i wanted to ksis him lots but i just couldnt
23/04/2006 11:15:05 AM jessica. Jade - meow phsyically couldnt
23/04/2006 11:15:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow because as soon as id go to id be like, i cant do this, what if, i mean what if sam and i etc
23/04/2006 11:15:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos we hadnt met and blabalhablha
23/04/2006 11:15:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow so for like to and a half years i just wasnt sexually attracted to him anymore, cos id worked myself into not doing that kind of thing with him
23/04/2006 11:15:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:15:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow but i was a massive flirt
23/04/2006 11:15:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow because i still realy cared about him and liked him and wished i could but just couldnt
23/04/2006 11:16:05 AM jessica. Jade - meow and it was still the same like four weeks ago
23/04/2006 11:16:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i dunno what happend but it changed again
23/04/2006 11:16:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we kissed once and it was beauitful and then i could again. i think about five or six months ago i really did ge over sam
23/04/2006 11:16:42 AM jessica. Jade - meow and it helped a lot
23/04/2006 11:16:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow but got me into this shite situation
23/04/2006 11:17:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:17:03 AM Jade - meow jessica. heh
23/04/2006 11:17:15 AM Jade - meow jessica. but do you regret knowing sam and feeling what you did for him?
23/04/2006 11:17:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont know. im greatful for all the good moments, and im greatfl for all the fights we've had that have hopefully taught me how not to act, how not to be treated
23/04/2006 11:17:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow but in a way i regret not going to see him sooner
23/04/2006 11:17:56 AM jessica. Jade - meow becuase if i had, then maybe we'd have figured things out sooner
23/04/2006 11:17:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow and yeh
23/04/2006 11:18:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont regrety going to england and seeing him at all
23/04/2006 11:18:20 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh thats true but you know, it wasnt as feasible sooner
23/04/2006 11:18:24 AM jessica. Jade - meow ohnly that i did it so late or took so long
23/04/2006 11:18:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. you were both younger
23/04/2006 11:18:28 AM jessica. Jade - meow true
23/04/2006 11:18:56 AM Jade - meow jessica. he shouldve come to you i think
23/04/2006 11:19:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow fuck yeh but you know hes a dick
23/04/2006 11:19:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow hes not
23/04/2006 11:19:11 AM Jade - meow jessica. haha
23/04/2006 11:19:12 AM jessica. Jade - meow but he's too.. doesnt just do things
23/04/2006 11:19:14 AM Jade - meow jessica. no worse,
23/04/2006 11:19:18 AM Jade - meow jessica. he is engish
23/04/2006 11:19:20 AM jessica. Jade - meow haha
23/04/2006 11:19:21 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh that
23/04/2006 11:19:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. i bet tina goes to manchester more than jon goes to zagreb
23/04/2006 11:19:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow hahaha
23/04/2006 11:19:47 AM Jade - meow jessica. seriously! haha
23/04/2006 11:19:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow so yeh, this is why its hard with thinkign about wes
23/04/2006 11:19:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos right now i feel like
23/04/2006 11:20:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow im feeling all the things i didnt let myself eel for two years
23/04/2006 11:20:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow becaue i was caught up on somene else
23/04/2006 11:20:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:20:29 AM Jade - meow jessica. and 2years all at once is intense
23/04/2006 11:20:32 AM jessica. Jade - meow and its gay because i feel like, the longer he stays with this girl the longer he is gong to be caugh up on her. but fair enopguh, because i never wanted him
23/04/2006 11:20:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow its not very nice to just demand someone be with you after however long
23/04/2006 11:20:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow when youve told them to go aay
23/04/2006 11:20:46 AM jessica. Jade - meow away
23/04/2006 11:20:49 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think you should have a fling or relationship with a girl for while to clear your hea
23/04/2006 11:20:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. f
23/04/2006 11:20:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. d
23/04/2006 11:20:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow HAHAHA
23/04/2006 11:20:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow its so funny you should say that
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Its just difficult really, because, in all honesty wes and I would've got together two or three years ago if I hadnt been hung up on sam.. Wes and I liked each other the moment we met... and we even had a date.. and I kissed him and it was kind of bleh.. I kissed, he seemed nervous, closed his mouth, I pulled away, he went to kiss me... and that was it. I just couldnt stop thinking about sam. And it was that way for the past two and a half years... I spent a lot of my time with wes, but was still always thinking about sam, and wondering what if I be with wes, and then sam wants me, what would I do? It was only after I let myself actually get over sam.. that I realised how much I DID?DO whatever, feel for wes.
So, unfort.. for current events... I'm still distancing myself from it, but when I think about how we were and how things could've been if I'd not been so wrapped up sam, and letting him make me think we'd end up together, and being abusive and so on... I'd have been with wes a long time ago. So.. even though I know it's not happening right now, and it might not ever, and thats okay because I know if it doesn't, Ill still find someone... I actually dont want to tell myself that I would never be with him.. Because of just the way things have happened. If something eventually comes of it.. I dont know. I just am not the kind of person to completely discard someone until I really really know its the right time.
The first night we met, and had coffee together (I dont like people often at all) I spent the night in the cafe laying on the couch, opposite him, and we were all talking and having the best night.. and I kept watching his feet, body language, the way you do trying to gauge it. Because I'd been told he just wasnt into girls. We had those little smiles, and I made jokes and he laughed, and vice versa, and even then I just wanted him. Whether it is bulshit or not, he's said pretty much the same thing to me. That the first time he saw me walking out to the car we were to go to this cafe in, he thought I as the most beautiful girl he'd seen and that he wanted to be with me forever. Which I do "pshaw whatever" at.. but it's a nice thought that we both have the same ideas about the very first moment and time we saw each other. Even after that, we spent a night swimming at my house, nothing sexual, but the thoughts were there on my side at least, and I wanted him so much, and it felt so right, but I said nothing, I did nothing. I sent him a txt later that night after he went home.. saying if only he ilked girls.. and he was all 'we have to talk' and I thoguh oh no, he's going to tell me that if we're going to be friends, I have to not act like that... but it wasnt.. and we dated once and spent so much time together... but I just couldnt let myself go but for Sam.
So.. its yeh, its not just about what's happenig now. There is so much stuff that comes up with the whole ordeal. And, as much as I do think it's a horrible thing that has happened... and I've told him this, and he knows.. he's "said" that he's spent most of the week yelling at her for it, but mostly I dont really care to think about it, because I want to trust him but I just dont know, wouldnt want him to yell at her, all I'd want from him is to say sorry that it hurt me(which now, he has done). I do think I'd be selfish, to let the whole thing go, just because after he's spent two years getting over me.. and got himself into a relationship, that he doesnt leave her like 'snap' as soon as I ask him to.. I dont think I'd leave someone straight away or maybe at all, if I'd loved someone and they didnt want me and then they did.. It'd be exacty like me getting into a relationship and then sam asking me to come marry him.. what would I say? Now I know I'd tell him to go away.. but a year ago? I'd have been so messed up. I think it would be emotionally volotile thing for him to do anyway. If we ever end up together, for any amount of time, I'd rather it be when we're both ready, and open, and unattached.
and.... my conversation with jadey this morning. (for someone who is not thinking about it, I seem to be talking about it a lot. I guess... whenever I think about trying to be me, I think about me being myself with wes, and its hard to imagine being myself without him and so I think about him. Its that hard part where you're trying find an emotional area that covers how you're feeling. )
\23/04/2006 10:50:53 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id rather you marry sam
23/04/2006 10:50:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow i woudlnt
23/04/2006 10:51:01 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont like wes, from what I hear of him
23/04/2006 10:51:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow id end upkilling myself
23/04/2006 10:51:08 AM jessica. Jade - meow sam makes me angry
23/04/2006 10:51:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow wes and i never really had a fight before this
23/04/2006 10:51:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont judge you for liking him or if your with him but I just think you can do way better
23/04/2006 10:51:24 AM jessica. Jade - meow except when he got obsessive and i told him to go away
23/04/2006 10:51:33 AM jessica. Jade - meow but that was more becase i still loved sam and didnt want to get close to anyone else
23/04/2006 10:51:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow thats sams fault
23/04/2006 10:51:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow the fucked up thing is that im just as obsessive
23/04/2006 10:52:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we wouldve been so crazy and fucked up but together
23/04/2006 10:52:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow bleh.
23/04/2006 10:53:11 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont know. i want to belive him but i dont know. the thing is, i know or at least i thought i realy knew he would never say soemthign like that to me
23/04/2006 10:53:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow aw i dont have that messenver
23/04/2006 10:53:20 AM jessica. Jade - meow i cant hear it
23/04/2006 10:53:44 AM Jade - meow jessica. well jesss
23/04/2006 10:53:48 AM Jade - meow jessica. personally i think he is lying
23/04/2006 10:53:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. I will tell you why
23/04/2006 10:54:07 AM Jade - meow jessica. when he was stealing your underwear, he said he wasnt and denied it
23/04/2006 10:54:12 AM Jade - meow jessica. but now he says yes he did
23/04/2006 10:54:14 AM Jade - meow jessica. PLUS
23/04/2006 10:54:18 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh but i knew he did and he admitted it later
23/04/2006 10:54:23 AM Jade - meow jessica. oh I forgot the other thing hold on
23/04/2006 10:54:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow this time its like, i think i know he didnt
23/04/2006 10:54:34 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh exactly admited it LATER not at the time
23/04/2006 10:54:36 AM Jade - meow jessica. oh
23/04/2006 10:54:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. and the other thing is
23/04/2006 10:54:46 AM Jade - meow jessica. he is playing you both
23/04/2006 10:54:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. it seems like it at least
23/04/2006 10:55:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow welll i basically was pissed at him last night
23/04/2006 10:55:04 AM Jade - meow jessica. like, if he doesnt wanna leave weave then he wouldnt mess with you
23/04/2006 10:55:04 AM jessica. Jade - meow im like it hurt etc etc
23/04/2006 10:55:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i said
23/04/2006 10:55:08 AM jessica. Jade - meow right
23/04/2006 10:55:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow if you want to be my friend this is how its going to work
23/04/2006 10:55:15 AM Jade - meow jessica. but if he is messing iwth you then why the fuck doesnt he leave her?
23/04/2006 10:55:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow yr not going to talk to me about feelings or try to kiss me or touch me or tell me yotu want to do any of those things,
23/04/2006 10:55:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow youre nmot going to let your girlvfiend be abusve to me
23/04/2006 10:55:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. he wants his cake and eat it too
23/04/2006 10:55:40 AM jessica. Jade - meow you are not going ot be abuseve to me
23/04/2006 10:55:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow and youre gong to make time to see me, despite being busy
23/04/2006 10:55:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow if you cant do any of those things then we cant be friends
23/04/2006 10:55:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow and heds like okay i can do them all.
23/04/2006 10:56:01 AM jessica. Jade - meow so we'll see how we go
23/04/2006 10:56:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow personally if i were her i think id' leave, and part of me thinkts thats why hes done it
23/04/2006 10:56:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow because he doesnt seem like he could break up with anyone
23/04/2006 10:56:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow hes just tooo.... attached. like.. hes too much of a pussy to break up with someone, even if it were the most horrible relationship ever.
23/04/2006 10:56:41 AM Jade - meow jessica. the thing that scares me about it is if he cheats on a girl he says he has feelings for and doesnt wanna leave he could totally do it to you and thats not right
23/04/2006 10:56:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow its just him
23/04/2006 10:56:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow so maybe hes been a shit hopnig she will
23/04/2006 10:56:59 AM jessica. Jade - meow i know, thats why id never be with someone who left someone for me anyway
23/04/2006 10:57:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. but if someone LEAVES them for you and doesnt CHEAT on them htat is way bette
23/04/2006 10:57:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. r
23/04/2006 10:57:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think anyways
23/04/2006 10:58:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i said this to him and thats why we had the argument earlier, and i was making him tell me every timehe kissed her and that they hadnt slept together in a couple weeks. then they got back togethe rlike two days after we spent the night, and i yelled at him.
23/04/2006 10:58:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id rather lose them than share them
23/04/2006 10:58:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow well yeh exactly, i think so too. but still
23/04/2006 10:58:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow like ik said
23/04/2006 10:58:17 AM jessica. Jade - meow i made rules
23/04/2006 10:58:22 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i think its a fair thing for me to do
23/04/2006 10:58:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow because
23/04/2006 10:58:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow in all honesty
23/04/2006 10:58:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow if i got into a relationship and sam came to me and said oh wait i realy want to be with you now break up with them
23/04/2006 10:58:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow id be like fuck you
23/04/2006 10:58:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos it was exactly what i was scared of happening and why i didnt see wes to start with
23/04/2006 10:58:57 AM jessica. Jade - meow i think its a prtty selfish thing to do
23/04/2006 10:59:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow so i can see both sides
23/04/2006 10:59:22 AM jessica. Jade - meow plus i spoke to my friends husband about this
23/04/2006 10:59:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow and thats how i worked out the rules
23/04/2006 10:59:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow because if he actually cares for me
23/04/2006 10:59:43 AM jessica. Jade - meow he'll make the effort to keep me as a friend, even after i take out all of the sexual stuff
23/04/2006 10:59:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow and put a total ban on it, if he cares he'll make the effort
23/04/2006 11:00:12 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:00:22 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think thats true but wes seems i dunno,
23/04/2006 11:00:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. different
23/04/2006 11:00:35 AM jessica. Jade - meow its a bit gay really. i mean, i get angry with everyone, but i actually kind of care enough to not get angry about this.
23/04/2006 11:00:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont want to wreck it by getting angry
23/04/2006 11:00:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow wes is dfiferent
23/04/2006 11:00:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow jade
23/04/2006 11:00:47 AM jessica. Jade - meow im different
23/04/2006 11:00:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow im nuts
23/04/2006 11:00:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow okay
23/04/2006 11:00:53 AM Jade - meow jessica. like if you guys are together in the future Id always be worried that he would do something, whats the word, not right to you ya know?
23/04/2006 11:01:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow liek what?
23/04/2006 11:01:18 AM jessica. Jade - meow cheat on me? id divorce him and it'd crush him and he'd know that
23/04/2006 11:01:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. like if he cheated on you
23/04/2006 11:01:22 AM Jade - meow jessica. or I dunno
23/04/2006 11:01:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow or?
23/04/2006 11:01:32 AM Jade - meow jessica. steal underwears again hahahaha
23/04/2006 11:01:33 AM Jade - meow jessica. I dont know
23/04/2006 11:01:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow if we were married i woudlnt care
23/04/2006 11:01:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. Id just be worried thats all. cuz i love you
23/04/2006 11:02:01 AM jessica. Jade - meow id put them in his breifcase to take to twork when he didnt know
23/04/2006 11:02:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow just to be funny
23/04/2006 11:02:09 AM Jade - meow jessica. your different but so am I, its good different
23/04/2006 11:02:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. I want you to be happy baby
23/04/2006 11:02:31 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh so do i
23/04/2006 11:02:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. Im just worried he wouldnt make you happy like you deserve to be
23/04/2006 11:02:36 AM Jade - meow jessica. thats ll
23/04/2006 11:02:39 AM Jade - meow jessica. all ecen
23/04/2006 11:02:43 AM Jade - meow jessica. jgtlfdsjasj cant spell
23/04/2006 11:02:44 AM Jade - meow jessica. even
23/04/2006 11:02:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow im happy in myself right now, its more an external kind of unhappy. that i dont realy like whtas going on around me
23/04/2006 11:03:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow if he didnt then we just wouldnt stay together
23/04/2006 11:03:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow in a way its pretty scary how much we've both said
23/04/2006 11:03:21 AM Jade - meow jessica. I really need to pee brb
23/04/2006 11:03:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow becase now it knd of feels liek well as soon as we're both free we hvae to get togeher and thats it you know
23/04/2006 11:03:25 AM jessica. Jade - meow when it shoudlnt be
23/04/2006 11:03:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow i still want to be able to just date
23/04/2006 11:03:37 AM jessica. Jade - meow but we've both gone ' i want to marry you'
23/04/2006 11:03:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and thats scary
23/04/2006 11:03:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow even if i say it sometimes and half mean it, i also half dont
23/04/2006 11:04:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow i think its not because i dont want to get married
23/04/2006 11:04:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow becaue it doesnt realy matter when you do it
23/04/2006 11:04:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow its more because im scared
23/04/2006 11:04:32 AM jessica. Jade - meow of being tied down
23/04/2006 11:04:38 AM jessica. Jade - meow dunno.
23/04/2006 11:06:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. back
23/04/2006 11:06:24 AM Jade - meow jessica. i gotta read all this now hold on
23/04/2006 11:07:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:07:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. well I know its TOTALLY not the same thing but its similar,
23/04/2006 11:07:57 AM Jade - meow jessica. Mark, the guy in New York who I met at rocky horror
23/04/2006 11:08:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. I told you about him yeh?
23/04/2006 11:08:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:08:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow no
23/04/2006 11:08:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dnno
23/04/2006 11:08:09 AM jessica. Jade - meow keep going
23/04/2006 11:08:11 AM Jade - meow jessica. haha
23/04/2006 11:08:21 AM Jade - meow jessica. when I came for the holiday in sep 04
23/04/2006 11:08:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:08:43 AM Jade - meow jessica. well I was on holiday and was just feeling all happy and fun and flirty and stuff
23/04/2006 11:09:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. and I think i was a little horny so I thought he was "OK" looking and was a little flirty with him
23/04/2006 11:09:08 AM Jade - meow jessica. we did nothing at all
23/04/2006 11:09:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. but after I left we kept in touch via email and text and he said he really wanted to kiss me and blah blah blah
23/04/2006 11:09:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. and I was flattered
23/04/2006 11:10:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. so we flirted on text and email for ages and thats why I kinda didnt wanna come to New York,
23/04/2006 11:10:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos youd run into him in a cioty of like 9 million pp
23/04/2006 11:10:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. cuz it was kinda expected that we would hook up or whatever
23/04/2006 11:10:26 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh no i get it
23/04/2006 11:10:29 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:10:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. no cuz we kept talking about "when i reuturn to new york
23/04/2006 11:10:39 AM Jade - meow jessica. or whatever
23/04/2006 11:10:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh
23/04/2006 11:10:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh i get it, i aggree
23/04/2006 11:11:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. so Ive seen him ONCE since I got here and it was a little awkward cuz I really dont want him like that now
23/04/2006 11:11:14 AM jessica. Jade - meow i mean its noto to say that things might not work out if we were to get together, its just now weve both said a lot and thas a lot of pressure
23/04/2006 11:11:38 AM Jade - meow jessica. and we were nice but yeh and now I feel like he doesnt put in ANY effort to contact me or see me cuz he knows he wont get anything out of me and im a little pissed at him for it
23/04/2006 11:11:48 AM jessica. Jade - meow haha
23/04/2006 11:11:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh boys are gay
23/04/2006 11:11:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:11:52 AM jessica. Jade - meow its my fault realy cos i said it to him first.
23/04/2006 11:11:55 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:12:14 AM jessica. Jade - meow we were on his bed in his old house (like four weeksago )and we hadnt kissed before that but he was touchy feely
23/04/2006 11:12:16 AM Jade - meow jessica. thats why I was trying to get you to come visit me and think things over a while first hehehe
23/04/2006 11:12:30 AM jessica. Jade - meow and im like. cant we just get married and not have sex? you can have sex with other poeple
23/04/2006 11:12:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and hes like no i couldnt do that i couldnt not hve all of you
23/04/2006 11:13:02 AM jessica. Jade - meow i couldnt be with you and not be able to make love to you. but the minute you change yr mind we'll get married. the second
23/04/2006 11:13:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow and im like whatever
23/04/2006 11:13:37 AM Jade - meow jessica. why did you say that about hte not having sex thing?
23/04/2006 11:13:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then we both started saying it more. we'd spent like a night making out ihn some park and on the drive hom he txt me and hes like marry me
23/04/2006 11:13:49 AM jessica. Jade - meow because well its a long story
23/04/2006 11:14:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow when i first met wes, i just really really, like straigh away there was chemistry and i wanted to fuck him
23/04/2006 11:14:07 AM jessica. Jade - meow and id dintk nw him that well so thas all i felt
23/04/2006 11:14:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i also thought he didnt even like girl
23/04/2006 11:14:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow s
23/04/2006 11:14:17 AM Jade - meow jessica. k
23/04/2006 11:14:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow right so in my head it was sex
23/04/2006 11:14:42 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then it ened up that he knew i iked him and hes ke no i like girls too
23/04/2006 11:14:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. I remember you thought he was gay at first haha
23/04/2006 11:14:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we went out once and we had a really really bad kiss, i coudlnt stop thinking about sam
23/04/2006 11:14:57 AM jessica. Jade - meow and then we just became really good friends
23/04/2006 11:15:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i wanted to ksis him lots but i just couldnt
23/04/2006 11:15:05 AM jessica. Jade - meow phsyically couldnt
23/04/2006 11:15:19 AM jessica. Jade - meow because as soon as id go to id be like, i cant do this, what if, i mean what if sam and i etc
23/04/2006 11:15:23 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos we hadnt met and blabalhablha
23/04/2006 11:15:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow so for like to and a half years i just wasnt sexually attracted to him anymore, cos id worked myself into not doing that kind of thing with him
23/04/2006 11:15:42 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:15:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow but i was a massive flirt
23/04/2006 11:15:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow because i still realy cared about him and liked him and wished i could but just couldnt
23/04/2006 11:16:05 AM jessica. Jade - meow and it was still the same like four weeks ago
23/04/2006 11:16:15 AM jessica. Jade - meow and i dunno what happend but it changed again
23/04/2006 11:16:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow and we kissed once and it was beauitful and then i could again. i think about five or six months ago i really did ge over sam
23/04/2006 11:16:42 AM jessica. Jade - meow and it helped a lot
23/04/2006 11:16:55 AM jessica. Jade - meow but got me into this shite situation
23/04/2006 11:17:00 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:17:03 AM Jade - meow jessica. heh
23/04/2006 11:17:15 AM Jade - meow jessica. but do you regret knowing sam and feeling what you did for him?
23/04/2006 11:17:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont know. im greatful for all the good moments, and im greatfl for all the fights we've had that have hopefully taught me how not to act, how not to be treated
23/04/2006 11:17:50 AM jessica. Jade - meow but in a way i regret not going to see him sooner
23/04/2006 11:17:56 AM jessica. Jade - meow becuase if i had, then maybe we'd have figured things out sooner
23/04/2006 11:17:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow and yeh
23/04/2006 11:18:13 AM jessica. Jade - meow i dont regrety going to england and seeing him at all
23/04/2006 11:18:20 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh thats true but you know, it wasnt as feasible sooner
23/04/2006 11:18:24 AM jessica. Jade - meow ohnly that i did it so late or took so long
23/04/2006 11:18:25 AM Jade - meow jessica. you were both younger
23/04/2006 11:18:28 AM jessica. Jade - meow true
23/04/2006 11:18:56 AM Jade - meow jessica. he shouldve come to you i think
23/04/2006 11:19:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow fuck yeh but you know hes a dick
23/04/2006 11:19:06 AM jessica. Jade - meow hes not
23/04/2006 11:19:11 AM Jade - meow jessica. haha
23/04/2006 11:19:12 AM jessica. Jade - meow but he's too.. doesnt just do things
23/04/2006 11:19:14 AM Jade - meow jessica. no worse,
23/04/2006 11:19:18 AM Jade - meow jessica. he is engish
23/04/2006 11:19:20 AM jessica. Jade - meow haha
23/04/2006 11:19:21 AM jessica. Jade - meow yeh that
23/04/2006 11:19:35 AM Jade - meow jessica. i bet tina goes to manchester more than jon goes to zagreb
23/04/2006 11:19:39 AM jessica. Jade - meow hahaha
23/04/2006 11:19:47 AM Jade - meow jessica. seriously! haha
23/04/2006 11:19:51 AM jessica. Jade - meow so yeh, this is why its hard with thinkign about wes
23/04/2006 11:19:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow cos right now i feel like
23/04/2006 11:20:00 AM jessica. Jade - meow im feeling all the things i didnt let myself eel for two years
23/04/2006 11:20:03 AM jessica. Jade - meow becaue i was caught up on somene else
23/04/2006 11:20:19 AM Jade - meow jessica. yeh
23/04/2006 11:20:29 AM Jade - meow jessica. and 2years all at once is intense
23/04/2006 11:20:32 AM jessica. Jade - meow and its gay because i feel like, the longer he stays with this girl the longer he is gong to be caugh up on her. but fair enopguh, because i never wanted him
23/04/2006 11:20:41 AM jessica. Jade - meow its not very nice to just demand someone be with you after however long
23/04/2006 11:20:45 AM jessica. Jade - meow when youve told them to go aay
23/04/2006 11:20:46 AM jessica. Jade - meow away
23/04/2006 11:20:49 AM Jade - meow jessica. i think you should have a fling or relationship with a girl for while to clear your hea
23/04/2006 11:20:51 AM Jade - meow jessica. f
23/04/2006 11:20:52 AM Jade - meow jessica. d
23/04/2006 11:20:54 AM jessica. Jade - meow HAHAHA
23/04/2006 11:20:58 AM jessica. Jade - meow its so funny you should say that