the colonel

[yetti]

i only knew him as 'the colonel' or todd's grandfather. i wish that i felt like i could pay my respects or help to comfort the family, but i don't think that i'm wanted there. if it matters any: i am sorry for your loss, i know, maybe better than most, what he meant to you. i may not be welcome in your life anymore, but i still care.

Comments

thank you simon.

[anonymous]

-for days we thought about contacting you, but i wasn't sure if/or how you would react. kevin also mentioned it several times...it would have been nice to see you there (comforting)...unfortunately it was timing and me not thinking to check your journal over the last couple of months that didn't allow this to happen and it breaks my heart to admit it just the same. i wrote about the funeral but it shames the actual happenings and surreal mood that took place...again, i let a lot of people down again by my actions in regards to john h., i did my best simon, you have to trust me on that...it was "the colonel", man...he was a father to me and you know it...i would never disrespect that...
but looking back i think certain people expected too much from me...i suppose (as you wrote: "i am sorry for your loss, i know, maybe better than most, what he meant to you") that perhaps some people understand more than others and i can't help but feel guilt either way for my actions...as is usual. i sincerely wish i would have read this entry when it was originally posted, after a stretch of you not posting here and the stress involved with the situation my mind was elsewhere...all i can say is:

from myself, my mother, father, kim, chris and kevin...

thank you for your kind words and support...

i can't thank you enough...

take care friend...

todd matthew.