(no subject)
I am so tired of the male spectrum of the species.. Actually I've reconnected with a couple of old friends and it's been a why was I so stupid back then.. and then these local boys are screwing me over.. I have no taste face to face... I'm so tired of it.. I wish I could not have the fume of single but on the same token whats the point of going out if I'm not. I just need to have better taste in guys because I end up in one empty arm after another.. and I don't think I am that empty.. maybe I think i can give substance.. but I can't do that either.. my life is not contagious.. I can fill no other soul.. I only have enough for one soul.. and still I find these not empty people.. but empty relationships.. I don't regret a good majority of those I choose to care about.. but I regret my desperate attempt to fill in the void with my being and being the only one.. I knew amarillo was not the place to find my soul mate.. but why can't I have a temporary.. a decent one.. a sweet romantic one.. a funny one.. a happy one.. a logical one.. an educated one.. not even a combination but just one attribute. I guess I'm lonley.. not so much physically but my heart is starved.. I just want to cuddle with someone and fall asleep content.. smiling.. eager to wake up by thier side.. not touching.. *sigh* i'm just tired of these hot and cold boys that just say what you need to hear to get in your pants and then never really want to see you agian.. I don't regret.. I am an animal after all.. I can succomb to my primal instincts.. but I want a happy heart.. or at least to shut up for a minute so i can focus on the things that are important to me.. rather than going home alone and wondering what the hell..