(no subject)
today I feel lonley..
I wish there was someone there I could turn to.. but really I've closed my heart to everyone. I used to be a lot more open.. I'm sure a journalist would know me best.. doing an inasive interview on everyone ive ever come to contact with.. would the journalist understand my contradictions.. would "he" be entralled, disgusted, infactuated, would they know the real me.. yes i'm lonley.. I no longer try to expose myself it was a failed experiment that has brought to my attention a diffrent kind of dark side to me.. a darkside that capitalizes on all that is good in me.. feeding upon myself.
I didn't want to do it.. but my boss asked.. so i got a dude I know hired.. ever since everytime he does something wrong and is confronted on it he thinks I'm saying it.. I dont care how he fucks up... I wasn't attached to him like the last one.. my co worker hates him.. I spend more time defending him in his fuck ups.. than complaining about him.. but he thinks i'm the vexing one.. I don't really care I didn't hold a love for him that was like the last one.. it was a friendship I could afford to lose... I got him a job because there were two people I hold a love for that would benifit from it.. never cared if he would. I lost respect for him when he couldn't stand by his bros before hoes ideals.
I was asked to start working both jobs on sunday.. no one is here yet and all I want to do is cry. I feel terrible and i want to talk to someone I feel like I don't have to perform for.. I miss having a jake.. I didn't perform for him very long and though I still cant read him.. I hope i'll never feel I have to.. but things have changed and although I still have no need to perform for him I no longer turn to him.. nor do i divulge to much information..
Work is looking up.. I love piercing.. i had my first crappy customer.. but it's picking up.. I don't work saturdays which I miss.. but thats okay.. I think I'm goig to hide and tear up a little bit.. later kids.
I wish there was someone there I could turn to.. but really I've closed my heart to everyone. I used to be a lot more open.. I'm sure a journalist would know me best.. doing an inasive interview on everyone ive ever come to contact with.. would the journalist understand my contradictions.. would "he" be entralled, disgusted, infactuated, would they know the real me.. yes i'm lonley.. I no longer try to expose myself it was a failed experiment that has brought to my attention a diffrent kind of dark side to me.. a darkside that capitalizes on all that is good in me.. feeding upon myself.
I didn't want to do it.. but my boss asked.. so i got a dude I know hired.. ever since everytime he does something wrong and is confronted on it he thinks I'm saying it.. I dont care how he fucks up... I wasn't attached to him like the last one.. my co worker hates him.. I spend more time defending him in his fuck ups.. than complaining about him.. but he thinks i'm the vexing one.. I don't really care I didn't hold a love for him that was like the last one.. it was a friendship I could afford to lose... I got him a job because there were two people I hold a love for that would benifit from it.. never cared if he would. I lost respect for him when he couldn't stand by his bros before hoes ideals.
I was asked to start working both jobs on sunday.. no one is here yet and all I want to do is cry. I feel terrible and i want to talk to someone I feel like I don't have to perform for.. I miss having a jake.. I didn't perform for him very long and though I still cant read him.. I hope i'll never feel I have to.. but things have changed and although I still have no need to perform for him I no longer turn to him.. nor do i divulge to much information..
Work is looking up.. I love piercing.. i had my first crappy customer.. but it's picking up.. I don't work saturdays which I miss.. but thats okay.. I think I'm goig to hide and tear up a little bit.. later kids.