lone star
I am going to Texas tomorrow morning for a long weekend. Things have been progressing really fast with my dad and they are entering him into home hospice care today. I had already decided to come home this week just because it felt right, and then on Monday mom called to let us all know that she had taken dad to the ER again for severe back pain and lack of movement. They thought the cancer had wrapped around his spine but after a few tests, they think it was more than likely a muscle spasm.
This doesn't mean it wasn't serious. In the span of 3 months he has had cancer appear on his brain, his lungs, his stomach (caused internal bleeding and we almost lost him from it a few weeks ago) and his liver. Melanoma is just the worst of the worst because of how fast it spreads once it touches your lymphatic system.
As soon as my siblings found out i was coming, they all rallied as well and all of us are going to converge on mom and dads house for the weekend. mom wants us to have a good time and say what we need to say and just enjoy each others company. luckily dads in no pain and not even feeling particularly bad. its more of an overall diminishing capacity as time goes by. my mom apologized to me last night for having me so late in life. she said its not fair to me to lose my dad at such a relatively early age. that was when i had to tell her that its ok and that I've been ok with that idea since the moment i even first thought it. just the fact that they decided to have me at all and then give me the life I've lead is all that matters to me.
So that is whats going on with me at the moment. Im finishing up work right now and probably taking off a little early so i can go home and get packed and make dinner and then sit on my ass and smoke pot and do nothing for the rest of the night. then tomorrow i fly off to probably tell my dad goodbye for the last time. oh man that was just as surreal to type out as it was to say out loud.
whenever i fly home, i almost always get coffee for my parents and a box of theo chocolates for my dad. it made me sad to think about doing that for the last time for him.
This doesn't mean it wasn't serious. In the span of 3 months he has had cancer appear on his brain, his lungs, his stomach (caused internal bleeding and we almost lost him from it a few weeks ago) and his liver. Melanoma is just the worst of the worst because of how fast it spreads once it touches your lymphatic system.
As soon as my siblings found out i was coming, they all rallied as well and all of us are going to converge on mom and dads house for the weekend. mom wants us to have a good time and say what we need to say and just enjoy each others company. luckily dads in no pain and not even feeling particularly bad. its more of an overall diminishing capacity as time goes by. my mom apologized to me last night for having me so late in life. she said its not fair to me to lose my dad at such a relatively early age. that was when i had to tell her that its ok and that I've been ok with that idea since the moment i even first thought it. just the fact that they decided to have me at all and then give me the life I've lead is all that matters to me.
So that is whats going on with me at the moment. Im finishing up work right now and probably taking off a little early so i can go home and get packed and make dinner and then sit on my ass and smoke pot and do nothing for the rest of the night. then tomorrow i fly off to probably tell my dad goodbye for the last time. oh man that was just as surreal to type out as it was to say out loud.
whenever i fly home, i almost always get coffee for my parents and a box of theo chocolates for my dad. it made me sad to think about doing that for the last time for him.