cat puke, rhododendrons, and some other things than aren't mentioned
i got two new really spiffy nifty neat-o t-shirts today! yay!
one is dr. seuss and it says "no matter where you go, there you are." it from a book i don't think i've read, but i like it. if anyone has the book solla sollew, can i borrow it? haha.
and the other one is super cute. it has little mushroom guys on it. awwwww. i love mushrooms. except for the way they taste. and uh yeah. but they're sooo cute. there's a slight flaw on the one on the sleeve, but i adds character. can't wear this one to school though. "mushrooms are drug related."
erm yeah.
they were expensive shirts. probably not worth as much as they costed. but they're so wonderfulous that they are.
i feel bad for wasting money. note to self: stop eating and wearing clothes and using electricity.
there's this book i want to read. the electric kool-aid acid test.
i'm trying to read Diary by Chuck Palisomethingican't spell, and The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. but i have very little motivation. and The Sun Also Rises is fucking boring. but i have to read it and appreciate it and pretend to like it because it's a gift. or i could just scan a bit of spark notes material and work on my lying skills.
must read more books. must improve vocabulary. must improve thought process. must be a more interesting person.
i look like shit today. my hair is so gross. ugh.
there's a new kid in my english class. he's kind of cute, but kind of emoish. or something. not sure.
doesn't matter, because i look like shit today, and looking like shit doesn't make a good first impression.
i'm just bored, really. not lonely, not desperate, not even all that unhappy. just bored. i want something exciting in my life. and what's more exciting than a ridiculously intense roller coaster ride of infatuation? not much. so i kinda wish i had that. but it's alright without it. i work well on my own. and it's not like i really need any more fuck ups in my life right now. though at least you're not bored when your heart's being smashed into bits, right?
and i've been noticing that there are almost ZERO attractive guys here. seriously. what the fuck? they're all so heinous. so not worth it. not to be shallow or anything, but looks DO matter. there is a reason they matter. it's called nature. evolution. natural selection through sexual reproduction. you must always pick an attractive mate, because technically the most attractive of the species will have the best genetics. in case you produce any offspring with that person. not that i'm planning on doing that for a very long time, if ever. but still. it doesn't make any sense to fuck an ugly person. unless you are an ugly person. but then it just doesn't make sense for you to be fucking at all. gawd i'm nice.
i don't even think i'm good looking. but i do know that i'm not as hideous as most of the guys here.
and people tell me i'm pretty. and maybe i'd like to believe that.
i'm hungry today. fuck being hungry.
lately, people just suck. bleh.
i wish i were fascinating. i'd like that even more than being a good person. except i think i am a good person, mostly. i must be on some sort of ego trip today, because i don't hate myself. wow. haha.
too bad i'm not rich, because if i was, i'd be able to buy whatever i want from value village. hahahaha. like rich people shop at thrift stores. but i SO would, if i were rich.
i want to have money like my grandparents. that'd be pretty cool. i wouldn't build myself a huge house though. because i just realized how fucking huge that house is. and how fucking perfect. i liked it better before, with the newspaper bathroom and the orange kitchen counters and the tacky pink rose wallpaper in my old bedroom. it was more comfortable, more nostalgic, more alive. everyone is turning into a zombie these days. i want that much money, but i'd get myself a cozy little house, and i'd decorate it all tacky but eccentric and charmingly cute. the yard would have wildflowers and pebbles instead of grass, because lawn mowers scare me a lot and i never want to use one. and i'd have a toilet that worked. that's important, because it's scary if they don't work. and gross. and i'd have one cat. and one child, who i'd raise to be unique and confidently themselves. we'd be very close, and we'd do silly things every day, just to make sure life would always be worth living. if i ever have a kid, i will tell him or her all about beautiful and positive and happy things, so she doesn't grow up to be just like the rest of us negative, depressing fucks. maybe we'd live by the ocean. that would be nice, and we'd take walks along the beach together, letting the sharp wind free us from our futile search for perfection. we'd buy clothes and other items from little shops and thrift stores, maybe even antique stores, and we'd wear things that were meant to be for special occasions whenever the fuck we wanted, because waiting for a better day is wasting the one we already have. we'd learn a new word everyday, and spend money on stamps so we could send letters all the time. we'd share fish and chips for lunch and feed our rejected fries to seagulls, and hang wind chimes on our porch. we'd be careful around other people, but surprisingly kind. and we would be happy.
i so wish the future would comply with my little fantasy world.
it would make every single fuckhead and every single betrayal and every single molecule of pollution in my lungs worthwhile.
i'm tempted to make a phone call. but i know i shouldn't. and i don't know what to say, really.
when i was little, i didn't know that i didn't know.
now i do know that i don't know.
and that's scarier.
do you ever feel like you're missing everything? like the darkness where the edge of your eye sockets start? and you just can't tell what is there besides the images right in front of you? and you can't have it all, all at once, and it's so godfuckingdamn frustrating?
well, i do.
one is dr. seuss and it says "no matter where you go, there you are." it from a book i don't think i've read, but i like it. if anyone has the book solla sollew, can i borrow it? haha.
and the other one is super cute. it has little mushroom guys on it. awwwww. i love mushrooms. except for the way they taste. and uh yeah. but they're sooo cute. there's a slight flaw on the one on the sleeve, but i adds character. can't wear this one to school though. "mushrooms are drug related."
erm yeah.
they were expensive shirts. probably not worth as much as they costed. but they're so wonderfulous that they are.
i feel bad for wasting money. note to self: stop eating and wearing clothes and using electricity.
there's this book i want to read. the electric kool-aid acid test.
i'm trying to read Diary by Chuck Palisomethingican't spell, and The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. but i have very little motivation. and The Sun Also Rises is fucking boring. but i have to read it and appreciate it and pretend to like it because it's a gift. or i could just scan a bit of spark notes material and work on my lying skills.
must read more books. must improve vocabulary. must improve thought process. must be a more interesting person.
i look like shit today. my hair is so gross. ugh.
there's a new kid in my english class. he's kind of cute, but kind of emoish. or something. not sure.
doesn't matter, because i look like shit today, and looking like shit doesn't make a good first impression.
i'm just bored, really. not lonely, not desperate, not even all that unhappy. just bored. i want something exciting in my life. and what's more exciting than a ridiculously intense roller coaster ride of infatuation? not much. so i kinda wish i had that. but it's alright without it. i work well on my own. and it's not like i really need any more fuck ups in my life right now. though at least you're not bored when your heart's being smashed into bits, right?
and i've been noticing that there are almost ZERO attractive guys here. seriously. what the fuck? they're all so heinous. so not worth it. not to be shallow or anything, but looks DO matter. there is a reason they matter. it's called nature. evolution. natural selection through sexual reproduction. you must always pick an attractive mate, because technically the most attractive of the species will have the best genetics. in case you produce any offspring with that person. not that i'm planning on doing that for a very long time, if ever. but still. it doesn't make any sense to fuck an ugly person. unless you are an ugly person. but then it just doesn't make sense for you to be fucking at all. gawd i'm nice.
i don't even think i'm good looking. but i do know that i'm not as hideous as most of the guys here.
and people tell me i'm pretty. and maybe i'd like to believe that.
i'm hungry today. fuck being hungry.
lately, people just suck. bleh.
i wish i were fascinating. i'd like that even more than being a good person. except i think i am a good person, mostly. i must be on some sort of ego trip today, because i don't hate myself. wow. haha.
too bad i'm not rich, because if i was, i'd be able to buy whatever i want from value village. hahahaha. like rich people shop at thrift stores. but i SO would, if i were rich.
i want to have money like my grandparents. that'd be pretty cool. i wouldn't build myself a huge house though. because i just realized how fucking huge that house is. and how fucking perfect. i liked it better before, with the newspaper bathroom and the orange kitchen counters and the tacky pink rose wallpaper in my old bedroom. it was more comfortable, more nostalgic, more alive. everyone is turning into a zombie these days. i want that much money, but i'd get myself a cozy little house, and i'd decorate it all tacky but eccentric and charmingly cute. the yard would have wildflowers and pebbles instead of grass, because lawn mowers scare me a lot and i never want to use one. and i'd have a toilet that worked. that's important, because it's scary if they don't work. and gross. and i'd have one cat. and one child, who i'd raise to be unique and confidently themselves. we'd be very close, and we'd do silly things every day, just to make sure life would always be worth living. if i ever have a kid, i will tell him or her all about beautiful and positive and happy things, so she doesn't grow up to be just like the rest of us negative, depressing fucks. maybe we'd live by the ocean. that would be nice, and we'd take walks along the beach together, letting the sharp wind free us from our futile search for perfection. we'd buy clothes and other items from little shops and thrift stores, maybe even antique stores, and we'd wear things that were meant to be for special occasions whenever the fuck we wanted, because waiting for a better day is wasting the one we already have. we'd learn a new word everyday, and spend money on stamps so we could send letters all the time. we'd share fish and chips for lunch and feed our rejected fries to seagulls, and hang wind chimes on our porch. we'd be careful around other people, but surprisingly kind. and we would be happy.
i so wish the future would comply with my little fantasy world.
it would make every single fuckhead and every single betrayal and every single molecule of pollution in my lungs worthwhile.
i'm tempted to make a phone call. but i know i shouldn't. and i don't know what to say, really.
when i was little, i didn't know that i didn't know.
now i do know that i don't know.
and that's scarier.
do you ever feel like you're missing everything? like the darkness where the edge of your eye sockets start? and you just can't tell what is there besides the images right in front of you? and you can't have it all, all at once, and it's so godfuckingdamn frustrating?
well, i do.