Graybird on: Chivalry
From a decent-person and feminist point of view, I can't help but be completely disgusted by the institution of chivalry and how it continues to be co-opted as an attitude of benevolence toward women by probably the least egalitarian people that I know. First, some distinctions:
• "Romance" and chivalry are not the same thing. While I generally dislike the love industry and consumerist instances of card-giving and dozen-roses-buying (but that's a whole 'nother can of worms), I do believe in an ethic of affectionate expression, and I consider myself a romantic person. However, there is a complete and utter disparity between the inane standards of 'gentlemanly behavior' and actually, honestly knowing what your partner would like from you.
• Also, seriously, why the one-sidedness? Men can be romantic and polite, as can women. Don't put it all onto one party here. I go out of my way to do things for my partner. I expect him to do the same for me, but with no excessively special treatment. Constantly pampering and tiptoeing around anyone is bound to promote some greedy and spoiled habits. No, this does not mean that women are naturally "inclined" to act this way, so don't even.
• I don't see why people can't understand that the need that men have been socialized to feel to drop everything and run to hold a door for a woman is absurd and patronizing. I just don't know what else to say. If you can't wrap your mind around the idea propagated by chivalry that men by necessity have to care for women, I don't think any of this very blatant, clear information that I'm bringing up will make much sense to you.
• The modern conception of chivalry is derived from the standards set for a knight's optimal duty and behavior in medieval times. Besides courtly actions toward women, guess what? Chivalry and its derivatives espoused benevolence toward those less fortunate. I've gotta say that the vast majority of "chivalrous" people that I've known haven't been the most willing to go volunteer at a food bank or work to end police brutality.
And now we will come to the modern conception of chivalry, which I suppose is most often found in the South. I haven't encountered much of it where I've been living for the past three months; in fact, I've just been ogled at the grocery store by creepy middle-aged men with Confederate flags painted on their cars. However, I've been told that Southern chivalry is a noble tradition that continues on in respect for women, so I will proceed based on this presumption.
Let's go into a history lesson here. To make an admitted generalization, I assert that most people who are still hung up on being "Southern" tend to reminisce fondly on the antebellum period of American history, when blacks were subjugated, lynched, beaten, raped, killed, starved, whipped, and more or less tortured in the name of capitalism with nary a peep from those high-falutin' abolitionists. During this same period, the feudalistic attributes of Southern land ownership and familial life led many Southerners to adopt an aristocratic air of medieval-like approaches to society and personal behavior. This led to all of that nice, keen deference to rich women that has supposedly continued on and establishes the South today as a haven for gentlemen and ladies. That's just it: wealthy men were gentlemen, wealthy women were ladies. They followed their social order, and they followed it well. So, let's draw a pretty rational, resolute conclusion: while these rich slaveowners were helping white women out of carriages, they were also, guess what, raping their black slaves about as often as they had the opportunity. Don't believe me? Read a real historical account by Harriet Jacobs called Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Or look to our dear and beloved third president, Thomas Jefferson.
Chivalry has led to the bullshit that was the death of Emmett Till. To those who are unfamiliar with the story, Emmett Till was a black youth murdered by white men (who were acquitted) because he was said to have made a sexual gesture toward a white woman. This woman was treated as property by her husband, who took it upon himself to avenge this horrible crime and murder the dangerous black man who threatened his pristine, chaste, white property.
It's curious to consider that issues of class and race have never even been called into question by all of those anti-feminists out there who flip shit when a woman objects to being coddled like a lapdog (who shouldn't be pampered in that way, either) in the twenty-first century. I could go on a long tirade about the inherent racism, sexism, and classism that plagues chivalry, but I'll leave it to my girl Sojourner Truth to ruin your shit:
"That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man-when I could get it-and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman?"
In sum, I have just one question: How many white men holding doors for white women also go out of their way to appear "gentlemanly" to black, Latino, or Muslim women, or fuck, even other men?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Also, as a bonus, I present you with The Dumbest Quote I've Read in a While:
"Radical feminism has given birth to a society where men prefer pornography to the company of women. Men know exactly how to behave - they are dropping out of the game."
Well said, Dude-Who-Hates-Women.
Sources: I live in North Carolina. I remember a lot from AP US History. Also, this is a loller. In addition, I listen to a lot of Civil War-era music of the Confederacy. And my dad likes the South and white people a lot, so I've pretty much gone through all the motions of listening to what he has to say for the past eighteen years of my life.
• "Romance" and chivalry are not the same thing. While I generally dislike the love industry and consumerist instances of card-giving and dozen-roses-buying (but that's a whole 'nother can of worms), I do believe in an ethic of affectionate expression, and I consider myself a romantic person. However, there is a complete and utter disparity between the inane standards of 'gentlemanly behavior' and actually, honestly knowing what your partner would like from you.
• Also, seriously, why the one-sidedness? Men can be romantic and polite, as can women. Don't put it all onto one party here. I go out of my way to do things for my partner. I expect him to do the same for me, but with no excessively special treatment. Constantly pampering and tiptoeing around anyone is bound to promote some greedy and spoiled habits. No, this does not mean that women are naturally "inclined" to act this way, so don't even.
• I don't see why people can't understand that the need that men have been socialized to feel to drop everything and run to hold a door for a woman is absurd and patronizing. I just don't know what else to say. If you can't wrap your mind around the idea propagated by chivalry that men by necessity have to care for women, I don't think any of this very blatant, clear information that I'm bringing up will make much sense to you.
• The modern conception of chivalry is derived from the standards set for a knight's optimal duty and behavior in medieval times. Besides courtly actions toward women, guess what? Chivalry and its derivatives espoused benevolence toward those less fortunate. I've gotta say that the vast majority of "chivalrous" people that I've known haven't been the most willing to go volunteer at a food bank or work to end police brutality.
And now we will come to the modern conception of chivalry, which I suppose is most often found in the South. I haven't encountered much of it where I've been living for the past three months; in fact, I've just been ogled at the grocery store by creepy middle-aged men with Confederate flags painted on their cars. However, I've been told that Southern chivalry is a noble tradition that continues on in respect for women, so I will proceed based on this presumption.
Let's go into a history lesson here. To make an admitted generalization, I assert that most people who are still hung up on being "Southern" tend to reminisce fondly on the antebellum period of American history, when blacks were subjugated, lynched, beaten, raped, killed, starved, whipped, and more or less tortured in the name of capitalism with nary a peep from those high-falutin' abolitionists. During this same period, the feudalistic attributes of Southern land ownership and familial life led many Southerners to adopt an aristocratic air of medieval-like approaches to society and personal behavior. This led to all of that nice, keen deference to rich women that has supposedly continued on and establishes the South today as a haven for gentlemen and ladies. That's just it: wealthy men were gentlemen, wealthy women were ladies. They followed their social order, and they followed it well. So, let's draw a pretty rational, resolute conclusion: while these rich slaveowners were helping white women out of carriages, they were also, guess what, raping their black slaves about as often as they had the opportunity. Don't believe me? Read a real historical account by Harriet Jacobs called Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Or look to our dear and beloved third president, Thomas Jefferson.
Chivalry has led to the bullshit that was the death of Emmett Till. To those who are unfamiliar with the story, Emmett Till was a black youth murdered by white men (who were acquitted) because he was said to have made a sexual gesture toward a white woman. This woman was treated as property by her husband, who took it upon himself to avenge this horrible crime and murder the dangerous black man who threatened his pristine, chaste, white property.
It's curious to consider that issues of class and race have never even been called into question by all of those anti-feminists out there who flip shit when a woman objects to being coddled like a lapdog (who shouldn't be pampered in that way, either) in the twenty-first century. I could go on a long tirade about the inherent racism, sexism, and classism that plagues chivalry, but I'll leave it to my girl Sojourner Truth to ruin your shit:
"That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man-when I could get it-and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman?"
In sum, I have just one question: How many white men holding doors for white women also go out of their way to appear "gentlemanly" to black, Latino, or Muslim women, or fuck, even other men?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Also, as a bonus, I present you with The Dumbest Quote I've Read in a While:
"Radical feminism has given birth to a society where men prefer pornography to the company of women. Men know exactly how to behave - they are dropping out of the game."
Well said, Dude-Who-Hates-Women.
Sources: I live in North Carolina. I remember a lot from AP US History. Also, this is a loller. In addition, I listen to a lot of Civil War-era music of the Confederacy. And my dad likes the South and white people a lot, so I've pretty much gone through all the motions of listening to what he has to say for the past eighteen years of my life.