(no subject)
"If I lived ’til I was 102, I just don’t think I’ll get over you."
I love this line, but does this kind of love even exist anymore? I’d like to think so but now I may beg to differ. I used to believe that there was someone out there for everyone but I see myself slowly losing that belief. Are some people meant to go through life alone? Am I one of those people? Kacie and I had a discussion about this last summer. We both agreed that if you want someone to be out there for you, if you long for the feeling to be loved and wanted then it’s out there for you. We said that it is out there for you simply because you are going through life actually looking for that person. As apposed to someone who isn’t looking for it and doesn’t care if they fall in love, there are people like this out there. Those are the people who do not have someone out there for them. But then again, sometimes those are the people that fall the deepest in love so I do not know. Maybe I made myself believe this because I wanted to believe that since I wanted to find someone that there would be someone out there. If you want something bad enough you will get it, right? Ok, I want it bad enough. So where is it? People keep telling me "just wait, in good time, he will come along." Umm...hellloooo! What’s taking so long? I’m already 21 and I am STILL waiting. They say you need to go through the bad ones to get to the good ones. Well, I may not have had as much as some people have but I have enough "things" with guys and enough wishes that he is out there. I’m not too picky when it comes to what I want. I just want someone who will treat me right, someone who won’t play with my heart and won’t talk to me just when HE wants to because he thinks I will always want him no matter what (someone certain). I just want someone who will make me laugh, someone that I can talk to and have good conversation with, someone I can feel comfortable around, someone who doesn’t judge, someone who will just want to be with me and not be with me just because they think they are doing me a favor. I want someone who shares at least some of the same interest as me. As far as physical appearance goes, I’m not a picky person. I just believe that I have the right to be somewhat attracted to the person. I mean, if you do not like what your looking at then it does not matter if they have a great personality, sorry. The person does not need to be a drop dead gorgeous super model but there needs to be SOMETHING there. If you are with someone that you are not attracted to then I believe that you are with them for the wrong reasons, for the reason that you do not care who you are with, your just with them to be with somebody (and I have seen this). That is not fair to you or the person you are with. You will never be truly happy if you go through life like this. I know that I am "flawed" but why must I suffer for something that is out of my control? And as much as people say that it doesn’t make people more standoff-ish about me, I know that it does. I’m not stupid, and I understand why but there has to be someone out there who will look past all that and just see me right? And I always hear people say that "well, if he doesn’t want to be with you for that reason then that is his loss." Yeah, yeah I know. I don’t want to hear that. There has to be someone out there who I feel that even I can be truly happy with, right? I’m sorry but I will not settle for someone who might be "right" for me or for someone who might "understand." And I do very much want that but that’s not the only thing I want. I will not settle for anything less then what I truly want and feel that I deserve. I dunno. Am I making any sense? The best way I can describe it is that one night I had a dream that someone set me up with someone who was a very nice guy, very caring, and very understanding but that’s all there was to him. There was nothing there to give me butterflies, nothing to give me that giddy feeling that we all need to feel, no sparks. He was nothing but a nice guy. I do not want this. I do want someone nice, caring, and understanding but in order to feel truly happy I believe that you need more then just this. I want the butterflies. I want the giddy feeling. I want the sparks. Is that too much to ask? I know that I have no right to ask for so much from "fate" but people find it everyday. Why can’t I? Doesn’t everybody have the right to feel truly happy? I know that I am different from most people but in a way I am completely the same. So don’t I have that very same right? So I come back to the question, is there someone out there for everyone? I used to believe this whole heartily. I used to be a strong believer in this but now, I do not know. So for now, I have given up. I will still and will always have an open mind as to what might happen but if you ask me I might say that true love does not exist. And I believe that I will feel this way until someone has come along and proven me otherwise. Please God, give me someone who will make me believe again.
What do you think my friends?
I need to end this.
Goodnight.