(no subject)
well, i've created this journal to write anything i want. and most likey not many people will read it. that's a good thing. i write poems, short stories, and just things i'm thinking about.
comment if you'd like. i really don't care.
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i need to get something off of my chest & this is where i'm deciding to do so.
my aunt, who is 39 years of age, has an addiction to heroine. i don't think shes's ever not been on drugs. i miss her. i found out yesterday that my other aunt has put her in a detox center. it was court-ordered. and now she's going to be there until next thursday. and after that, the judge has to decide if she has to go to rehab. until now, i haven't really thought that much about my aunt. i do occasionally. and it makes me so sad. i love her so much and i can remember every memory with her since i was little. she's such a great person. she's funny, beautiful, and still very young and has so much ahead of her. my mom hasn't talked to her in a while because the last conversation they had was my aunt telling my mom that she feels my mom judges her and thinks shes a disappointment so thats why she doesn't open up to her about things that are going on in her life. my mom was crushed by this. because my mom is not a judgemental person. i guess it's all caught up with my mom since she came to me crying last night. she was sobbing. i didn't know what to do at first because i can't say "oh it will be okay & everything will work out." i don't know. if my aunt dies because of her addiction i don't know what i am going to do with myself. i've had so many family members die in the past few years i can't take this anymore. i just want her to recover from this. but she doesn't want to. she's in denial like every other drug addict.
i wish Granny never died. and now i'm crying. wonderful... it's just that after my Granny died, her 4 daughters haven't been the same. her death effected each of them in different ways. my mom is not as happy and outgoing. one aunt has turned into a hardcore druggie. another is still in denial that her mom even died. and the last one is so strong that i can't even explain it. shes the glue holding the other 3 together. it makes me so incredibly sad this whole situation. i wish my aunt knew how much what she is doing to her life is effecting everyone else. i haven't seen her in about 3 years. and i know i said before that i haven't thought about her that much, but that was a lie. everytime i pray, everytime i'm in church, i think of her. i pray to God that she can find the strength to get better. and everytime i see someone with really long, pretty, dark hair, i think of her. i remember when i was little i used to look up to her a lot. and now the woman i looked up to has turned into a drug addict. i told my mom last night that if and when she gets better i want to go see her, but if she doesn't stick with rehab and goes back on heroine that i don't think i could see her. i'm going to write to her though. and tell her everything i feel because if i don't it's gunna stay bottled up inside of me. i really can't believe how much i'm crying right now. i guess i haven't realized how much i miss her and love her.
i miss you. please get better. please don't forget how much i love you. you're an amazing person. i miss playing Pretty Pretty Princess with you when i was little. i miss your laugh and going to the beach. and taking pictures of hot life gaurds. i love you Annie. and it kills me inside knowing that i haven't spoken to you in 3 years. i hope you don't think i dont care. because i do. i care about you. alot. so much that i'm sobbing. and my mom doesn't think you're a disappointment. and neither does anyone else. you're just stuck at a point in your life and you need help getting out of it. let people help you. you can't do this on your own.
comment if you'd like. i really don't care.
---------------------------------------------
i need to get something off of my chest & this is where i'm deciding to do so.
my aunt, who is 39 years of age, has an addiction to heroine. i don't think shes's ever not been on drugs. i miss her. i found out yesterday that my other aunt has put her in a detox center. it was court-ordered. and now she's going to be there until next thursday. and after that, the judge has to decide if she has to go to rehab. until now, i haven't really thought that much about my aunt. i do occasionally. and it makes me so sad. i love her so much and i can remember every memory with her since i was little. she's such a great person. she's funny, beautiful, and still very young and has so much ahead of her. my mom hasn't talked to her in a while because the last conversation they had was my aunt telling my mom that she feels my mom judges her and thinks shes a disappointment so thats why she doesn't open up to her about things that are going on in her life. my mom was crushed by this. because my mom is not a judgemental person. i guess it's all caught up with my mom since she came to me crying last night. she was sobbing. i didn't know what to do at first because i can't say "oh it will be okay & everything will work out." i don't know. if my aunt dies because of her addiction i don't know what i am going to do with myself. i've had so many family members die in the past few years i can't take this anymore. i just want her to recover from this. but she doesn't want to. she's in denial like every other drug addict.
i wish Granny never died. and now i'm crying. wonderful... it's just that after my Granny died, her 4 daughters haven't been the same. her death effected each of them in different ways. my mom is not as happy and outgoing. one aunt has turned into a hardcore druggie. another is still in denial that her mom even died. and the last one is so strong that i can't even explain it. shes the glue holding the other 3 together. it makes me so incredibly sad this whole situation. i wish my aunt knew how much what she is doing to her life is effecting everyone else. i haven't seen her in about 3 years. and i know i said before that i haven't thought about her that much, but that was a lie. everytime i pray, everytime i'm in church, i think of her. i pray to God that she can find the strength to get better. and everytime i see someone with really long, pretty, dark hair, i think of her. i remember when i was little i used to look up to her a lot. and now the woman i looked up to has turned into a drug addict. i told my mom last night that if and when she gets better i want to go see her, but if she doesn't stick with rehab and goes back on heroine that i don't think i could see her. i'm going to write to her though. and tell her everything i feel because if i don't it's gunna stay bottled up inside of me. i really can't believe how much i'm crying right now. i guess i haven't realized how much i miss her and love her.
i miss you. please get better. please don't forget how much i love you. you're an amazing person. i miss playing Pretty Pretty Princess with you when i was little. i miss your laugh and going to the beach. and taking pictures of hot life gaurds. i love you Annie. and it kills me inside knowing that i haven't spoken to you in 3 years. i hope you don't think i dont care. because i do. i care about you. alot. so much that i'm sobbing. and my mom doesn't think you're a disappointment. and neither does anyone else. you're just stuck at a point in your life and you need help getting out of it. let people help you. you can't do this on your own.