Fanfiction: Johnny's Entertainment: Half Steps
Title: Half Steps
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment
Pairings: Murakami Shingo/Nishikido Ryo, Murakami Shingo/Yokoyama Yuu
Warnings: Slash.
Status: One-shot, complete.
Notes: I'm a little uncertain about this fic. First time writing Kanjani, and I'm entirely uncertain about the characterisation. Ahh. Well anyway, written for zukkii, who needs cheering up. CHEER UP! (: Though I guess this fic might not help any in that process. ^^"
Out of anyone else in Eito, Hina’s the one that Ryo can go to if he feels the need to.
It’s not that everyone else doesn’t listen to him. It’s just that somehow Hina’s the one who understands him, the one who knows exactly what to say, and even if he doesn’t, knows precisely what to do.
So it doesn’t come as a surprise that when Ryo finds out about NEWS’ suspension, Hina is the one who comforts him.
The news weighs heavily on Ryo’s mind, but he doesn’t show that it does. That’s the problem, really - Ryo is so quiet about it that if they hadn’t been watching particularly closely, they would have missed the noncommittal answers, the haunted hunch in his shoulders, and the pain in his eyes which made him look perpetually as if he were wincing away from bright light.
Hina reads the signs, catches the glances everyone is shooting him, and cheerfully asks Ryo over for dinner. Ryo looks at him with gratitude in his eyes which are more of an answer than the thanks which come out of his mouth.
*
Hina doesn’t trust his own cooking, and Ryo doesn’t look like he wants to cook, so they eat out instead. Once Hina closes the door to his apartment, he pulls him to sit next to him on the couch, and waits for Ryo to speak. When Ryo begins to pour out his regrets he puts an arm around him, and teases him gently when he starts to cry. Eventually Ryo turns his head and falls forward, and Hina catches him and pulls him into a half-embrace, his arm making long, slow strokes up and down Ryo’s back.
Hina’s voice is low against his ear, keeping up a running stream of soothing words as Ryo sobs into his shoulder.
Ryo doesn’t go home later that night - he passes out on Hina’s couch, in the crook of Hina’s arm, cheek pillowed on Hina’s chest. The next morning Hina wakes up first and sits up, nearly tipping Ryo over, who promptly wakes up and scrubs at his blotchy face and puffy eyes without saying a word, and they look at each other and sort-of laugh and Hina knows Ryo’ll be okay.
*
Hina keeps a special eye out for Ryo. Ryo-chan’s tongue is sharp but he’s a secretly a big softie inside - it is sort of like the way hardy thorns protect the vulnerable, beautiful rose. And it isn’t much of an exaggeration to call Ryo a rose. He bloomed like one, really; or Hina thought that maybe he was more like one of those flowers that bloomed only in the dark. Ryo was pretty much like that, entirely in the shadows until he turned his gaze at you and then you were just sucked into those beautiful eyes that tantalised you with the promise of secrets within.
Hina considers himself perceptive, so he is startled when he finally notices his own feelings towards Ryo. He doesn’t know which is more surprising - the fact that it took him so long to notice they were there, or the fact that they were even there at all.
He doesn’t know if he will say anything, though. He’s known Ryo for so long but he still has no idea what he might feel about him, or what he might say in return. That’s what makes loving Ryo so painful - he keeps so much to himself that the guys almost never know what he’s thinking. It fits all the other members just fine to leave Ryo to himself, knowing he is more than capable of taking care of himself, but it kills Hina to be unable to fathom anybody. The only problem is that the more he tried to sort Ryo out, the more he found himself mired in the silent quicksand of Ryo’s inner turbulence.
He should have known better, really. He should have known that the intrigue would just hook him into caring more and more and more for this little, tiny boy, until he couldn’t extricate himself from his own emotions.
Until he could no longer give a name to what they morphed into.
*
Ryo’s not a dumb boy - or at least he’s more perceptive than Hina is - and so he notices.
He’s never really thought about it. What it would be like to date someone now. What it would be like to date another boy. What it would be like to date someone in Kanjani; someone as full of life as Hina, as easily affectionate as Hina, as giving as Hina.
Hina doesn’t fully understand Ryo. Ryo thinks that nobody really does, though he can think of some people who could come close.
But he thinks he might be alright with that. Because Hina tries.
*
The quandary Hina’s in has him tossing and turning in bed for so long before he decides he has to tell someone, just so he can finally sort himself and his thoughts out before he explodes. He decides to tell Yoko. It might sort of be a bad idea because Yoko’s a real blab, but he means well, really. Most of the time. Besides, Hina can’t really see himself confiding in Baru. Or Maru. Or Ohkura.
But Yoko’s reaction is entirely unexpected. His face closes off, and his eyes get that distant look that people get when they’re thinking very hard and are trying not to show it.
“What is it,” Hina says, jostling him jokingly with his shoulder. “Is this the part where you tell me that you’re secretly madly in love with me?”
“Yes,” Yoko says, his face carefully blank.
“Ha ha,” Hina says more from reflex than anything else, continuing to stir his drink. Then what Yoko’s said sinks in and he sits up, flabbergasted, and nearly tips their drinks over with the way his knee knocks against the table. “Say what?!”
“I shouldn’t have said anything…” Yoko mutters, more to himself that for anyone to hear. Then he grabs his wallet, throws a few bills on the counter, and walks out the door before Hina can do anything.
Hina is stumped. He watches everything carefully over the next few days, watches the way Yoko laughs thick and dark, in short bursts, but now Hina realises he laughs extra hard and extra loud when he’s near Hina.
Which is damned near all the time, and sort of explains why he never noticed it before, but Hina is still absolutely stumped at how perceptive he turned out not to be.
When he tries to think about everything all he can come up with is, But I thought he liked boobs.
*
Hina surprises himself by saying yes.
He doesn’t say yes immediately, of course. He gives himself a few days to think it through. Weigh the likely costs and consequences. He owes himself that, at least, before he starts a relationship with his band mate. Finally he figures that the two of them would be okay regardless of what happened.
He puts aside his feelings for Ryo. It was always hopeless, anyway.
*
Ryo sees Hina and Yoko laughing, heads close together, and for some reason his heart thumps painfully in his chest.
He closes his eyes and turns away, hoping against hope that the action of double denial will make it less true.
But the image is seared in his mind so it is imprinted on the inside of his eyelids, and so he opens his eyes and walks away.
*
“Hina-chan,” Yoko says. “I’ve got something to ask you.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“Have you seen Ryo-chan recently?”
Hina frowns, as he rifles around in his bag; it’s a strange question because they’ve been rehearsing together lately.
“What’s up?”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
This makes Hina stop, put his bag down, and turn his entire attention to Yoko. He sees a sadness come into his eyes, but also sees that steely look of determination, that one which tells everyone that he hates to lose.
“Let’s break up.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s like nothing’s changed, after we got together. We’re still the same. We hang out, we talk, we laugh… the only thing’s that different is that sometimes I get to kiss you at the end of the night. It’s made me realise that we’re really good friends, and that more than anything, I don’t want that to change.”
“Kimi-chan,” Hina says softly, gently, reaching out a hand to touch Yoko on the shoulder. “But will you be fine?”
“Absolutely,” Yoko said, nodding, never breaking his gaze, and Hina can see that he’d thought about this long and hard.
So he merely says, “Thank you.”
*
Hina sits down on the rehearsal room bench. Ryo thought he never looked sexier, trying to get his breath back, perspiration beading the fringes of his face. He subconsciously notices the way the room is emptying; the other members drift out faster than usual.
For a while they don’t say anything, but only sit side by side, silently. They both know what’s coming; they have waited for this day for a long time. The delays and detours have only made the anticipation of this moment all the sweeter.
Hina finally breaks the silence. “Yoko broke up with me yesterday,” he says.
Ryo nods. Neither of them is looking at the other, but it is like the sensitivity of his senses has multiplied tenfold, because his body thrums with the awareness of Hina’s presence next to him.
Hina turns his body so he’s facing Ryo. He lifts his hand to cup Ryo’s cheek, and doesn’t miss the way Ryo leans into the touch, eyelashes fluttering shut and open. He pulls his hand off and lets the tips of his fingers linger, and strokes Ryo’s cheek with his knuckles, then slides his hand down to his arm.
“Go out with me,” Hina says softly, eyes half-lidded as they follow the slow stroke his fingertips are making down Ryo’s arm, to stop at his hand, curling just into his palm.
Ryo smiles, and closes his fingers around Hina’s hand. “I thought you’d never ask.”
*
Ryo’s fingers trace Hina’s face, thread through his hair, and follow the curve of his cheek down to his jaw, thumbs brushing over the definitions of his cheekbones. He rests his hand just under his chin, and pulls Hina forward. Hina is so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, that Ryo cannot speak for the sheer beauty of it. Ryo leans in and kisses his upper lip, sucking gently before letting go, then kisses him again, and again, and again. Hina loves the sounds Ryo is making, and runs his hands up and down Ryo’s arms, and Ryo shivers hard from head to toe.
And Hina absolutely loves it.
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment
Pairings: Murakami Shingo/Nishikido Ryo, Murakami Shingo/Yokoyama Yuu
Warnings: Slash.
Status: One-shot, complete.
Notes: I'm a little uncertain about this fic. First time writing Kanjani, and I'm entirely uncertain about the characterisation. Ahh. Well anyway, written for zukkii, who needs cheering up. CHEER UP! (: Though I guess this fic might not help any in that process. ^^"
Out of anyone else in Eito, Hina’s the one that Ryo can go to if he feels the need to.
It’s not that everyone else doesn’t listen to him. It’s just that somehow Hina’s the one who understands him, the one who knows exactly what to say, and even if he doesn’t, knows precisely what to do.
So it doesn’t come as a surprise that when Ryo finds out about NEWS’ suspension, Hina is the one who comforts him.
The news weighs heavily on Ryo’s mind, but he doesn’t show that it does. That’s the problem, really - Ryo is so quiet about it that if they hadn’t been watching particularly closely, they would have missed the noncommittal answers, the haunted hunch in his shoulders, and the pain in his eyes which made him look perpetually as if he were wincing away from bright light.
Hina reads the signs, catches the glances everyone is shooting him, and cheerfully asks Ryo over for dinner. Ryo looks at him with gratitude in his eyes which are more of an answer than the thanks which come out of his mouth.
*
Hina doesn’t trust his own cooking, and Ryo doesn’t look like he wants to cook, so they eat out instead. Once Hina closes the door to his apartment, he pulls him to sit next to him on the couch, and waits for Ryo to speak. When Ryo begins to pour out his regrets he puts an arm around him, and teases him gently when he starts to cry. Eventually Ryo turns his head and falls forward, and Hina catches him and pulls him into a half-embrace, his arm making long, slow strokes up and down Ryo’s back.
Hina’s voice is low against his ear, keeping up a running stream of soothing words as Ryo sobs into his shoulder.
Ryo doesn’t go home later that night - he passes out on Hina’s couch, in the crook of Hina’s arm, cheek pillowed on Hina’s chest. The next morning Hina wakes up first and sits up, nearly tipping Ryo over, who promptly wakes up and scrubs at his blotchy face and puffy eyes without saying a word, and they look at each other and sort-of laugh and Hina knows Ryo’ll be okay.
*
Hina keeps a special eye out for Ryo. Ryo-chan’s tongue is sharp but he’s a secretly a big softie inside - it is sort of like the way hardy thorns protect the vulnerable, beautiful rose. And it isn’t much of an exaggeration to call Ryo a rose. He bloomed like one, really; or Hina thought that maybe he was more like one of those flowers that bloomed only in the dark. Ryo was pretty much like that, entirely in the shadows until he turned his gaze at you and then you were just sucked into those beautiful eyes that tantalised you with the promise of secrets within.
Hina considers himself perceptive, so he is startled when he finally notices his own feelings towards Ryo. He doesn’t know which is more surprising - the fact that it took him so long to notice they were there, or the fact that they were even there at all.
He doesn’t know if he will say anything, though. He’s known Ryo for so long but he still has no idea what he might feel about him, or what he might say in return. That’s what makes loving Ryo so painful - he keeps so much to himself that the guys almost never know what he’s thinking. It fits all the other members just fine to leave Ryo to himself, knowing he is more than capable of taking care of himself, but it kills Hina to be unable to fathom anybody. The only problem is that the more he tried to sort Ryo out, the more he found himself mired in the silent quicksand of Ryo’s inner turbulence.
He should have known better, really. He should have known that the intrigue would just hook him into caring more and more and more for this little, tiny boy, until he couldn’t extricate himself from his own emotions.
Until he could no longer give a name to what they morphed into.
*
Ryo’s not a dumb boy - or at least he’s more perceptive than Hina is - and so he notices.
He’s never really thought about it. What it would be like to date someone now. What it would be like to date another boy. What it would be like to date someone in Kanjani; someone as full of life as Hina, as easily affectionate as Hina, as giving as Hina.
Hina doesn’t fully understand Ryo. Ryo thinks that nobody really does, though he can think of some people who could come close.
But he thinks he might be alright with that. Because Hina tries.
*
The quandary Hina’s in has him tossing and turning in bed for so long before he decides he has to tell someone, just so he can finally sort himself and his thoughts out before he explodes. He decides to tell Yoko. It might sort of be a bad idea because Yoko’s a real blab, but he means well, really. Most of the time. Besides, Hina can’t really see himself confiding in Baru. Or Maru. Or Ohkura.
But Yoko’s reaction is entirely unexpected. His face closes off, and his eyes get that distant look that people get when they’re thinking very hard and are trying not to show it.
“What is it,” Hina says, jostling him jokingly with his shoulder. “Is this the part where you tell me that you’re secretly madly in love with me?”
“Yes,” Yoko says, his face carefully blank.
“Ha ha,” Hina says more from reflex than anything else, continuing to stir his drink. Then what Yoko’s said sinks in and he sits up, flabbergasted, and nearly tips their drinks over with the way his knee knocks against the table. “Say what?!”
“I shouldn’t have said anything…” Yoko mutters, more to himself that for anyone to hear. Then he grabs his wallet, throws a few bills on the counter, and walks out the door before Hina can do anything.
Hina is stumped. He watches everything carefully over the next few days, watches the way Yoko laughs thick and dark, in short bursts, but now Hina realises he laughs extra hard and extra loud when he’s near Hina.
Which is damned near all the time, and sort of explains why he never noticed it before, but Hina is still absolutely stumped at how perceptive he turned out not to be.
When he tries to think about everything all he can come up with is, But I thought he liked boobs.
*
Hina surprises himself by saying yes.
He doesn’t say yes immediately, of course. He gives himself a few days to think it through. Weigh the likely costs and consequences. He owes himself that, at least, before he starts a relationship with his band mate. Finally he figures that the two of them would be okay regardless of what happened.
He puts aside his feelings for Ryo. It was always hopeless, anyway.
*
Ryo sees Hina and Yoko laughing, heads close together, and for some reason his heart thumps painfully in his chest.
He closes his eyes and turns away, hoping against hope that the action of double denial will make it less true.
But the image is seared in his mind so it is imprinted on the inside of his eyelids, and so he opens his eyes and walks away.
*
“Hina-chan,” Yoko says. “I’ve got something to ask you.”
“Hm? What is it?”
“Have you seen Ryo-chan recently?”
Hina frowns, as he rifles around in his bag; it’s a strange question because they’ve been rehearsing together lately.
“What’s up?”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
This makes Hina stop, put his bag down, and turn his entire attention to Yoko. He sees a sadness come into his eyes, but also sees that steely look of determination, that one which tells everyone that he hates to lose.
“Let’s break up.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s like nothing’s changed, after we got together. We’re still the same. We hang out, we talk, we laugh… the only thing’s that different is that sometimes I get to kiss you at the end of the night. It’s made me realise that we’re really good friends, and that more than anything, I don’t want that to change.”
“Kimi-chan,” Hina says softly, gently, reaching out a hand to touch Yoko on the shoulder. “But will you be fine?”
“Absolutely,” Yoko said, nodding, never breaking his gaze, and Hina can see that he’d thought about this long and hard.
So he merely says, “Thank you.”
*
Hina sits down on the rehearsal room bench. Ryo thought he never looked sexier, trying to get his breath back, perspiration beading the fringes of his face. He subconsciously notices the way the room is emptying; the other members drift out faster than usual.
For a while they don’t say anything, but only sit side by side, silently. They both know what’s coming; they have waited for this day for a long time. The delays and detours have only made the anticipation of this moment all the sweeter.
Hina finally breaks the silence. “Yoko broke up with me yesterday,” he says.
Ryo nods. Neither of them is looking at the other, but it is like the sensitivity of his senses has multiplied tenfold, because his body thrums with the awareness of Hina’s presence next to him.
Hina turns his body so he’s facing Ryo. He lifts his hand to cup Ryo’s cheek, and doesn’t miss the way Ryo leans into the touch, eyelashes fluttering shut and open. He pulls his hand off and lets the tips of his fingers linger, and strokes Ryo’s cheek with his knuckles, then slides his hand down to his arm.
“Go out with me,” Hina says softly, eyes half-lidded as they follow the slow stroke his fingertips are making down Ryo’s arm, to stop at his hand, curling just into his palm.
Ryo smiles, and closes his fingers around Hina’s hand. “I thought you’d never ask.”
*
Ryo’s fingers trace Hina’s face, thread through his hair, and follow the curve of his cheek down to his jaw, thumbs brushing over the definitions of his cheekbones. He rests his hand just under his chin, and pulls Hina forward. Hina is so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, that Ryo cannot speak for the sheer beauty of it. Ryo leans in and kisses his upper lip, sucking gently before letting go, then kisses him again, and again, and again. Hina loves the sounds Ryo is making, and runs his hands up and down Ryo’s arms, and Ryo shivers hard from head to toe.
And Hina absolutely loves it.