Fanfiction: Johnny's Entertainment: Any Way The Wind Blows [3/3]
Title: Any Way The Wind Blows [3/3]
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment
Pairings: Sakurai Sho/Kato Shigeaki, eventual Nishikido Ryo/Kato Shigeaki
Warnings: Slash. Nothing more than that, despite what the cut-text might suggest.
Status: Finally complete.
Notes: Just this last part alone is almost as long as the first two parts put together, which is just insane. The total word count is 7,440, and I'm so stoked because I have never written anything longer than 1,700 words in all my years of writing. I should go celebrate, or something. -laughs- Well, it's been fun writing this, and while I think I might miss it, I'm actually glad it's over. This thing kind of ate my life. Time to actually study so I can go to college next year. xD
When Shige tells Ryo about Sho, they are in a bar, and Shige is clearly inebriated enough for the drink to loosen his tongue.
Ryo hadn’t meant to find out these things, really. He’d never meant for this to become a confession session, hadn’t even been sure if he’d wanted to know the sordid details about Shige and Sho. Shige had seemed fine - happier, in fact - and so he was surprised when he started to tell him things. Then again, as he tries not to watch the way Shige’s fingers curl into a loose fist, which he hits against the countertop repeatedly, he wonders if Shige had purposely got himself drunk to work himself into the mood to tell him these things.
Shige tells him how they got together. He tells him everything that had happened between them, tries to rationalise it all. He tells him the sweet, the sour, the downright bitter. Every word is laced with confusion, every line underscored with hurt. In the things he doesn’t say, Ryo understands that he doesn’t know how he managed to get so attached to Sho, and he wishes desperately that he could go back to the time when he was Sho was just a respected senior, and not anything that meant more.
As Shige’s eyes turn suspiciously red (though it could just as easily be attributed to the drink, and to the late hour), Ryo finds himself wanting to pass his thumbs over those eyes and pull him close and soothe him and tell him it’s okay, it’s okay.
Instead he nods and listens and eventually gently takes Shige’s mug from him and sends him home when it gets to the hour that makes him unsure of which day it is. He makes him promise to call if he needs anything, though he doubts Shige will remember that when he wakes up.
Sometime in the early hours of the day that follows, he lies in bed trying to get to sleep, mind spinning and turning with the obvious feelings Shige still had for Sho no matter how much he tried not to talk about it, and realises with a pleasant shock the fact so glaringly obvious that he hadn’t noticed it before - that Shige had trusted him enough to tell him all those things, that Shige had, in a way, chosen him to bear all these things with him.
And Ryo chooses to ignore the voice in the rational part of his brain, and thinks, that must mean something, right?
*
Filming for Ryuusei no Kizuna has begun, and Ryo’s got less time to spend with Shige. Nevertheless he throws himself into his work like he always does, and comforts himself with messaging Shige, sometimes.
He’s a bit wary of Ninomiya-kun, mostly because of that weird shoulder-kiss he’d given him during their Dome concert. (He doesn’t think of what Shige had told him about Sho coming to their concert to see him.) But they’ve got to know each other a bit better since then, and Ryo’s surprised to also see Ninomiya-kun throw himself into his work just as hard - if not even harder - than the next person, pretty much contrary to his mischievous, troublemaking image.
Ninomiya-kun sometimes invites him out for dinner if filming wraps up early enough. Sometimes he jokes that his members are all too busy with their own stuff to join him for dinner anymore. Other times he says that they’re castmates and members of the same agency, and should get to know each other. Still other times he leers and says, “Let me get to know you like I know Tomo-chan,” which just totally freaks Ryo out.
Ryo’s sometimes too busy or too tired, especially with the release of NEWS’ Happy Birthday single coming up, but he doesn’t think it’s too good to turn down a senpai’s invitation too many times, so he goes along sometimes. It’s not like Ninomiya-kun’s company is hard to keep, anyway - Ryo discovers that despite his scary teasing he’s really just an easy-going guy. He makes a good dinner companion, at any rate.
This evening’s one of those days, and they go to a ramen store nearby.
The conversation is slow and sporadic but Ryo strangely doesn’t mind. Ninomiya-kun’s in a strange mood today, not quite moody but not exactly bouncing off the walls, either, and it makes the atmosphere reflective and the silences companionable.
Their food comes and they don’t make much noise beyond complimenting the food (“This meat is really amazing, it’s so tender,” “Ah, it is?”; though Ryo feels a little bit guilty towards Koyama’s parents so he sends them mental apologies) and the slurping of the noodles and soup. Seemingly out of the blue, though, and definitely not related to anything that they’re (not) talking about, Ninomiya-kun says, “So recently Sho-kun’s been a bit depressed.”
Ryo suddenly loses his appetite, very fast.
“Oh, really?” He tries to sound nonchalant, and glares down into the oil floating on the top of the soup.
“Mm. Have you heard anything about him and Shige-kun?”
So the rest of Arashi had known about it. Ryo is surprised, but after the initial astonishment he realises he shouldn’t be. Arashi are each other’s best friends, each other’s support circle in that special way which some of the newer groups are finding hard to comprehend, and which some groups never achieve. And, Ryo remembers, Ninomiya-kun had accompanied Sakurai-kun to their Dome concert. Ryo looks sideways at him, and Ninomiya-kun is still continuing to pull out strands of ramen, eyes carefully following the top of the pull where the chopsticks are, blowing on the noodles slightly before feeding it into his mouth and starting to slurp. Nothing has changed, but suddenly Ryo thinks he sees an extra edge, an extra tension in the lines of Ninomiya-kun’s shoulders as he tilts his head slightly in that perfect ramen-eating angle.
Hmmmm, he thinks; but he says, carefully, “Kato-kun’s told me about their relationship, yes,” before half-heartedly poking at the floating pork slices with his chopsticks.
“Sounds like it’s over, ne,” Ninomiya-kun says, as conversationally as if they were salarymen talking disinterestedly about the crash of the American market. “I mean, it’s not like he told me anything,” he shrugs, “But Sho-kun can be obvious like that sometimes.”
Ryo bites back his first, instinctive, sarcastic response - that that didn’t seem to match what Shige had said about Sho - because he recognises that Ninomiya-kun probably knows Sakurai-kun far better than either Shige or Ryo do, and such a statement would be uncalled-for.
Instead, he doesn’t say anything and lets Ninomiya-kun get to the point.
“I think Sho-kun misses Shige-kun, ne,” Ninomiya-kun finally says.
Ryo has absolutely no clue what he’s supposed to say to that. But before he can open his mouth to say anything, anyway, Ninomiya-kun looks over and says, “Eh? You’ve stopped eating?” so he replies, “Oh! No. Just drinking some water,” and for the rest of the night it is as if that conversation had never taken place.
Later on when he’s alone, though, he thinks of Shige, and reaches for his phone to send him a message.
But he thinks twice, and before it even connects with the phone, pulls his hand away.
*
He sees Shige soon enough for the round of promotions after the release of Happy Birthday. Ryo secretly doesn’t think the song is much (though it’s insanely catchy) but of course he doesn’t tell anyone that; instead he dutifully learns and teaches and rehearses choreography with the rest. They go on the usual round of shows on the various stations, put on their smiles and charm for the various audiences, and every single time Ryo thinks about whether he should say anything about anything to Shige. Just before Hey!Hey!Hey! begins, Ryo is seated quietly next to Pi, thinking, when Pi nudges Ryo and says, “Snap out of it.”
“Huh?”
“You’re staring off into space. If Downtown catch you off-guard, you’ll be in for it~” His words are flippant, but the squeeze he gives Ryo’s knee and the look in his eyes tells Ryo that Pi knows something’s up.
He sighs, but smiles, and shooting begins.
*
Yamapi’s schedule has suddenly freed up a bit, since he’s finally graduated, so Ryo accepts his invitation to go hang out at his place. They buy beer and instant ramen at the combini nearby and head to his apartment for a night of sloth.
They’re sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch, with Hime-chan curled comfortably at their feet, watching Dragonball Z (which they’ve both finished a million times already, so Ryo knows they’re watching it for the sake of putting something on) and slurping instant ramen when Pi asks, “So what’s up?”
Ryo knows better than to deny it, so instead he says, “Well, you know. Work. Stuff.”
“Mm,” Yamapi says, eyes not moving from the screen.
Ryo sighs. Pi plays this game too well. “I can’t say it, Pi.”
“It’s that serious, huh?”
“Hm?”
“Who is it?”
Ryo’s eyes narrow as he glares at Pi. “Wait. I haven’t properly spoken to you in the last month.”
Pi finally looks away from the screen to shoot Ryo one of those ridiculous, cocky, one-eyed grins. “I’m only your best friend, Ryo-chan~”
Ryo swats at him irritably, and Pi laughs. “So who is it, then?”
Ryo shakes his head, so Pi continues, mock-serious, head on one side, “Ah, Erika-chan? Yeah, she’s pretty hot, and she was really nice to me on set.”
Ryo gives him a horrified look and then rolls his eyes. “Everyone’s nice to you, Pi,” he says sarcastically. “It’s your charm that does it.”
“Well, it’s someone we both know, isn’t it?” Pi mumbles through a mouthful of ramen, and his eyes are back on the screen.
Ryo gives in and sighs again.
“Why don’t you just tell them?”
“I… can’t.”
Pi nods understandingly. “Do they feel the same way about you?”
“I… don’t think so.”
“…you should just try.”
Ryo makes a noncommittal noise to that, and they turn their attention back to the TV and their conversation to other things.
It’s only after he leaves and he’s on his way to the train station that he realises Pi’s strangely general use of personal pronoun. The epiphany makes him stop, groan, and smack his forehead, which makes the passers-bys crash abruptly into him and stare strangely. He mutters his apologies, and pulls his phone out as he begins walking again.
How much do you actually know, and who’s been telling you all this??
Se~cret~
^_~
Some best friend you are.
^____^
Pi is an infuriating bastard, and Ryo really doesn’t know why he puts up with him anyway. He slides his phone back into his pocket and heads home.
It’s only when he gets home that he remembers what Pi had said. He puts his keys on the table, smiles absently at his own reflection in the table, and whispers, “‘You should just try’, huh…”
*
Shige, I’ve got something to tell you. Are you ready for it?
What is it?
I think Sakurai-kun misses you.
Ryo waits, but there’s no reply, so he puts his phone on the table next to his bed, rolls over and goes to sleep.
*
When he wakes up the next morning, there’s a message waiting for him, timestamped 4 in the morning.
I don’t care.
*
Ryo starts small, and begins by smiling.
He doesn’t give Shige his broad, megawatt grins which bloom all at once across his face and steal the hearts of girls across Japan; instead, he gives him the simple, understated, honest-to-goodness joyful smiles which start from the corners of his mouth and unfold inwards, the smiles which are like treasure being slowly unveiled. They are smiles in acknowledgement of all the time they’ve spent together outside of work. At first they throw everyone off (even Pi, who grunts in recognition and surprise when he first sees it), and though as usual Shige’s the slowest to catch on, when he does his eyes eventually begin to light up when they see Ryo, in anticipation of one of those smiles.
Now that he’s got Shige’s attention, he begins to make his watching… obvious.
Where he’d previously stayed in the opposing corners of rooms and watched Shige out of the corner of his eye, sometimes talking to other people, head barely moving, now he sits close by and watches with hooded eyes trained upon his figure, moving his head just that slightly as Shige walks across the room. Rehearsal rooms are small, so Shige eventually notices, and he gives Ryo confused looks, to which Ryo only smiles secretively and lazily in return, and looks away.
Over the next few days he can practically see the wheels in Shige head’s turning, and turning, and turning. He catches Shige giving him glances during and in between rehearsals, then looking away when he catches his eye, as if embarrassed about being caught. Shige is obviously thinking about him, every second, and it’s driving him almost to the point of distraction.
Just the way Ryo wants.
*
“Nishikido-kun,” he finally asks, just a few days before they’re supposed to go on tour. “What are you doing?”
Ryo looks up from his lunch and sees Shige standing across the table from him. “Eating lunch,” he says, giving him a shit-eating grin.
Shige clearly resists the urge to roll his eyes; instead he pulls a chair out and sits down across from Ryo and stares at him.
Now Ryo is feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
“Nishikido-kun,” Shige says, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but please stop.”
“Why?” Ryo asks.
Shige takes a deep breath. “It’s too soon for me.”
Ryo is astonished at how bluntly honest Shige has become, and he wonders if this is an after-effect of his relationship with Sho. But before he can say anything, Shige mumbles, almost under his breath, “I don’t want you to become a replacement for Sakurai-kun,” and looks away, as if he were embarrassed.
“So what do you want me to be?” Ryo asks, gently.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Why don’t you let me try?”
Shige stands up abruptly, and turns to leave. But Ryo says, “Shige, let me try.”
Shige is silent for awhile. He doesn’t look at Ryo, choosing instead to stare at the floor beneath his feet. Ryo calmly watches the side of Shige’s face, and watches the way Shige’s eyelashes flutter against his cheek as he blinks, watches the way the corner of Shige’s mouth twitches slightly as he thinks.
“You want this, don’t you?” Ryo finally asks.
Shige looks at him, and in that instant Ryo sees that for this question, at least, there is certainty in Shige’s mind. But Shige doesn’t say anything - he only nods, then turns back to the door, and leaves.
Ryo picks up his chopsticks and continues eating. His food has turned cold, but somehow he doesn’t care.
*
Going on tour with someone who might or might not want to be your boyfriend can be surprisingly mundane.
Nothing much changes from the usual. Ryo still sleeps in the same room as Yamapi, but some nights he disappears for long stretches of time, and when he comes back, Yamapi is already asleep. One morning Pi vows to kick Ryo out if he comes back past midnight again, but Ryo just laughs good-naturedly and asks him if he isn’t happy for him.
The next time Ryo comes back late again anyway, Pi neither says nor does anything. He’s just glad to see Ryo happier, more carefree than he’s seen him in a long time.
And he doesn’t really want to know, but if he had asked, he would have known that Ryo and Shige had simply had been doing nothing less innocuous than sitting in elevator lobbies and talking. Where their conversations used to be simply about work, school, and life, they have now taken a turn for more depth - sharing their views on life, sharing what growing up from opposite ends of the Junior popularity spectrum was like, sharing their loves, hates, fears.
One night Ryo tells Shige his fear of never finding anybody to love. He feels a little like he’s putting his heart on the line, but the expression in Shige’s eyes, which says he knows how he feels, tells him otherwise.
*
Almost towards the end of the tour is the Countdown.
Ryo distracts Shige from Sho whenever he can - in other words, whenever they’re not on stage. The pre-show preparation is insane, especially since they basically come off their tour stage and onto the Countdown one, but he still catches Shige struggling mentally with being in such close proximity with Sho again, and in a place where the major milestones in their relationship happened.
He wraps an arm around Shige’s waist and gives him a one-armed squeeze. It’s not like him to be so physical, so Shige smiles his appreciation.
After the Countdown, Ryo tries to blindside Sho every time he looks like he wants to come talk to Shige. He’s being ridiculous and possessive but he doesn’t care; some part of him just doesn’t want Shige to see Sho. He can’t keep it up, though, because Shige is taller than both Sho and him, and he eventually sees him as they are on their way out of Tokyo Dome, to go catch some sleep before rehearsals for their next concert that evening.
“Shige-kun,” Sho says. “Are you free…?”
Shige shakes his head tightly. “Sorry,” he says, and Ryo watches his throat work as he swallows. “NEWS has a concert tonight.”
The forced smile on his face makes Ryo’s heart break.
So he says, “Let’s go,” and carefully steers Shige away.
*
Their tour ends successfully in Osaka, and they retire from the last show in a haze of jubilant high.
They all walk to the train station; the others to catch the bullet trains home, Ryo and Shige to send them off before going back to their parents’ places. They linger after the other four have long gone in, drifting in and out of the magazine store, leaning against a wall and watching the various stalls in the station close down around them.
There is an air of neither of them really wanting to leave. Ryo feels like during this tour he’d settled into a comfortable pattern, and all of a sudden, with that taken away, the future in front of him feels foreign and strange. He feels like he should say something, feels like he should ask, “What happens after this?” But it’s strange, because he doesn’t even know what Shige thinks about him yet, so he doesn’t say anything, and lets Shige’s voice rumble on as an undercurrent to the sound of the station emptying out around them.
“Nishikido-kun,” Shige suddenly says.
Ryo snaps back to attention. He looks at Shige, who is staring back at him. He looks uncertain, and Ryo asks, “What’s the matter?”
“What you said that day. Do you - do you still want to… try?”
Ryo can see in his eyes how much courage it has taken Shige to ask him this question. So he smiles reassuringly at him and says, “Of course.”
Shige’s face breaks into a grin, one of those broad ones which he rarely gives anymore because of the creases it makes in his cheeks - but Ryo has never seen it tempered with this warmth and affection and this tender spark in his eyes.
Ryo thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen.
He leans forward and, looking out of the corner of his eye to make sure nobody is watching, softly kisses the corner of Shige’s mouth. When he pulls away Shige is blushing, though he still grumbles, “You’ll get us into trouble like this.”
Ryo just grins, and brushes the spot he just kissed with his thumb, and says, “But you like it anyway.”
*
Ryo knows he can never take Sho’s place in Shige’s heart. That space is reserved for that special first person, the one person you can never truly get over; the one person you can spend the rest of your life trying to figure out where and what went wrong, when the answer is simply that it could never have worked out anyway.
Ryo isn’t even sure if he can be there, with Shige, for the rest of their lives. But Ryo doesn’t mind, because he’s finally sure that this is love, and that he’s going to try.
---
Part One.
Part Two.
The Part Where The Author's Notes Are Longer Than Some Sections Of This Fic
Note 1: I don’t know how disinterested Japanese salarymen are about the Wall Street crash. I know my home country’s market has been thrown a little into a tizzy, though it isn’t anything we can’t survive - expenditure’s just taken a little dip, that’s all. Going by how insular the Japanese economy is, however, I don’t expect it to take that much of a beating from the crash of the American market; it’s not like a majority of its production goes towards export to America. Still, though, with exchange rates and everything, I don’t know. There’s a reason why Economics is my worst subject. Ignore this. There is a reason why Economics is my worst subject, and that reason is that I'm no Sakurai Sho. -laughs- Just take it as an attempt for a clever metaphor that went wrong, please! xD
Note 2: A lot of this chapter takes place during things that haven’t happened yet. For instance, NEWS is going on Hey!x3 on the 29th of September, which, unless you’re a Time Lord, hasn’t happened yet. So a lot of this is speculatory; I don’t even know if they’re going to promote Happy Birthday on it, though it makes sense since the single will be released 2 days after Hey!x3 airs.
Note 3: NEWS’ page on Wikipedia and their Johnny's net concert page seem to have updated with news (hur hur) of a Winter tour beginning on the 25th of October and running till the 12th of January. I kind of want to know how they’re going to do a show at 17:00 on the 1st of January 2009, then have a Johnny’s Countdown sometime in the night, then have another show the next evening at 17:00 again. They’re going to run these boys ragged, one day.
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment
Pairings: Sakurai Sho/Kato Shigeaki, eventual Nishikido Ryo/Kato Shigeaki
Warnings: Slash. Nothing more than that, despite what the cut-text might suggest.
Status: Finally complete.
Notes: Just this last part alone is almost as long as the first two parts put together, which is just insane. The total word count is 7,440, and I'm so stoked because I have never written anything longer than 1,700 words in all my years of writing. I should go celebrate, or something. -laughs- Well, it's been fun writing this, and while I think I might miss it, I'm actually glad it's over. This thing kind of ate my life. Time to actually study so I can go to college next year. xD
When Shige tells Ryo about Sho, they are in a bar, and Shige is clearly inebriated enough for the drink to loosen his tongue.
Ryo hadn’t meant to find out these things, really. He’d never meant for this to become a confession session, hadn’t even been sure if he’d wanted to know the sordid details about Shige and Sho. Shige had seemed fine - happier, in fact - and so he was surprised when he started to tell him things. Then again, as he tries not to watch the way Shige’s fingers curl into a loose fist, which he hits against the countertop repeatedly, he wonders if Shige had purposely got himself drunk to work himself into the mood to tell him these things.
Shige tells him how they got together. He tells him everything that had happened between them, tries to rationalise it all. He tells him the sweet, the sour, the downright bitter. Every word is laced with confusion, every line underscored with hurt. In the things he doesn’t say, Ryo understands that he doesn’t know how he managed to get so attached to Sho, and he wishes desperately that he could go back to the time when he was Sho was just a respected senior, and not anything that meant more.
As Shige’s eyes turn suspiciously red (though it could just as easily be attributed to the drink, and to the late hour), Ryo finds himself wanting to pass his thumbs over those eyes and pull him close and soothe him and tell him it’s okay, it’s okay.
Instead he nods and listens and eventually gently takes Shige’s mug from him and sends him home when it gets to the hour that makes him unsure of which day it is. He makes him promise to call if he needs anything, though he doubts Shige will remember that when he wakes up.
Sometime in the early hours of the day that follows, he lies in bed trying to get to sleep, mind spinning and turning with the obvious feelings Shige still had for Sho no matter how much he tried not to talk about it, and realises with a pleasant shock the fact so glaringly obvious that he hadn’t noticed it before - that Shige had trusted him enough to tell him all those things, that Shige had, in a way, chosen him to bear all these things with him.
And Ryo chooses to ignore the voice in the rational part of his brain, and thinks, that must mean something, right?
*
Filming for Ryuusei no Kizuna has begun, and Ryo’s got less time to spend with Shige. Nevertheless he throws himself into his work like he always does, and comforts himself with messaging Shige, sometimes.
He’s a bit wary of Ninomiya-kun, mostly because of that weird shoulder-kiss he’d given him during their Dome concert. (He doesn’t think of what Shige had told him about Sho coming to their concert to see him.) But they’ve got to know each other a bit better since then, and Ryo’s surprised to also see Ninomiya-kun throw himself into his work just as hard - if not even harder - than the next person, pretty much contrary to his mischievous, troublemaking image.
Ninomiya-kun sometimes invites him out for dinner if filming wraps up early enough. Sometimes he jokes that his members are all too busy with their own stuff to join him for dinner anymore. Other times he says that they’re castmates and members of the same agency, and should get to know each other. Still other times he leers and says, “Let me get to know you like I know Tomo-chan,” which just totally freaks Ryo out.
Ryo’s sometimes too busy or too tired, especially with the release of NEWS’ Happy Birthday single coming up, but he doesn’t think it’s too good to turn down a senpai’s invitation too many times, so he goes along sometimes. It’s not like Ninomiya-kun’s company is hard to keep, anyway - Ryo discovers that despite his scary teasing he’s really just an easy-going guy. He makes a good dinner companion, at any rate.
This evening’s one of those days, and they go to a ramen store nearby.
The conversation is slow and sporadic but Ryo strangely doesn’t mind. Ninomiya-kun’s in a strange mood today, not quite moody but not exactly bouncing off the walls, either, and it makes the atmosphere reflective and the silences companionable.
Their food comes and they don’t make much noise beyond complimenting the food (“This meat is really amazing, it’s so tender,” “Ah, it is?”; though Ryo feels a little bit guilty towards Koyama’s parents so he sends them mental apologies) and the slurping of the noodles and soup. Seemingly out of the blue, though, and definitely not related to anything that they’re (not) talking about, Ninomiya-kun says, “So recently Sho-kun’s been a bit depressed.”
Ryo suddenly loses his appetite, very fast.
“Oh, really?” He tries to sound nonchalant, and glares down into the oil floating on the top of the soup.
“Mm. Have you heard anything about him and Shige-kun?”
So the rest of Arashi had known about it. Ryo is surprised, but after the initial astonishment he realises he shouldn’t be. Arashi are each other’s best friends, each other’s support circle in that special way which some of the newer groups are finding hard to comprehend, and which some groups never achieve. And, Ryo remembers, Ninomiya-kun had accompanied Sakurai-kun to their Dome concert. Ryo looks sideways at him, and Ninomiya-kun is still continuing to pull out strands of ramen, eyes carefully following the top of the pull where the chopsticks are, blowing on the noodles slightly before feeding it into his mouth and starting to slurp. Nothing has changed, but suddenly Ryo thinks he sees an extra edge, an extra tension in the lines of Ninomiya-kun’s shoulders as he tilts his head slightly in that perfect ramen-eating angle.
Hmmmm, he thinks; but he says, carefully, “Kato-kun’s told me about their relationship, yes,” before half-heartedly poking at the floating pork slices with his chopsticks.
“Sounds like it’s over, ne,” Ninomiya-kun says, as conversationally as if they were salarymen talking disinterestedly about the crash of the American market. “I mean, it’s not like he told me anything,” he shrugs, “But Sho-kun can be obvious like that sometimes.”
Ryo bites back his first, instinctive, sarcastic response - that that didn’t seem to match what Shige had said about Sho - because he recognises that Ninomiya-kun probably knows Sakurai-kun far better than either Shige or Ryo do, and such a statement would be uncalled-for.
Instead, he doesn’t say anything and lets Ninomiya-kun get to the point.
“I think Sho-kun misses Shige-kun, ne,” Ninomiya-kun finally says.
Ryo has absolutely no clue what he’s supposed to say to that. But before he can open his mouth to say anything, anyway, Ninomiya-kun looks over and says, “Eh? You’ve stopped eating?” so he replies, “Oh! No. Just drinking some water,” and for the rest of the night it is as if that conversation had never taken place.
Later on when he’s alone, though, he thinks of Shige, and reaches for his phone to send him a message.
But he thinks twice, and before it even connects with the phone, pulls his hand away.
*
He sees Shige soon enough for the round of promotions after the release of Happy Birthday. Ryo secretly doesn’t think the song is much (though it’s insanely catchy) but of course he doesn’t tell anyone that; instead he dutifully learns and teaches and rehearses choreography with the rest. They go on the usual round of shows on the various stations, put on their smiles and charm for the various audiences, and every single time Ryo thinks about whether he should say anything about anything to Shige. Just before Hey!Hey!Hey! begins, Ryo is seated quietly next to Pi, thinking, when Pi nudges Ryo and says, “Snap out of it.”
“Huh?”
“You’re staring off into space. If Downtown catch you off-guard, you’ll be in for it~” His words are flippant, but the squeeze he gives Ryo’s knee and the look in his eyes tells Ryo that Pi knows something’s up.
He sighs, but smiles, and shooting begins.
*
Yamapi’s schedule has suddenly freed up a bit, since he’s finally graduated, so Ryo accepts his invitation to go hang out at his place. They buy beer and instant ramen at the combini nearby and head to his apartment for a night of sloth.
They’re sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch, with Hime-chan curled comfortably at their feet, watching Dragonball Z (which they’ve both finished a million times already, so Ryo knows they’re watching it for the sake of putting something on) and slurping instant ramen when Pi asks, “So what’s up?”
Ryo knows better than to deny it, so instead he says, “Well, you know. Work. Stuff.”
“Mm,” Yamapi says, eyes not moving from the screen.
Ryo sighs. Pi plays this game too well. “I can’t say it, Pi.”
“It’s that serious, huh?”
“Hm?”
“Who is it?”
Ryo’s eyes narrow as he glares at Pi. “Wait. I haven’t properly spoken to you in the last month.”
Pi finally looks away from the screen to shoot Ryo one of those ridiculous, cocky, one-eyed grins. “I’m only your best friend, Ryo-chan~”
Ryo swats at him irritably, and Pi laughs. “So who is it, then?”
Ryo shakes his head, so Pi continues, mock-serious, head on one side, “Ah, Erika-chan? Yeah, she’s pretty hot, and she was really nice to me on set.”
Ryo gives him a horrified look and then rolls his eyes. “Everyone’s nice to you, Pi,” he says sarcastically. “It’s your charm that does it.”
“Well, it’s someone we both know, isn’t it?” Pi mumbles through a mouthful of ramen, and his eyes are back on the screen.
Ryo gives in and sighs again.
“Why don’t you just tell them?”
“I… can’t.”
Pi nods understandingly. “Do they feel the same way about you?”
“I… don’t think so.”
“…you should just try.”
Ryo makes a noncommittal noise to that, and they turn their attention back to the TV and their conversation to other things.
It’s only after he leaves and he’s on his way to the train station that he realises Pi’s strangely general use of personal pronoun. The epiphany makes him stop, groan, and smack his forehead, which makes the passers-bys crash abruptly into him and stare strangely. He mutters his apologies, and pulls his phone out as he begins walking again.
How much do you actually know, and who’s been telling you all this??
Se~cret~
^_~
Some best friend you are.
^____^
Pi is an infuriating bastard, and Ryo really doesn’t know why he puts up with him anyway. He slides his phone back into his pocket and heads home.
It’s only when he gets home that he remembers what Pi had said. He puts his keys on the table, smiles absently at his own reflection in the table, and whispers, “‘You should just try’, huh…”
*
Shige, I’ve got something to tell you. Are you ready for it?
What is it?
I think Sakurai-kun misses you.
Ryo waits, but there’s no reply, so he puts his phone on the table next to his bed, rolls over and goes to sleep.
*
When he wakes up the next morning, there’s a message waiting for him, timestamped 4 in the morning.
I don’t care.
*
Ryo starts small, and begins by smiling.
He doesn’t give Shige his broad, megawatt grins which bloom all at once across his face and steal the hearts of girls across Japan; instead, he gives him the simple, understated, honest-to-goodness joyful smiles which start from the corners of his mouth and unfold inwards, the smiles which are like treasure being slowly unveiled. They are smiles in acknowledgement of all the time they’ve spent together outside of work. At first they throw everyone off (even Pi, who grunts in recognition and surprise when he first sees it), and though as usual Shige’s the slowest to catch on, when he does his eyes eventually begin to light up when they see Ryo, in anticipation of one of those smiles.
Now that he’s got Shige’s attention, he begins to make his watching… obvious.
Where he’d previously stayed in the opposing corners of rooms and watched Shige out of the corner of his eye, sometimes talking to other people, head barely moving, now he sits close by and watches with hooded eyes trained upon his figure, moving his head just that slightly as Shige walks across the room. Rehearsal rooms are small, so Shige eventually notices, and he gives Ryo confused looks, to which Ryo only smiles secretively and lazily in return, and looks away.
Over the next few days he can practically see the wheels in Shige head’s turning, and turning, and turning. He catches Shige giving him glances during and in between rehearsals, then looking away when he catches his eye, as if embarrassed about being caught. Shige is obviously thinking about him, every second, and it’s driving him almost to the point of distraction.
Just the way Ryo wants.
*
“Nishikido-kun,” he finally asks, just a few days before they’re supposed to go on tour. “What are you doing?”
Ryo looks up from his lunch and sees Shige standing across the table from him. “Eating lunch,” he says, giving him a shit-eating grin.
Shige clearly resists the urge to roll his eyes; instead he pulls a chair out and sits down across from Ryo and stares at him.
Now Ryo is feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
“Nishikido-kun,” Shige says, “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but please stop.”
“Why?” Ryo asks.
Shige takes a deep breath. “It’s too soon for me.”
Ryo is astonished at how bluntly honest Shige has become, and he wonders if this is an after-effect of his relationship with Sho. But before he can say anything, Shige mumbles, almost under his breath, “I don’t want you to become a replacement for Sakurai-kun,” and looks away, as if he were embarrassed.
“So what do you want me to be?” Ryo asks, gently.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Why don’t you let me try?”
Shige stands up abruptly, and turns to leave. But Ryo says, “Shige, let me try.”
Shige is silent for awhile. He doesn’t look at Ryo, choosing instead to stare at the floor beneath his feet. Ryo calmly watches the side of Shige’s face, and watches the way Shige’s eyelashes flutter against his cheek as he blinks, watches the way the corner of Shige’s mouth twitches slightly as he thinks.
“You want this, don’t you?” Ryo finally asks.
Shige looks at him, and in that instant Ryo sees that for this question, at least, there is certainty in Shige’s mind. But Shige doesn’t say anything - he only nods, then turns back to the door, and leaves.
Ryo picks up his chopsticks and continues eating. His food has turned cold, but somehow he doesn’t care.
*
Going on tour with someone who might or might not want to be your boyfriend can be surprisingly mundane.
Nothing much changes from the usual. Ryo still sleeps in the same room as Yamapi, but some nights he disappears for long stretches of time, and when he comes back, Yamapi is already asleep. One morning Pi vows to kick Ryo out if he comes back past midnight again, but Ryo just laughs good-naturedly and asks him if he isn’t happy for him.
The next time Ryo comes back late again anyway, Pi neither says nor does anything. He’s just glad to see Ryo happier, more carefree than he’s seen him in a long time.
And he doesn’t really want to know, but if he had asked, he would have known that Ryo and Shige had simply had been doing nothing less innocuous than sitting in elevator lobbies and talking. Where their conversations used to be simply about work, school, and life, they have now taken a turn for more depth - sharing their views on life, sharing what growing up from opposite ends of the Junior popularity spectrum was like, sharing their loves, hates, fears.
One night Ryo tells Shige his fear of never finding anybody to love. He feels a little like he’s putting his heart on the line, but the expression in Shige’s eyes, which says he knows how he feels, tells him otherwise.
*
Almost towards the end of the tour is the Countdown.
Ryo distracts Shige from Sho whenever he can - in other words, whenever they’re not on stage. The pre-show preparation is insane, especially since they basically come off their tour stage and onto the Countdown one, but he still catches Shige struggling mentally with being in such close proximity with Sho again, and in a place where the major milestones in their relationship happened.
He wraps an arm around Shige’s waist and gives him a one-armed squeeze. It’s not like him to be so physical, so Shige smiles his appreciation.
After the Countdown, Ryo tries to blindside Sho every time he looks like he wants to come talk to Shige. He’s being ridiculous and possessive but he doesn’t care; some part of him just doesn’t want Shige to see Sho. He can’t keep it up, though, because Shige is taller than both Sho and him, and he eventually sees him as they are on their way out of Tokyo Dome, to go catch some sleep before rehearsals for their next concert that evening.
“Shige-kun,” Sho says. “Are you free…?”
Shige shakes his head tightly. “Sorry,” he says, and Ryo watches his throat work as he swallows. “NEWS has a concert tonight.”
The forced smile on his face makes Ryo’s heart break.
So he says, “Let’s go,” and carefully steers Shige away.
*
Their tour ends successfully in Osaka, and they retire from the last show in a haze of jubilant high.
They all walk to the train station; the others to catch the bullet trains home, Ryo and Shige to send them off before going back to their parents’ places. They linger after the other four have long gone in, drifting in and out of the magazine store, leaning against a wall and watching the various stalls in the station close down around them.
There is an air of neither of them really wanting to leave. Ryo feels like during this tour he’d settled into a comfortable pattern, and all of a sudden, with that taken away, the future in front of him feels foreign and strange. He feels like he should say something, feels like he should ask, “What happens after this?” But it’s strange, because he doesn’t even know what Shige thinks about him yet, so he doesn’t say anything, and lets Shige’s voice rumble on as an undercurrent to the sound of the station emptying out around them.
“Nishikido-kun,” Shige suddenly says.
Ryo snaps back to attention. He looks at Shige, who is staring back at him. He looks uncertain, and Ryo asks, “What’s the matter?”
“What you said that day. Do you - do you still want to… try?”
Ryo can see in his eyes how much courage it has taken Shige to ask him this question. So he smiles reassuringly at him and says, “Of course.”
Shige’s face breaks into a grin, one of those broad ones which he rarely gives anymore because of the creases it makes in his cheeks - but Ryo has never seen it tempered with this warmth and affection and this tender spark in his eyes.
Ryo thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s seen.
He leans forward and, looking out of the corner of his eye to make sure nobody is watching, softly kisses the corner of Shige’s mouth. When he pulls away Shige is blushing, though he still grumbles, “You’ll get us into trouble like this.”
Ryo just grins, and brushes the spot he just kissed with his thumb, and says, “But you like it anyway.”
*
Ryo knows he can never take Sho’s place in Shige’s heart. That space is reserved for that special first person, the one person you can never truly get over; the one person you can spend the rest of your life trying to figure out where and what went wrong, when the answer is simply that it could never have worked out anyway.
Ryo isn’t even sure if he can be there, with Shige, for the rest of their lives. But Ryo doesn’t mind, because he’s finally sure that this is love, and that he’s going to try.
---
Part One.
Part Two.
The Part Where The Author's Notes Are Longer Than Some Sections Of This Fic
Note 1: I don’t know how disinterested Japanese salarymen are about the Wall Street crash. I know my home country’s market has been thrown a little into a tizzy, though it isn’t anything we can’t survive - expenditure’s just taken a little dip, that’s all. Going by how insular the Japanese economy is, however, I don’t expect it to take that much of a beating from the crash of the American market; it’s not like a majority of its production goes towards export to America. Still, though, with exchange rates and everything, I don’t know. There’s a reason why Economics is my worst subject. Ignore this. There is a reason why Economics is my worst subject, and that reason is that I'm no Sakurai Sho. -laughs- Just take it as an attempt for a clever metaphor that went wrong, please! xD
Note 2: A lot of this chapter takes place during things that haven’t happened yet. For instance, NEWS is going on Hey!x3 on the 29th of September, which, unless you’re a Time Lord, hasn’t happened yet. So a lot of this is speculatory; I don’t even know if they’re going to promote Happy Birthday on it, though it makes sense since the single will be released 2 days after Hey!x3 airs.
Note 3: NEWS’ page on Wikipedia and their Johnny's net concert page seem to have updated with news (hur hur) of a Winter tour beginning on the 25th of October and running till the 12th of January. I kind of want to know how they’re going to do a show at 17:00 on the 1st of January 2009, then have a Johnny’s Countdown sometime in the night, then have another show the next evening at 17:00 again. They’re going to run these boys ragged, one day.