Tug of War (Yokoo/Miyata, PG)
Title: Tug of War
Pairing: Yokoo/Miyata
Rating/Warnings: PG
AN: I have been working on this forever. Five months, maybe? Finally just finished it and gave up. A challenge to write unusual pairings and make them actually work.
Tug of War
When he looks back, he thinks it must have started with jealousy, much as he's loath to admit it.
Miyata loved Tamamori; that much was clear for years. Miyata made no attempt to hide it, and in fact made every attempt to prove it. He doted on Tamamori, followed his every order, whether for water or a massage, and trailed around after him wanting to grant his every wish. It was pathetic and... kind of sweet, Yokoo had to admit. Tamamori, for his part, had never done anything to discourage Miyata's attention, but not cruelly so; he'd made it quite clear from the start that he wasn't interested in men. Yokoo never quite understood why Miyata kept trying, and it intrigued him.
"Are you ever going to give up?" Yokoo asked once, out of curiousity.
"I don't know," Miyata answered honestly. "I can't help how I feel. I just want him to be happy."
Yokoo nodded.
"If that changes at some point..." Miyata continued. "Well, I kind of hope it doesn't."
"What about you?" Yokoo asked. "Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am," Miyata said, and so Yokoo left it at that.
It wasn't that Miyata was only nice to Tamamori, because that wasn't true, either. Miyata was just plain nice to everyone, helpful and kind. Tamamori just got special treatment. That was another part Yokoo didn't quite get. Why Tamamori? What was so special about him? Sure, he was attractive, but he was also strange, having a tendency to talk to himself and zone out completely. He was lucky, though, to have someone care about him so much.
In hindsight, Yokoo knows that was when the jealousy first kicked in. He was 21 then, and hadn't dated anyone since high school. He had his friends, and he'd even call Miyata a friend, but no one cared about him like people cared about Tamamori. He didn't mean the world to anyone, except maybe his mother.
They were all lounging around in the dressing room between shows, and Miyata just happened to be closest to the pitcher.
"Miyata, can you pass the water?" Yokoo asked.
"Ah! Of course." Miyata jumped up right away, and Yokoo suppressed a smile. He was so eager to please. But then, Miyata poured seven cups of water to hand out, and gave one first to Tamamori, who glanced up with pleased surprise from his magazine. It made Yokoo go from suppressing a smile to suppressing a frown. Tamamori was further away than him, and hadn't even asked. Miyata handed the second glass to Yokoo, but by then the damage had been done. Yokoo thanked him, but in his head there was a childish whine wanting to know why Miyata didn't give him his water first.
As an experiment, Yokoo tried casually asking Miyata for various things over the next few days. A few times, he got what he wanted without incident, but there were enough times that he didn't, and it made Yokoo annoyed.
"Ah, but I think Tama wanted to use that," Miyata excused.
Or, "Sure, after I bring Tama his iPod."
No, Yokoo wanted to shout, me first. But he didn't, because that would be ridiculous.
He kept trying, though, and told himself it was just curiosity, just an experiment. Yokoo considered making a chart to see just how many times Miyata would put Tamamori before him, but thought that maybe it would be a bit creepy, and so didn't. It was a lot though, and Yokoo wondered if there was a way to change it.
"You're... being really nice to me, lately, Yokoo-san," Miyata pointed out weeks later.
"Am I?" Yokoo replied. "Hmm." He busied himself with rearranging things on the counter in front of him and willed himself not to blush at being found out. It worked, and Miyata drifted away after a few moments, but it didn't stop the racing of Yokoo's heart. He took a quiet little deep breath and closed his eyes, not really sure why Miyata taking notice of him suddenly made him nervous.
He thought about it a lot. So much, in fact, that he found himself zoning out like Tamamori. A good thing, maybe, since Miyata seemed to find that adorable.
"Yokoo-san?"
Yokoo snapped out of it to find Miyata holding a bento out to him.
"Your lunch?" Miyata suggested, a small, amused-looking smile on his face.
"Ah, thank you," Yokoo replied quietly, and took the proffered food without making eye contact. Miyata's smile was cute. Cute, he thought, and promptly wanted to smack himself. He settled for biting his tongue instead, and nearly choked on his water when Miyata placed a hand on his shoulder in concern.
"I'm fine," Yokoo coughed. "I was just thinking, that's all."
"Okay," Miyata said, although his expression said he didn't quite believe him.
It took a while before Yokoo could admit it to himself that he liked Miyata. He liked the way he tried so hard, the way his eyes disappeared when he grinned. He liked the way he tried to make them all laugh, and the way he threw himself into his dancing with everything he had. He liked watching Miyata practicing his dance with Tamamori and Senga, and the way Miyata actually looked really cool. It made Yokoo smile to himself to watch them, and the only thing he didn't like was the way Miyata immediately turned to Tamamori when they were done to offer him a towel, despite Miyata and Senga being the ones both drenched in sweat.
Yokoo's heart ached a bit to see it, to know that despite everything, Miyata was still stuck on Tamamori. Miyata was kind and funny and deserved so much better than to just be accepted. He deserved someone who would truly like him back, appreciate him for who he was, someone who would care about him the way he cared about them. And that person wasn't Tamamori, content with his girlfriend of eight months.
It was himself, Yokoo realized. He wanted to be the one to make Miyata smile. He didn't want Miyata to look at him the same way he looked at Kitayama or Fujigaya, that you're-still-my-sempai look. Yokoo wanted Miyata to look at him like a friend, or maybe, even as something more. And it was stupid, he realized, because he'd put himself in exactly the same position as Miyata, falling for someone who didn't return his feelings.
But, Yokoo consoled himself, maybe he wasn't quite as bad as Miyata, because there was always hope. Miyata could stop liking Tamamori and like him instead - he definitely liked guys, at least. But then, maybe Miyata told himself such things as well. People always convince themselves that there's a way.
He waited until New Years Eve.
When Yokoo confessed to Miyata, he expected a rejection. He told him because he thought Miyata deserved to know. But Miyata wasn't stupid, was just as aware of his situation as any of them. That he accepted Yokoo's feelings, that he'd even give him a chance, was enough for Yokoo, even knowing his feelings weren't yet returned. He hoped Miyata could get over Tamamori, and Miyata wanted to move on. They both hoped for a better future.
They greeted the new year together with everyone, and when Miyata turned to smile at him, to wish him the first "Happy New Year" of the night, Yokoo knew there really was a chance. Behind Miyata, Tamamori hugged Kitayama and went unnoticed.
Their relationship remained much the same for months, although Miyata did make it a point to spend more time with him. They weren't dating, not really, and nobody noticed much. Tamamori was absent a lot, busy with Gokusen stuff, breaking out of his shell.
"What happened?" he said one day when he was around.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" Miyata replied.
"You've changed," Tamamori said, and Yokoo tensed. "You don't..."
Tamamori trailed off. Spoil you? Yokoo thought, but they all knew what Tamamori was trying to say.
"I'm sorry," Miyata said, looking chagrined. "Do you mind?"
"Only a bit." Tamamori laughed. "Are you happy?"
It was an echo of Yokoo's thoughts from long before, and more than anything, a mark of how mature Tamamori had become. He shared a look with Miyata before Miyata turned to answer.
"Yes," Miyata told Tamamori. "I am."
It was Miyata who made the first move after that. It wasn't anything major, or even unusual. They were all just sitting around during a lunch break one day when a hand covered Yokoo's. He looked up in surprise to find Miyata smiling at him, just a small, contented smile, and Yokoo smiled back, a weight he hadn't known was there suddenly lifted from his shoulders.
After that, things changed more quickly. Everyone discovered what Tamamori had suspected and teased them, even if their relationship wasn't much of one, and as much as Yokoo pretended to be annoyed, he didn't mind. Miyata was as accepting as ever.
Months passed, and with Miyata constantly by his side, Yokoo felt... healed, almost. Peaceful.
August 6th was the next landmark. A day off, Nikaido's birthday, and Tamamori and some of the others were busy joining the birthday boy at the beach. Miyata and Yokoo chose a park instead, and even if a picnic was a little cliched, sitting in the cool shade of the trees and chatting was as perfect as Yokoo could imagine. They drifted into silence eventually, and Yokoo leaned back on his elbows to watch the sky, bright, brilliant blue and without a cloud, the periodic bird flitting from tree to tree above them. He could feel the warmth of Miyata's thigh pressed against his shoulder, a steady reminder of his presence, and Yokoo closed his eyes, relaxed.
Yokoo only opened them again when the red of the sun disappeared from behind his eyelids.
"Hey, Wataru..." Miyata was leaning into his patch of sky, his head so backlit that Yokoo could barely make out his expression, but it didn't matter. The sound of his voice told Yokoo enough, hesitant but happy, and then Yokoo didn't need to see at all.
Miyata's kiss was soft and slow, and Yokoo was surprised by the rush of happiness that washed through him. He hadn't consciously thought about that moment, hadn't wanted to push Miyata, wanted to let him take his time. But really, he had waited for that moment for what felt like forever, for Miyata to want to be close to him, to feel the same for Yokoo as Yokoo felt about him. Miyata pulled away to look at him.
"I like you," he said, and Yokoo could see it in his eyes, truly, finally. They had been dating for a while, but it never felt real, never felt like more than just friends, until that moment, when Yokoo finally believed it.
"I'm glad," Yokoo replied.
Miyata smiled, understanding, and leaned down to kiss him again.
OMAKE
"Must you do that?" Miyata demanded.
"Hmm?" Yokoo looked up from where his hand rested on Nikaido's shoulder.
"That!" Miyata pointed.
Nikaido leered, leaning back harder into Yokoo's embrace. "What's wrong, Miyacchi?" He reached a hand back to pull Yokoo closer. "Afraid I'm stealing your man?"
"Ugh," Miyata huffed. "You don't have to be so..." He waved his hands in a vague gesture. "...about it." He jumped when arms encircled his waist, a chin landing on his shoulder.
"Na, but don't you think it's hot?" Senga whispered, and Miyata didn't have a chance to even try pulling away before Nikaido was in front of them with blazing eyes.
"Oi!" He pried Senga's hands from around Miyata, not letting go once Miyata was free, and Senga, hands trapped, turned his head to give Miyata a wink.
Miyata skittered over to Yokoo. "Save me," he hissed. When Yokoo's arms encircled him instead, Miyata didn't pull away.
"You could do it instead," Yokoo suggested, laughing, and Miyata shook his head.
"No, that's okay." He watched as Nikaido dragged Senga from the room, then twisted around to make eyes at Yokoo.
"They're young and stupid," Yokoo preempted, and let Miyata go. Miyata pouted.
"Can't I be young and stupid?"
"Gross~" Tamamori commented as he rolled past, and Miyata glared at his back.
"Hey," Yokoo said, pulling Miyata back from following. "Come on. You go home with him half the time, anyway. You know how it is."
"That's only to keep the fans from finding out about his girlfriend," Miyata argued.
"Exactly," Yokoo agreed. "We do things for the fans. So stop being jealous already, or I'll have to insist Tamamori take Kitayama home with him."
"..."
Yokoo smiled, and leaned in close to whisper. "Come home with me, instead."
Miyata grinned.
"Deal."
It is so odd to tag this with Miyata and then not tag it with Tama, too.
Pairing: Yokoo/Miyata
Rating/Warnings: PG
AN: I have been working on this forever. Five months, maybe? Finally just finished it and gave up. A challenge to write unusual pairings and make them actually work.
Tug of War
When he looks back, he thinks it must have started with jealousy, much as he's loath to admit it.
Miyata loved Tamamori; that much was clear for years. Miyata made no attempt to hide it, and in fact made every attempt to prove it. He doted on Tamamori, followed his every order, whether for water or a massage, and trailed around after him wanting to grant his every wish. It was pathetic and... kind of sweet, Yokoo had to admit. Tamamori, for his part, had never done anything to discourage Miyata's attention, but not cruelly so; he'd made it quite clear from the start that he wasn't interested in men. Yokoo never quite understood why Miyata kept trying, and it intrigued him.
"Are you ever going to give up?" Yokoo asked once, out of curiousity.
"I don't know," Miyata answered honestly. "I can't help how I feel. I just want him to be happy."
Yokoo nodded.
"If that changes at some point..." Miyata continued. "Well, I kind of hope it doesn't."
"What about you?" Yokoo asked. "Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am," Miyata said, and so Yokoo left it at that.
It wasn't that Miyata was only nice to Tamamori, because that wasn't true, either. Miyata was just plain nice to everyone, helpful and kind. Tamamori just got special treatment. That was another part Yokoo didn't quite get. Why Tamamori? What was so special about him? Sure, he was attractive, but he was also strange, having a tendency to talk to himself and zone out completely. He was lucky, though, to have someone care about him so much.
In hindsight, Yokoo knows that was when the jealousy first kicked in. He was 21 then, and hadn't dated anyone since high school. He had his friends, and he'd even call Miyata a friend, but no one cared about him like people cared about Tamamori. He didn't mean the world to anyone, except maybe his mother.
They were all lounging around in the dressing room between shows, and Miyata just happened to be closest to the pitcher.
"Miyata, can you pass the water?" Yokoo asked.
"Ah! Of course." Miyata jumped up right away, and Yokoo suppressed a smile. He was so eager to please. But then, Miyata poured seven cups of water to hand out, and gave one first to Tamamori, who glanced up with pleased surprise from his magazine. It made Yokoo go from suppressing a smile to suppressing a frown. Tamamori was further away than him, and hadn't even asked. Miyata handed the second glass to Yokoo, but by then the damage had been done. Yokoo thanked him, but in his head there was a childish whine wanting to know why Miyata didn't give him his water first.
As an experiment, Yokoo tried casually asking Miyata for various things over the next few days. A few times, he got what he wanted without incident, but there were enough times that he didn't, and it made Yokoo annoyed.
"Ah, but I think Tama wanted to use that," Miyata excused.
Or, "Sure, after I bring Tama his iPod."
No, Yokoo wanted to shout, me first. But he didn't, because that would be ridiculous.
He kept trying, though, and told himself it was just curiosity, just an experiment. Yokoo considered making a chart to see just how many times Miyata would put Tamamori before him, but thought that maybe it would be a bit creepy, and so didn't. It was a lot though, and Yokoo wondered if there was a way to change it.
"You're... being really nice to me, lately, Yokoo-san," Miyata pointed out weeks later.
"Am I?" Yokoo replied. "Hmm." He busied himself with rearranging things on the counter in front of him and willed himself not to blush at being found out. It worked, and Miyata drifted away after a few moments, but it didn't stop the racing of Yokoo's heart. He took a quiet little deep breath and closed his eyes, not really sure why Miyata taking notice of him suddenly made him nervous.
He thought about it a lot. So much, in fact, that he found himself zoning out like Tamamori. A good thing, maybe, since Miyata seemed to find that adorable.
"Yokoo-san?"
Yokoo snapped out of it to find Miyata holding a bento out to him.
"Your lunch?" Miyata suggested, a small, amused-looking smile on his face.
"Ah, thank you," Yokoo replied quietly, and took the proffered food without making eye contact. Miyata's smile was cute. Cute, he thought, and promptly wanted to smack himself. He settled for biting his tongue instead, and nearly choked on his water when Miyata placed a hand on his shoulder in concern.
"I'm fine," Yokoo coughed. "I was just thinking, that's all."
"Okay," Miyata said, although his expression said he didn't quite believe him.
It took a while before Yokoo could admit it to himself that he liked Miyata. He liked the way he tried so hard, the way his eyes disappeared when he grinned. He liked the way he tried to make them all laugh, and the way he threw himself into his dancing with everything he had. He liked watching Miyata practicing his dance with Tamamori and Senga, and the way Miyata actually looked really cool. It made Yokoo smile to himself to watch them, and the only thing he didn't like was the way Miyata immediately turned to Tamamori when they were done to offer him a towel, despite Miyata and Senga being the ones both drenched in sweat.
Yokoo's heart ached a bit to see it, to know that despite everything, Miyata was still stuck on Tamamori. Miyata was kind and funny and deserved so much better than to just be accepted. He deserved someone who would truly like him back, appreciate him for who he was, someone who would care about him the way he cared about them. And that person wasn't Tamamori, content with his girlfriend of eight months.
It was himself, Yokoo realized. He wanted to be the one to make Miyata smile. He didn't want Miyata to look at him the same way he looked at Kitayama or Fujigaya, that you're-still-my-sempai look. Yokoo wanted Miyata to look at him like a friend, or maybe, even as something more. And it was stupid, he realized, because he'd put himself in exactly the same position as Miyata, falling for someone who didn't return his feelings.
But, Yokoo consoled himself, maybe he wasn't quite as bad as Miyata, because there was always hope. Miyata could stop liking Tamamori and like him instead - he definitely liked guys, at least. But then, maybe Miyata told himself such things as well. People always convince themselves that there's a way.
He waited until New Years Eve.
When Yokoo confessed to Miyata, he expected a rejection. He told him because he thought Miyata deserved to know. But Miyata wasn't stupid, was just as aware of his situation as any of them. That he accepted Yokoo's feelings, that he'd even give him a chance, was enough for Yokoo, even knowing his feelings weren't yet returned. He hoped Miyata could get over Tamamori, and Miyata wanted to move on. They both hoped for a better future.
They greeted the new year together with everyone, and when Miyata turned to smile at him, to wish him the first "Happy New Year" of the night, Yokoo knew there really was a chance. Behind Miyata, Tamamori hugged Kitayama and went unnoticed.
Their relationship remained much the same for months, although Miyata did make it a point to spend more time with him. They weren't dating, not really, and nobody noticed much. Tamamori was absent a lot, busy with Gokusen stuff, breaking out of his shell.
"What happened?" he said one day when he was around.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" Miyata replied.
"You've changed," Tamamori said, and Yokoo tensed. "You don't..."
Tamamori trailed off. Spoil you? Yokoo thought, but they all knew what Tamamori was trying to say.
"I'm sorry," Miyata said, looking chagrined. "Do you mind?"
"Only a bit." Tamamori laughed. "Are you happy?"
It was an echo of Yokoo's thoughts from long before, and more than anything, a mark of how mature Tamamori had become. He shared a look with Miyata before Miyata turned to answer.
"Yes," Miyata told Tamamori. "I am."
It was Miyata who made the first move after that. It wasn't anything major, or even unusual. They were all just sitting around during a lunch break one day when a hand covered Yokoo's. He looked up in surprise to find Miyata smiling at him, just a small, contented smile, and Yokoo smiled back, a weight he hadn't known was there suddenly lifted from his shoulders.
After that, things changed more quickly. Everyone discovered what Tamamori had suspected and teased them, even if their relationship wasn't much of one, and as much as Yokoo pretended to be annoyed, he didn't mind. Miyata was as accepting as ever.
Months passed, and with Miyata constantly by his side, Yokoo felt... healed, almost. Peaceful.
August 6th was the next landmark. A day off, Nikaido's birthday, and Tamamori and some of the others were busy joining the birthday boy at the beach. Miyata and Yokoo chose a park instead, and even if a picnic was a little cliched, sitting in the cool shade of the trees and chatting was as perfect as Yokoo could imagine. They drifted into silence eventually, and Yokoo leaned back on his elbows to watch the sky, bright, brilliant blue and without a cloud, the periodic bird flitting from tree to tree above them. He could feel the warmth of Miyata's thigh pressed against his shoulder, a steady reminder of his presence, and Yokoo closed his eyes, relaxed.
Yokoo only opened them again when the red of the sun disappeared from behind his eyelids.
"Hey, Wataru..." Miyata was leaning into his patch of sky, his head so backlit that Yokoo could barely make out his expression, but it didn't matter. The sound of his voice told Yokoo enough, hesitant but happy, and then Yokoo didn't need to see at all.
Miyata's kiss was soft and slow, and Yokoo was surprised by the rush of happiness that washed through him. He hadn't consciously thought about that moment, hadn't wanted to push Miyata, wanted to let him take his time. But really, he had waited for that moment for what felt like forever, for Miyata to want to be close to him, to feel the same for Yokoo as Yokoo felt about him. Miyata pulled away to look at him.
"I like you," he said, and Yokoo could see it in his eyes, truly, finally. They had been dating for a while, but it never felt real, never felt like more than just friends, until that moment, when Yokoo finally believed it.
"I'm glad," Yokoo replied.
Miyata smiled, understanding, and leaned down to kiss him again.
OMAKE
"Must you do that?" Miyata demanded.
"Hmm?" Yokoo looked up from where his hand rested on Nikaido's shoulder.
"That!" Miyata pointed.
Nikaido leered, leaning back harder into Yokoo's embrace. "What's wrong, Miyacchi?" He reached a hand back to pull Yokoo closer. "Afraid I'm stealing your man?"
"Ugh," Miyata huffed. "You don't have to be so..." He waved his hands in a vague gesture. "...about it." He jumped when arms encircled his waist, a chin landing on his shoulder.
"Na, but don't you think it's hot?" Senga whispered, and Miyata didn't have a chance to even try pulling away before Nikaido was in front of them with blazing eyes.
"Oi!" He pried Senga's hands from around Miyata, not letting go once Miyata was free, and Senga, hands trapped, turned his head to give Miyata a wink.
Miyata skittered over to Yokoo. "Save me," he hissed. When Yokoo's arms encircled him instead, Miyata didn't pull away.
"You could do it instead," Yokoo suggested, laughing, and Miyata shook his head.
"No, that's okay." He watched as Nikaido dragged Senga from the room, then twisted around to make eyes at Yokoo.
"They're young and stupid," Yokoo preempted, and let Miyata go. Miyata pouted.
"Can't I be young and stupid?"
"Gross~" Tamamori commented as he rolled past, and Miyata glared at his back.
"Hey," Yokoo said, pulling Miyata back from following. "Come on. You go home with him half the time, anyway. You know how it is."
"That's only to keep the fans from finding out about his girlfriend," Miyata argued.
"Exactly," Yokoo agreed. "We do things for the fans. So stop being jealous already, or I'll have to insist Tamamori take Kitayama home with him."
"..."
Yokoo smiled, and leaned in close to whisper. "Come home with me, instead."
Miyata grinned.
"Deal."
It is so odd to tag this with Miyata and then not tag it with Tama, too.