(no subject)
I do not believe that this world is a fair place, but i do believe that most if not all things happen for a reason. Even if sometimes i feel like the road i'm on is completely different than what i exected, i've once again begin to feel at times that i'm where i should be, and that there would have been no other way. what i do not believe, and what i cannot bring myself to get over is how shitty life is for those i love and who are important to me. sometimes i feel like anyone i come into contact with is suddenly cursed to missery and bad luck. I did at one time believe i was cursed.. i still do when i'm given leave to think about such things, but if i could i would give my family and friends the world for their happiness.
the life my brother has been given is a grave injustice to him. it is not fair in any way, and if i could change one thing about the world i would give him a normal and happy ( full house-esque) life. He is nothing but kind and generous to others. he never stops thinking of other people, and he deserves to have rich friendships, an attentive and loving family, and a chance at a real education and future. i feel like life keeps dealing him a crappy hand of cards, and i know that hopefully he'll be strong in the long run, but i worry so much about him.
i guess what brought this on was that craigs birthday is saturday and we're taking him to the kalahari, but today he broke his arm. supposedly he fell playing basketball, but i have this horrid suspicion in my mind that wont go away that.. what if it was more than that. i know he gets teased in school.. but could someone really have pushed him? i dont know.. all i know is that he's really depressed about it and i HAVE to think of something amazing to do for his birthday to make it u to him. there has to be something i can do that will make this birthday special for him even if he has to wear a cast at the water park.
sometimes i feel like everything is my fault.. i know its not.. but maybe there's more i could have/could do... but because i'm me, i runaway, i selfishly follow whatever star i seak the moment i seek it, and yet.. i refuse to allow myself to be sucked into this adventureless world.. i supose life is one great paradox.
the life my brother has been given is a grave injustice to him. it is not fair in any way, and if i could change one thing about the world i would give him a normal and happy ( full house-esque) life. He is nothing but kind and generous to others. he never stops thinking of other people, and he deserves to have rich friendships, an attentive and loving family, and a chance at a real education and future. i feel like life keeps dealing him a crappy hand of cards, and i know that hopefully he'll be strong in the long run, but i worry so much about him.
i guess what brought this on was that craigs birthday is saturday and we're taking him to the kalahari, but today he broke his arm. supposedly he fell playing basketball, but i have this horrid suspicion in my mind that wont go away that.. what if it was more than that. i know he gets teased in school.. but could someone really have pushed him? i dont know.. all i know is that he's really depressed about it and i HAVE to think of something amazing to do for his birthday to make it u to him. there has to be something i can do that will make this birthday special for him even if he has to wear a cast at the water park.
sometimes i feel like everything is my fault.. i know its not.. but maybe there's more i could have/could do... but because i'm me, i runaway, i selfishly follow whatever star i seak the moment i seek it, and yet.. i refuse to allow myself to be sucked into this adventureless world.. i supose life is one great paradox.