Oct 11, 2004 05:33
another long week has finally gone by. the week was per-tie borin. i spent my weeked with taryn at RED RAIDER country. man-o-man them texas tech students are crazy!!!! that was fun!! this past week has been such a blur. i have been drinkin up a storm!!! These past two weeks i have drank tues, thur, fri, and sat (both weeks) i was gonna try to keep my body clean BUT tonight i had two six packs of bacardi raz!! so much for this week!!! looks like im gonna be drinkin today (sun), tues, thur, fri, and sat. Damn i think im gonna be passin out soon!!! o-well right!! i cant wait until i go home!!! I will get to see all the familiar things again!!! it seems like i cant wait any longer. things here in san angelo are gettin per-tie lonely. i really need a couple of hugs right now. things with chris are gettin harder and harder. i still can not grasp the fact that its over and that he has someone else to go home to. so many questions rush through my mind. how can you fall out of love with somebody? how can he do this to me? doesnt he know how much this hurts me? what am i suppose to do know? why does this hurt so much? when will all my hard work pay off??? whats wrong with me? what so great about her? how can all my hardwork be thrown away? and of course....is ANYBODY up for some good ol fashion SEX??? i feel so stupid and used. i just wish i would have stuck to the original plan in the first place. i just want to be a lil kid again. you know where heartache didnt exsist. where you eat all you want and never get fat. drugs and alcohol "whats that". mom and dad would take care of everything. your biggest fear was like farting in class!! (well thats still a big fear) where you are still so innocent and naive. now you have to worry about so many things. heartache attacks all the time, working out has to be a priority, drugs and alcohol get you goin, mom and dad give you responsibility, farting in class is still a BIG fear, and the world isnt as wonderful as you though it was. Movin from la feria to san angelo i have heard and seen some cruel situation. i did not know that people are still prejudice. i hear racial comments always bein made. its crazy!! i just want to stay a child forever!!