another day
6/2/04
Today I am 29. Eee ghad.
Other than the fact that this birthday was astronomically better than last year, my decade is almost over.
I am soo very happy with this past year.
Still single (wouldn't have it any other way..eh...heh), though fulfilled in my life in a way I never thought possible. It's nice to have awoken. I've been waiting along time.
It's amazing how much I want to know people...how I want to hear about their lives..understand who they are. Like a fire has been lit.
On the other hand, it's okay about my interest. I don't mind and am quite relieved that he does not feel the same towards me. It has freed alot of my energy to focus on other things. I have liked him for too many months, been wrapped in him too long. I was safe...being interested in someone secretly. Now that's out. Move on.
I hope when this conclusion is put to the test, when he finds someone, that I am able to accept it and be happy for him.
I never wanted to grow older. I knew what lay ahead, had more insight than I realized. I was afraid to become closeminded..to loose faith in myself and ultimately my hope.
I did loose hope. Lost alot of things then. But I guess I have been given another chance. It's different, I'm getting my hope back..piece by piece..but it's different. I'm not what I was afraid I would become.
Bitter. Angry. Hateful. Shallow. Selfish.
You fight those things every day.
Ah well, there is still alot to learn.
Today I am 29. Eee ghad.
Other than the fact that this birthday was astronomically better than last year, my decade is almost over.
I am soo very happy with this past year.
Still single (wouldn't have it any other way..eh...heh), though fulfilled in my life in a way I never thought possible. It's nice to have awoken. I've been waiting along time.
It's amazing how much I want to know people...how I want to hear about their lives..understand who they are. Like a fire has been lit.
On the other hand, it's okay about my interest. I don't mind and am quite relieved that he does not feel the same towards me. It has freed alot of my energy to focus on other things. I have liked him for too many months, been wrapped in him too long. I was safe...being interested in someone secretly. Now that's out. Move on.
I hope when this conclusion is put to the test, when he finds someone, that I am able to accept it and be happy for him.
I never wanted to grow older. I knew what lay ahead, had more insight than I realized. I was afraid to become closeminded..to loose faith in myself and ultimately my hope.
I did loose hope. Lost alot of things then. But I guess I have been given another chance. It's different, I'm getting my hope back..piece by piece..but it's different. I'm not what I was afraid I would become.
Bitter. Angry. Hateful. Shallow. Selfish.
You fight those things every day.
Ah well, there is still alot to learn.