[He waits. Waits for Karkat to say something. Anything.]
[Nothing. And there Karkat hungs up without anything further to add and that just... Wow, that just hurts. Really fucking hurts and in a way irritates Eridan, not that he was expecting praise or anything like that but--damnit. Just, goddamnit he was feeling his utmost WORST and here Karkat was just abandoning him to his feelings.]
[After some thought, he begrudgingly calls Karkat back, he just couldn't leave it like that, like this, he knows apologizing will do nothing and he isn't planning on making pointless noise at the other, but he just... damnit he just wants to talk to Karkat, doesn't want to feel so fucking hated, even though he knows he is.]
Kar I--
[God, what does he say, what can he say? He's got nothing, he just... Fuck this, maybe this was a bad idea, he has nothing of value to say so just..]
Newermind...
[And now he's hanging up himself, because this was fucking embarrassing. He hates how needy he's seeming and in all honesty, he really IS needy right now, like more needy than usual. But it doesn't mean he has to show it like a moron and embarrass himself.]
[ffffff Karkat called him back goddamnit. He should have expected it but...]
I just wanted to talk, but... I don't exactly hawe anything to say... So, sorry for botherin' you.
[He's just feeling a lot of stuff right now Karkat :c he's worried and scared and doesn't want to fuck up and lose you and he's just utterly depressed, all of which is pretty obvious in his tone.]
[VOICE, Filtered]yerawizarderriJune 8 2011, 06:11:24 UTC
[Putting a filter on this because he doesn't need assholes jumping in]
Kar...
God, I just feel so bad about all a this. I feel absolutely terrible, I want to do ewerything I can to make up for what I did to Gam and Wat, but especially to you. I don't want to l-lose you.
[He stops for a second to wipe at his eyes, not that Karkat can see it.]
I'we been the shittiest moirail and I'we taken you for fuckin' granted and I shouldn't hawe. I should hawe fuckin' respected you and listened and just not been a fuckin' idiot. You'we always been fuckin' important to me Kar, and I guess I'we newer really realized how important till the chance a losin' ya has become more of a actual probability than a passin' thought.
I just... God, I know how I need to make up for this and I know me sayin' all a this really isn't gonna change shit, and that isn't the point a me sayin' all a this. I'm not sure what the point is I j-just...
[God he is such a fucking mess over this, his voice is shaky and weak. He doesn't want to screw up, but he doesn't even trust himself not to do it. Granted, he wasn't trying that hard before, it really was a half assed attempt at changing, but now he's actually putting his heart into it, but he can't help but feel it's too late maybe. Even with Karkat still here with him, he's basically burned up all his chances... So naturally he's worried that even the smallest mistake will make Karkat leave him and the very thought of that is stressing him out and making him depressed.]
I'we been doin' a lot a thinkin' and I just--really don't think I can handle losin' you. I-I'm not askin' for a pity party or anythin', I don't deserwe one, I just... This is hard, you're my moirail, I'm suppose to talk to you about this sort a stuff, but it's about you and I feel guilty bringin' it up.
[VOICE, Filtered]yerawizarderriJune 8 2011, 06:57:16 UTC
[It's comforting to know that Karkat wishes to prolong the relationship--that much should have been obvious, because if not he probably would have left him that day, instead of holding on like he had.]
[Yeah there's a few sniffs before he replies, Eridan isn't crying what are you talking about this whole thing has him pretty torn up after all.]
I'm g-glad.
And I do, I realize I'm a fuck up and what I did is no fuckin' exception a it.
I will, I will Kar, I fuckin' mean it. I'll listen, I'll fuckin' behawe, I'll stop before I get ahead a m-myself... I'll change, I can't promise I won't be stupid, but I'll keep it to a fuckin' minimal.
[VOICE, Filtered]yerawizarderriJune 8 2011, 16:21:38 UTC
[Have a few more sniffs at that. His voice is still weak and just plain fragile really.]
Alright, I'll try... And I know I am and I don't understand it to be honest, but I'm fuckin' grateful. S-So goddamn grateful.
I honestly don't see how you do it, I woulda left my ass long a-g-go, but your patience won't be in wein, I promise Kar--I... I know my words don't count for shit, so just--I... You'll s-see.
[Yeah about him not crying? Ha, he totally still is and with the way his voice broke at the end? Yep. You have a pathetic moirail there, Kar. Granted, he's crying out of relief also, as well as worry and stress.]
[Eridan wasn't sure what to think about being told to hold on a minute, because Karkat showing up at his door was the last thing he was expecting. So when that knock sounds through his hive, he just stares at the door bleary eyed from the mute-purple tears.]
[Shakily he stands and makes his way over, sniffling the whole way, as he opens the door he's in the middle of wiping at one of his eyes with the back of his hand.]
[Eridan definitely IS a blubbering mess. He steps back, allowing Karkat into the hive, but when he offers his arms out in invitation? Without skipping a beat, Eridan goes in for the hug, burying his face, like he had before, into that familiar spot in the crook of Karkat's neck. Trembling arms tight around his torso. Hands clutching at his shirt.]
I kn-know. I'm fuckin' sorry I'm so fuckin' pathetic...
[What's the matter Kar? Don't like purple fucking tears all on your neck?]
[Eridan nods, though never bringing his face away from that spot, it's almost like he's hiding, as if that's some safety spot where he's okay, where he's protected. Even if the feelings and emotions are still digging at him, just being there, holding Karkat really seems like the one thing that could help him, and it really is. Not to mention those arms being put around him and patting and rubbing his back? Yeah that is definitely helping him, don't mind how he's squeezing you a bit more there Kar.]
I will. I unders-stand and I'll do that, I'll listen, okay. I'll stop bein' such a s-stubborn ass and I'll let you help. This is j-just, I mean I don't want to make excuses, th-there isn't an excuse, but this is really hard for me Kar. I w-won't lie, I wasn't tryin' nearly as hard as I shoulda been. That much is fuckin' f-fact. But it doesn't change the legitimacy a how hard this sorta thing is, but, god, Kar I'm gonna do my fuckin' best, I'm gonna listen, I p-promise.
[Nothing. And there Karkat hungs up without anything further to add and that just... Wow, that just hurts. Really fucking hurts and in a way irritates Eridan, not that he was expecting praise or anything like that but--damnit. Just, goddamnit he was feeling his utmost WORST and here Karkat was just abandoning him to his feelings.]
[After some thought, he begrudgingly calls Karkat back, he just couldn't leave it like that, like this, he knows apologizing will do nothing and he isn't planning on making pointless noise at the other, but he just... damnit he just wants to talk to Karkat, doesn't want to feel so fucking hated, even though he knows he is.]
Kar I--
[God, what does he say, what can he say? He's got nothing, he just... Fuck this, maybe this was a bad idea, he has nothing of value to say so just..]
Newermind...
[And now he's hanging up himself, because this was fucking embarrassing. He hates how needy he's seeming and in all honesty, he really IS needy right now, like more needy than usual. But it doesn't mean he has to show it like a moron and embarrass himself.]
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I just wanted to talk, but... I don't exactly hawe anything to say... So, sorry for botherin' you.
[He's just feeling a lot of stuff right now Karkat :c he's worried and scared and doesn't want to fuck up and lose you and he's just utterly depressed, all of which is pretty obvious in his tone.]
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Kar...
God, I just feel so bad about all a this. I feel absolutely terrible, I want to do ewerything I can to make up for what I did to Gam and Wat, but especially to you. I don't want to l-lose you.
[He stops for a second to wipe at his eyes, not that Karkat can see it.]
I'we been the shittiest moirail and I'we taken you for fuckin' granted and I shouldn't hawe. I should hawe fuckin' respected you and listened and just not been a fuckin' idiot. You'we always been fuckin' important to me Kar, and I guess I'we newer really realized how important till the chance a losin' ya has become more of a actual probability than a passin' thought.
I just... God, I know how I need to make up for this and I know me sayin' all a this really isn't gonna change shit, and that isn't the point a me sayin' all a this. I'm not sure what the point is I j-just...
[God he is such a fucking mess over this, his voice is shaky and weak. He doesn't want to screw up, but he doesn't even trust himself not to do it. Granted, he wasn't trying that hard before, it really was a half assed attempt at changing, but now he's actually putting his heart into it, but he can't help but feel it's too late maybe. Even with Karkat still here with him, he's basically burned up all his chances... So naturally he's worried that even the smallest mistake will make Karkat leave him and the very thought of that is stressing him out and making him depressed.]
I'we been doin' a lot a thinkin' and I just--really don't think I can handle losin' you. I-I'm not askin' for a pity party or anythin', I don't deserwe one, I just... This is hard, you're my moirail, I'm suppose to talk to you about this sort a stuff, but it's about you and I feel guilty bringin' it up.
I j-just don't know what to do with myself, Kar.
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[Yeah there's a few sniffs before he replies, Eridan isn't crying what are you talking about this whole thing has him pretty torn up after all.]
I'm g-glad.
And I do, I realize I'm a fuck up and what I did is no fuckin' exception a it.
I will, I will Kar, I fuckin' mean it. I'll listen, I'll fuckin' behawe, I'll stop before I get ahead a m-myself... I'll change, I can't promise I won't be stupid, but I'll keep it to a fuckin' minimal.
I just r-really need you, Kar.
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Alright, I'll try... And I know I am and I don't understand it to be honest, but I'm fuckin' grateful. S-So goddamn grateful.
I honestly don't see how you do it, I woulda left my ass long a-g-go, but your patience won't be in wein, I promise Kar--I... I know my words don't count for shit, so just--I... You'll s-see.
[Yeah about him not crying? Ha, he totally still is and with the way his voice broke at the end? Yep. You have a pathetic moirail there, Kar. Granted, he's crying out of relief also, as well as worry and stress.]
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[Shakily he stands and makes his way over, sniffling the whole way, as he opens the door he's in the middle of wiping at one of his eyes with the back of his hand.]
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I kn-know. I'm fuckin' sorry I'm so fuckin' pathetic...
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[Eridan nods, though never bringing his face away from that spot, it's almost like he's hiding, as if that's some safety spot where he's okay, where he's protected. Even if the feelings and emotions are still digging at him, just being there, holding Karkat really seems like the one thing that could help him, and it really is. Not to mention those arms being put around him and patting and rubbing his back? Yeah that is definitely helping him, don't mind how he's squeezing you a bit more there Kar.]
I will. I unders-stand and I'll do that, I'll listen, okay. I'll stop bein' such a s-stubborn ass and I'll let you help. This is j-just, I mean I don't want to make excuses, th-there isn't an excuse, but this is really hard for me Kar. I w-won't lie, I wasn't tryin' nearly as hard as I shoulda been. That much is fuckin' f-fact. But it doesn't change the legitimacy a how hard this sorta thing is, but, god, Kar I'm gonna do my fuckin' best, I'm gonna listen, I p-promise.
[Have Eridan rubbing his face into your neck.]
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