1st ♒ [text]

[yerawizarderri]

[It had taken a considerate amount of time, But Eridan had figured out how to use the SFC since it wasn't all too different from the computer he had gotten used to while in the veil. And so he types a message.]

hello

Comments

[VIDEO, filtered]

[yerawizarderri]

[There's great hesitance in turning the video on, not because he was lying, he wasn't, but because he felt so pathetic. He didn't want to show his face, he felt ashamed, lowly, like filth at this moment. But if it was what he needed to do to prove himself then he'd do it.]

[When the feed clips on, it shows Eridan's face, his expression was pitiful and if anything, he probably looked more sincere than he ever had in his entire life.]

L-Look Kar...

[His voice was breaking, that lump in his throat definitely making it hard for him to speak.]

I mean it, okay? I fuckin' mean it. I'm fuckin' sorry.

I-I...

I made a fuckin' mistake, I... Kar you know I lowe her, you know I do. I wasn't thinkin', I shouldn't hawe done that--but I did and there isn't a fuckin' thing I can do about it.

[Yeah his eyes were starting to well up, but he was trying his damnedest to keep them back. God what did he do, goddamnit. She must hate him, why wouldn't she? Oh god oh god oh god. He's wiping at his eyes, trying to get rid of those pesky purple tears but it was starting to be completely hopeless. The more he thought about it, the more his eyes fucking stung. Eridan was impulsive, misguided and a jerk, but he wasn't heartless, he wasn't without remorse. And now that what he had actually done was given the chance to catch up with him? Yeah, it's an impressive force that was overpowering the emotional prince.]

Kar... Kar I don't know what to do...

[VIDEO, filtered]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan looks around himself bleary eyed, but he does in fact see the glowing coral that was mentioned.]

Y-Yeah... I see it. It's not too fuckin' f-far from me...

[He looks back to the screen, not sure what to say, but not exactly wanting to hang up or anything. He was just a bottle of unsure and dread.]

I'm so sorry Kar...

[VIDEO, filtered]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan remains silent as Karkat speaks, not daring to speak up or anything. And even if he had wanted? What did he have to say? Nothing. He was at such a loss it was pitiful.]

A-Alright... I will...

[As far as the moirail thing, he'll talk about that more once Karkat was here.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[From the moment Karkat turned off the feed up till he found him, Eridan just stood awkwardly in place, thinking over everything that was said, everything that had been done. So many feelings and emotions to sort out and he was afraid it wasn't a job he could handle alone. He was confused most the time with them and just normally went with what seemed like the good idea at the time, but he was now seeing that those blind and impromptu decisions weren't working out for him.]

[Not by a long shot.]

[So he was questioning everything, questioning what he had done. He wholeheartedly believed he was doing a noble thing when it happened, when he had asked Fef to come with him. It was true he was leaving everyone behind, he was going to leave Kan and Kar both there to die--which was a hard decision to do, they were his friends. They were the only ones who would listen to him, would help him even if they weren't sincere in it, but that was more than what anyone else had done for him. He had finally convinced himself it was for the sake of his survival.]

[Every troll for themselves. Had he tried to bring more than Fef and himself to Jack, he knew there was an innate possibility that their chance of survival would have decreased horrendously. With Fef and him being the only royals, it was right that they should continue the race. They were the born leaders, they were the nobles, it was their destiny to be the leaders... But he was wrong. Fef thought he was wrong, that mustard blood definitely thought the same.]

[Karkat obviously didn't agree.]

[But how could he be wrong? Everything added up correctly, right?]

[God he was so confused, so hurt, he just couldn't really comprehend this. He was too busy lost in thought, that when Karkat approached him, he was startled. Jumping slightly, looking at the other troll with wide eyes.]

[Hesitantly, like an abused animal, he takes the towels and tentatively starts to dry himself. Although it was sort of a lost cause, considering the amount of clothing the prince wore and being completely drenched in it... Yeah, he wasn't exactly going to get anywhere close to completely dry anytime soon.]

[Though, when Karkat mentions the moirail thing, his heart drops. That lump in his throat feeling as if it just expanded to the size of a football. He tries his best to gulp it down, clear his throat, do something so he didn't sound so utterly pathetic when he spoke.]

I-I... If you really think it'll help me Kar... If It'll make me redeemable in any sense a the word...

[He pauses.]

Yeah. I want to be moirails with you.

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan definitely stares at the gesture for a few long moments, before shakily extending his hand, completing the diamond shape with his own fingers. He felt silly doing this, but he quickly pushed those feelings aside.]

[As he stares on at their hands and then to Karkat, he feels a well of emotion spring within him, having the other there and not exactly berating him for what he had done, not exactly against him--wanting to help him. It was too great a feeling, it was relieving, freeing really and so taking up that practice that got him in this situation in the first place--he hugs Karkat.]

[Holding onto him tightly, the towels long since dropped, and his wet form holding Karkat close. He didn't care if Karkat was going to hit him, push him away--okay yeah he really didn't want that to happen--but he needed to have some sort of physical contact. He tucks his head into the crook of Karkat's neck, his arms tightly around him and he starts to just weep. He was such an idiot--a fool, a good for nothing pathetic piece of rubbish, worse than anyone, everyone, all the ones and he was fucking lucky to have the pity Karkat so magnanimously offered to such a wretched creature such as him.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan did need this. Need to feel like he wasn't entirely hated, even if he was. He just needed to hold someone, feel the reassurance, feel the warmth from someone close. Know that the person in his vicinity wasn't going to attack him, accuse him, judge him--even if those were innate possibilities, two of which were already done, probably. But that didn't matter right now, no, not to him. The feeling of comfort this hug gave him was enough for him to forget the possibilities of those things. The fact that he was going to have to deal with all of it and more from his actions. If Karkat knew what he had done, the others that were possibly here probably knew too. And while that thought wasn't a current thing in his mind, it was sure to cause him to worry later one. Adding even more dread and even more self hate to what was the staggering amount he already had.]

[Regardless of what words Karkat had said, it didn't matter because Eridan didn't hear it. He was shaking, his body writhing with each heart wrenching sob he let out. His hold still as tight as ever, threatening to never let go. God. He had never hated himself more than he did in this moment and even if Karkat thought he could make Eridan redeemable in some way, he didn't exactly see how he could. His choices were stuck to him, they were a part of him, something he couldn't get rid of. They'd always be there to haunt him like a ship wight, not something he could escape--at least not easily.]

[But if Karkat thought he knew what he was doing, thought he could help Eridan--then maybe... Maybe he could give it a shot. Karkat was one of the few people he went to for help before, and why would things change? Their entire friendship till this point was based around Eridan's neediness and how much Karkat had to offer for advice, so with how dire things were now, how fucked up Eridan's actions were, now was as good a time as any to ask for help. To accept help, and he'd try his hardest to make up for what he did.]

[Eridan wasn't really speaking, he couldn't through his sobbing, but something along the lines of what one could discern as apologies were making themselves more apparent through the seatrolls weeping. He knew no matter how many times he said it, it wasn't enough for Karkat to outright forgive him--and maybe he wasn't asking for forgiveness. All he knew was he was feeling so much remorse for what he did, he didn't know what to do.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[It was a few good long moments before Eridan was able to collect himself. His once sobs shifted to pathetic whimpers and sniffles. As the intensity of his crying died down, so did his grip on Karkat. As much as he wanted to stay like that for longer than he was going to allow himself, he knew he needed to do more than just cry and feel sorry for himself. And so, he slowly tries to retract himself from Karkat, keeping his eyes from him. He felt petty, pathetic, worthless really. Felt like he just took more from Karkat than he really deserved, those comforting rubs to his back, that strong hand on his shoulder--Karkat's head leaning against his. It was more than he could ever ask for, more than he should ever get.]

[Swallowing hard, trying to find his voice, which was a daunting task since from all that sobbing and weeping, it felt like some withered figment that eluded him like a faded memory or forgotten dream. Using all he could muster to speak, he starts.]

I-I... [His voice is broken and pretty much hoarse at this point.]

I'm c-calm now...

[The truth? Yeah he was calm on the outside, but his insides were still a twisting spiral of a vice grip on his heart and mind and it wasn't looking to let go anytime soon. He was twisted and confused and it was painful, agonizing and it left him without much thought on what to do. Hopeless, lost and completely hateful--towards himself. But he was trying to keep himself composed, he needed to get going, needed to do more than just cry--despite how much that was all he wanted to do at the moment. But the prospect of talking with Karkat was enough to motivate the grief stricken troll.]

[ACTION]

[yerawizarderri]

[Eridan stares at Karkat for a few moments, swallowing hard when he asks for his wand.]

I don't h-hawe it.

[Eridan wanted to be truthful with Karkat, he'd like to just give in and hand it over, but he was scared. He didn't have his Ahab crosshairs, he didn't have any other means to protect himself, so giving up his only means? Yeah, he was going to fight that as hard as he could.]