착한사람-a good man
착한사람
one-sided suho/luhan
pg; hurt/comfort, drama
착한사람이었음 안그랬죠
I wouldn't be like this if I was a good man
그러나 나쁜사람이 아니야 그렇죠?
But I am not a bad man, am I?
He isn't a bad guy, really. He doesn't think so anyway. It's not like he was keeping Luhan as a slave or anything; he was simply displaying the doe-eyed beauty on a pedestal for all to see--the 'pedestal' being his late aunt's basement, and 'all' being himself. And just because it was a basement, it wasn't like Joonmyun was carrying out wrongful acts or anything. Joonmyun would never dare to even think of committing crimes of that nature. In contrary, he looked after Luhan with the utmost care-setting silver trays of home-cooked jjajangmyeon in front of him for dinner every night, slipping in favorite CDs under Luhan's pillow for the older boy to listen to, and carrying one-sided conversations about philosophical subjects.
Joonmyun is not a bad man.
Joonmyun shuts the door behind him and clambers down the wooden stairs, a tray of food in hand like always. He finds Luhan curled on the mattress, his back facing the wall. Joonmyun's heart quickens when they lock eyes; the butterflies in his stomach go crazy when Luhan doesn't look away. He lays the tray on the concrete floor near the mattress.
He wordlessly scoops a chunk of egg and rice into a spoon and inches it closer to Luhan's face.
"Ahh~" Joonmyun says with an innocent smile. The older boy doesn't respond and only scoots his body towards the wall.
"Luhannie, you have to eat!" Joonmyun says in the same playful tone. Luhan's eyes narrow into a glare. His voice comes out in a cracked, hoarse whisper.
"Why are you doing this?"
The Korean male blinks. "Huh?"
"Just.. just let me go, please." Luhan pleads weakly, his eyes redden but the tears have long dried out.
"Please," Luhan breathes out tiredly, "Please let me go..."
He tugs groggily at the wrist handcuffed to one of the pipes trailing on the wall. Pink strokes encircling his wrist prove his many failed attempts at escape. Joonmyun frowns and lowers the spoon a bit.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Luhan wasn't supposed to fear him; Joonmyun didn't want Luhan to fear him. He just wanted some of the other's affection. If Luhan willingly showered his classmates with unconditional love and affection daily, why couldn't he have some of it? Joonmyun's heart aches.
He doesn't want Luhan to be afraid of him.
He just wants Luhan to acknowledge his unrequited feelings.
Joonmyun's lips break into a sad smile as he manages to breath out, "But Luhan-ah, don't you love me?"
Silence. Luhan's body quivers slightly as he tosses on the mattress; he faces his body opposite from Joonmyun's face and clutches the bedsheets. He tucks in his legs so they sit comfortably against his chest. His shoulders are shaking by the time he chokes out a reply:
"Please just let me leave."
Joonmyun slips the spoon back into the bowl, leaving the food untouched. He tries to suppress the oncoming sobbing as he stands up from the floor, walks up the stairs, and locks the door. He retreats to his bedroom and, throwing himself onto the abundance of white sheets and pillows, cries himself into a state of unconsciousness. And just like many nights before this one, he doesn't go back down into the basement until it's time for supper.
오늘도 꿈에 그대와의 달콤한 시간
Tonight, I'll have a sweet time with you in my dreams again
차분히 발맞추고 나누던 이야기들
We'll share stories as our feet match calmly to a dance
Another night is spent dreaming about Luhan. In Joonmyun's deluded fantasies, he and Luhan are waltzing in a lone ballroom. They are both clad in formal black suits, with Luhan donning on a bowtie while he himself dons on a straight skinny tie. Luhan's laughter rings throughout the abode with a cheerful chirp. You dance well, Joonmyun, he says with that smile of his. Thank you, that's all I've ever wanted to hear. Joonmyun replies, You're quite a dancer yourself. Luhan laughs again, his grip on Joonhyun's shoulder a little tighter.
Just like reality, his dreams come to an melancholic end. Joonmyun responds to Luhan's tightened grip by wrapping both arms around the latter's waist. He tries to draw Luhan closer to him, only to have a pair of delicate hands push back against his shoulders. Please, just this once.. Joonmyun whispers pathetically. He erupts into a fit of sobs. Let me hold you just this once.
But the hands persist. Luhan grunts as he tries to push the younger boy away. Please just let me leave.
When Joonmyun wakes up, the bittersweet tears from his dream are still hot on his cheeks.
Unbeknownst to Luhan, Joonmyun languishes near the top of the basement stairs for a whole day. He sits and peers at the boy from his hiding spot. He watches as the Chinese native stirs violently in his bed, tirelessly trying to wring his way out of the handcuff. He watches as Luhan breaks down into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing, spewing out profanities in Chinese as he tugs on the chained wrist. He watches and watches until Luhan stops tossing on the mattress, stops shouting for his mother, and stops moving in general.
Joonmyun maneuvers down the steps quietly as to not wake him. He stops in front of Luhan and sits himself down on the concrete. The older male is asleep. Joonmyun's eyes gaze upon Luhan's small chest rising up and falling down between heavy breaths. Joonmyun's attention lingers on the other boy's face: his dark eyelashes, his thin eyebrows, his soft lips. He hesitantly brushes Luhan's cheek with a finger. His fingers trace the outline of Luhan's jaw. And just like the many nights before this one, he doesn't leave the basement until daybreak.
착한사람 나쁜사람
A good person, a bad person
난난난 나쁜사람
I, I, I-I am a bad person
A/N: I've been listening to a lot of Big Bang's old songs, particularly 바보 and 착한사람. Songs like that tend to scream out "inspiration!" it seems.
one-sided suho/luhan
pg; hurt/comfort, drama
착한사람이었음 안그랬죠
I wouldn't be like this if I was a good man
그러나 나쁜사람이 아니야 그렇죠?
But I am not a bad man, am I?
He isn't a bad guy, really. He doesn't think so anyway. It's not like he was keeping Luhan as a slave or anything; he was simply displaying the doe-eyed beauty on a pedestal for all to see--the 'pedestal' being his late aunt's basement, and 'all' being himself. And just because it was a basement, it wasn't like Joonmyun was carrying out wrongful acts or anything. Joonmyun would never dare to even think of committing crimes of that nature. In contrary, he looked after Luhan with the utmost care-setting silver trays of home-cooked jjajangmyeon in front of him for dinner every night, slipping in favorite CDs under Luhan's pillow for the older boy to listen to, and carrying one-sided conversations about philosophical subjects.
Joonmyun is not a bad man.
Joonmyun shuts the door behind him and clambers down the wooden stairs, a tray of food in hand like always. He finds Luhan curled on the mattress, his back facing the wall. Joonmyun's heart quickens when they lock eyes; the butterflies in his stomach go crazy when Luhan doesn't look away. He lays the tray on the concrete floor near the mattress.
He wordlessly scoops a chunk of egg and rice into a spoon and inches it closer to Luhan's face.
"Ahh~" Joonmyun says with an innocent smile. The older boy doesn't respond and only scoots his body towards the wall.
"Luhannie, you have to eat!" Joonmyun says in the same playful tone. Luhan's eyes narrow into a glare. His voice comes out in a cracked, hoarse whisper.
"Why are you doing this?"
The Korean male blinks. "Huh?"
"Just.. just let me go, please." Luhan pleads weakly, his eyes redden but the tears have long dried out.
"Please," Luhan breathes out tiredly, "Please let me go..."
He tugs groggily at the wrist handcuffed to one of the pipes trailing on the wall. Pink strokes encircling his wrist prove his many failed attempts at escape. Joonmyun frowns and lowers the spoon a bit.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Luhan wasn't supposed to fear him; Joonmyun didn't want Luhan to fear him. He just wanted some of the other's affection. If Luhan willingly showered his classmates with unconditional love and affection daily, why couldn't he have some of it? Joonmyun's heart aches.
He doesn't want Luhan to be afraid of him.
He just wants Luhan to acknowledge his unrequited feelings.
Joonmyun's lips break into a sad smile as he manages to breath out, "But Luhan-ah, don't you love me?"
Silence. Luhan's body quivers slightly as he tosses on the mattress; he faces his body opposite from Joonmyun's face and clutches the bedsheets. He tucks in his legs so they sit comfortably against his chest. His shoulders are shaking by the time he chokes out a reply:
"Please just let me leave."
Joonmyun slips the spoon back into the bowl, leaving the food untouched. He tries to suppress the oncoming sobbing as he stands up from the floor, walks up the stairs, and locks the door. He retreats to his bedroom and, throwing himself onto the abundance of white sheets and pillows, cries himself into a state of unconsciousness. And just like many nights before this one, he doesn't go back down into the basement until it's time for supper.
오늘도 꿈에 그대와의 달콤한 시간
Tonight, I'll have a sweet time with you in my dreams again
차분히 발맞추고 나누던 이야기들
We'll share stories as our feet match calmly to a dance
Another night is spent dreaming about Luhan. In Joonmyun's deluded fantasies, he and Luhan are waltzing in a lone ballroom. They are both clad in formal black suits, with Luhan donning on a bowtie while he himself dons on a straight skinny tie. Luhan's laughter rings throughout the abode with a cheerful chirp. You dance well, Joonmyun, he says with that smile of his. Thank you, that's all I've ever wanted to hear. Joonmyun replies, You're quite a dancer yourself. Luhan laughs again, his grip on Joonhyun's shoulder a little tighter.
Just like reality, his dreams come to an melancholic end. Joonmyun responds to Luhan's tightened grip by wrapping both arms around the latter's waist. He tries to draw Luhan closer to him, only to have a pair of delicate hands push back against his shoulders. Please, just this once.. Joonmyun whispers pathetically. He erupts into a fit of sobs. Let me hold you just this once.
But the hands persist. Luhan grunts as he tries to push the younger boy away. Please just let me leave.
When Joonmyun wakes up, the bittersweet tears from his dream are still hot on his cheeks.
Unbeknownst to Luhan, Joonmyun languishes near the top of the basement stairs for a whole day. He sits and peers at the boy from his hiding spot. He watches as the Chinese native stirs violently in his bed, tirelessly trying to wring his way out of the handcuff. He watches as Luhan breaks down into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing, spewing out profanities in Chinese as he tugs on the chained wrist. He watches and watches until Luhan stops tossing on the mattress, stops shouting for his mother, and stops moving in general.
Joonmyun maneuvers down the steps quietly as to not wake him. He stops in front of Luhan and sits himself down on the concrete. The older male is asleep. Joonmyun's eyes gaze upon Luhan's small chest rising up and falling down between heavy breaths. Joonmyun's attention lingers on the other boy's face: his dark eyelashes, his thin eyebrows, his soft lips. He hesitantly brushes Luhan's cheek with a finger. His fingers trace the outline of Luhan's jaw. And just like the many nights before this one, he doesn't leave the basement until daybreak.
착한사람 나쁜사람
A good person, a bad person
난난난 나쁜사람
I, I, I-I am a bad person
A/N: I've been listening to a lot of Big Bang's old songs, particularly 바보 and 착한사람. Songs like that tend to scream out "inspiration!" it seems.