(no subject)
I did resign from the new job on Saturday. While I've weathered way worse treatment as a trainee in the past, I know what stress and unhappiness can do to me physically and I choose not to wilfully put myself in a situations that are not good for me. I wrestled with this because I do need the money. The money isn't worth my health, though.
Prior to resigning I was working quite a few hours as a stipended volunteer through the same agency. Because the position was going to be very demanding, I dropped my degree program in special education as well (I was having some doubts about whether or not I'd be happy working in the bureaucratic atmosphere of a school, anyway). Because of conflict of interest concerns, I was asked to resign a handful of other committees and groups where I was beginning to receive paid offers to speak now and then (nothing huge, but enough to buy dog food!). So I took several of calculated risks when I acccepted the paid position.
This leaves me feeling directionless with decisions to make about finances, and it's not comfy. One of the possibilities is that I relocate to a less expensive area of the country, which means I take a massive loss on this house but could possibly purchase something outright somewhere else. Another possibility is taking on a room mate (ugh, double ugh). Downsizing to a condo or townhome rather than an single family house isn't a good idea because I need to be able to accommodate my son when he returns from his residential treatment center and he needs lots of physical space when he is having difficulties. I don't know what to do, so it's best that I do nothing right now.
Here's what I do know: that the decision to resign felt like the right one, for a number of reasons; that this fear of financial insecurity that I'm feeling has arisen before and that I've always, always gotten what I need; and that if I don't panic and remain mindful, my future will unfold. Really, truly.
Prior to resigning I was working quite a few hours as a stipended volunteer through the same agency. Because the position was going to be very demanding, I dropped my degree program in special education as well (I was having some doubts about whether or not I'd be happy working in the bureaucratic atmosphere of a school, anyway). Because of conflict of interest concerns, I was asked to resign a handful of other committees and groups where I was beginning to receive paid offers to speak now and then (nothing huge, but enough to buy dog food!). So I took several of calculated risks when I acccepted the paid position.
This leaves me feeling directionless with decisions to make about finances, and it's not comfy. One of the possibilities is that I relocate to a less expensive area of the country, which means I take a massive loss on this house but could possibly purchase something outright somewhere else. Another possibility is taking on a room mate (ugh, double ugh). Downsizing to a condo or townhome rather than an single family house isn't a good idea because I need to be able to accommodate my son when he returns from his residential treatment center and he needs lots of physical space when he is having difficulties. I don't know what to do, so it's best that I do nothing right now.
Here's what I do know: that the decision to resign felt like the right one, for a number of reasons; that this fear of financial insecurity that I'm feeling has arisen before and that I've always, always gotten what I need; and that if I don't panic and remain mindful, my future will unfold. Really, truly.