Another milestone and not a good one.
Tonight is the first night my son Aaron was banned from my home for his behavior. He knows better than to shout loud enough for neighbors to hear or to get physical with me because that gets him a 5150 (police escort to a lockdown pysch ward), but telling me "Shut the F*ck up b*tch" when I remind him of chores is still abusive. This after he came home Saturday so drunk and loaded that when I arrived back at the house something was burning on the stove, the dogs were running free in the front yard, every door in the house was open and Aaron was absolutely oblivious to the whole thing.
He knew it was coming because I told him it was coming. After Saturday he had one more shot at keeping his house privileges and spewing filth at me doesn't end well. He should know by now that I mean what I say but I guess he had to test.
He could have burnt my house down. My dogs were endangered. He treats me like garbage. It's taken a long time for me to get to the point of putting my own child out of the house but I'm here now. I put a sleeping bag, pillow and food out in the backyard tonight and went to an AA meeting. When I left, he was spitting sunflower seeds all over my clean porch even though I told him not to. When I got home, he was gone. I'm okay with that because maybe I'll get a night's sleep. My son is out and about in the night and I'm going to sleep - how unreal it is.
If anyone reading this is shocked by my decisions, I get it. No parent wants to get to this point. But believe me, I'm on my own here when it comes to options and I have beat down the doors and made the phone calls. I don't have insurance coverage for a residential treatment program, which he needs; the police won't come and remove a kid for telling his mom to F*ck off or for being under the influence (he has to be holding for it to be a crime). The dad doesn't know what to do, engages in lots of verbal hand-wringing, thinks I'm wrong but can't come up with any ideas, doesn't back me up. I clearly have no control over my son's poor decisions so it's time for me to accept the things I can't change and have enough courage to change those things that I can.
From someone who knows: until my son's uncomfortable enough to change, he won't be motivated to change. If I rescue him and give him a comfy place to sleep it off and allow him to verbally abuse me, I'm not helping him and I'm not helping me; I divorced the boy's dad for similar behavior. It may be the most loving thing that I can do to let Aaron hit his bottom and it's the only way I know to take care of myself here.
I hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope I have the stomach to do the right thing. I asked the God of my understanding today to let me know if I've missed any viable options.
He knew it was coming because I told him it was coming. After Saturday he had one more shot at keeping his house privileges and spewing filth at me doesn't end well. He should know by now that I mean what I say but I guess he had to test.
He could have burnt my house down. My dogs were endangered. He treats me like garbage. It's taken a long time for me to get to the point of putting my own child out of the house but I'm here now. I put a sleeping bag, pillow and food out in the backyard tonight and went to an AA meeting. When I left, he was spitting sunflower seeds all over my clean porch even though I told him not to. When I got home, he was gone. I'm okay with that because maybe I'll get a night's sleep. My son is out and about in the night and I'm going to sleep - how unreal it is.
If anyone reading this is shocked by my decisions, I get it. No parent wants to get to this point. But believe me, I'm on my own here when it comes to options and I have beat down the doors and made the phone calls. I don't have insurance coverage for a residential treatment program, which he needs; the police won't come and remove a kid for telling his mom to F*ck off or for being under the influence (he has to be holding for it to be a crime). The dad doesn't know what to do, engages in lots of verbal hand-wringing, thinks I'm wrong but can't come up with any ideas, doesn't back me up. I clearly have no control over my son's poor decisions so it's time for me to accept the things I can't change and have enough courage to change those things that I can.
From someone who knows: until my son's uncomfortable enough to change, he won't be motivated to change. If I rescue him and give him a comfy place to sleep it off and allow him to verbally abuse me, I'm not helping him and I'm not helping me; I divorced the boy's dad for similar behavior. It may be the most loving thing that I can do to let Aaron hit his bottom and it's the only way I know to take care of myself here.
I hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope I have the stomach to do the right thing. I asked the God of my understanding today to let me know if I've missed any viable options.